Parents who refuse to participate

[Anonymous]

Why not just ask them to drive, in a polite, straightforward way? I am more of the giver type, too, but I learned at a young age that the best way not to be a doormat is to speak up. Re: carpooling, etc, I tend to do more than "my share" and I am genuinely fine with that, but when I have a conflict or need some help--which is fairly often with multiple kids--I just ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a Girl Scout troop leader. We've been with the same basic group for 8 years. Half of my parents do everything. Half of my parents do almost nothing, and frequently shirk the little bit of responsibility I push towards them. It's not a priority for them. I don't adjust plans, especially for the ones that usually bail at the last minute. I set a date and activity and move on.

Why don't they do anything?

Everyone is different. Give what you can and don't keep track of what others are doing. Maybe they do more in some other arena in which you or OP slack off. Who knows.

I'm the first PP. It is just not a priority for them, but they frequently bitch about how I handle things. It really sucked when I had to deny one of their children one of the larger jobs in a huge project we took on last year. I knew there wouldn't be parental support and it wouldn't get done. With hundreds of people counting on us to arrange something, failure wasn't an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for your question. Carpool, playdate, activity, everything the other child is involved in! UGH.

My son has a friend like that. Thd WORKING moms do all the heavy lifting and this one SAHM sits on her ass and never offers to help. A few things:

-she has been ditched from the carpool group because she's useless. Now her working DH is the sole taxi for her child.
-honestly, she's batshit crazy. Having a crazy mom her kidss are probably going to be a mess so I try to redirect my son to hang out with other people. I'm sure she's just mentally ill.

God, you're a bitch. Those poor kids have a crazy mom and you're trying to make sure they don't have friends, either.

Healthy parents raise healthy kids, but by all means, go out of your way and have your kids hang around a bunch of fucked up families. Let me know how your little progressive social experiment turns out.

I have compassion, but it does not trump what is best for my children. Go check out some statistics. What do you think the outcomes are like for kids with parentd who are mentslly ill vs parents who are healthy? Your social circle and network has a huge bearing on adult outcomes.

I

NP. Good God, you are not very compassionate are you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for your question. Carpool, playdate, activity, everything the other child is involved in! UGH.

methinks you are over-scheduling your child

Can you let your kid just be and stop micromanaging his/her time?

But a parent who refuses to drive is not over scheduling? Methinks you are the parent being posted about!

You women are fucking maddening.

OP (and I'm sure the rest of you) have displaced hostility. If one parent in your CREW of over-scheduling moms and dads is a slacker, so what?

The problem is OP and her cronies who think that shuffling kids from morning to night from one activity to another is parenting.

So you're tired as crap & angry b/c you can't fucking sit for 5 minutes to pee, and yet you blame the Slacker Parent for not picking up little Lulu from violin.

Get a life, morons!

These activities and all this drama are all about YOU! It's not about your kids. They're just trophies to you.

Step away from the keyboard, walk over to your medicine cabinet, and take yoir SSRI...you missed a dose.

Just calm down. This is the internet. Its Saturday. Just breathe. Tomorrow is a new day.

again with the tired old DCUM refrain - "Take your drugs." Clearly you can't figure out a better response to a truthful post.


I'll be taking my kids to the park today once they're dressed. Right now, they're lounging around in their pajamas.

I wonder what would happen if you ask your kids HOW they handle down time? They'd probably ask you to define it first.

Good luck chauffeuring around your gang.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do they have a large enough car/ extra boosters to be able to carpool?

OP has already said clearly that the two parents prefer NOT to carpool and would rather drive by themselves.

OP is the only one that actually wants to carpool.

She's trying to force other parents to do it her way. She should find someone else to carpool with or give up.

What if your child insists on hanging out with the same children whose parents never step up? Do you choose your child's friends? Or tell your child they have to go without friends? "You can't see Larla anymore because Larla's parents would rather take a nap (true story) than drive"? For real?

If larlas.mom is napping all the time that's a sure sign that larlas mom has some mental health problems. You only have a very small window to try to direct your children to hang out with healthy families. Until your influence is gone, your child is best off being directed away from such families.

What do you think is going on in a home where mom lays in bed all the time? No supervision , that's what.

OP here. I have physical health issues I do not (and will not) make public. Nor should I have to. They are no one's business.

The other dad is home, and takes naps every day, which I have never seen a man do before. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

I am under the distinct impression the wife of the "non-driving to anything having to do with my child's friends" couple strongly resents her husband. Neither are from here. There is extended family in the house. There is a nanny.

I would be more than happy to answer any more questions. How do I tell my child that her friends parents suck?

I hope my child is not friends with you, you are a horrible, nasty person and I wouldn't want her anywhere near you. You disgust me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for your question. Carpool, playdate, activity, everything the other child is involved in! UGH.

My son has a friend like that. Thd WORKING moms do all the heavy lifting and this one SAHM sits on her ass and never offers to help. A few things:

-she has been ditched from the carpool group because she's useless. Now her working DH is the sole taxi for her child.
-honestly, she's batshit crazy. Having a crazy mom her kidss are probably going to be a mess so I try to redirect my son to hang out with other people. I'm sure she's just mentally ill.

God, you're a bitch. Those poor kids have a crazy mom and you're trying to make sure they don't have friends, either.

I don't think she's a bitch. My friend has a problem with depression. She is a basket case and her children are brats. My kids do not want to be around them because they steal their stuff and can't share or take turns. I understand their behavior is a result of their mother's inability to properly parent but that's doesn't make it ok and it isn't my kids' responsibility to play with them.

I'm the person who called her a bitch. That's not the situation here. Quit projecting. She didn't say her kids don't want to hang around with the messed up kids and she doesn't push them to do it. She said that she pushes her kids AWAY from kids with messed up families because she doesn't want her "healthy" kids associating with "unhealthy" kids. She isn't saying that she tells her kids to avoid other kids on the basis of the kids' behavior. She's telling her kids to pick friends on the basis of their parents' behavior.

As far as my "progressive" social experiment goes... most of those messed up kids aren't going to be messed up themselves. They are going to go out and make lives for themselves that are happy. They learn resilience and compassion. They make excellent friends, co-workers, employees, and bosses.

Sheltered people like PP's kids make terrible friends, co-workers, spouses, and employees. They are rigid and inflexible. They have low tolerance for individual differences. They are going to meltdown when the world doesn't go exactly perfect or someone acts different that they think they should. If something bad happens to those kids, they will have zero resilence. If something happens bad to someone else, they will have zero compassion. PP isn't just a bitch, she's a stupid bitch who is raising stupid, entitled, arrogant children.

[Anonymous]

I can't read all these responses. My mom was a lame driver and I was so appreciative of the many families who ignored my mom's issues and included me. Today I am a giver. I drive everyone and known as the person who hosts. I realize so people are selfish mean whatever and some people are overwhelmed. What I do to make myself sane is I do what I feel I can and let the rest go. OP you should too. Life is too short to get angry over non reciprocated playdates and carpools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do they have a large enough car/ extra boosters to be able to carpool?

OP has already said clearly that the two parents prefer NOT to carpool and would rather drive by themselves.

OP is the only one that actually wants to carpool.

She's trying to force other parents to do it her way. She should find someone else to carpool with or give up.

What if your child insists on hanging out with the same children whose parents never step up? Do you choose your child's friends? Or tell your child they have to go without friends? "You can't see Larla anymore because Larla's parents would rather take a nap (true story) than drive"? For real?

If larlas.mom is napping all the time that's a sure sign that larlas mom has some mental health problems. You only have a very small window to try to direct your children to hang out with healthy families. Until your influence is gone, your child is best off being directed away from such families.

What do you think is going on in a home where mom lays in bed all the time? No supervision , that's what.

OP here. I have physical health issues I do not (and will not) make public. Nor should I have to. They are no one's business.

The other dad is home, and takes naps every day, which I have never seen a man do before. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

I am under the distinct impression the wife of the "non-driving to anything having to do with my child's friends" couple strongly resents her husband. Neither are from here. There is extended family in the house. There is a nanny.

I would be more than happy to answer any more questions. How do I tell my child that her friends parents suck?

I hope my child is not friends with you, you are a horrible, nasty person and I wouldn't want her anywhere near you. You disgust me.

What? Why? Because someone outed you?

YUP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, here is another way to look at it.

I am a mom who loves to do the carpooling, the hosting etc. Why? My son loves the company of other children, and many of the parents do not have the flexibility, energy, time that I do. I love having the kids and parents over when I host. And people always reciprocate in some form or the other. It may not be the exact same thing that I can do - but parents will help out or include my child in some way or the other. I have found that my kid loves when he has his other friends joining him for other activities. If I am already doing everything for my kid - it does not cost me anything at all to include other people's kids as well. And frankly, I really enjoy doing this for the kids.

People are not refusing to participate - they are just not participating the way you want them to.

This! I subscribe to this philosophy completely.

That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Ever. I don't know *anyone* who *likes* to drive.

This is D.C. - the *worst place* to drive! No one likes to drive, but we do it, anyway. If someone's child is overbooked with academic activities, maybe its time to try to comprehend a basic fact of life - social skills and socializing are just as crucial as any life skill. Our job as parents is to make sure that our children have life skills, no? What kind of parent does not value playdates; or values unnecessary, extra, academic classes over basic life skills of knowing how to get along with others? It is this rather primitive idea of not valuing socialization that doe snot make sense, any way you look at it.

If all you care about is the almighty dollar, than let that be your incentive. No one I know from top schools (I work in HR at a top firm, I will not say which for obvious reasons) - succeeds without basic social skills. Period. I see *all* types of resumes.

You can play semantic games and add extra academic classes all you want, but in the end, not valuing social skills makes you lose. Some people seem to be taking offense to this; thinking their way is the only way, somehow. It is just not realistic go keep your children boxed up in your world.

For the families whose parents did not like to drive, what was their reasoning? Did they just think that they were too good for it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for your question. Carpool, playdate, activity, everything the other child is involved in! UGH.

methinks you are over-scheduling your child

Can you let your kid just be and stop micromanaging his/her time?

But a parent who refuses to drive is not over scheduling? Methinks you are the parent being posted about!

You women are fucking maddening.

OP (and I'm sure the rest of you) have displaced hostility. If one parent in your CREW of over-scheduling moms and dads is a slacker, so what?

The problem is OP and her cronies who think that shuffling kids from morning to night from one activity to another is parenting.

So you're tired as crap & angry b/c you can't fucking sit for 5 minutes to pee, and yet you blame the Slacker Parent for not picking up little Lulu from violin.

Get a life, morons!

These activities and all this drama are all about YOU! It's not about your kids. They're just trophies to you.

Step away from the keyboard, walk over to your medicine cabinet, and take yoir SSRI...you missed a dose.

Just calm down. This is the internet. Its Saturday. Just breathe. Tomorrow is a new day.

again with the tired old DCUM refrain - "Take your drugs." Clearly you can't figure out a better response to a truthful post.


I'll be taking my kids to the park today once they're dressed. Right now, they're lounging around in their pajamas.

I wonder what would happen if you ask your kids HOW they handle down time? They'd probably ask you to define it first.

Good luck chauffeuring around your gang.

The fuck you rambling about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for your question. Carpool, playdate, activity, everything the other child is involved in! UGH.

My son has a friend like that. Thd WORKING moms do all the heavy lifting and this one SAHM sits on her ass and never offers to help. A few things:

-she has been ditched from the carpool group because she's useless. Now her working DH is the sole taxi for her child.
-honestly, she's batshit crazy. Having a crazy mom her kidss are probably going to be a mess so I try to redirect my son to hang out with other people. I'm sure she's just mentally ill.

God, you're a bitch. Those poor kids have a crazy mom and you're trying to make sure they don't have friends, either.

I don't think she's a bitch. My friend has a problem with depression. She is a basket case and her children are brats. My kids do not want to be around them because they steal their stuff and can't share or take turns. I understand their behavior is a result of their mother's inability to properly parent but that's doesn't make it ok and it isn't my kids' responsibility to play with them.

I'm the person who called her a bitch. That's not the situation here. Quit projecting. She didn't say her kids don't want to hang around with the messed up kids and she doesn't push them to do it. She said that she pushes her kids AWAY from kids with messed up families because she doesn't want her "healthy" kids associating with "unhealthy" kids. She isn't saying that she tells her kids to avoid other kids on the basis of the kids' behavior. She's telling her kids to pick friends on the basis of their parents' behavior.

As far as my "progressive" social experiment goes... most of those messed up kids aren't going to be messed up themselves. They are going to go out and make lives for themselves that are happy. They learn resilience and compassion. They make excellent friends, co-workers, employees, and bosses.

Sheltered people like PP's kids make terrible friends, co-workers, spouses, and employees. They are rigid and inflexible. They have low tolerance for individual differences. They are going to meltdown when the world doesn't go exactly perfect or someone acts different that they think they should. If something bad happens to those kids, they will have zero resilence. If something happens bad to someone else, they will have zero compassion. PP isn't just a bitch, she's a stupid bitch who is raising stupid, entitled, arrogant children.

LOL!

[Anonymous]

I'm I the only one that realizes OP is a troll? Stop feeding her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP indicated that the parents do not want to carpool with her.

She also indicated that the other parents only want their kids to be in a classroom that has people from their culture (That is simply not happening in the US - so I think that is a big fake complaint)

Could it be that they do not want their kid to associate with OP and her kid?

This is fun - you guys are hilarious! OP here. On my way out for a date soon Might I suggest the same for a particular PP?

The "non participant family" is not well liked, I believe this is why. They do tend to hang out with their own, for better or worse. Maybe misery loves company? One can only imagine. I tend to gravitate toward more social people, given my background (nope, won't divulge that here, but you would be shocked, given your PPs, undoubtedly) - all of my DC are social, and usually hang out with more social friends. Except this one.

Peculiar that you keep pretending not to understand, yet do not have specific questions, and fail to ask for clarification in a civil manner; and you seem to be taking offense to my situation, instead of offering anything helpful; and you find this some sort of a game, as if you take delight in others asking a question. Gosh, I hope you don't work for me! Not for long, anyway.

But by all means, pretend to know me. And keep twisting my words - you are a hoot! This is getting better and better!

I get it, OP! you just want us to tell you that the other family is shitty, weird, racist, freeloading, miserable, dysfunctional, and asocial! Do you feel better now?! Whew, go on your date now! I hope he can had mouth them too, so you can sleep Ok tonight!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, here is another way to look at it.

I am a mom who loves to do the carpooling, the hosting etc. Why? My son loves the company of other children, and many of the parents do not have the flexibility, energy, time that I do. I love having the kids and parents over when I host. And people always reciprocate in some form or the other. It may not be the exact same thing that I can do - but parents will help out or include my child in some way or the other. I have found that my kid loves when he has his other friends joining him for other activities. If I am already doing everything for my kid - it does not cost me anything at all to include other people's kids as well. And frankly, I really enjoy doing this for the kids.

People are not refusing to participate - they are just not participating the way you want them to.

This! I subscribe to this philosophy completely.

That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Ever. I don't know *anyone* who *likes* to drive.

This is D.C. - the *worst place* to drive! No one likes to drive, but we do it, anyway. If someone's child is overbooked with academic activities, maybe its time to try to comprehend a basic fact of life - social skills and socializing are just as crucial as any life skill. Our job as parents is to make sure that our children have life skills, no? What kind of parent does not value playdates; or values unnecessary, extra, academic classes over basic life skills of knowing how to get along with others? It is this rather primitive idea of not valuing socialization that doe snot make sense, any way you look at it.

If all you care about is the almighty dollar, than let that be your incentive. No one I know from top schools (I work in HR at a top firm, I will not say which for obvious reasons) - succeeds without basic social skills. Period. I see *all* types of resumes.

You can play semantic games and add extra academic classes all you want, but in the end, not valuing social skills makes you lose. Some people seem to be taking offense to this; thinking their way is the only way, somehow. It is just not realistic go keep your children boxed up in your world.

For the families whose parents did not like to drive, what was their reasoning? Did they just think that they were too good for it?

I'm having a hard time making sense of this post. But -- I love to drive. FYI.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for your question. Carpool, playdate, activity, everything the other child is involved in! UGH.

methinks you are over-scheduling your child

Can you let your kid just be and stop micromanaging his/her time?

But a parent who refuses to drive is not over scheduling? Methinks you are the parent being posted about!

You women are fucking maddening.

OP (and I'm sure the rest of you) have displaced hostility. If one parent in your CREW of over-scheduling moms and dads is a slacker, so what?

The problem is OP and her cronies who think that shuffling kids from morning to night from one activity to another is parenting.

So you're tired as crap & angry b/c you can't fucking sit for 5 minutes to pee, and yet you blame the Slacker Parent for not picking up little Lulu from violin.

Get a life, morons!

These activities and all this drama are all about YOU! It's not about your kids. They're just trophies to you.

Step away from the keyboard, walk over to your medicine cabinet, and take yoir SSRI...you missed a dose.

Just calm down. This is the internet. Its Saturday. Just breathe. Tomorrow is a new day.

again with the tired old DCUM refrain - "Take your drugs." Clearly you can't figure out a better response to a truthful post.


I'll be taking my kids to the park today once they're dressed. Right now, they're lounging around in their pajamas.

I wonder what would happen if you ask your kids HOW they handle down time? They'd probably ask you to define it first.

Good luck chauffeuring around your gang.

The fuck you rambling about?

Thanks for the brilliant response.

You clearly get it.

Have fun driving! and driving! and driving!
other people's kids . . .