Svelte teen girls -- being the ugly duckling in a school of swans

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BMI of 25 would be roughly 5’5” and 150 lbs, which isn’t abnormal for a 45 year old woman but I can see it sticking out a little bit for a ritzy private HS kid. Cut way back on snacks, sweets, cook and eat more meals at home/much less restaurant food. It’s easy for the teen age range to drop weight quickly. Also make sure she looks good in her clothes - bras that actually fit and don’t cause back fat and lumps, pants that are the right size and aren’t giving muffin top. Physical activity is important, but just “doing a sport” alone isn’t going to really move the needle on weight if the diet doesn’t improve.

DP and I agree that exercise alone won't do it. One thing I observed when my DD was in high school. The thin, athletic girls aren't exactly eating healthy. They eat junk food and don't worry about it because they are so active. Hours of practices and training a day. So when you are the girl trying to lose weight it's hard when everyone around you is eating junk food.

True, but the thin girls eat less as well. They might have 2 pieces of pieces and a cookie at the after school event, vs a heavier teen that is taking 3 pieces of pizza and 2 cookies. The thin girls are eating junk, but they are better about moderation

[Anonymous]

Huh huh huh you said svelte

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BMI of 25 would be roughly 5’5” and 150 lbs, which isn’t abnormal for a 45 year old woman but I can see it sticking out a little bit for a ritzy private HS kid. Cut way back on snacks, sweets, cook and eat more meals at home/much less restaurant food. It’s easy for the teen age range to drop weight quickly. Also make sure she looks good in her clothes - bras that actually fit and don’t cause back fat and lumps, pants that are the right size and aren’t giving muffin top. Physical activity is important, but just “doing a sport” alone isn’t going to really move the needle on weight if the diet doesn’t improve.

DP and I agree that exercise alone won't do it. One thing I observed when my DD was in high school. The thin, athletic girls aren't exactly eating healthy. They eat junk food and don't worry about it because they are so active. Hours of practices and training a day. So when you are the girl trying to lose weight it's hard when everyone around you is eating junk food.

True, but the thin girls eat less as well. They might have 2 pieces of pieces and a cookie at the after school event, vs a heavier teen that is taking 3 pieces of pizza and 2 cookies. The thin girls are eating junk, but they are better about moderation

Only if they are purging afterward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:its a simple equation that works for pretty much everyone - eat less, move more.

Pretty much this.
Enjoy eating lots of calories? Then make sure your activity level matches.
Don’t enjoy activity? Eat fewer calories.

Either way, stay away from heavily processed crap.

Actually for some people, exercise stimulates conservation of calories and slows the metabolism— your body thinks there is scarcity and conserves. It’s saves energy in other ways, like running cooler, breathing slower in not execution times.

Go watch “Alone” - every single participant loses significant amounts of weight, even those who are relatively successful at procuring food, because they’re still burning a ton and not eating enough to cover it. That’s how human bodies *actually* work.

Or even Survivor. Every single person on the show loses tons of weight including the larger contestants.

Guess what happens when they start eating again? Their bodies think they’ve been starving, hoard more calories, they gain and it’s even harder to lose the weight. Check out what happened to the contestants on “The Biggest Loser” or whatever that weight reality show was called.

People- it is not just a lack of willpower that makes some people heavier than others. No one chooses to be overweight, but it’s harder for them to stop eating than it is for you. It’s very easy to criticize others on an anonymous website. But check yourself before you hit enter. It could be you or your family someday…then you’ll get it.

Just. Stop.

Believe or not, in a country in which two thirds of adults are overweight or obese, the vast majority of us know and care about at least one overweight person. And for the vast, vast majority of people, it is absolutely a lack of willpower as well as a refusal to experience the slightest pang of hunger for even the tiniest length of time.

Teach your children that they don’t always need to feel full and then they won’t get to the point of being overweight and unable to control their urges to eat (ie food addiction) in the first place.

It's really not that simple. The willpower element doesn't have to be as strong for some people than others. Just try to relate it to another issue in your life. I personally never crave alcohol, I can have a glass of wine one day and then none for months and never even think about it. Some people truly struggle with addiction and cannot stop. With food it's harder in a way because you cannot just stop needing food. You have to face your addiction at every meal. Some people on weight threads lack compassion to a concerning degree. There is too much morality associated to obesity.

You’re confusing morality with responsibility. I don’t judge the character of overweight people (meaning I don’t think they’re bad or unworthy), but that doesn’t mean I don’t recognize that it is 100% their own d@mn fault they’re overweight. (Unless they’re kids, in which case it’s their parents’ fault.)

Is it also your own d@mn fault that you are stupid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BMI of 25 would be roughly 5’5” and 150 lbs, which isn’t abnormal for a 45 year old woman but I can see it sticking out a little bit for a ritzy private HS kid. Cut way back on snacks, sweets, cook and eat more meals at home/much less restaurant food. It’s easy for the teen age range to drop weight quickly. Also make sure she looks good in her clothes - bras that actually fit and don’t cause back fat and lumps, pants that are the right size and aren’t giving muffin top. Physical activity is important, but just “doing a sport” alone isn’t going to really move the needle on weight if the diet doesn’t improve.

DP and I agree that exercise alone won't do it. One thing I observed when my DD was in high school. The thin, athletic girls aren't exactly eating healthy. They eat junk food and don't worry about it because they are so active. Hours of practices and training a day. So when you are the girl trying to lose weight it's hard when everyone around you is eating junk food.

True, but the thin girls eat less as well. They might have 2 pieces of pieces and a cookie at the after school event, vs a heavier teen that is taking 3 pieces of pizza and 2 cookies. The thin girls are eating junk, but they are better about moderation

This. My teen is slim with no restrictions and little exercise and eats junk all the time but in very small portions. She would never take 2 pieces of pizza and a cookie at the after school event, unless she hasn't eaten all day. She is also very selective about junk fund. It's all equally junky, mind you, but she will skip over a lot of junk food because it's not her type of junk. So, if it is a peanut butter cookie, or pineapple pizza, she will pass on entirely, even if she is starving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most teens seem thin so if your child is even a slightly overweight, she may be the odd one out.

My kids all have no fat and they eat tons of junk.

My DD finds it completely unfair that her friends' parents let them eat all the junk food they want and are thin. She's not thin and we definitely limit junk food (basically, one dessert a day, which is still a lot.) The responses to this post will be evenly split with parents saying an overweight kid shouldn't get a dessert a day... and parents saying that by restricting food we are headed toward an eating disorder. It's a struggle EVERY DAY.

My daughter is very skinny but loves to eat. She has the eating habits of an overweight child but she is stick skinny. She eats dessert everyday. She loves ice cream, chips, cookies and chocolate. I don’t know how she is underweight. At he last check up, she was 18th percentile in weight.

We're not all equal when it comes to weight gain. That's why Ozempic is such a miracle. It evens out the playing field.

For lazy pigss

Cry more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BMI of 25 would be roughly 5’5” and 150 lbs, which isn’t abnormal for a 45 year old woman but I can see it sticking out a little bit for a ritzy private HS kid. Cut way back on snacks, sweets, cook and eat more meals at home/much less restaurant food. It’s easy for the teen age range to drop weight quickly. Also make sure she looks good in her clothes - bras that actually fit and don’t cause back fat and lumps, pants that are the right size and aren’t giving muffin top. Physical activity is important, but just “doing a sport” alone isn’t going to really move the needle on weight if the diet doesn’t improve.

DP and I agree that exercise alone won't do it. One thing I observed when my DD was in high school. The thin, athletic girls aren't exactly eating healthy. They eat junk food and don't worry about it because they are so active. Hours of practices and training a day. So when you are the girl trying to lose weight it's hard when everyone around you is eating junk food.

True, but the thin girls eat less as well. They might have 2 pieces of pieces and a cookie at the after school event, vs a heavier teen that is taking 3 pieces of pizza and 2 cookies. The thin girls are eating junk, but they are better about moderation

This. My teen is slim with no restrictions and little exercise and eats junk all the time but in very small portions. She would never take 2 pieces of pizza and a cookie at the after school event, unless she hasn't eaten all day. She is also very selective about junk fund. It's all equally junky, mind you, but she will skip over a lot of junk food because it's not her type of junk. So, if it is a peanut butter cookie, or pineapple pizza, she will pass on entirely, even if she is starving.

My slim girl would take 2 slices of pizza and a cookie and that would probably be her dinner. Her metabolism isn't so sensitive that one slice more would put her in overweight territory. Besides, most of her meals are healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:its a simple equation that works for pretty much everyone - eat less, move more.

Pretty much this.
Enjoy eating lots of calories? Then make sure your activity level matches.
Don’t enjoy activity? Eat fewer calories.

Either way, stay away from heavily processed crap.

Actually for some people, exercise stimulates conservation of calories and slows the metabolism— your body thinks there is scarcity and conserves. It’s saves energy in other ways, like running cooler, breathing slower in not execution times.

Go watch “Alone” - every single participant loses significant amounts of weight, even those who are relatively successful at procuring food, because they’re still burning a ton and not eating enough to cover it. That’s how human bodies *actually* work.

I thought I could never lose the baby weight after I had kids.

I needed surgery and was on a liquid diet for 10 days and I dropped almost 20 pounds. If you don’t eat, you lose weight.

I guarantee if OP or any other fat person had access to limited food and ate minimal calories, they would drop weight.

And when you drop weight without surgery what's left in your body is a bunch of starving fat cells. It's hard to maintain weight loss. How do people not know this? I don't really work to maintain my weight, but I learned this in a college fitness class.

Pp here. I had another baby after I had that surgery. I was able to lose all my baby weight and was the most fit in my life at age 40.

I tracked my calories. I worked out daily. If OP’s daughter wants to lose weight, she can. It takes discipline though.

I’m relatively thin. I weigh 125 pounds in my forties. I hang out with thin healthy people. I’m fairly certain I’m the biggest one of my friends. I like to eat. My friends seem to live off salad. That is what they order when we go out.

[Anonymous]

It’s always the small privates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s always the small privates.

Or just the trolls spinning their fake stories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:its a simple equation that works for pretty much everyone - eat less, move more.

Pretty much this.
Enjoy eating lots of calories? Then make sure your activity level matches.
Don’t enjoy activity? Eat fewer calories.

Either way, stay away from heavily processed crap.

Actually for some people, exercise stimulates conservation of calories and slows the metabolism— your body thinks there is scarcity and conserves. It’s saves energy in other ways, like running cooler, breathing slower in not execution times.

Go watch “Alone” - every single participant loses significant amounts of weight, even those who are relatively successful at procuring food, because they’re still burning a ton and not eating enough to cover it. That’s how human bodies *actually* work.

Or even Survivor. Every single person on the show loses tons of weight including the larger contestants.

Guess what happens when they start eating again? Their bodies think they’ve been starving, hoard more calories, they gain and it’s even harder to lose the weight. Check out what happened to the contestants on “The Biggest Loser” or whatever that weight reality show was called.

People- it is not just a lack of willpower that makes some people heavier than others. No one chooses to be overweight, but it’s harder for them to stop eating than it is for you. It’s very easy to criticize others on an anonymous website. But check yourself before you hit enter. It could be you or your family someday…then you’ll get it.

Just. Stop.

Believe or not, in a country in which two thirds of adults are overweight or obese, the vast majority of us know and care about at least one overweight person. And for the vast, vast majority of people, it is absolutely a lack of willpower as well as a refusal to experience the slightest pang of hunger for even the tiniest length of time.

Teach your children that they don’t always need to feel full and then they won’t get to the point of being overweight and unable to control their urges to eat (ie food addiction) in the first place.

It's really not that simple. The willpower element doesn't have to be as strong for some people than others. Just try to relate it to another issue in your life. I personally never crave alcohol, I can have a glass of wine one day and then none for months and never even think about it. Some people truly struggle with addiction and cannot stop. With food it's harder in a way because you cannot just stop needing food. You have to face your addiction at every meal. Some people on weight threads lack compassion to a concerning degree. There is too much morality associated to obesity.

You’re confusing morality with responsibility. I don’t judge the character of overweight people (meaning I don’t think they’re bad or unworthy), but that doesn’t mean I don’t recognize that it is 100% their own d@mn fault they’re overweight. (Unless they’re kids, in which case it’s their parents’ fault.)

Is it also your own d@mn fault that you are stupid?

Get off the internet and go for a jog. It will help your waistline AND your mental health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just started at a small private school in 9th grade, and our DD is clearly having some issues adjusting and fitting in. We are on financial aid, so we already are different in that we are outliers in that we drive old cars and both parents work full time -- I actually have the more demanding job so DH is often the one picking up or going to school functions, and he's usually the only Dad for all those things.

But one issue I know is weighing on my DD, judging from her new interest in diet and "healthy eating", is that she is on the high end of the size scale. Honestly, our ped has been somewhat worried about here since her BMI hit 25, but we are wary since we have a family history of eating disorders (grandparents) and it seemed to have originated with the pandemic so we are hoping will wane as she grows.

Her entire school is full of thin and athletic girls, many do a demanding travel sport or even two a season -- a few girls seem to be flying for tennis tournaments every other week. Our DD was doing rec soccer until her team dissolved, and now she doesn't really have any interest in sports and says she won't make the cut for her schools team in any sport since the other students all did travel sports when they were younger.

I'm at a loss of what to do. We try and lead a healthy lifestyle, eating home cooked meals most days, packing a good home made lunch, go on family walks after dinner. I'm a healthy weight and take a yoga class on the weekend, but my DH is definitely put on the pounds in middle age (I think he is sneaking treats at work, since he eats okay at home and even goes to the gym a few days a week). Is her problem stemming from the bad modeling by my DH, should I put him on the irons to lose weight (or even go on GLP1 or something)?

Anyone have any insight into how all these svelte classmates ALL seem to keep slim? I honestly am surprised there is so little varaition; they were all sizes at our public middle school, even within the "wealthier" families. Any tips on how to get DD more active under these scenarios and push her to truly healthy eating (right now she eats too often, even if food is healthy, and is always wanting a snack).

Your DD is not an ugly duckling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just started at a small private school in 9th grade, and our DD is clearly having some issues adjusting and fitting in. We are on financial aid, so we already are different in that we are outliers in that we drive old cars and both parents work full time -- I actually have the more demanding job so DH is often the one picking up or going to school functions, and he's usually the only Dad for all those things.

But one issue I know is weighing on my DD, judging from her new interest in diet and "healthy eating", is that she is on the high end of the size scale. Honestly, our ped has been somewhat worried about here since her BMI hit 25, but we are wary since we have a family history of eating disorders (grandparents) and it seemed to have originated with the pandemic so we are hoping will wane as she grows.

Her entire school is full of thin and athletic girls, many do a demanding travel sport or even two a season -- a few girls seem to be flying for tennis tournaments every other week. Our DD was doing rec soccer until her team dissolved, and now she doesn't really have any interest in sports and says she won't make the cut for her schools team in any sport since the other students all did travel sports when they were younger.

I'm at a loss of what to do. We try and lead a healthy lifestyle, eating home cooked meals most days, packing a good home made lunch, go on family walks after dinner. I'm a healthy weight and take a yoga class on the weekend, but my DH is definitely put on the pounds in middle age (I think he is sneaking treats at work, since he eats okay at home and even goes to the gym a few days a week). Is her problem stemming from the bad modeling by my DH, should I put him on the irons to lose weight (or even go on GLP1 or something)?

Anyone have any insight into how all these svelte classmates ALL seem to keep slim? I honestly am surprised there is so little varaition; they were all sizes at our public middle school, even within the "wealthier" families. Any tips on how to get DD more active under these scenarios and push her to truly healthy eating (right now she eats too often, even if food is healthy, and is always wanting a snack).

Your DD is not an ugly duckling.

Exactly.

OP, you need to get a life. Stop pushing your vapid striver baloney onto your child. Stop calling her ugly. Stop comparing her body to anyone else’s. Get yourself some therapy and do your own work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She does not need to be at that school.

I agree. I feel like you are trying to force her to fit in. And your DH is "sneaking snacks"???? WTF? Is he 2 years old? The fact this school makes you look at your DH suspiciously in this weird way is a problem.

Also, I am coming from a small school where the girls were all alike. My DD really struggled and is much happier in a big environment now. Why not just leave her at the public school where she already was?

[Anonymous]

Play badminton if you have a back yard or field nearby. I cannot believe people don't play it more often. Nights are not windy here usually.