Friends don't want to pay for beach house, and think it was my fault?

[Anonymous]

The friend lives in New Jersey. Even if she read this entire thread, I doubt she would be upset with the OP. It was a good discussion, with some good lessons.

I am still Team OP, even if she posted her friend's name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another lesson might be not to write so many identifying details about your friend on a public message board and include her name in your post.

Look, I don't think anyone is going to call Joey Gorga over this, so no harm no foul.

I love you PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another lesson might be not to write so many identifying details about your friend on a public message board and include her name in your post.

. You're absolutely right, there aren't too many women in NJ named Melissa. Please. Give OP a break!!

[Anonymous]

Thank you OP.

That is all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Your husband is right about hers. Regardless of how it came about, my DH would sooner take his own spleen out with a spork than take advantage of someone in this manner.You're a nice person to just try to make it right, but I'm afraid it may ruin your vacation--although I hope it doesn't. May I recommend a case or two of good wine?

OP again. This made me laugh out loud, and pretty much captures my husband's approach to these things. He is trying to focus on a much needed vacation, and not get too caught up in the details, as shitty as they have become.

I have thought about suggesting the other family just bow out, allowing them to save face gracefully, and invite my parents and neighbors. My parents would chip in, and I would make if very clear to the neighbors that this was our treat.

And there will be wine involved, regardless.

OP, you sound like a really good egg. I hope that whatever the resolution, you have a relaxing vacation. Team OP!!! Let's get t-shirts made!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another lesson might be not to write so many identifying details about your friend on a public message board and include her name in your post.

. You're absolutely right, there aren't too many women in NJ named Melissa. Please. Give OP a break!!

Oooh, I'm sure it's Melissa from real housewives of new jersey! Wouldn't that be awesome?

[Anonymous]

Glad to hear that it's worked out, OP. I was just going to suggest that you could try to get together with just her, maybe for a weekend, and reconnect then. Sounds like you are already planning to do that. Hope life calms down a bit for your friend - sounds stressful.

[Anonymous]

Another new poster Team OP here! OP, you sound like a very caring and generous (and gracious!) person and it's wonderful you were able to connect with your friend to find out the whole story.

You're a good egg, OP. Enjoy your vacation!

[Anonymous]

Maybe Melissa was too enbarrased from the beginning to admit to you that they simply couldn't afford such an expensive vacation?

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound great. I wish you were my friend!! Enjoy that vacation and maybe when you get back let us all know how it was!

[Anonymous]

My bet is that there is more to the story. We have good neighbor friends who we arranged a summer full of camps that our respective children would take together. DH has emails where the mom says yes we are in, i'm signing up now. The weekend before the first camp was to start, we were talking with one of their kids and he were saying how they were leaving for Tennessee to visit family for 3 weeks that sunday. So obviously not going to the camp. My son was devastated and didn't want to go to the camp on monday without his buddy (yes he is pretty sensitive) making us pretty mad about the situation. DH talked with other mom and she basically stonewalled when he pointed out the issue. Not too happy.

After they came back, i talked with her and she said they were having financial problems due to potential loss of job and marital issues as well. So she got overwhelmed. Didn't really apologize but i accepted it and we are back to being friends with them.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're a good friend.

I've very rarely seen dcum go with Team OP but I'm proud to make you team captain!

[Anonymous]

I would have been skeptical of the NJ friend's family going anyway-doesn't sound like she communicated much on the topic and the lease by the OP was done 4-5 months ago.

Going to OBX from NJ is a whole other journey added so that alone might have made her sketchy. First you'd have to go through the DC area which at the very minimum from NJ is 110 miles going through multiple major cities.

If I was going to see a NJ family I'd book in Ocean City NJ down through bethany with a solid discussion on what is convenient, feasible financially, etc.

A group of single women students hopping off for a getaway is far less complex than families with multiple work schedules, children with possible school schedules, etc.

It would be easier to fly for a long weekend to Disney than drive to the OBX from North NJ. Also many don't want to book places in mid Aug through sept during hurricane season especially if it is 1.5 days of travel each way.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're a good friend and I do agree that you should cut your friend some slack but I also think there was no excuse for the shitty comment about how much more money you have. I have been through terrible times. DC's dad died suddenly, my mom died, I was completely broke, DC was diagnosed with a severe neurological disorder all in a short period of time and I still did not treat my friends that way. In fact, I appreciated them all the more. I don't really understand all of the excuses but I would give this friend the benefit of the doubt until she does something like this again. My guess is that she resents you for being in better shape than she is and so she is making digs and then regretting them. I do think there is more to the story than she is telling you. Possibly it's her husband who is to blame but she still made that comment and then apologized because she knew she was being a jerk and she knew she should hide her resentment a little better.

[Anonymous]

It's when we're under stress that our true colors come out.