Svelte teen girls -- being the ugly duckling in a school of swans

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:its a simple equation that works for pretty much everyone - eat less, move more.

Pretty much this.
Enjoy eating lots of calories? Then make sure your activity level matches.
Don’t enjoy activity? Eat fewer calories.

Either way, stay away from heavily processed crap.

Actually for some people, exercise stimulates conservation of calories and slows the metabolism— your body thinks there is scarcity and conserves. It’s saves energy in other ways, like running cooler, breathing slower in not execution times.

Go watch “Alone” - every single participant loses significant amounts of weight, even those who are relatively successful at procuring food, because they’re still burning a ton and not eating enough to cover it. That’s how human bodies *actually* work.

Or even Survivor. Every single person on the show loses tons of weight including the larger contestants.

Guess what happens when they start eating again? Their bodies think they’ve been starving, hoard more calories, they gain and it’s even harder to lose the weight. Check out what happened to the contestants on “The Biggest Loser” or whatever that weight reality show was called.

People- it is not just a lack of willpower that makes some people heavier than others. No one chooses to be overweight, but it’s harder for them to stop eating than it is for you. It’s very easy to criticize others on an anonymous website. But check yourself before you hit enter. It could be you or your family someday…then you’ll get it.

Just. Stop.

Believe or not, in a country in which two thirds of adults are overweight or obese, the vast majority of us know and care about at least one overweight person. And for the vast, vast majority of people, it is absolutely a lack of willpower as well as a refusal to experience the slightest pang of hunger for even the tiniest length of time.

Teach your children that they don’t always need to feel full and then they won’t get to the point of being overweight and unable to control their urges to eat (ie food addiction) in the first place.

It’s the endocrine disruptors and other elements that our kids have been exposed to that has caused people to be out of whack. That’s why prior generations kids were leaner. They didn’t go around hungry if they could help it.

Sure it is Janice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A BMI of 25 is not overweight. Do not bring this up with her. If anything those other girls will put on weight as their bodies change.

It absolutely is for teen girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:its a simple equation that works for pretty much everyone - eat less, move more.

Pretty much this.
Enjoy eating lots of calories? Then make sure your activity level matches.
Don’t enjoy activity? Eat fewer calories.

Either way, stay away from heavily processed crap.

Actually for some people, exercise stimulates conservation of calories and slows the metabolism— your body thinks there is scarcity and conserves. It’s saves energy in other ways, like running cooler, breathing slower in not execution times.

Go watch “Alone” - every single participant loses significant amounts of weight, even those who are relatively successful at procuring food, because they’re still burning a ton and not eating enough to cover it. That’s how human bodies *actually* work.

Or even Survivor. Every single person on the show loses tons of weight including the larger contestants.

Guess what happens when they start eating again? Their bodies think they’ve been starving, hoard more calories, they gain and it’s even harder to lose the weight. Check out what happened to the contestants on “The Biggest Loser” or whatever that weight reality show was called.

People- it is not just a lack of willpower that makes some people heavier than others. No one chooses to be overweight, but it’s harder for them to stop eating than it is for you. It’s very easy to criticize others on an anonymous website. But check yourself before you hit enter. It could be you or your family someday…then you’ll get it.

Just. Stop.

Believe or not, in a country in which two thirds of adults are overweight or obese, the vast majority of us know and care about at least one overweight person. And for the vast, vast majority of people, it is absolutely a lack of willpower as well as a refusal to experience the slightest pang of hunger for even the tiniest length of time.

Teach your children that they don’t always need to feel full and then they won’t get to the point of being overweight and unable to control their urges to eat (ie food addiction) in the first place.

It’s the endocrine disruptors and other elements that our kids have been exposed to that has caused people to be out of whack. That’s why prior generations kids were leaner. They didn’t go around hungry if they could help it.

My endocrine disruptors, do you mean donuts and Cheetos?

Personally, I think the problem is the constant exposure to junk food. Many kids (and adults) have poor ability to regulate portions of these types of food when put in a situation of constant exposure, they overeat them. The junk food is so plentiful and all around in nearly every single setting. Even if you never buy it at home, kids are constantly bombarded with it. I can’t tell you how many times a well-meaning parents shows up to soccer practice pick up with donuts for everyone, or Costco muffins, or some other crap. Or schools constantly handing out candy and chips for prizes and incentives for just about anything. Then there’s the parties and any and every social event for teens: football games, after school clubs and meetings, etc. there is always pizza and junk brought for the kids. If you have a teen that has family history of obesity in the genes, plus has a sweet/carb tooth, it’s a tough world out there.

[Anonymous]

If it’s about weight loss, it’s much better if it comes from her. What does your DD want to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BMI of 25 would be roughly 5’5” and 150 lbs, which isn’t abnormal for a 45 year old woman but I can see it sticking out a little bit for a ritzy private HS kid. Cut way back on snacks, sweets, cook and eat more meals at home/much less restaurant food. It’s easy for the teen age range to drop weight quickly. Also make sure she looks good in her clothes - bras that actually fit and don’t cause back fat and lumps, pants that are the right size and aren’t giving muffin top. Physical activity is important, but just “doing a sport” alone isn’t going to really move the needle on weight if the diet doesn’t improve.

150 is too high, at that height you should be around 115-125

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:its a simple equation that works for pretty much everyone - eat less, move more.

Pretty much this.
Enjoy eating lots of calories? Then make sure your activity level matches.
Don’t enjoy activity? Eat fewer calories.

Either way, stay away from heavily processed crap.

Actually for some people, exercise stimulates conservation of calories and slows the metabolism— your body thinks there is scarcity and conserves. It’s saves energy in other ways, like running cooler, breathing slower in not execution times.

Go watch “Alone” - every single participant loses significant amounts of weight, even those who are relatively successful at procuring food, because they’re still burning a ton and not eating enough to cover it. That’s how human bodies *actually* work.

Or even Survivor. Every single person on the show loses tons of weight including the larger contestants.

Guess what happens when they start eating again? Their bodies think they’ve been starving, hoard more calories, they gain and it’s even harder to lose the weight. Check out what happened to the contestants on “The Biggest Loser” or whatever that weight reality show was called.

People- it is not just a lack of willpower that makes some people heavier than others. No one chooses to be overweight, but it’s harder for them to stop eating than it is for you. It’s very easy to criticize others on an anonymous website. But check yourself before you hit enter. It could be you or your family someday…then you’ll get it.

Just. Stop.

Believe or not, in a country in which two thirds of adults are overweight or obese, the vast majority of us know and care about at least one overweight person. And for the vast, vast majority of people, it is absolutely a lack of willpower as well as a refusal to experience the slightest pang of hunger for even the tiniest length of time.

Teach your children that they don’t always need to feel full and then they won’t get to the point of being overweight and unable to control their urges to eat (ie food addiction) in the first place.

It's really not that simple. The willpower element doesn't have to be as strong for some people than others. Just try to relate it to another issue in your life. I personally never crave alcohol, I can have a glass of wine one day and then none for months and never even think about it. Some people truly struggle with addiction and cannot stop. With food it's harder in a way because you cannot just stop needing food. You have to face your addiction at every meal. Some people on weight threads lack compassion to a concerning degree. There is too much morality associated to obesity.

You’re confusing morality with responsibility. I don’t judge the character of overweight people (meaning I don’t think they’re bad or unworthy), but that doesn’t mean I don’t recognize that it is 100% their own d@mn fault they’re overweight. (Unless they’re kids, in which case it’s their parents’ fault.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She does not need to be at that school.

This.

[Anonymous]

Tattoo everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BMI of 25 would be roughly 5’5” and 150 lbs, which isn’t abnormal for a 45 year old woman but I can see it sticking out a little bit for a ritzy private HS kid. Cut way back on snacks, sweets, cook and eat more meals at home/much less restaurant food. It’s easy for the teen age range to drop weight quickly. Also make sure she looks good in her clothes - bras that actually fit and don’t cause back fat and lumps, pants that are the right size and aren’t giving muffin top. Physical activity is important, but just “doing a sport” alone isn’t going to really move the needle on weight if the diet doesn’t improve.

DP and I agree that exercise alone won't do it. One thing I observed when my DD was in high school. The thin, athletic girls aren't exactly eating healthy. They eat junk food and don't worry about it because they are so active. Hours of practices and training a day. So when you are the girl trying to lose weight it's hard when everyone around you is eating junk food.

[Anonymous]

Jesus, just talk to her Dr.

Health is much much much more than a number on a scale (or a single data point on a BMI chart)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel your DD’s discomfort, OP. I was short, pale and busty in a time when there weren’t great sports bras for large-chested, small people and when spray tanning wasn’t really a thing. I went to a school full of tall, svelte, tan, flat-chested girls. It honestly sucked because I was dropped into a world that made it clear that I didn’t belong.

Leaving aside the weight and activity stuff, Op, it’s time to think about belonging. No matter how badly we want to belong to certain communities, they don’t want us and are quietly structured to say “these are the kind of people who we want around us.” Whether it’s ordering t-shirts all in one size, or a spirit day outfit that doesn’t work for girls who need actual bras, a required hairstyle that only works for one hair type, or a school uniform that doesn’t work for certain builds, there are quiet ways to showcase some and exclude others. It’s usually not even conscious but that doesn’t exclude it.

When I tried dating and meeting people in groups with my friends post-college and was surrounded by tall, rich, tan, svelte girls and the men who were interested in them, I finally understood assortative mating- and how my homogenous HS classmates came to be.

Find a place for your DD where there are girls of every type. If it’s too late for that to happen by changing schools, look at teams and clubs and find the most varied group of girls- we can’t tell you what that might be at your school but crew and track aren’t bad places to start. Find something outside of school, too. Don’t bang your head against a wall and try to fit in.

Penelope Featherington, is that you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jesus, just talk to her Dr.

Health is much much much more than a number on a scale (or a single data point on a BMI chart)

Ime both as a teen and as a mom of a formerly overweight teen, pediatricians are the absolute worst about BMI. They will always mention it as an issue, at best, or actually shame you, at worst. And nothing actually comes out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I have a similarly aged son at public school who also went through a lot of angst about how he looked around this age. All I can say is please do whatever you can to avoid your DD becoming obsessed with her image, her size, and her eating. This age is so tough for anyone, and especially in a new school. My only practical advice is to help her keep busy - find activities, a job, no-cut sports. The less time that they have to scour the internet for tips on how to lose weight etc, the better.

+100
If the parents posting here are similar to her classmates, then it be a toxic environment. I couldn’t stand that for my imperfect kid. Make sure you ground her in a loving supportive environment and don’t pile on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus, just talk to her Dr.

Health is much much much more than a number on a scale (or a single data point on a BMI chart)

Ime both as a teen and as a mom of a formerly overweight teen, pediatricians are the absolute worst about BMI. They will always mention it as an issue, at best, or actually shame you, at worst. And nothing actually comes out of it.

Then find a new ped.

MY DD's BMI is 25.1 and she's always hovered around that line. When raised in an appt, our ped shakes her head and says nothing to worry about. She's been consistent on her growth chart her whole life, she's active in multiple sports, and all indicators of health are good.

In fact, it hasnt even come up the last few appts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:its a simple equation that works for pretty much everyone - eat less, move more.

Pretty much this.
Enjoy eating lots of calories? Then make sure your activity level matches.
Don’t enjoy activity? Eat fewer calories.

Either way, stay away from heavily processed crap.

Actually for some people, exercise stimulates conservation of calories and slows the metabolism— your body thinks there is scarcity and conserves. It’s saves energy in other ways, like running cooler, breathing slower in not execution times.

Go watch “Alone” - every single participant loses significant amounts of weight, even those who are relatively successful at procuring food, because they’re still burning a ton and not eating enough to cover it. That’s how human bodies *actually* work.

I thought I could never lose the baby weight after I had kids.

I needed surgery and was on a liquid diet for 10 days and I dropped almost 20 pounds. If you don’t eat, you lose weight.

I guarantee if OP or any other fat person had access to limited food and ate minimal calories, they would drop weight.

And when you drop weight without surgery what's left in your body is a bunch of starving fat cells. It's hard to maintain weight loss. How do people not know this? I don't really work to maintain my weight, but I learned this in a college fitness class.