Parents who refuse to participate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow! Wasn't this the weirdest thread ever? OP was so full of resentment, insinuation and circular argument that she made my head reel!

I think the other parents (who do not "participate") are doing so deliberately to get rid of OP.

What?

Who are you talking to?

Too close to home, obviously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP here. Found out new information tonight about the other set of parents. Turned out not only was I right, but they are far, far worse than we thought.

The matter has escalated to much, much more than refusing to drive (a tiny symptom of what we did not expect). We are handling it by another avenue.

Thank you for any supportive, constructive, positive comments you have taken the time to write. Be well.

I missed those comments. Which were they?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow! Wasn't this the weirdest thread ever? OP was so full of resentment, insinuation and circular argument that she made my head reel!

I think the other parents (who do not "participate") are doing so deliberately to get rid of OP.

OP is like a one-person loony bin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP,
I am going to assume that not only are you having a bad day, but that everyday is pretty stressful for you and these kind of minor issues are big stressors for you as a result.

But you're upset because you hold assumptions that may or may not be true. These assumptions are:

1) Everyone needs to pull their own weight.

No they don't. It would be nice but they don't need to. Stop believing that everyone needs to contribute equally and you will stop being upset.

2) If someone isn't pulling their weight, then they must be lazy.

No, there are a million different reasons besides being lazy. Try to think of the most sympathetic reason - e.g., the person is fatigued because s/he is receiving treatment for cancer. S/he was in a car accident at some point and nearly died or nearly killed someone and now avoids driving at all costs because of the trauma. S/he is depressed and can barely get through the day without thinking of ending his or her life but can't do this because of the kids. So carpooling isn't at the opt of her/her list.

3) I'm suffering/have a greater workload than they do.

It probably feels like this a lot of the time. But there are people a lot worse off than you and you know it. If you stop feeling like you're worse off, you'll stop feeling justified in expecting him/her to chip in.

I'm a single parent - I work full-time, have full custody, and am pretty much on my own - if your biggest gripe today is that people are not participating equally in carpooling, count your blessings!

I don't agree with number 1. I pull my own weight and I expect other adults to do the same.

+1

No kidding. How do they tie their own shoes?

Do what you can, give what you can. Don't keep score. Life doesn't have to be even to be fair. This is how I live and what I teach my kids when they complain about each other.

Okay then the rule of natural consequences applies. Don't think you can handle having four children, when in reality you are dependent on other families to drive your kids around. You chose a boatload of kids, and you don't even work full time. I am gone at least 10 hours each weekday, and I stopped at two kids. I didn't stop at 2 kids so I could drive myself crazy handling other people's children.

It sounds like the other family is perfectly happy with what they have. It's OP who insists they do things differently. Not clear what or how but in her own mysterious, cryptic way she has made it clear she is the one with the issue.

[Anonymous]

How does a family who fails their children seem happy to you? Do you know them?

It seems you might!

[Anonymous]

"Okay then the rule of natural consequences applies. Don't think you can handle having four children, when in reality you are dependent on other families to drive your kids around. You chose a boatload of kids, and you don't even work full time. I am gone at least 10 hours each weekday, and I stopped at two kids. I didn't stop at 2 kids so I could drive myself crazy handling other people's children."

THIS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Okay then the rule of natural consequences applies. Don't think you can handle having four children, when in reality you are dependent on other families to drive your kids around. You chose a boatload of kids, and you don't even work full time. I am gone at least 10 hours each weekday, and I stopped at two kids. I didn't stop at 2 kids so I could drive myself crazy handling other people's children."

THIS.

So don't handle them. The other parents didn't ask OP (or you) to drive. She insisted on car-pooling and then got pissed when they declined to take a turn doing it. I'm sure they'll be happy to see the back of her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Okay then the rule of natural consequences applies. Don't think you can handle having four children, when in reality you are dependent on other families to drive your kids around. You chose a boatload of kids, and you don't even work full time. I am gone at least 10 hours each weekday, and I stopped at two kids. I didn't stop at 2 kids so I could drive myself crazy handling other people's children."

THIS.

So don't handle them. The other parents didn't ask OP (or you) to drive. She insisted on car-pooling and then got pissed when they declined to take a turn doing it. I'm sure they'll be happy to see the back of her.

What does this even mean? Anyone? I believe no one understands you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for your question. Carpool, playdate, activity, everything the other child is involved in! UGH.

My son has a friend like that. Thd WORKING moms do all the heavy lifting and this one SAHM sits on her ass and never offers to help. A few things:

-she has been ditched from the carpool group because she's useless. Now her working DH is the sole taxi for her child.
-honestly, she's batshit crazy. Having a crazy mom her kidss are probably going to be a mess so I try to redirect my son to hang out with other people. I'm sure she's just mentally ill.

God, you're a bitch. Those poor kids have a crazy mom and you're trying to make sure they don't have friends, either.

Healthy parents raise healthy kids, but by all means, go out of your way and have your kids hang around a bunch of fucked up families. Let me know how your little progressive social experiment turns out.

NP. Good God, you are not very compassionate are you

Good think
G your kids weren't at a playdate over with the kids in Cheverly who were just offed by their mentslly ill mother.

Social experiment in action.

Too bad those kids weren't at a play date at my house. Maybe they'd still be alive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Okay then the rule of natural consequences applies. Don't think you can handle having four children, when in reality you are dependent on other families to drive your kids around. You chose a boatload of kids, and you don't even work full time. I am gone at least 10 hours each weekday, and I stopped at two kids. I didn't stop at 2 kids so I could drive myself crazy handling other people's children."

THIS.

So don't handle them. The other parents didn't ask OP (or you) to drive. She insisted on car-pooling and then got pissed when they declined to take a turn doing it. I'm sure they'll be happy to see the back of her.

What does this even mean? Anyone? I believe no one understands you.

It means you are spending a lot of time whining about an activity that you VOLUNTEERED to do. Stop volunteering and stop whining. No one cares but you. The other parents don't care. They won't care if you quit or not. This is only important to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Okay then the rule of natural consequences applies. Don't think you can handle having four children, when in reality you are dependent on other families to drive your kids around. You chose a boatload of kids, and you don't even work full time. I am gone at least 10 hours each weekday, and I stopped at two kids. I didn't stop at 2 kids so I could drive myself crazy handling other people's children."

THIS.

So don't handle them. The other parents didn't ask OP (or you) to drive. She insisted on car-pooling and then got pissed when they declined to take a turn doing it. I'm sure they'll be happy to see the back of her.

What does this even mean? Anyone? I believe no one understands you.

Is English your first language? You seem to have some problems with reading comprehension.

[Anonymous]

OP, what are you snorting?

You are making no sense whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what are you snorting?

You are making no sense whatsoever.

+ 1

Weirdest thread.

[Anonymous]

Haven't read many posts. OP it's nice that you have done as much as you have. You never really know what is going on in someone's life. A person could be ill, depressed, etc and just barely functioning. Maybe she/he is overwhelmed by work and family life. In this area, I actually only offer to drive kids who's parents I know REALLY well because it's just a lawsuit crazy area. Some deer runs in front on my car and Larla gets jolted and my life becomes a headache. There's a reason all the preschools are getting more stringent with parents driving for fieldtrips (need specific liability car insurance, etc).

I personally prefer to host because my kids get nervous/shy with some of their friend's parents and they just feel more social at home. I'm not offended if a parent never invites my kid over, as long as the parent makes it clear her/his child wants to have playdates with mine.

Do what you can handle and let it go. Assume those parents are doing what they can handle and not trying to take advantage. Cheers!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How does a family who fails their children seem happy to you? Do you know them?

It seems you might!

They are failing OP. Where do you read that they are failing their children? They have a houseful of relatives. Maybe they are very happy.