People who never reciprocate

[Anonymous]

It's been a long time since I have actually enjoyed a 'party' that someone has invited me to. I drag myself to the parties. I don't like to drink, but I do. It's boring conversation. I can't wait to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are missing the point here. If one person is always doing the hosting or initiating get-togethers, then the friendship is a one way street. It's not about keeping score, it's about reciprocity and making an effort to maintain and developing the friendship. Friendships are a 2 way street.

+1 People are taking the whole "inviting me for a walk" too literally. Its just an example of showing interesting in the friendship. This is especially important in newer friendships. If one person never initiates or plans or hosts or reaches out then I would assume they are not that interested in maintaining a friendship and I should put my efforts elsewhere.

I guess I don’t get this. If I ask someone if they are available to take a walk during my lunch break, and they arrange their life so that they are home and available and have some kind of childcare during my lunch break, then we both put effort into getting together.
Same thing with a party. If people block their calendar, hire a sitter, get dressed up, and get some kind of gift, then they put some effort into going to your party and maintaining the friendship.

The only way this makes sense is if you assume that all of your friends are just sitting at home, staring blankly at the wall and waiting around for someone to invite them to do something.

This. Inviting is one kind of effort. But it's not the only kind of effort. Some people are inviters/organizers and some aren't. I'm the kind of person who, if I'm invited to someone's home, will put a couple hours into making something that I know they like and accommodates their dietary restrictions. I have friends who never bring anything or who will show up with a bag of chips or something. That's fine! Just like it's also fine for someone to mostly be the sort of person who accepts plans instead of making them. It takes all kinds.

[Anonymous]

It all depends on where the OP is coming from. I have known people who throw parties as a kind of status thing just to show off and be the center of attention. They send out invitations but it's really a kind of expectation that if you want to remain in the circle you better accept. I would never bother reciprocating those.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read all the replies… but are people really hosting dinner parties & cookouts that often? We almost never invite adults to our house, and have very rarely been invited to other people’s houses. We occasionally eat out with other families, but usually if kids & parents get together, we meet at a neutral location and go for a hike, visit a museum, etc.

My parents were/are very welcoming of people dropping by but also never hosted dinner parties. Maybe it’s a class thing or regional thing.

As for the OP, yes, I have friends like that, but oh well. We keep inviting them to do stuff & continue to have their kids over to play. The ones I stop inviting are the ones who always cancel after saying they can meet up.

Yes. We actually host dinner parties, brunches and tea parties.

But, we have seasons that we host people, and then months that we do not host at home. For example - we have not hosted large groups for dinner at home since November, all the way to Feb. We have only called very close family for dinner and it has not been super fancy. March-April and May will be the time that I will host several dinners and tea-parties. Each will include different groups of people. Then I will be busy in Sept-Oct to host a series of religious celebrations. Some other families like to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas. So, I will cook several dishes and take it to their homes for celebrations like each year. My Thanksgiving and Christmas remains limited to my close family, and it very often means catered food.

In the months that I don't entertain at home. I basically invite people to restaurants, plays, dinners, spa, walks and movies OR we attend as guests the parties we are invited to. The truth is that there is a real cost in terms of physical labor, time, effort, money, planning. stress etc. Also, the "off times" is required so that the house can be made 'guest and entertaining ready'. Besides, your normal regular life also continues.

If you are calling large groups of people - there is economy of scale for sure, but, your entire house has to be 'guest and entertaining ready' to accommodate everyone. The reason that I entertain in cluster is that I can book some help a few months out, as well as economize on booze, cleaning, food etc. The house gets deep cleaned and spruced for one party, and it remains quite clean and spruced up for the next one too with a bit of effort.

It is NOT EASY to host because you have to clean a lot, make space, figure out seating, figure out serving dishes and other stuff, before you even think of drinks, food, and entertainment. And if you don't host regularly, you absolutely lose confidence in your ability to host. You forget how to do things. Your brain does not function in the host mode at all.

Please say more about these adult tea parties you host! I am agog.

I mainly only host ladies for tea parties. Usually women who can be easily grouped together. Neighbors, relatives, mom-friends, hobby/activity group etc. DH and kids are told to become invisible until I need them for helping me. I usually create a group for the invite, instructions, reminders, thank yous and sending photos of the tea-party. This also allows people to know who all are invited to the party, what their contact info is etc.

Menu consists of variety of tea-sandwiches (cucumber, egg, salmon), homemade baked goods, several filling savory dishes, some snacks that are bought etc. Food is arranged on the dining table for people to self serve. Also, lemon water, plates, silverware, napkins, condiments etc. I usually buy flowers from Costco or TJ and display it around the house and also where food is served. If more than 6 people are invited, I make sure that tea is already brewed with milk. I don't add any sweetner. Guests can choose to add sugar or sweetner. I also give a choice of lemon water, caffeine-free tea or instant coffee.

I stick to 4 pm tea time. Before the party, I arrange the seating so everyone can sit in one big room and also it is easy for me to serve tea. That's it.

People talk to each other because mostly they know each other and it is usually very lively conversation. People are asked to dress well as we take group pictures and that's pretty much how the party ends.

After everyone leaves - I run the dishwasher and hand wash any delicate serveware or tea-cups. We put back the chairs and seating in their proper place, I vacuum and mop, and then I send all the group pictures to the attendees.

When my entertaining season starts, I start with tea-parties. It is way easier than a full fledged dinner and does not go as long as a dinner. Also, menu is easier and can be as eclectic as you want. I start off by hosting neighbors, hobby-friends, mom-friends, relatives etc first. It gets me into the swing of things and people around me don't feel left out if they are not invited to dinners etc because they have been invited to tea parties. Tea parties also gives me a chance to try out any new appetizers I want to serve in more formal dinners.

Thank you for answering my question, these events sound lovely!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read all the replies… but are people really hosting dinner parties & cookouts that often? We almost never invite adults to our house, and have very rarely been invited to other people’s houses. We occasionally eat out with other families, but usually if kids & parents get together, we meet at a neutral location and go for a hike, visit a museum, etc.

My parents were/are very welcoming of people dropping by but also never hosted dinner parties. Maybe it’s a class thing or regional thing.

As for the OP, yes, I have friends like that, but oh well. We keep inviting them to do stuff & continue to have their kids over to play. The ones I stop inviting are the ones who always cancel after saying they can meet up.

Yes. We actually host dinner parties, brunches and tea parties.

But, we have seasons that we host people, and then months that we do not host at home. For example - we have not hosted large groups for dinner at home since November, all the way to Feb. We have only called very close family for dinner and it has not been super fancy. March-April and May will be the time that I will host several dinners and tea-parties. Each will include different groups of people. Then I will be busy in Sept-Oct to host a series of religious celebrations. Some other families like to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas. So, I will cook several dishes and take it to their homes for celebrations like each year. My Thanksgiving and Christmas remains limited to my close family, and it very often means catered food.

In the months that I don't entertain at home. I basically invite people to restaurants, plays, dinners, spa, walks and movies OR we attend as guests the parties we are invited to. The truth is that there is a real cost in terms of physical labor, time, effort, money, planning. stress etc. Also, the "off times" is required so that the house can be made 'guest and entertaining ready'. Besides, your normal regular life also continues.

If you are calling large groups of people - there is economy of scale for sure, but, your entire house has to be 'guest and entertaining ready' to accommodate everyone. The reason that I entertain in cluster is that I can book some help a few months out, as well as economize on booze, cleaning, food etc. The house gets deep cleaned and spruced for one party, and it remains quite clean and spruced up for the next one too with a bit of effort.

It is NOT EASY to host because you have to clean a lot, make space, figure out seating, figure out serving dishes and other stuff, before you even think of drinks, food, and entertainment. And if you don't host regularly, you absolutely lose confidence in your ability to host. You forget how to do things. Your brain does not function in the host mode at all.

Please say more about these adult tea parties you host! I am agog.

I mainly only host ladies for tea parties. Usually women who can be easily grouped together. Neighbors, relatives, mom-friends, hobby/activity group etc. DH and kids are told to become invisible until I need them for helping me. I usually create a group for the invite, instructions, reminders, thank yous and sending photos of the tea-party. This also allows people to know who all are invited to the party, what their contact info is etc.

Menu consists of variety of tea-sandwiches (cucumber, egg, salmon), homemade baked goods, several filling savory dishes, some snacks that are bought etc. Food is arranged on the dining table for people to self serve. Also, lemon water, plates, silverware, napkins, condiments etc. I usually buy flowers from Costco or TJ and display it around the house and also where food is served. If more than 6 people are invited, I make sure that tea is already brewed with milk. I don't add any sweetner. Guests can choose to add sugar or sweetner. I also give a choice of lemon water, caffeine-free tea or instant coffee.

I stick to 4 pm tea time. Before the party, I arrange the seating so everyone can sit in one big room and also it is easy for me to serve tea. That's it.

People talk to each other because mostly they know each other and it is usually very lively conversation. People are asked to dress well as we take group pictures and that's pretty much how the party ends.

After everyone leaves - I run the dishwasher and hand wash any delicate serveware or tea-cups. We put back the chairs and seating in their proper place, I vacuum and mop, and then I send all the group pictures to the attendees.

When my entertaining season starts, I start with tea-parties. It is way easier than a full fledged dinner and does not go as long as a dinner. Also, menu is easier and can be as eclectic as you want. I start off by hosting neighbors, hobby-friends, mom-friends, relatives etc first. It gets me into the swing of things and people around me don't feel left out if they are not invited to dinners etc because they have been invited to tea parties. Tea parties also gives me a chance to try out any new appetizers I want to serve in more formal dinners.

How old are your kids?

I have 3 kids and afternoon is peak time for us with sports on weekdays and weekends.

I’m guessing her kids are in their mid-40’s.

2 HS teenagers. If my kids were in mid-40's that would make me in my 70s and would have downsized to a retirement community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read all the replies… but are people really hosting dinner parties & cookouts that often? We almost never invite adults to our house, and have very rarely been invited to other people’s houses. We occasionally eat out with other families, but usually if kids & parents get together, we meet at a neutral location and go for a hike, visit a museum, etc.

My parents were/are very welcoming of people dropping by but also never hosted dinner parties. Maybe it’s a class thing or regional thing.

As for the OP, yes, I have friends like that, but oh well. We keep inviting them to do stuff & continue to have their kids over to play. The ones I stop inviting are the ones who always cancel after saying they can meet up.

Yes. We actually host dinner parties, brunches and tea parties.

But, we have seasons that we host people, and then months that we do not host at home. For example - we have not hosted large groups for dinner at home since November, all the way to Feb. We have only called very close family for dinner and it has not been super fancy. March-April and May will be the time that I will host several dinners and tea-parties. Each will include different groups of people. Then I will be busy in Sept-Oct to host a series of religious celebrations. Some other families like to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas. So, I will cook several dishes and take it to their homes for celebrations like each year. My Thanksgiving and Christmas remains limited to my close family, and it very often means catered food.

In the months that I don't entertain at home. I basically invite people to restaurants, plays, dinners, spa, walks and movies OR we attend as guests the parties we are invited to. The truth is that there is a real cost in terms of physical labor, time, effort, money, planning. stress etc. Also, the "off times" is required so that the house can be made 'guest and entertaining ready'. Besides, your normal regular life also continues.

If you are calling large groups of people - there is economy of scale for sure, but, your entire house has to be 'guest and entertaining ready' to accommodate everyone. The reason that I entertain in cluster is that I can book some help a few months out, as well as economize on booze, cleaning, food etc. The house gets deep cleaned and spruced for one party, and it remains quite clean and spruced up for the next one too with a bit of effort.

It is NOT EASY to host because you have to clean a lot, make space, figure out seating, figure out serving dishes and other stuff, before you even think of drinks, food, and entertainment. And if you don't host regularly, you absolutely lose confidence in your ability to host. You forget how to do things. Your brain does not function in the host mode at all.

Please say more about these adult tea parties you host! I am agog.

I mainly only host ladies for tea parties. Usually women who can be easily grouped together. Neighbors, relatives, mom-friends, hobby/activity group etc. DH and kids are told to become invisible until I need them for helping me. I usually create a group for the invite, instructions, reminders, thank yous and sending photos of the tea-party. This also allows people to know who all are invited to the party, what their contact info is etc.

Menu consists of variety of tea-sandwiches (cucumber, egg, salmon), homemade baked goods, several filling savory dishes, some snacks that are bought etc. Food is arranged on the dining table for people to self serve. Also, lemon water, plates, silverware, napkins, condiments etc. I usually buy flowers from Costco or TJ and display it around the house and also where food is served. If more than 6 people are invited, I make sure that tea is already brewed with milk. I don't add any sweetner. Guests can choose to add sugar or sweetner. I also give a choice of lemon water, caffeine-free tea or instant coffee.

I stick to 4 pm tea time. Before the party, I arrange the seating so everyone can sit in one big room and also it is easy for me to serve tea. That's it.

People talk to each other because mostly they know each other and it is usually very lively conversation. People are asked to dress well as we take group pictures and that's pretty much how the party ends.

After everyone leaves - I run the dishwasher and hand wash any delicate serveware or tea-cups. We put back the chairs and seating in their proper place, I vacuum and mop, and then I send all the group pictures to the attendees.

When my entertaining season starts, I start with tea-parties. It is way easier than a full fledged dinner and does not go as long as a dinner. Also, menu is easier and can be as eclectic as you want. I start off by hosting neighbors, hobby-friends, mom-friends, relatives etc first. It gets me into the swing of things and people around me don't feel left out if they are not invited to dinners etc because they have been invited to tea parties. Tea parties also gives me a chance to try out any new appetizers I want to serve in more formal dinners.

Thank you for answering my question, these events sound lovely!

You are welcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read all the replies… but are people really hosting dinner parties & cookouts that often? We almost never invite adults to our house, and have very rarely been invited to other people’s houses. We occasionally eat out with other families, but usually if kids & parents get together, we meet at a neutral location and go for a hike, visit a museum, etc.

My parents were/are very welcoming of people dropping by but also never hosted dinner parties. Maybe it’s a class thing or regional thing.

As for the OP, yes, I have friends like that, but oh well. We keep inviting them to do stuff & continue to have their kids over to play. The ones I stop inviting are the ones who always cancel after saying they can meet up.

Yes. We actually host dinner parties, brunches and tea parties.

But, we have seasons that we host people, and then months that we do not host at home. For example - we have not hosted large groups for dinner at home since November, all the way to Feb. We have only called very close family for dinner and it has not been super fancy. March-April and May will be the time that I will host several dinners and tea-parties. Each will include different groups of people. Then I will be busy in Sept-Oct to host a series of religious celebrations. Some other families like to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas. So, I will cook several dishes and take it to their homes for celebrations like each year. My Thanksgiving and Christmas remains limited to my close family, and it very often means catered food.

In the months that I don't entertain at home. I basically invite people to restaurants, plays, dinners, spa, walks and movies OR we attend as guests the parties we are invited to. The truth is that there is a real cost in terms of physical labor, time, effort, money, planning. stress etc. Also, the "off times" is required so that the house can be made 'guest and entertaining ready'. Besides, your normal regular life also continues.

If you are calling large groups of people - there is economy of scale for sure, but, your entire house has to be 'guest and entertaining ready' to accommodate everyone. The reason that I entertain in cluster is that I can book some help a few months out, as well as economize on booze, cleaning, food etc. The house gets deep cleaned and spruced for one party, and it remains quite clean and spruced up for the next one too with a bit of effort.

It is NOT EASY to host because you have to clean a lot, make space, figure out seating, figure out serving dishes and other stuff, before you even think of drinks, food, and entertainment. And if you don't host regularly, you absolutely lose confidence in your ability to host. You forget how to do things. Your brain does not function in the host mode at all.

Please say more about these adult tea parties you host! I am agog.

I mainly only host ladies for tea parties. Usually women who can be easily grouped together. Neighbors, relatives, mom-friends, hobby/activity group etc. DH and kids are told to become invisible until I need them for helping me. I usually create a group for the invite, instructions, reminders, thank yous and sending photos of the tea-party. This also allows people to know who all are invited to the party, what their contact info is etc.

Menu consists of variety of tea-sandwiches (cucumber, egg, salmon), homemade baked goods, several filling savory dishes, some snacks that are bought etc. Food is arranged on the dining table for people to self serve. Also, lemon water, plates, silverware, napkins, condiments etc. I usually buy flowers from Costco or TJ and display it around the house and also where food is served. If more than 6 people are invited, I make sure that tea is already brewed with milk. I don't add any sweetner. Guests can choose to add sugar or sweetner. I also give a choice of lemon water, caffeine-free tea or instant coffee.

I stick to 4 pm tea time. Before the party, I arrange the seating so everyone can sit in one big room and also it is easy for me to serve tea. That's it.

People talk to each other because mostly they know each other and it is usually very lively conversation. People are asked to dress well as we take group pictures and that's pretty much how the party ends.

After everyone leaves - I run the dishwasher and hand wash any delicate serveware or tea-cups. We put back the chairs and seating in their proper place, I vacuum and mop, and then I send all the group pictures to the attendees.

When my entertaining season starts, I start with tea-parties. It is way easier than a full fledged dinner and does not go as long as a dinner. Also, menu is easier and can be as eclectic as you want. I start off by hosting neighbors, hobby-friends, mom-friends, relatives etc first. It gets me into the swing of things and people around me don't feel left out if they are not invited to dinners etc because they have been invited to tea parties. Tea parties also gives me a chance to try out any new appetizers I want to serve in more formal dinners.

Emily Gilmore?

Please. I belong to a more hospitable culture than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who attend parties don't really want to be there. Stop throwing parties, no one wants to go. They are doing you a favor by showing up. They don't want to throw more parties at their own homes. Stop already.

No, it is only you who is so poorly socialized and a sociopath. Most people love being invited to parties and also take pride in reciprocating. You are a dysfunctional person and therefore it is beyond your capabilities to behave like a well-raised human and reciprocate invitations.

You are absolutely free to decline invitations. No one is putting a gun to your head.

NP
Sounds like you make friends with a lot of sociopaths. Why?

Just make friends with non-spciopaths and your reciprocal invite problem will solve itself.

I don't that they same problem you have. My friendships seems even to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It all depends on where the OP is coming from. I have known people who throw parties as a kind of status thing just to show off and be the center of attention. They send out invitations but it's really a kind of expectation that if you want to remain in the circle you better accept. I would never bother reciprocating those.

+1

I attend these 50% of the time and never reciprocate these. I reciprocate personal invites with a personal invite - a run, coffee, biking, yoga class, and VERY occasionally dinner. If people need me to show off my nice home and large party hosting skills, then I am not the friend they need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t plan anything and get invited to everything. I’m just not a planner. The people who love me know this and that’s all that matters. You guys are wimps. Analyzing every little thing. Invite people or don’t. They probably don’t care as much as you think.

I believe you that you feel this is your character trait ( not a planner) but I’ve never understood this saying. You don’t schedule your dental or mammogram screenings, you don’t know when the major holidays are, you’ve never booked a vacation, etc. and what if none of your friends were planners, then you’d never see them?

I don’t care about the issue being discussed as our friend and family groups just intuitively are able to initiate but seems like such an easy, or self- indulgent thing to claim. As an adult, we must be able to plan ahead.

And if you truly can’t, you’ve never sent a text at 9am or anytime saying…hey sally just got great fruit at the farmers market are you free by chance tonight to come over for coffee and apple pie. No planning, last minute stuff. Heck, I had a friend reach out 5 pm for a 7 pm Kennedy center show because family member tested positive for Covid. I said sure and went.

[Anonymous]

Man lots of people mad at other people for not being who they want them to be. Recipe for an unhappy life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read all the replies… but are people really hosting dinner parties & cookouts that often? We almost never invite adults to our house, and have very rarely been invited to other people’s houses. We occasionally eat out with other families, but usually if kids & parents get together, we meet at a neutral location and go for a hike, visit a museum, etc.

My parents were/are very welcoming of people dropping by but also never hosted dinner parties. Maybe it’s a class thing or regional thing.

As for the OP, yes, I have friends like that, but oh well. We keep inviting them to do stuff & continue to have their kids over to play. The ones I stop inviting are the ones who always cancel after saying they can meet up.

Yes. We actually host dinner parties, brunches and tea parties.

But, we have seasons that we host people, and then months that we do not host at home. For example - we have not hosted large groups for dinner at home since November, all the way to Feb. We have only called very close family for dinner and it has not been super fancy. March-April and May will be the time that I will host several dinners and tea-parties. Each will include different groups of people. Then I will be busy in Sept-Oct to host a series of religious celebrations. Some other families like to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas. So, I will cook several dishes and take it to their homes for celebrations like each year. My Thanksgiving and Christmas remains limited to my close family, and it very often means catered food.

In the months that I don't entertain at home. I basically invite people to restaurants, plays, dinners, spa, walks and movies OR we attend as guests the parties we are invited to. The truth is that there is a real cost in terms of physical labor, time, effort, money, planning. stress etc. Also, the "off times" is required so that the house can be made 'guest and entertaining ready'. Besides, your normal regular life also continues.

If you are calling large groups of people - there is economy of scale for sure, but, your entire house has to be 'guest and entertaining ready' to accommodate everyone. The reason that I entertain in cluster is that I can book some help a few months out, as well as economize on booze, cleaning, food etc. The house gets deep cleaned and spruced for one party, and it remains quite clean and spruced up for the next one too with a bit of effort.

It is NOT EASY to host because you have to clean a lot, make space, figure out seating, figure out serving dishes and other stuff, before you even think of drinks, food, and entertainment. And if you don't host regularly, you absolutely lose confidence in your ability to host. You forget how to do things. Your brain does not function in the host mode at all.

Please say more about these adult tea parties you host! I am agog.

I mainly only host ladies for tea parties. Usually women who can be easily grouped together. Neighbors, relatives, mom-friends, hobby/activity group etc. DH and kids are told to become invisible until I need them for helping me. I usually create a group for the invite, instructions, reminders, thank yous and sending photos of the tea-party. This also allows people to know who all are invited to the party, what their contact info is etc.

Menu consists of variety of tea-sandwiches (cucumber, egg, salmon), homemade baked goods, several filling savory dishes, some snacks that are bought etc. Food is arranged on the dining table for people to self serve. Also, lemon water, plates, silverware, napkins, condiments etc. I usually buy flowers from Costco or TJ and display it around the house and also where food is served. If more than 6 people are invited, I make sure that tea is already brewed with milk. I don't add any sweetner. Guests can choose to add sugar or sweetner. I also give a choice of lemon water, caffeine-free tea or instant coffee.

I stick to 4 pm tea time. Before the party, I arrange the seating so everyone can sit in one big room and also it is easy for me to serve tea. That's it.

People talk to each other because mostly they know each other and it is usually very lively conversation. People are asked to dress well as we take group pictures and that's pretty much how the party ends.

After everyone leaves - I run the dishwasher and hand wash any delicate serveware or tea-cups. We put back the chairs and seating in their proper place, I vacuum and mop, and then I send all the group pictures to the attendees.

When my entertaining season starts, I start with tea-parties. It is way easier than a full fledged dinner and does not go as long as a dinner. Also, menu is easier and can be as eclectic as you want. I start off by hosting neighbors, hobby-friends, mom-friends, relatives etc first. It gets me into the swing of things and people around me don't feel left out if they are not invited to dinners etc because they have been invited to tea parties. Tea parties also gives me a chance to try out any new appetizers I want to serve in more formal dinners.

How old are your kids?

I have 3 kids and afternoon is peak time for us with sports on weekdays and weekends.

I’m guessing her kids are in their mid-40’s.

2 HS teenagers. If my kids were in mid-40's that would make me in my 70s and would have downsized to a retirement community.

If you aren’t in a retirement community, how do you know all of these people who are free for a party at 4pm and want to go on long walks in the middle of the day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t plan anything and get invited to everything. I’m just not a planner. The people who love me know this and that’s all that matters. You guys are wimps. Analyzing every little thing. Invite people or don’t. They probably don’t care as much as you think.

I believe you that you feel this is your character trait ( not a planner) but I’ve never understood this saying. You don’t schedule your dental or mammogram screenings, you don’t know when the major holidays are, you’ve never booked a vacation, etc. and what if none of your friends were planners, then you’d never see them?

I don’t care about the issue being discussed as our friend and family groups just intuitively are able to initiate but seems like such an easy, or self- indulgent thing to claim. As an adult, we must be able to plan ahead.

And if you truly can’t, you’ve never sent a text at 9am or anytime saying…hey sally just got great fruit at the farmers market are you free by chance tonight to come over for coffee and apple pie. No planning, last minute stuff. Heck, I had a friend reach out 5 pm for a 7 pm Kennedy center show because family member tested positive for Covid. I said sure and went.

DP. I really don’t do that. But if you are like, “Hey Sally, my kid just cut himself with a kitchen knife, can you look at it and put some stitches in if it needs it?” I’m there.
Or, “hey, I have to get to work, but Joe isn’t home yet. Can I leave the kids with you until he gets here?” No problem. I’ve got you covered.
And if I’ve got a problem that I need to talk about, I will call and see if you are free to get coffee.

But if you want me to bake you a pie to thank you for inviting me to your event, I’m not your girl.

[Anonymous]

We host parties - maybe every couple of months- 6 per year . I have zero expectation that people will reciprocate- I realize, some people just aren't comfortable hosting and that's fine. I do make a point of reciprocating when others host us, only because we do enjoy hosting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t plan anything and get invited to everything. I’m just not a planner. The people who love me know this and that’s all that matters. You guys are wimps. Analyzing every little thing. Invite people or don’t. They probably don’t care as much as you think.

I believe you that you feel this is your character trait ( not a planner) but I’ve never understood this saying. You don’t schedule your dental or mammogram screenings, you don’t know when the major holidays are, you’ve never booked a vacation, etc. and what if none of your friends were planners, then you’d never see them?

I don’t care about the issue being discussed as our friend and family groups just intuitively are able to initiate but seems like such an easy, or self- indulgent thing to claim. As an adult, we must be able to plan ahead.

And if you truly can’t, you’ve never sent a text at 9am or anytime saying…hey sally just got great fruit at the farmers market are you free by chance tonight to come over for coffee and apple pie. No planning, last minute stuff. Heck, I had a friend reach out 5 pm for a 7 pm Kennedy center show because family member tested positive for Covid. I said sure and went.

The people who aren’t planners usually have a mild form of ADHD. And the people who don’t do spontaneous pie-baking or show-attending probably have young kids and/or demanding jobs.