Postcard as a wedding thank-you -- is this the new norm?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What would have satisfied you, OP?

Yes, OP, what is your handwritten word count? LOL! It’s not *gasp* SIXTEEN!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I hope these pointless and EXPENSIVE traditions die with the Boomers. As a millennial, I don’t need a thank you, especially for a wedding gift. The open bar was my thank you.

Cool. Then I hope the tradition of giving expensive wedding gifts ends as well.

This! I will add that another tradition that needs to die is the expectation that I will send a couple an expensive gift although I am not able to attend the wedding. Or that I need to spend a certain amount to cover the cost of my plate if I do attend your wedding.

Such fussy old traditions I’m sure the under-30 set won’t mi$$ the$e “boomer” tradition$

- genX

Boomers were never tacky and asking for meal payments or cash for trips.

They sure were tacky enough to register for useless china knickknacks and silver candlesticks, and ARE tacky enough to try to foist them off on younger people at every turn. No, Linda, we don’t want your hideous gravy boat. Stop with the guilt trip.

Not everone enjoys using silver and fine china. A lot of these opinions reflect one's background.

I enjoy using the fine china that I picked out, that reflects my taste. My “background” is that offering something once is polite, pushing it and guilt tripping is rude. But Boomer women just can’t get over that no one wants their old junk. God forbid you donate it to charity or pay the small fee for one of the services that will sell it on eBay. No no, they save it and try to foist it on a daughter or niece every five minutes.

PP here. That's not the way Boomers in my family act at all, and my sisters and I cherish and use the beautiful, sentimental pieces that have been given to us.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read the whole thing but the perfectly written thank you note feels like one of those norms that has to change.

Traditionally — and from what I’ve seen in thank you notes I’ve gotten recently — it is women who must write the perfect handwritten thank you note, and it is the woman who bears the brunt of judgement when they aren’t done to standard.

Let’s make things easier for the next generation of women. Let’s choose to be happy for them when they find ways to relieve some of the pressures that have traditionally fallen far more heavily on them. And when we feel discomfort, let’s take that as a chance to assess whether certain burdens might have fallen too heavily on us, and what else we might have done with those hours in our own wild and precious life.

Postcard away, I say!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the cool young kids who think it’s old fashioned to be expected to write thank you notes- you have no idea how grasping and greedy you all look, planning your destination weddings and asking for money (!) for things like houses and honeymoons. If you don’t want to write a thank you note, don’t expect people to fork out for your wedding!

You're missing the point here. They DID handwrite out a thank you note, it just didn't have enough handwritten words for OP. And feel free to not fork out for any wedding you don't want to. Problem solved.

- GenXer

Further evidence of the illiteracy in younger generations (not to mention the selfish reaction to any suggestion that they should be inconvenienced to satisfy societal/cultural niceties).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was raised that the polite thing to do is write a personalized thank you note so I did that. I was fortunate though, I was between jobs, so while I was overwhelmed with moving and other things, I could make the time. If I was working full time, and managing a bunch of other things, I would have to cut corners and at least it includes a thank you.

I have gotten over pearl clutching these days. I try to do what i think is the right thing and have grace when I think others don't. I remind myself that i don't know what they have going on and I'd rather not add to anyone's stress. I also have better boundaries about just declining that family destination wedding for someone I am not close to, etc.

I’d hang out with you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not in my circle. Embossed/engraved monogram stationary (new initials to show off) is typical.

Yeah I did that, and looking back I think it was a waste of money. Just stupid gatekeeping by people who use coded phrases like “in my circle.”

BTDT. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope these pointless and EXPENSIVE traditions die with the Boomers. As a millennial, I don’t need a thank you, especially for a wedding gift. The open bar was my thank you.

Cool. Then I hope the tradition of giving expensive wedding gifts ends as well.

This! I will add that another tradition that needs to die is the expectation that I will send a couple an expensive gift although I am not able to attend the wedding. Or that I need to spend a certain amount to cover the cost of my plate if I do attend your wedding.

Such fussy old traditions I’m sure the under-30 set won’t mi$$ the$e “boomer” tradition$

- genX

Boomers were never tacky and asking for meal payments or cash for trips.

They sure were tacky enough to register for useless china knickknacks and silver candlesticks, and ARE tacky enough to try to foist them off on younger people at every turn. No, Linda, we don’t want your hideous gravy boat. Stop with the guilt trip.

Not everone enjoys using silver and fine china. A lot of these opinions reflect one's background.

I enjoy using the fine china that I picked out, that reflects my taste. My “background” is that offering something once is polite, pushing it and guilt tripping is rude. But Boomer women just can’t get over that no one wants their old junk. God forbid you donate it to charity or pay the small fee for one of the services that will sell it on eBay. No no, they save it and try to foist it on a daughter or niece every five minutes.

PP here. That's not the way Boomers in my family act at all, and my sisters and I cherish and use the beautiful, sentimental pieces that have been given to us.

OK? That’s great. Some Boomers in my family are gracious, and others are pushy and won’t take no for an answer. Even some of my mom’s friends have tried to guilt trip me into taking their crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope these pointless and EXPENSIVE traditions die with the Boomers. As a millennial, I don’t need a thank you, especially for a wedding gift. The open bar was my thank you.

Cool. Then I hope the tradition of giving expensive wedding gifts ends as well.

This! I will add that another tradition that needs to die is the expectation that I will send a couple an expensive gift although I am not able to attend the wedding. Or that I need to spend a certain amount to cover the cost of my plate if I do attend your wedding.

Such fussy old traditions I’m sure the under-30 set won’t mi$$ the$e “boomer” tradition$

- genX

Boomers were never tacky and asking for meal payments or cash for trips.

They sure were tacky enough to register for useless china knickknacks and silver candlesticks, and ARE tacky enough to try to foist them off on younger people at every turn. No, Linda, we don’t want your hideous gravy boat. Stop with the guilt trip.

Not everone enjoys using silver and fine china. A lot of these opinions reflect one's background.

I enjoy using the fine china that I picked out, that reflects my taste. My “background” is that offering something once is polite, pushing it and guilt tripping is rude. But Boomer women just can’t get over that no one wants their old junk. God forbid you donate it to charity or pay the small fee for one of the services that will sell it on eBay. No no, they save it and try to foist it on a daughter or niece every five minutes.

PP here. That's not the way Boomers in my family act at all, and my sisters and I cherish and use the beautiful, sentimental pieces that have been given to us.

OK? That’s great. Some Boomers in my family are gracious, and others are pushy and won’t take no for an answer. Even some of my mom’s friends have tried to guilt trip me into taking their crap.

My sister loves the old family stuff. Somewhere along the line, I realized I much prefer the feeling of spaciousness that comes from having less. I keep passing things to her, and I’m no longer taking anything from anyone. I’m glad she’s happy, and it’s a relief that she wants them. It all feels like a burden to me.

We’ve still got china and silver candlesticks and fancy flatware, and we’ve used them two or three times in a couple decades of marriage, but not much and not in the last 15 years. I often find myself asking why we even have these. It just all seems so silly. Made for a different time, and probably for a type of person I never actually was.

Anyway, different strokes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I attended a wedding recently and just received a postcard thank-you for the wedding gift. I had no idea this was a thing! On one side, it had a photo of the couple. On the other side, there were a few pre-printed lines about how lucky the couple is, and then just two short handwritten lines thanking me specifically for my gift, and in the most generic way possible (basically: thank you for the X, we really appreciate it). There were exactly sixteen handwritten words in the whole thing.

Honestly, my middle schooler could have written a more personalized and appreciative thank you: We plan to use your generous gift to do X, we hope to see you at X so we can catch up and tell you about the honeymoon, etc.

Has anyone else felt annoyed by this apparent wedding trend, or am I just being grumpy?

I think this is fine, the personalized notes are also fill in the blank (witness your example above). Just be happy they thanked you in a timely manner. It took us a year to send out thank you cards because writing long, personalized cards was such a pain in the butt.

Proper ones are not that way. You actually handwrite out your appreciation. Shocking, I know, but if guests dump a couple of hundred dollars on a gift, the couple can sit down and scribble out a note.

This line of thinking is inane. But enjoy your rage I guess. Must be fun to get upset about things like this.

And you enjoy being rude and not taking the time to write a note.

Oooh, sick burn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was raised that the polite thing to do is write a personalized thank you note so I did that. I was fortunate though, I was between jobs, so while I was overwhelmed with moving and other things, I could make the time. If I was working full time, and managing a bunch of other things, I would have to cut corners and at least it includes a thank you.

I have gotten over pearl clutching these days. I try to do what i think is the right thing and have grace when I think others don't. I remind myself that i don't know what they have going on and I'd rather not add to anyone's stress. I also have better boundaries about just declining that family destination wedding for someone I am not close to, etc.

But here is the thing. If a bride and a groom are willing to receive a gift, then they should be able to properly thank the gift giver. It has nothing to do with whether you are working or not working or busy or not. If your arms are open to receiving gifts, then they should be open to writing a thank you note. It really is that simple.

In OP's case they did write a thank you note. So what are you whining about?

Was replying to the PP, not the OP. I know it is hard but try to keep up.

[Anonymous]

Please, if you don't want gifts, say "no gifts." If you do, please just ask me for money and either write a basic thank you note or get an AI agent to write a convincing one. Please do at least 25% of the work I had to do to send you the gift. And please note this is to the couple in general. Last wedding I went to was for my nephew and it was 16 months ago. 8 months ago I got a generic postcard similar to OP describes. I could care less, but I did not feel inclined to give a baby gift after never hearing a word from either of the couple about their birth or even an announcement. I could care less about the gift, but I do miss having family. And I say this as a workaholic with many other things to do.

[Anonymous]

Look. Historically it was women who wrote the thank you letters. I have never met a man who would write a thank you letter, let alone take the time to figure out what everybody sent and come up with a few sentences on how he planned to use it.

And maybe that made sense when women stayed at home, and relationships were their responsibility.

But now with women working full time, it’s ridiculous to expect them to also spend hours on this unpaid labor that no man would ever do. They (or really, she, because I’m guessing the wife did this) are smart for finding a solution that requires little time yet still got the thank you note out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look. Historically it was women who wrote the thank you letters. I have never met a man who would write a thank you letter, let alone take the time to figure out what everybody sent and come up with a few sentences on how he planned to use it.

And maybe that made sense when women stayed at home, and relationships were their responsibility.

But now with women working full time, it’s ridiculous to expect them to also spend hours on this unpaid labor that no man would ever do. They (or really, she, because I’m guessing the wife did this) are smart for finding a solution that requires little time yet still got the thank you note out.

Thank you. Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read the whole thing but the perfectly written thank you note feels like one of those norms that has to change.

Traditionally — and from what I’ve seen in thank you notes I’ve gotten recently — it is women who must write the perfect handwritten thank you note, and it is the woman who bears the brunt of judgement when they aren’t done to standard.

Let’s make things easier for the next generation of women. Let’s choose to be happy for them when they find ways to relieve some of the pressures that have traditionally fallen far more heavily on them. And when we feel discomfort, let’s take that as a chance to assess whether certain burdens might have fallen too heavily on us, and what else we might have done with those hours in our own wild and precious life.

Postcard away, I say!

I love this. But I will add that back in the year 2000, I made my second year big law associate DH write the thank you notes to gifts from his side of the family and his parent's friends. So, it can done but often women chose to be a martyr.

[Anonymous]

This is the most Boomer thing that ever Boomered; to receive a physical thank you [post]card that does actually have handwriting on it and that actually does mention the specific item given…

…and to run to the Internet to complain that it “wasn’t personal,” just because it was a bit unconventional.

Boomers are just gonna Boomer.