Postcard as a wedding thank-you -- is this the new norm?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look. Historically it was women who wrote the thank you letters. I have never met a man who would write a thank you letter, let alone take the time to figure out what everybody sent and come up with a few sentences on how he planned to use it.

And maybe that made sense when women stayed at home, and relationships were their responsibility.

But now with women working full time, it’s ridiculous to expect them to also spend hours on this unpaid labor that no man would ever do. They (or really, she, because I’m guessing the wife did this) are smart for finding a solution that requires little time yet still got the thank you note out.

Gotta love this new generation. Not too busy to plan a big expensive wedding and fill out that registry, but too busy and entitled to be bothered with sending a proper thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look. Historically it was women who wrote the thank you letters. I have never met a man who would write a thank you letter, let alone take the time to figure out what everybody sent and come up with a few sentences on how he planned to use it.

And maybe that made sense when women stayed at home, and relationships were their responsibility.

But now with women working full time, it’s ridiculous to expect them to also spend hours on this unpaid labor that no man would ever do. They (or really, she, because I’m guessing the wife did this) are smart for finding a solution that requires little time yet still got the thank you note out.

Gotta love this new generation. Not too busy to plan a big expensive wedding and fill out that registry, but too busy and entitled to be bothered with sending a proper thank you.

+1 million

[Anonymous]

“Proper thank you”. There it is. The point is that one’s definition of “proper” is subjective and changes with time.

We can change too, my friends.

We can enjoy the photo card —something that wasn’t easily available in the olden days and frankly in some ways is more personal than printed stationary with new initials (barf — and fwiw I did this, but in retrospect it feels silly and anachronistic). We can smile at their photo. We can stop clinging to The Old Ways and decide to root for young couples instead of judging them.

Or I guess we can keep judging. But I know which way happiness lies!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Proper thank you”. There it is. The point is that one’s definition of “proper” is subjective and changes with time.

We can change too, my friends.

We can enjoy the photo card —something that wasn’t easily available in the olden days and frankly in some ways is more personal than printed stationary with new initials (barf — and fwiw I did this, but in retrospect it feels silly and anachronistic). We can smile at their photo. We can stop clinging to The Old Ways and decide to root for young couples instead of judging them.

Or I guess we can keep judging. But I know which way happiness lies!

A photo is not the issue. We've received several photo thank yous over the last few years. The photo cards also had a brief, thoughtful thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look. Historically it was women who wrote the thank you letters. I have never met a man who would write a thank you letter, let alone take the time to figure out what everybody sent and come up with a few sentences on how he planned to use it.

And maybe that made sense when women stayed at home, and relationships were their responsibility.

But now with women working full time, it’s ridiculous to expect them to also spend hours on this unpaid labor that no man would ever do. They (or really, she, because I’m guessing the wife did this) are smart for finding a solution that requires little time yet still got the thank you note out.

Gotta love this new generation. Not too busy to plan a big expensive wedding and fill out that registry, but too busy and entitled to be bothered with sending a proper thank you.

+ 100
This is it right here. And it is the truth. The amount of time and energy it takes to plan a big event is never discussed as being too much, is it? But when it comes to anything beyond the me-me-me-centric aspect of weddings, it is "ridiculous" and "unpaid labor" to write a thank you note. And I don't care who writes the note - bride or groom - but if the happy couple is willing to receive gifts than they should be willing to show their gratitude in a traditional way as well.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read the whole thread, but I’m a GenXer who doesn’t really like receiving thank you notes. When they arrive in the mail and I can tell by the timing and size of the card what they are, I usually just let them sit on the mail pile. I know what it’s going to say, the whole thing just feels like a pointless series of obligatory steps that don’t add up to true gratitude. I don’t give gifts for my own glory or peace of mind, I give them so the recipients can enjoy them. Once it’s given, it’s out of my mind.

My Boomer mother, on the other hand, keeps track. But she tends to make most things all about her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look. Historically it was women who wrote the thank you letters. I have never met a man who would write a thank you letter, let alone take the time to figure out what everybody sent and come up with a few sentences on how he planned to use it.

And maybe that made sense when women stayed at home, and relationships were their responsibility.

But now with women working full time, it’s ridiculous to expect them to also spend hours on this unpaid labor that no man would ever do. They (or really, she, because I’m guessing the wife did this) are smart for finding a solution that requires little time yet still got the thank you note out.

Gotta love this new generation. Not too busy to plan a big expensive wedding and fill out that registry, but too busy and entitled to be bothered with sending a proper thank you.

I’ve never heard a man complain about not getting a thank you note, especially after attending an event at which he was thanked in person.

Women insist on BS performative busywork for other women. I will never understand why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am solidly Team OP. When I am fortunate enough to be invited to a wedding, not only do I try to find a registry gift that seems meaningful (and is expensive) or I give a generous check. I ALSO take time to hand write a note that is personal and celebrates the couple, the event, and their future together. I am gracious at the even, thank the couple and any parent hosts for including me, etc.

I don’t think it is too much to ask that adults who are old enough to get married, have a fancy and expensive wedding, and expect (yes, of course they do) gifts to spend a whole 5-7 minutes to hand write a thank you note that shows gratitude for the effort I (and every other guest) put into their wedding. Same for bar/bat mitzvahs, confirmations, quincieneras, sweet sixteens, graduations, etc.

I’m old, I guess, and tired of living in what feels more and more like a transactional social environment where nothing has any human touch anymore.

LOL.

Neither of these gifts is “thoughtful” - they’re bare minimum effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Proper thank you”. There it is. The point is that one’s definition of “proper” is subjective and changes with time.

We can change too, my friends.

We can enjoy the photo card —something that wasn’t easily available in the olden days and frankly in some ways is more personal than printed stationary with new initials (barf — and fwiw I did this, but in retrospect it feels silly and anachronistic). We can smile at their photo. We can stop clinging to The Old Ways and decide to root for young couples instead of judging them.

Or I guess we can keep judging. But I know which way happiness lies!

A photo is not the issue. We've received several photo thank yous over the last few years. The photo cards also had a brief, thoughtful thank you.

Ah, so we’re going to keep judging, I guess. Or you are, anyway. Enjoy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am solidly Team OP. When I am fortunate enough to be invited to a wedding, not only do I try to find a registry gift that seems meaningful (and is expensive) or I give a generous check. I ALSO take time to hand write a note that is personal and celebrates the couple, the event, and their future together. I am gracious at the even, thank the couple and any parent hosts for including me, etc.

I don’t think it is too much to ask that adults who are old enough to get married, have a fancy and expensive wedding, and expect (yes, of course they do) gifts to spend a whole 5-7 minutes to hand write a thank you note that shows gratitude for the effort I (and every other guest) put into their wedding. Same for bar/bat mitzvahs, confirmations, quincieneras, sweet sixteens, graduations, etc.

I’m old, I guess, and tired of living in what feels more and more like a transactional social environment where nothing has any human touch anymore.

You said “I” ten times in your post, but maybe it’s everyone else who is self-centered.

You itemized what you do for couples, and precisely what you expect in return, but perhaps it’s the other people who are transactional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look. Historically it was women who wrote the thank you letters. I have never met a man who would write a thank you letter, let alone take the time to figure out what everybody sent and come up with a few sentences on how he planned to use it.

And maybe that made sense when women stayed at home, and relationships were their responsibility.

But now with women working full time, it’s ridiculous to expect them to also spend hours on this unpaid labor that no man would ever do. They (or really, she, because I’m guessing the wife did this) are smart for finding a solution that requires little time yet still got the thank you note out.

Gotta love this new generation. Not too busy to plan a big expensive wedding and fill out that registry, but too busy and entitled to be bothered with sending a proper thank you.

AMEN! Why should thank you notes require little time? It takes a lot of time to pick out a gift and attend an event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look. Historically it was women who wrote the thank you letters. I have never met a man who would write a thank you letter, let alone take the time to figure out what everybody sent and come up with a few sentences on how he planned to use it.

And maybe that made sense when women stayed at home, and relationships were their responsibility.

But now with women working full time, it’s ridiculous to expect them to also spend hours on this unpaid labor that no man would ever do. They (or really, she, because I’m guessing the wife did this) are smart for finding a solution that requires little time yet still got the thank you note out.

Gotta love this new generation. Not too busy to plan a big expensive wedding and fill out that registry, but too busy and entitled to be bothered with sending a proper thank you.

AMEN! Why should thank you notes require little time? It takes a lot of time to pick out a gift and attend an event.

Then don't go! You get free food and drinks and hopefully a fun party with friends and family. Nobody wants you there if you feel like you're doing them a favor.

[Anonymous]

I am totally not inviting some of you to my next wedding. Bunch of judgy Janets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look. Historically it was women who wrote the thank you letters. I have never met a man who would write a thank you letter, let alone take the time to figure out what everybody sent and come up with a few sentences on how he planned to use it.

And maybe that made sense when women stayed at home, and relationships were their responsibility.

But now with women working full time, it’s ridiculous to expect them to also spend hours on this unpaid labor that no man would ever do. They (or really, she, because I’m guessing the wife did this) are smart for finding a solution that requires little time yet still got the thank you note out.

Gotta love this new generation. Not too busy to plan a big expensive wedding and fill out that registry, but too busy and entitled to be bothered with sending a proper thank you.

+1

We live in a vulgar age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look. Historically it was women who wrote the thank you letters. I have never met a man who would write a thank you letter, let alone take the time to figure out what everybody sent and come up with a few sentences on how he planned to use it.

And maybe that made sense when women stayed at home, and relationships were their responsibility.

But now with women working full time, it’s ridiculous to expect them to also spend hours on this unpaid labor that no man would ever do. They (or really, she, because I’m guessing the wife did this) are smart for finding a solution that requires little time yet still got the thank you note out.

Gotta love this new generation. Not too busy to plan a big expensive wedding and fill out that registry, but too busy and entitled to be bothered with sending a proper thank you.

+1

We live in a vulgar age.

Indeed. How vulgar for OP to not only receive a thank you card in the mail, which did indeed have handwriting on it and which did indeed mention the specific gift they were thanking her for, but to also receive a photo of the smiling couple, which are presumably people she loves. It was a bit unconventional, so OP—in a very vulgar fashion—ran to the Internet to whine and complain that someone had the audacity to…thank her.

We do live in a vulgar age, when even acts of gratitude are judged and picked apart and sneered at by people like the OP.