Parents who refuse to participate

[Anonymous]

Send an email to other three families, asking each to commit to participating and filling in the attached schedule. If the parents don't participate, you don't include their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send an email to other three families, asking each to commit to participating and filling in the attached schedule. If the parents don't participate, you don't include their kids.

+1

Perfect! I will note this for the lazy parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for your question. Carpool, playdate, activity, everything the other child is involved in! UGH.

methinks you are over-scheduling your child

Can you let your kid just be and stop micromanaging his/her time?

But a parent who refuses to drive is not over scheduling? Methinks you are the parent being posted about!

You women are fucking maddening.

OP (and I'm sure the rest of you) have displaced hostility. If one parent in your CREW of over-scheduling moms and dads is a slacker, so what?

The problem is OP and her cronies who think that shuffling kids from morning to night from one activity to another is parenting.

So you're tired as crap & angry b/c you can't fucking sit for 5 minutes to pee, and yet you blame the Slacker Parent for not picking up little Lulu from violin.

Get a life, morons!

These activities and all this drama are all about YOU! It's not about your kids. They're just trophies to you.

Step away from the keyboard, walk over to your medicine cabinet, and take yoir SSRI...you missed a dose.

Just calm down. This is the internet. Its Saturday. Just breathe. Tomorrow is a new day.

again with the tired old DCUM refrain - "Take your drugs." Clearly you can't figure out a better response to a truthful post.


I'll be taking my kids to the park today once they're dressed. Right now, they're lounging around in their pajamas.

I wonder what would happen if you ask your kids HOW they handle down time? They'd probably ask you to define it first.

Good luck chauffeuring around your gang.

The fuck you rambling about?

Thanks for the brilliant response.

You clearly get it.

Have fun driving! and driving! and driving!
other people's kids . . .

Are you drunk?

[Anonymous]

Look, if you don't want to drive the other kids, don't. Easy as pie.

If you do decide the benefits of having those kids be friends with yours/share activities outweigh the drawbacks, then drive them and stop complaining.

Seriously, as all the toddlers around the block seem to be singing "Let It Go!"

P.S. I have other kids over for dinner, activities etc (we don't live anywhere we need to drive much) not because I expect their parents to do the same for my DCs but because my DCs enjoy it and I like making them happy. Reciprocity is nice but not the goal of the game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Ever. I don't know *anyone* who *likes* to drive.

This is D.C. - the *worst place* to drive! No one likes to drive, but we do it, anyway. If someone's child is overbooked with academic activities, maybe its time to try to comprehend a basic fact of life - social skills and socializing are just as crucial as any life skill. Our job as parents is to make sure that our children have life skills, no? What kind of parent does not value playdates; or values unnecessary, extra, academic classes over basic life skills of knowing how to get along with others? It is this rather primitive idea of not valuing socialization that doe snot make sense, any way you look at it.

If all you care about is the almighty dollar, than let that be your incentive. No one I know from top schools (I work in HR at a top firm, I will not say which for obvious reasons) - succeeds without basic social skills. Period. I see *all* types of resumes.

You can play semantic games and add extra academic classes all you want, but in the end, not valuing social skills makes you lose. Some people seem to be taking offense to this; thinking their way is the only way, somehow. It is just not realistic go keep your children boxed up in your world.

For the families whose parents did not like to drive, what was their reasoning? Did they just think that they were too good for it?

I basically don't drive -- I didn't own a car until I got married. I am a terrible, anxious driver, and when I am anxious, I get tunnel vision, which makes me an even worse driver. I can manage short trips in my neighborhood -- the grocery store, my daughter's school, etc. -- where we're dealing with simple intersections with lights or stop signs. I can also manage long stretches on an interstate. (And weirdly, I am great at parallel parking.) But getting on and off freeways/highways and changing lanes? No way. We live a block from a Metro station, and I am happy to take my daughter anyplace within reach of the bus or subway; anywhere else, DH does the driving.

(Having said that, we happily sign up to bring snacks to t-ball games, contribute treats to bake sales, etc., so I don't think my terrible driving makes us nonparticipating parents.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't read all these responses. My mom was a lame driver and I was so appreciative of the many families who ignored my mom's issues and included me. Today I am a giver. I drive everyone and known as the person who hosts. I realize so people are selfish mean whatever and some people are overwhelmed. What I do to make myself sane is I do what I feel I can and let the rest go. OP you should too. Life is too short to get angry over non reciprocated playdates and carpools.

Voice of reason, thank you. Plus PP right above you.
No need to read further.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP indicated that the parents do not want to carpool with her.

She also indicated that the other parents only want their kids to be in a classroom that has people from their culture (That is simply not happening in the US - so I think that is a big fake complaint)

Could it be that they do not want their kid to associate with OP and her kid?

This is fun - you guys are hilarious! OP here. On my way out for a date soon Might I suggest the same for a particular PP?

The "non participant family" is not well liked, I believe this is why. They do tend to hang out with their own, for better or worse. Maybe misery loves company? One can only imagine. I tend to gravitate toward more social people, given my background (nope, won't divulge that here, but you would be shocked, given your PPs, undoubtedly) - all of my DC are social, and usually hang out with more social friends. Except this one.

Peculiar that you keep pretending not to understand, yet do not have specific questions, and fail to ask for clarification in a civil manner; and you seem to be taking offense to my situation, instead of offering anything helpful; and you find this some sort of a game, as if you take delight in others asking a question. Gosh, I hope you don't work for me! Not for long, anyway.

But by all means, pretend to know me. And keep twisting my words - you are a hoot! This is getting better and better!

Good luck, PP. You will need it

Okay, Queen Bee. Have you always been a bully or did it just develop recently?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, if you don't want to drive the other kids, don't. Easy as pie.

If you do decide the benefits of having those kids be friends with yours/share activities outweigh the drawbacks, then drive them and stop complaining.

Seriously, as all the toddlers around the block seem to be singing "Let It Go!"

P.S. I have other kids over for dinner, activities etc (we don't live anywhere we need to drive much) not because I expect their parents to do the same for my DCs but because my DCs enjoy it and I like making them happy. Reciprocity is nice but not the goal of the game.

What if your DC insists of spending time with the mean girl? Apparently, the parents are the same (mean) behind closed doors. I don't advocate that particular relationship, and the "friend's" parents don't advocate any relationships (at all). So now what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP indicated that the parents do not want to carpool with her.

She also indicated that the other parents only want their kids to be in a classroom that has people from their culture (That is simply not happening in the US - so I think that is a big fake complaint)

Could it be that they do not want their kid to associate with OP and her kid?

This is fun - you guys are hilarious! OP here. On my way out for a date soon Might I suggest the same for a particular PP?

The "non participant family" is not well liked, I believe this is why. They do tend to hang out with their own, for better or worse. Maybe misery loves company? One can only imagine. I tend to gravitate toward more social people, given my background (nope, won't divulge that here, but you would be shocked, given your PPs, undoubtedly) - all of my DC are social, and usually hang out with more social friends. Except this one.

Peculiar that you keep pretending not to understand, yet do not have specific questions, and fail to ask for clarification in a civil manner; and you seem to be taking offense to my situation, instead of offering anything helpful; and you find this some sort of a game, as if you take delight in others asking a question. Gosh, I hope you don't work for me! Not for long, anyway.

But by all means, pretend to know me. And keep twisting my words - you are a hoot! This is getting better and better!

Good luck, PP. You will need it

Okay, Queen Bee. Have you always been a bully or did it just develop recently?

What? People are not supposed to have friends? Why? I believe that is the question in this thread. You seem like you can answer it better than anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for your question. Carpool, playdate, activity, everything the other child is involved in! UGH.

My son has a friend like that. Thd WORKING moms do all the heavy lifting and this one SAHM sits on her ass and never offers to help. A few things:

-she has been ditched from the carpool group because she's useless. Now her working DH is the sole taxi for her child.
-honestly, she's batshit crazy. Having a crazy mom her kidss are probably going to be a mess so I try to redirect my son to hang out with other people. I'm sure she's just mentally ill.

God, you're a bitch. Those poor kids have a crazy mom and you're trying to make sure they don't have friends, either.

Healthy parents raise healthy kids, but by all means, go out of your way and have your kids hang around a bunch of fucked up families. Let me know how your little progressive social experiment turns out.

NP. Good God, you are not very compassionate are you

Good think
G your kids weren't at a playdate over with the kids in Cheverly who were just offed by their mentslly ill mother.

Social experiment in action.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, when I was growing up, my parents never wanted to drive me anywhere. I was conscious from a pretty early age of that kind of "mooch" feeling when other people's families do things that yours don't, like give rides or have friends over for dinner. On behalf of the kids for whom you are doing extra, I say thank you so much. You are making their childhood better. You are also helping your own child out by facilitating his friendships. When he is older, and possibly have kids of his own, he will appreciate even more that you did that for him.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for your question. Carpool, playdate, activity, everything the other child is involved in! UGH.

methinks you are over-scheduling your child

Can you let your kid just be and stop micromanaging his/her time?

But a parent who refuses to drive is not over scheduling? Methinks you are the parent being posted about!

You women are fucking maddening.

OP (and I'm sure the rest of you) have displaced hostility. If one parent in your CREW of over-scheduling moms and dads is a slacker, so what?

The problem is OP and her cronies who think that shuffling kids from morning to night from one activity to another is parenting.

So you're tired as crap & angry b/c you can't fucking sit for 5 minutes to pee, and yet you blame the Slacker Parent for not picking up little Lulu from violin.

Get a life, morons!

These activities and all this drama are all about YOU! It's not about your kids. They're just trophies to you.

You are commodities dad, aren't cha. Where have you been?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, here is another way to look at it.

I am a mom who loves to do the carpooling, the hosting etc. Why? My son loves the company of other children, and many of the parents do not have the flexibility, energy, time that I do. I love having the kids and parents over when I host. And people always reciprocate in some form or the other. It may not be the exact same thing that I can do - but parents will help out or include my child in some way or the other. I have found that my kid loves when he has his other friends joining him for other activities. If I am already doing everything for my kid - it does not cost me anything at all to include other people's kids as well. And frankly, I really enjoy doing this for the kids.

People are not refusing to participate - they are just not participating the way you want them to.

This! I subscribe to this philosophy completely.

That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Ever. I don't know *anyone* who *likes* to drive.

This is D.C. - the *worst place* to drive! No one likes to drive, but we do it, anyway. If someone's child is overbooked with academic activities, maybe its time to try to comprehend a basic fact of life - social skills and socializing are just as crucial as any life skill. Our job as parents is to make sure that our children have life skills, no? What kind of parent does not value playdates; or values unnecessary, extra, academic classes over basic life skills of knowing how to get along with others? It is this rather primitive idea of not valuing socialization that doe snot make sense, any way you look at it.

If all you care about is the almighty dollar, than let that be your incentive. No one I know from top schools (I work in HR at a top firm, I will not say which for obvious reasons) - succeeds without basic social skills. Period. I see *all* types of resumes.

You can play semantic games and add extra academic classes all you want, but in the end, not valuing social skills makes you lose. Some people seem to be taking offense to this; thinking their way is the only way, somehow. It is just not realistic go keep your children boxed up in your world.

For the families whose parents did not like to drive, what was their reasoning? Did they just think that they were too good for it?

I'm having a hard time making sense of this post. But -- I love to drive. FYI.

I love to drive my kids and their friends to activities etc., mainly because I get an opportunity to see how the kids are interacting with each other, I get to understand their concerns and thought processes, I get to teach them things, and I just plain love to spend time with my kids and their friends. I have been very fortunate that my children have made friends with really cool kids, belonging to different races and religions and nationalities, and who are being raised by really great parents. Besides, these children are very well mannered, high spirited, and super bright. I have a nice comfortable mini-van and driving the kids around does not vex me at all. I also love to drive and I am really mellow on the road because also get to tune in to some great music or NPR.

OP, when you have a family with several adult members (grandparents, parents, uncle, aunts) and several kids (siblings, cousins) etc, the need for finding company outside the family diminishes. Also, if the family has a social circle that is well established, sometimes there is no need to seek out new relationships.

Perhaps, what you are reacting to is that the car pooling, hosting etc., is more necessary for you, because you may have only one child and you are working etc, and it would lighten your load, but the other parents have no value for it because they have other venues for socialization and not having a carpool does not present them with any hardship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, here is another way to look at it.

I am a mom who loves to do the carpooling, the hosting etc. Why? My son loves the company of other children, and many of the parents do not have the flexibility, energy, time that I do. I love having the kids and parents over when I host. And people always reciprocate in some form or the other. It may not be the exact same thing that I can do - but parents will help out or include my child in some way or the other. I have found that my kid loves when he has his other friends joining him for other activities. If I am already doing everything for my kid - it does not cost me anything at all to include other people's kids as well. And frankly, I really enjoy doing this for the kids.

People are not refusing to participate - they are just not participating the way you want them to.

This! I subscribe to this philosophy completely.

That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Ever. I don't know *anyone* who *likes* to drive.

This is D.C. - the *worst place* to drive! No one likes to drive, but we do it, anyway. If someone's child is overbooked with academic activities, maybe its time to try to comprehend a basic fact of life - social skills and socializing are just as crucial as any life skill. Our job as parents is to make sure that our children have life skills, no? What kind of parent does not value playdates; or values unnecessary, extra, academic classes over basic life skills of knowing how to get along with others? It is this rather primitive idea of not valuing socialization that doe snot make sense, any way you look at it.

If all you care about is the almighty dollar, than let that be your incentive. No one I know from top schools (I work in HR at a top firm, I will not say which for obvious reasons) - succeeds without basic social skills. Period. I see *all* types of resumes.

You can play semantic games and add extra academic classes all you want, but in the end, not valuing social skills makes you lose. Some people seem to be taking offense to this; thinking their way is the only way, somehow. It is just not realistic go keep your children boxed up in your world.

For the families whose parents did not like to drive, what was their reasoning? Did they just think that they were too good for it?

I'm having a hard time making sense of this post. But -- I love to drive. FYI.

I love to drive my kids and their friends to activities etc., mainly because I get an opportunity to see how the kids are interacting with each other, I get to understand their concerns and thought processes, I get to teach them things, and I just plain love to spend time with my kids and their friends. I have been very fortunate that my children have made friends with really cool kids, belonging to different races and religions and nationalities, and who are being raised by really great parents. Besides, these children are very well mannered, high spirited, and super bright. I have a nice comfortable mini-van and driving the kids around does not vex me at all. I also love to drive and I am really mellow on the road because also get to tune in to some great music or NPR.

OP, when you have a family with several adult members (grandparents, parents, uncle, aunts) and several kids (siblings, cousins) etc, the need for finding company outside the family diminishes. Also, if the family has a social circle that is well established, sometimes there is no need to seek out new relationships.

Perhaps, what you are reacting to is that the car pooling, hosting etc., is more necessary for you, because you may have only one child and you are working etc, and it would lighten your load, but the other parents have no value for it because they have other venues for socialization and not having a carpool does not present them with any hardship.

Not everyone is you, thankfully.

[Anonymous]

Who said OP wants to drive?

Who said OP only has one child?

Where are you getting your assumptions? Do this many people make these kinds of far fetched conclusions, based on their own imagination? That's crazy!