Parents who refuse to participate

[Anonymous]

Flame away. I am wondering what parents who participate (willing to drive, host, etc.) do about parents not willing to participate. It is really obvious to a point of humor, at this point.

To elaborate, DC tends to want a playdate, or does activities with, certain children. Half of the parents are amazing, and are more than willing to do their share of driving, hosting, etc. The other half may as well be radio silence; letting anyone who is nice enough be the doormat. It gets old, quick.

I am well aware you teach people how to treat you, blah, blah, blah......If anyone has any *constructive plans* to put into action, I would appreciate it. Before anyone assumes so, there are no exigent circumstances, excuses or reasons other than sheer laziness, unfortunately. The problem is, my child asks for their child, and the other parents know this and take full advantage. Let's just say, I would choose other friends, if it were me.

As an example, four DC, including mine, signed up for an activity. I won't say which one, because it is not relevant. The issue at hand is that two of the same parents step forward each time, and two refuse. If one of the two participating parents drop out (they might, they are tired and just prefer to drive themselves), it would be all on the one parent. Who BTW, would be more than willing, given their nature. But the fact that the parents that participate are willing to, should not excuse the two parents that are not willing to participate. Make sense?

I am tempted to also just drive ourselves. The parents who refuse to participate, again, know that DC wants to see their friends, however. Do I have to play hard ball? WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Your post isn't quite clear. Are you having carpool issues?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for your question. Carpool, playdate, activity, everything the other child is involved in! UGH.

[Anonymous]

So basically you're feeling resentment about always having to cart around other people's kids? Yup, I would too. But don't take it out on the kids. It's not their fault their parents are jerks.

[Anonymous]

Here's how to handle it:

1. Do what you want to do.
2. Don't do what you don't want to do.
3. Focus on what you can control (your behavior) instead of what you can't (other people's behavior).

[Anonymous]

Here are the options:
1. They are jerks and users
2. They are driving around their other kids/have other obligations to deal with and are grateful for your assistance
3. They think they are doing their share and are just clueless.

You know the parents, you know which category they fall into. If you're sick of it, either ask them directly to step up and help out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here are the options:
1. They are jerks and users
2. They are driving around their other kids/have other obligations to deal with and are grateful for your assistance
3. They think they are doing their share and are just clueless.

You know the parents, you know which category they fall into. If you're sick of it, either ask them directly to step up and help out.

What if they don't speak English?

[Anonymous]

OP, when I was growing up, my parents never wanted to drive me anywhere. I was conscious from a pretty early age of that kind of "mooch" feeling when other people's families do things that yours don't, like give rides or have friends over for dinner. On behalf of the kids for whom you are doing extra, I say thank you so much. You are making their childhood better. You are also helping your own child out by facilitating his friendships. When he is older, and possibly have kids of his own, he will appreciate even more that you did that for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here are the options:
1. They are jerks and users
2. They are driving around their other kids/have other obligations to deal with and are grateful for your assistance
3. They think they are doing their share and are just clueless.

You know the parents, you know which category they fall into. If you're sick of it, either ask them directly to step up and help out.

What if they don't speak English?

Learn some of their language. If that's the case, it's probably either 2 or 3. They don't understand the "chauffeur for kids" culture we have here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Make sense?

No. Could you state your point or question simply without all the words?

[Anonymous]

Politely but firmly say, "Larla's and Albert's mothers drove the carpool last season. It's time for you and Bartleby's parents to do your share this go round. Why don't you do drop offs and Bartleby's parent will do pick ups."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, when I was growing up, my parents never wanted to drive me anywhere. I was conscious from a pretty early age of that kind of "mooch" feeling when other people's families do things that yours don't, like give rides or have friends over for dinner. On behalf of the kids for whom you are doing extra, I say thank you so much. You are making their childhood better. You are also helping your own child out by facilitating his friendships. When he is older, and possibly have kids of his own, he will appreciate even more that you did that for him.

I was the same - from about age 10 on if I wanted to go somewhere I had to walk. My parents never wanted me to have friends over. It was totally embarrassing that I could never reciprocate. Not saying you'd do this OP, but I still remember the day one of my friend's mom drive me home and grilled me as to why I couldn't have friends over. It was mortifying. On the other hand, I also remember the friend's mom who picked me up and dropped me off places constantly without ever making it seem like a big deal. In fact, she would often offer as part of the invitation because she knew I wouldn't be able to go wherever unless I had a ride. I'm sure it was annoying as anything for her but she never showed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here are the options:
1. They are jerks and users
2. They are driving around their other kids/have other obligations to deal with and are grateful for your assistance
3. They think they are doing their share and are just clueless.

You know the parents, you know which category they fall into. If you're sick of it, either ask them directly to step up and help out.

What if they don't speak English?

Then they should learn it. They decided to come here.

- signed, someone who has lived in 3 other countries where English is not the primary language, and yet I knew I needed to adjust, not the people already living there

[Anonymous]

OP, it's not about the parents. Do what's right for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Flame away. I am wondering what parents who participate (willing to drive, host, etc.) do about parents not willing to participate. It is really obvious to a point of humor, at this point.

To elaborate, DC tends to want a playdate, or does activities with, certain children. Half of the parents are amazing, and are more than willing to do their share of driving, hosting, etc. The other half may as well be radio silence; letting anyone who is nice enough be the doormat. It gets old, quick.

I am well aware you teach people how to treat you, blah, blah, blah......If anyone has any *constructive plans* to put into action, I would appreciate it. Before anyone assumes so, there are no exigent circumstances, excuses or reasons other than sheer laziness, unfortunately. The problem is, my child asks for their child, and the other parents know this and take full advantage. Let's just say, I would choose other friends, if it were me.

As an example, four DC, including mine, signed up for an activity. I won't say which one, because it is not relevant. The issue at hand is that two of the same parents step forward each time, and two refuse. If one of the two participating parents drop out (they might, they are tired and just prefer to drive themselves), it would be all on the one parent. Who BTW, would be more than willing, given their nature. But the fact that the parents that participate are willing to, should not excuse the two parents that are not willing to participate. Make sense?

I am tempted to also just drive ourselves. The parents who refuse to participate, again, know that DC wants to see their friends, however. Do I have to play hard ball? WWYD?

Why on earth should they be forced to carpool with you if they prefer to drive themselves? Why are you mad at them for that?

It is a royal PITA to carpool with kids who are in the age of car seats. Until they are self sufficient with removable boosters and able to buckle themselves, we avoid carpools at all costs.

OP, by chance is this for your firstborn/only and are the others parents with more than one kid or older kids?