Reply to DH wants to pay for his older sister’s intervention and inpatient rehab

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You are the WORST kind a person.  A total POS. If his sister wants help for the love of g-d help her! [/quote]

Does that sister want the help? That's not mentioned.[/quote]

No. She does not agree there is an issue. Hence DH’s last ditch effort for an intervention.

And to be clear, I am not opposed to an intervention. Just not a $10k one that would be funded solely by DH and me. . . Same with rehab.  DH did zero research into alternatives and now I am realizing he would prefer to throw money at the problem and wash his hands clean afterwards. [/quote]

Wife of recovering alcoholic here (went to rehab one time and has been sober ten years). Intervention does not cost anything. If you have watched 3-4 eps of “Intervention,” the show, you have seen what it is and you know how to do it, so you do not have to pay for it. (There is also not great evidence that the Johnson Model, which is what people are doing on “Intervention”, actually works, so again: do not pay for it.)

You’re going to be telling your SIL that you can see that she has a problem, laying out how you know this, not engaging counterargument and excuses, and telling her that if she does not get treatment your relationship will change in the following ways.

If your husband is not ready to enforce any lines, the whole thing will fail even if she goes to treatment.

You do need a place lined up for her to go TO if your intervention results in her choosing to accept treatment. A 28-day rehab can run from Medicaid to $50k but the important thing is that a 28-day residential program is an insurance fiction and not the length of time it actually takes to have a striking chance at sobriety. That is more like 90 days. So whatever the plan is, if it is going to succeed, should be for a longer duration than you are looking at now.

It is very hard to play the role your husband wants to play in the life of someone you’re not that close to, because if you’re not that close there isn’t that much you can hold out that will change about the relationship.

And a threat or ultimatum of the kind used in Johnson-style intervention is a species of manipulation. Some people react very poorly to it, so I would not expect it to go well or for her to be grateful, even if she accepts treatment.

I can readily imagine your husband’s fear and it sounds like you are having a hard time seeing it. Your SIL is not that relevant, really—how do you want your relationship with your husband to be? Get it straight between the two of you before you go trying to fix someone else’s crisis.

Good luck. I know it is really hard.[/quote]

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