DH wants to pay for his older sister’s intervention and inpatient rehab

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are the WORST kind a person. A total POS. If his sister wants help for the love of g-d help her!

Does that sister want the help? That's not mentioned.

No. She does not agree there is an issue. Hence DH’s last ditch effort for an intervention.

And to be clear, I am not opposed to an intervention. Just not a $10k one that would be funded solely by DH and me. . . Same with rehab. DH did zero research into alternatives and now I am realizing he would prefer to throw money at the problem and wash his hands clean afterwards.

Well, that’s an understandable impulse. It ultimately may not be effective, but he wants to try. If he expressed wanting to keep spending a large portion of your money to care for her indefinitely, that’s a bigger discussion. But I respect his attempt to help, with a boundary.

Some food for thought, if he’s willing to consider:

Drug and Alcohol Interventions: Do They Work?

[Anonymous]

I used Tranquility Woods for my ex-wife.

Very good. It was worth the money. She did relapse once and went back. But she has been clean for a few years now. Both of her kids talk to her now.

She did have to detox before going. they call it "Bed to Bed". She detoxed in an hospital.

We had insurance. They had us sign a guarantee for payment if insurance did not cover. In 2017, I think it was 30,000 to 35,000 for 28 days. We paid for 20,000 or so.

Her mother should be paying. but sure seems like a key factor if her mother never worked and now her daughter does not hold a full time job.

for this amount of money, look at paying Obama care and then getting out patient therapy first.

[Anonymous]

I just love the cognitive dissonance on these boards. Cut off family members or go “grey rock” for some issues—sometimes relatively minor issues—but OP is the devil because she doesn’t want to go into debt to pay for her SIL’s rehab.

[Anonymous]

Divorce is the answer OP. Do it before he spends all his money on his sister.

[Anonymous]

I would do a reasonably priced rehab once and only once, if I could afford it. And I wouldn’t be going into debt, I don’t even do that for myself. Addiction is hard to help with. You could spend millions and still she could overdose. You have to go in it with the mindset that you are setting money on fire, you only spend what you can afford to lose with potentially nothing to show for it.

[Anonymous]

Money down the drain.

[Anonymous]

DH can go live with the sister. Separate finances immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need 10k for an intervention? An intervention is just you all sit with her and tell her she's cut off if she doesn't stop using. You can do it for free.

I don’t know. Our neighbor did an intervention for their son and he got the referral from the person from them. Besides for that, he has literally done zero research into finding someone more affordable or look into options for cheaper programs.

This $10k intervention company sounds like some rich people BS. It sounds like you guys are more middle class, and that’s a weird option for your DH to consider. You can do an intervention for free. Your DH sounds naive.

[Anonymous]

He needs to get her on Medicaid and look for rehabs that Medicaid will cover.

I would not pay for this particularly because rehab is often not successful so it tends to be money down the drain.

[Anonymous]

It’s either divorce ir separate finances

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are the WORST kind a person. A total POS. If his sister wants help for the love of g-d help her!

Does that sister want the help? That's not mentioned.

No. She does not agree there is an issue. Hence DH’s last ditch effort for an intervention.

And to be clear, I am not opposed to an intervention. Just not a $10k one that would be funded solely by DH and me. . . Same with rehab. DH did zero research into alternatives and now I am realizing he would prefer to throw money at the problem and wash his hands clean afterwards.

Wife of recovering alcoholic here (went to rehab one time and has been sober ten years). Intervention does not cost anything. If you have watched 3-4 eps of “Intervention,” the show, you have seen what it is and you know how to do it, so you do not have to pay for it. (There is also not great evidence that the Johnson Model, which is what people are doing on “Intervention”, actually works, so again: do not pay for it.)

You’re going to be telling your SIL that you can see that she has a problem, laying out how you know this, not engaging counterargument and excuses, and telling her that if she does not get treatment your relationship will change in the following ways.

If your husband is not ready to enforce any lines, the whole thing will fail even if she goes to treatment.

You do need a place lined up for her to go TO if your intervention results in her choosing to accept treatment. A 28-day rehab can run from Medicaid to $50k but the important thing is that a 28-day residential program is an insurance fiction and not the length of time it actually takes to have a striking chance at sobriety. That is more like 90 days. So whatever the plan is, if it is going to succeed, should be for a longer duration than you are looking at now.

It is very hard to play the role your husband wants to play in the life of someone you’re not that close to, because if you’re not that close there isn’t that much you can hold out that will change about the relationship.

And a threat or ultimatum of the kind used in Johnson-style intervention is a species of manipulation. Some people react very poorly to it, so I would not expect it to go well or for her to be grateful, even if she accepts treatment.

I can readily imagine your husband’s fear and it sounds like you are having a hard time seeing it. Your SIL is not that relevant, really—how do you want your relationship with your husband to be? Get it straight between the two of you before you go trying to fix someone else’s crisis.

Good luck. I know it is really hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fundamental problem with rehab is that they make more money if they don't cure you.

The rehab that works is when you provide the rehab yourself.

This is nonsense.

[Anonymous]

He's gotta try - is there any scenario where that is palatable to you? I had an addict in-law and it was a never ending source of pain for the family and ended only with them.

On the positive side, when a different family member got their head together, it was possible to support them getting a new life started for less than is being bandied around here for rehab.

[Anonymous]

These people are criminals this good be in prison

[Anonymous]

Lol 10k to consider going to rehab, give me 5 and ill call the police to put her away and then she'll go to rehab for free in prison as a condition of her release.