I’m breadwinner, dh asked me to help with side hustle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will full admit that if he were the breadwinner or even matched my salary, I wouid have zero issue being the default parent.

I am not ok with

Researching + piecing together summer camps
Doing forms and paperwork for camps
Paying for the camps out of my money
Noticing that the kids need new shoes and
Paying for the shoes out of my money

Sorry, if these are the tasks that are just *overwhelming* you I don’t think you ARE capable of being a high school level admin for him anyway. [b]Seriously, researching camps takes like 10 minutes. Filling out the forms? 10 minutes x number of kids. “Noticing” the kids need shoes? 30 seconds? Then ordering a size up online is another 5 minutes x number of kids x number of half sizes their feet grow per year.

So generously we’re talking maybe three hours of effort per year, and you’re whining about it. It’s obviously just about the money. Sorry you’re not actually RHDC the princess you thought you were going to be 8 years ago…

Tell me you don’t have kids without telling me you don’t have kids (or you live in a 1 stoplight town with one camp). Sneaker shopping for 2 kids took over an hour this week bc sizes are so inconsistent.

You sound like a loon. Buying a kid sneakers takes a single trip to a store to try on some shoes.

and you sound like an idiot who never learned to add.

This math has been done for you. These tasks take about 10 hours *per year* unless you’re just wasting a bunch of time, but that’s your choice at that point.

I would count “dragging out tasks and making them far more complicated than necessary” on the hobbies and interests side of the ledger.

You want to spend 3 hours on a Sunday researching the perfect summer camp, calling all the other moms to discuss, then researching back ups, then finally signing up? Great! Have at it! Your husband would rather spend 10 minutes to see if the county rec centers closest to your house have spots available that week, and then decide between the limited options on offer by thinking to himself “would larlo prefer bike camp or crafts camp?” Then he signs up. Then he plays golf or takes a nap for 2 hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will full admit that if he were the breadwinner or even matched my salary, I wouid have zero issue being the default parent.

I am not ok with

Researching + piecing together summer camps
Doing forms and paperwork for camps
Paying for the camps out of my money
Noticing that the kids need new shoes and
Paying for the shoes out of my money

Sorry, if these are the tasks that are just *overwhelming* you I don’t think you ARE capable of being a high school level admin for him anyway. [b]Seriously, researching camps takes like 10 minutes. Filling out the forms? 10 minutes x number of kids. “Noticing” the kids need shoes? 30 seconds? Then ordering a size up online is another 5 minutes x number of kids x number of half sizes their feet grow per year.

So generously we’re talking maybe three hours of effort per year, and you’re whining about it. It’s obviously just about the money. Sorry you’re not actually RHDC the princess you thought you were going to be 8 years ago…

Tell me you don’t have kids without telling me you don’t have kids (or you live in a 1 stoplight town with one camp). Sneaker shopping for 2 kids took over an hour this week bc sizes are so inconsistent.

You sound like a loon. Buying a kid sneakers takes a single trip to a store to try on some shoes.

and you sound like an idiot who never learned to add.

This math has been done for you. These tasks take about 10 hours *per year* unless you’re just wasting a bunch of time, but that’s your choice at that point.

I would count “dragging out tasks and making them far more complicated than necessary” on the hobbies and interests side of the ledger.

You want to spend 3 hours on a Sunday researching the perfect summer camp, calling all the other moms to discuss, then researching back ups, then finally signing up? Great! Have at it! Your husband would rather spend 10 minutes to see if the county rec centers closest to your house have spots available that week, and then decide between the limited options on offer by thinking to himself “would larlo prefer bike camp or crafts camp?” Then he signs up. Then he plays golf or takes a nap for 2 hours.

again with the camp. camp is ONE example. DHs like this do NOTHING. I don’t think you get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will full admit that if he were the breadwinner or even matched my salary, I wouid have zero issue being the default parent.

I am not ok with

Researching + piecing together summer camps
Doing forms and paperwork for camps
Paying for the camps out of my money
Noticing that the kids need new shoes and
Paying for the shoes out of my money

Sorry, if these are the tasks that are just *overwhelming* you I don’t think you ARE capable of being a high school level admin for him anyway. [b]Seriously, researching camps takes like 10 minutes. Filling out the forms? 10 minutes x number of kids. “Noticing” the kids need shoes? 30 seconds? Then ordering a size up online is another 5 minutes x number of kids x number of half sizes their feet grow per year.

So generously we’re talking maybe three hours of effort per year, and you’re whining about it. It’s obviously just about the money. Sorry you’re not actually RHDC the princess you thought you were going to be 8 years ago…

Tell me you don’t have kids without telling me you don’t have kids (or you live in a 1 stoplight town with one camp). Sneaker shopping for 2 kids took over an hour this week bc sizes are so inconsistent.

You sound like a loon. Buying a kid sneakers takes a single trip to a store to try on some shoes.

and you sound like an idiot who never learned to add.

This math has been done for you. These tasks take about 10 hours *per year* unless you’re just wasting a bunch of time, but that’s your choice at that point.

I would count “dragging out tasks and making them far more complicated than necessary” on the hobbies and interests side of the ledger.

You want to spend 3 hours on a Sunday researching the perfect summer camp, calling all the other moms to discuss, then researching back ups, then finally signing up? Great! Have at it! Your husband would rather spend 10 minutes to see if the county rec centers closest to your house have spots available that week, and then decide between the limited options on offer by thinking to himself “would larlo prefer bike camp or crafts camp?” Then he signs up. Then he plays golf or takes a nap for 2 hours.

again with the camp. camp is ONE example. DHs like this do NOTHING. I don’t think you get it.

She doesn't want to get it. This is what a pick me grows up to be: a doormat/martyr hybrid who brags about how she doesn't have any of the resentment those other wives have. I do everything and it's fine! It's my job to do everything, I'm just so proud of my DH's golf handicap!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will full admit that if he were the breadwinner or even matched my salary, I wouid have zero issue being the default parent.

I am not ok with

Researching + piecing together summer camps
Doing forms and paperwork for camps
Paying for the camps out of my money
Noticing that the kids need new shoes and
Paying for the shoes out of my money

Sorry, if these are the tasks that are just *overwhelming* you I don’t think you ARE capable of being a high school level admin for him anyway. [b]Seriously, researching camps takes like 10 minutes. Filling out the forms? 10 minutes x number of kids. “Noticing” the kids need shoes? 30 seconds? Then ordering a size up online is another 5 minutes x number of kids x number of half sizes their feet grow per year.

So generously we’re talking maybe three hours of effort per year, and you’re whining about it. It’s obviously just about the money. Sorry you’re not actually RHDC the princess you thought you were going to be 8 years ago…

Tell me you don’t have kids without telling me you don’t have kids (or you live in a 1 stoplight town with one camp). Sneaker shopping for 2 kids took over an hour this week bc sizes are so inconsistent.

You sound like a loon. Buying a kid sneakers takes a single trip to a store to try on some shoes.

and you sound like an idiot who never learned to add.

This math has been done for you. These tasks take about 10 hours *per year* unless you’re just wasting a bunch of time, but that’s your choice at that point.

I would count “dragging out tasks and making them far more complicated than necessary” on the hobbies and interests side of the ledger.

You want to spend 3 hours on a Sunday researching the perfect summer camp, calling all the other moms to discuss, then researching back ups, then finally signing up? Great! Have at it! Your husband would rather spend 10 minutes to see if the county rec centers closest to your house have spots available that week, and then decide between the limited options on offer by thinking to himself “would larlo prefer bike camp or crafts camp?” Then he signs up. Then he plays golf or takes a nap for 2 hours.

again with the camp. camp is ONE example. DHs like this do NOTHING. I don’t think you get it.

She doesn't want to get it. This is what a pick me grows up to be: a doormat/martyr hybrid who brags about how she doesn't have any of the resentment those other wives have. I do everything and it's fine! It's my job to do everything, I'm just so proud of my DH's golf handicap!

Actually it’s those of you who claim to do it all and that your husband does nothing, who are martyrs. You come here to complain and yet continue to live your life with this guy does nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will full admit that if he were the breadwinner or even matched my salary, I wouid have zero issue being the default parent.

I am not ok with

Researching + piecing together summer camps
Doing forms and paperwork for camps
Paying for the camps out of my money
Noticing that the kids need new shoes and
Paying for the shoes out of my money

Sorry, if these are the tasks that are just *overwhelming* you I don’t think you ARE capable of being a high school level admin for him anyway. [b]Seriously, researching camps takes like 10 minutes. Filling out the forms? 10 minutes x number of kids. “Noticing” the kids need shoes? 30 seconds? Then ordering a size up online is another 5 minutes x number of kids x number of half sizes their feet grow per year.

So generously we’re talking maybe three hours of effort per year, and you’re whining about it. It’s obviously just about the money. Sorry you’re not actually RHDC the princess you thought you were going to be 8 years ago…

Tell me you don’t have kids without telling me you don’t have kids (or you live in a 1 stoplight town with one camp). Sneaker shopping for 2 kids took over an hour this week bc sizes are so inconsistent.

You sound like a loon. Buying a kid sneakers takes a single trip to a store to try on some shoes.

and you sound like an idiot who never learned to add.

This math has been done for you. These tasks take about 10 hours *per year* unless you’re just wasting a bunch of time, but that’s your choice at that point.

I would count “dragging out tasks and making them far more complicated than necessary” on the hobbies and interests side of the ledger.

You want to spend 3 hours on a Sunday researching the perfect summer camp, calling all the other moms to discuss, then researching back ups, then finally signing up? Great! Have at it! Your husband would rather spend 10 minutes to see if the county rec centers closest to your house have spots available that week, and then decide between the limited options on offer by thinking to himself “would larlo prefer bike camp or crafts camp?” Then he signs up. Then he plays golf or takes a nap for 2 hours.

again with the camp. camp is ONE example. DHs like this do NOTHING. I don’t think you get it.

DP. I'm a DH who does all this stuff; every camp and activity sign up, every doctors' appointment, transportation to everything, making lunches and dinners, etc. It's nothing. Whining about it immediately marks you out as someone who needs more on her plate, because apparently you have time to whine about the basics of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will full admit that if he were the breadwinner or even matched my salary, I wouid have zero issue being the default parent.

I am not ok with

Researching + piecing together summer camps
Doing forms and paperwork for camps
Paying for the camps out of my money
Noticing that the kids need new shoes and
Paying for the shoes out of my money

Sorry, if these are the tasks that are just *overwhelming* you I don’t think you ARE capable of being a high school level admin for him anyway. [b]Seriously, researching camps takes like 10 minutes. Filling out the forms? 10 minutes x number of kids. “Noticing” the kids need shoes? 30 seconds? Then ordering a size up online is another 5 minutes x number of kids x number of half sizes their feet grow per year.

So generously we’re talking maybe three hours of effort per year, and you’re whining about it. It’s obviously just about the money. Sorry you’re not actually RHDC the princess you thought you were going to be 8 years ago…

Tell me you don’t have kids without telling me you don’t have kids (or you live in a 1 stoplight town with one camp). Sneaker shopping for 2 kids took over an hour this week bc sizes are so inconsistent.

You sound like a loon. Buying a kid sneakers takes a single trip to a store to try on some shoes.

and you sound like an idiot who never learned to add.

This math has been done for you. These tasks take about 10 hours *per year* unless you’re just wasting a bunch of time, but that’s your choice at that point.

I would count “dragging out tasks and making them far more complicated than necessary” on the hobbies and interests side of the ledger.

You want to spend 3 hours on a Sunday researching the perfect summer camp, calling all the other moms to discuss, then researching back ups, then finally signing up? Great! Have at it! Your husband would rather spend 10 minutes to see if the county rec centers closest to your house have spots available that week, and then decide between the limited options on offer by thinking to himself “would larlo prefer bike camp or crafts camp?” Then he signs up. Then he plays golf or takes a nap for 2 hours.

again with the camp. camp is ONE example. DHs like this do NOTHING. I don’t think you get it.

She doesn't want to get it. This is what a pick me grows up to be: a doormat/martyr hybrid who brags about how she doesn't have any of the resentment those other wives have. I do everything and it's fine! It's my job to do everything, I'm just so proud of my DH's golf handicap!

Actually it’s those of you who claim to do it all and that your husband does nothing, who are martyrs. You come here to complain and yet continue to live your life with this guy does nothing.

I divorced mine and now have to do even more. I don’t even get a break on weekends because surprise, lazy *ss man is still lazy and doesn’t take his custody time. My house is cleaner and calmer so that’s an improvement.

[Anonymous]

[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will full admit that if he were the breadwinner or even matched my salary, I wouid have zero issue being the default parent.

I am not ok with

Researching + piecing together summer camps
Doing forms and paperwork for camps
Paying for the camps out of my money
Noticing that the kids need new shoes and
Paying for the shoes out of my money

Sorry, if these are the tasks that are just *overwhelming* you I don’t think you ARE capable of being a high school level admin for him anyway. [b]Seriously, researching camps takes like 10 minutes. Filling out the forms? 10 minutes x number of kids. “Noticing” the kids need shoes? 30 seconds? Then ordering a size up online is another 5 minutes x number of kids x number of half sizes their feet grow per year.

So generously we’re talking maybe three hours of effort per year, and you’re whining about it. It’s obviously just about the money. Sorry you’re not actually RHDC the princess you thought you were going to be 8 years ago…

Tell me you don’t have kids without telling me you don’t have kids (or you live in a 1 stoplight town with one camp). Sneaker shopping for 2 kids took over an hour this week bc sizes are so inconsistent.

You sound like a loon. Buying a kid sneakers takes a single trip to a store to try on some shoes.

and you sound like an idiot who never learned to add.

This math has been done for you. These tasks take about 10 hours *per year* unless you’re just wasting a bunch of time, but that’s your choice at that point.

I would count “dragging out tasks and making them far more complicated than necessary” on the hobbies and interests side of the ledger.

You want to spend 3 hours on a Sunday researching the perfect summer camp, calling all the other moms to discuss, then researching back ups, then finally signing up? Great! Have at it! Your husband would rather spend 10 minutes to see if the county rec centers closest to your house have spots available that week, and then decide between the limited options on offer by thinking to himself “would larlo prefer bike camp or crafts camp?” Then he signs up. Then he plays golf or takes a nap for 2 hours.

again with the camp. camp is ONE example. DHs like this do NOTHING. I don’t think you get it.

DP. I'm a DH who does all this stuff; every camp and activity sign up, every doctors' appointment, transportation to everything, making lunches and dinners, etc. It's nothing. Whining about it immediately marks you out as someone who needs more on her plate, because apparently you have time to whine about the basics of life.

Yup. I’m the “pick me” wife (apparently) and over the years I have learned so much from my DH (who probably does more than I do). He doesn’t waste time researching or agonizing over every basic life decision. He just sees what needs to be done and then… does it. And I have never heard him whine or complain about any of it.

When I started trying to just make quick decisions like him I magically gained a lot more time in my day. Are all of the choices I make optimal? Probably not. Are they all good enough? Absolutely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will full admit that if he were the breadwinner or even matched my salary, I wouid have zero issue being the default parent.

I am not ok with

Researching + piecing together summer camps
Doing forms and paperwork for camps
Paying for the camps out of my money
Noticing that the kids need new shoes and
Paying for the shoes out of my money

Sorry, if these are the tasks that are just *overwhelming* you I don’t think you ARE capable of being a high school level admin for him anyway. [b]Seriously, researching camps takes like 10 minutes. Filling out the forms? 10 minutes x number of kids. “Noticing” the kids need shoes? 30 seconds? Then ordering a size up online is another 5 minutes x number of kids x number of half sizes their feet grow per year.

So generously we’re talking maybe three hours of effort per year, and you’re whining about it. It’s obviously just about the money. Sorry you’re not actually RHDC the princess you thought you were going to be 8 years ago…

Tell me you don’t have kids without telling me you don’t have kids (or you live in a 1 stoplight town with one camp). Sneaker shopping for 2 kids took over an hour this week bc sizes are so inconsistent.

You sound like a loon. Buying a kid sneakers takes a single trip to a store to try on some shoes.

and you sound like an idiot who never learned to add.

This math has been done for you. These tasks take about 10 hours *per year* unless you’re just wasting a bunch of time, but that’s your choice at that point.

I would count “dragging out tasks and making them far more complicated than necessary” on the hobbies and interests side of the ledger.

You want to spend 3 hours on a Sunday researching the perfect summer camp, calling all the other moms to discuss, then researching back ups, then finally signing up? Great! Have at it! Your husband would rather spend 10 minutes to see if the county rec centers closest to your house have spots available that week, and then decide between the limited options on offer by thinking to himself “would larlo prefer bike camp or crafts camp?” Then he signs up. Then he plays golf or takes a nap for 2 hours.

again with the camp. camp is ONE example. DHs like this do NOTHING. I don’t think you get it.

DP. I'm a DH who does all this stuff; every camp and activity sign up, every doctors' appointment, transportation to everything, making lunches and dinners, etc. It's nothing. Whining about it immediately marks you out as someone who needs more on her plate, because apparently you have time to whine about the basics of life.

Look it’s fine you’re ok with an unfair division of labor. I’m not. OP’s not. And OP doesn’t want to add being her DH’s secretary on top of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will full admit that if he were the breadwinner or even matched my salary, I wouid have zero issue being the default parent.

I am not ok with

Researching + piecing together summer camps
Doing forms and paperwork for camps
Paying for the camps out of my money
Noticing that the kids need new shoes and
Paying for the shoes out of my money

Sorry, if these are the tasks that are just *overwhelming* you I don’t think you ARE capable of being a high school level admin for him anyway. [b]Seriously, researching camps takes like 10 minutes. Filling out the forms? 10 minutes x number of kids. “Noticing” the kids need shoes? 30 seconds? Then ordering a size up online is another 5 minutes x number of kids x number of half sizes their feet grow per year.

So generously we’re talking maybe three hours of effort per year, and you’re whining about it. It’s obviously just about the money. Sorry you’re not actually RHDC the princess you thought you were going to be 8 years ago…

Tell me you don’t have kids without telling me you don’t have kids (or you live in a 1 stoplight town with one camp). Sneaker shopping for 2 kids took over an hour this week bc sizes are so inconsistent.

You sound like a loon. Buying a kid sneakers takes a single trip to a store to try on some shoes.

and you sound like an idiot who never learned to add.

This math has been done for you. These tasks take about 10 hours *per year* unless you’re just wasting a bunch of time, but that’s your choice at that point.

I would count “dragging out tasks and making them far more complicated than necessary” on the hobbies and interests side of the ledger.

You want to spend 3 hours on a Sunday researching the perfect summer camp, calling all the other moms to discuss, then researching back ups, then finally signing up? Great! Have at it! Your husband would rather spend 10 minutes to see if the county rec centers closest to your house have spots available that week, and then decide between the limited options on offer by thinking to himself “would larlo prefer bike camp or crafts camp?” Then he signs up. Then he plays golf or takes a nap for 2 hours.

again with the camp. camp is ONE example. DHs like this do NOTHING. I don’t think you get it.

DP. I'm a DH who does all this stuff; every camp and activity sign up, every doctors' appointment, transportation to everything, making lunches and dinners, etc. It's nothing. Whining about it immediately marks you out as someone who needs more on her plate, because apparently you have time to whine about the basics of life.

Yup. I’m the “pick me” wife (apparently) and over the years I have learned so much from my DH (who probably does more than I do). He doesn’t waste time researching or agonizing over every basic life decision. He just sees what needs to be done and then… does it. And I have never heard him whine or complain about any of it.

When I started trying to just make quick decisions like him I magically gained a lot more time in my day. Are all of the choices I make optimal? Probably not. Are they all good enough? Absolutely.

ffs lady. your situation is *nothing like* OPs. will you stfu.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will full admit that if he were the breadwinner or even matched my salary, I wouid have zero issue being the default parent.

I am not ok with

Researching + piecing together summer camps
Doing forms and paperwork for camps
Paying for the camps out of my money
Noticing that the kids need new shoes and
Paying for the shoes out of my money

Sorry, if these are the tasks that are just *overwhelming* you I don’t think you ARE capable of being a high school level admin for him anyway. [b]Seriously, researching camps takes like 10 minutes. Filling out the forms? 10 minutes x number of kids. “Noticing” the kids need shoes? 30 seconds? Then ordering a size up online is another 5 minutes x number of kids x number of half sizes their feet grow per year.

So generously we’re talking maybe three hours of effort per year, and you’re whining about it. It’s obviously just about the money. Sorry you’re not actually RHDC the princess you thought you were going to be 8 years ago…

Tell me you don’t have kids without telling me you don’t have kids (or you live in a 1 stoplight town with one camp). Sneaker shopping for 2 kids took over an hour this week bc sizes are so inconsistent.

You sound like a loon. Buying a kid sneakers takes a single trip to a store to try on some shoes.

and you sound like an idiot who never learned to add.

This math has been done for you. The
se tasks take about 10 hours *per year* unless you’re just wasting a bunch of time, but that’s your choice at that point.

I would count “dragging out tasks and making them far more complicated than necessary” on the hobbies and interests side of the ledger.

You want to spend 3 hours on a Sunday researching the perfect summer camp, calling all the other moms to discuss, then researching back ups, then finally signing up? Great! Have at it! Your husband would rather spend 10 minutes to see if the county rec centers closest to your house have spots available that week, and then decide between the limited options on offer by thinking to himself “would larlo prefer bike camp or crafts camp?” Then he signs up. Then he plays golf or takes a nap for 2 hours.

again with the camp. camp is ONE example. DHs like this do NOTHING. I don’t think you get it.

She doesn't want to get it. This is what a pick me grows up to be: a doormat/martyr hybrid who brags about how she doesn't have any of the resentment those other wives have. I do everything and it's fine! It's my job to do everything, I'm just so proud of my DH's golf handicap!

Actually it’s those of you who claim to do it all and that your husband does nothing, who are martyrs. You come here to complain and yet continue to live your life with this guy does nothing.

I don't do it all. My husband contributes by handling 80% of cooking, all sports registration, school registration, the dentist, and planning outings. I appreciate that he does those things because I know they take time and mental energy to keep track of and get it done on time and correctly. If he did nothing it would all fall to me and my life would suck and resentment would build, which is what has happened to OP. It's not OP's fault that she resents having to do everything, just because you think "everything" is not a big deal. So you come on threads like this and spend 14 comments arguing that choosing a camp is not a big deal, because you either cannot read, cannot empathize, or cannot reason. Or, you just think some man reading will be like "see, there are good women out there who know their role in the family is to do everything I don't want to do and never complain, so my wife's complaints have no merit." I hope that being his muse is worth it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will full admit that if he were the breadwinner or even matched my salary, I wouid have zero issue being the default parent.

I am not ok with

Researching + piecing together summer camps
Doing forms and paperwork for camps
Paying for the camps out of my money
Noticing that the kids need new shoes and
Paying for the shoes out of my money

Sorry, if these are the tasks that are just *overwhelming* you I don’t think you ARE capable of being a high school level admin for him anyway. Seriously, researching camps takes like 10 minutes. Filling out the forms? 10 minutes x number of kids. “Noticing” the kids need shoes? 30 seconds? Then ordering a size up online is another 5 minutes x number of kids x number of half sizes their feet grow per year.

So generously we’re talking maybe three hours of effort per year, and you’re whining about it. It’s obviously just about the money. Sorry you’re not actually RHDC the princess you thought you were going to be 8 years ago…

Anyone who actually thinks researching camps is a 10 minute task is high, a crap parent, or has never actually looked into summer camps.

Medical forms take longer than that.

Shoes also take longer than that once a kid is over 5 and cares what kind of shoes they are wearing.

But I am guessing you know that and are just trolling.

No, I have three kids ages 8-14 who have always done summer camps and gone through countless pairs of shoes.

I believe that some of you can spend infinite time on these extremely simple tasks, but that does not make the tasks inherently time-consuming.

Maybe it’s because I’m a professional research scientist, but whenever someone describes “researching” summer camps as though it’s some arduous thing it is a red flag that they are some combination of inefficient and incompetent. I mean really, what exactly are you researching? My research consisted of 1) what camps are available near our house, 2) what are their hours, 3) which of those have space available for the weeks we need (summer break minus our vacation week), and 4) of those still standing which ones would the kids like best?

I cannot fathom how it would take longer than 10 minutes to fill out a medical form. I guess maybe if your kid has lots of allergies or is on a bunch of medications?

Shoes also aren’t difficult. Stride rite for the little kids and jordans for the older ones. My kids have big feet so we just order online. And this will probably blow your mind, but once kids are capable of looking stuff up on the internet (elementary school) you can just have them send you a link to the shoes they want. So there are maybe two or three years where a kid is old enough to care what shoes they’re wearing but unable to pick them out on their own. So for those cases I’ll concede that it’s maybe a 10-15 minute task. Happy?

But some of us care about our kids and what they like to do and the fact that they are much happier with certain conditions (e.g. access to indoor facilities for hot days) and enjoy going to camp with friends. None of that is strictly necessary but I consider it a good use of my time to find a camp that provides specific instruction they are looking for and to coordinate which weeks they will do various camps with their friends parents. I don’t find it particularly burdensome but it’s a task on my list like a number of things that I chose to do well.

If you don’t care I can understand how you could do camp sign up extremely quickly. Like giving your kid a happy meal for dinner every night. Easy peasy, right?

Your post made me laugh out loud. You want credit that it’s hard and takes time to research camps. You care about your children, with the implicit suggestion that the PP must not. But You acknowledge that none of that is necessary. But don’t worry you don’t find it burdensome. Here’s your gold star, lady.

I am the PP you are writing back to and you are completely missing the point. The point is yes you can do anything in. 10 minutes if you are going for the easiest route. I do that for tons of things including the shoe example. But some things are worth a little more effort. For my kids being in a camp they are interested in and being with friends makes a big difference to their happiness so it’s worth a couple hours of calling around and figuring out how to get them to camps that they both like without driving across town for different drop offs.

If your kids have no preferences or you don’t think their preferences are worth more than 10 minutes or maybe you don’t even know your kids well enough to understand that they really wish they saw their friends over the summer and everyone else is in camp x but don’t complain because Mon and Dad won’t care, well you do you. But if that’s your approach to every parenting task - just do whatever makes MY life easier, I feel bad for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t tell if I’m crazy, being Gaslit, if he’s an a hole or if I’m the a hole.

I’m long time breadwinner. Dh used to make double my salary. He got laid off 8 years ago and never recovered. Since then, I’ve out earned him. I almost make double him now. It’s been frustrating to see him underemployed AND stressed about money AND complaining that he doesn’t like his job. On top of that, I handle the mental load at home. Kid stuff, school signups, it’s me.

I had a moment last week and got very overwhelmed last week with a kid starting a new school/ the sign ups, ordering uniforms, the paperwork, the invoices for payment etc. I had an outburst/vent and flipped out at dh. I said to him- im tired of being the responsible one. For feeling like the only adult. I need to be with someone who has their sht together. I pay for the family vacations, I pay for the schooling, I do the forms, I need a partner. I’m resentful.

Fast fwd to this week. Dh said “I have an opportunity for a side hustle that’s lucrative. But I’m not organized enough to keep track of everything. If only I had an organized smart wife who could help me with it.”

I lost my sht. I said I hear you saying that it’s my responsibility to help get you organized? It’s my responsibility to help you with another job? I have a full time job.”

Him: “I have a full time job too. What else do you have to do that you can’t help with this? You can’t say I’m lazy and not bringing in enough money and then also reject the opportunity to help bring in More income for our family.”

I can’t tell if I’m being gaslit or what. Just giving my honest feelings here. I am extremely resentful that he is underemployed, under paid, and not picking up the slack at home, AND also asking me to help him with a side hustle. It feels unfair that I told him I’m stressed about money, mental load, and that he isn’t contributing adequately….and the result is asking me to do even more??

He’s now turned this into- he feels unsupported and that I’m not willing to do more than the minimum. “If you came to me with an opportunity make more money for our family, I’d jump and say how can I help you. And you won’t do the same.”

Keeping it really real: HE IS NOT PULLING HIS WEIGHT. THAT ISNT A GROUP PROJECT. I’ve been doing my share and his for far too long. It’s time for him to step it up. Not ADD TO MY PLATE.

Am I an ahole? Am I being gaslit?

No. Yours gaslighting DCUM again with your fake posts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will full admit that if he were the breadwinner or even matched my salary, I wouid have zero issue being the default parent.

I am not ok with

Researching + piecing together summer camps
Doing forms and paperwork for camps
Paying for the camps out of my money
Noticing that the kids need new shoes and
Paying for the shoes out of my money

Sorry, if these are the tasks that are just *overwhelming* you I don’t think you ARE capable of being a high school level admin for him anyway. [b]Seriously, researching camps takes like 10 minutes. Filling out the forms? 10 minutes x number of kids. “Noticing” the kids need shoes? 30 seconds? Then ordering a size up online is another 5 minutes x number of kids x number of half sizes their feet grow per year.

So generously we’re talking maybe three hours of effort per year, and you’re whining about it. It’s obviously just about the money. Sorry you’re not actually RHDC the princess you thought you were going to be 8 years ago…

Tell me you don’t have kids without telling me you don’t have kids (or you live in a 1 stoplight town with one camp). Sneaker shopping for 2 kids took over an hour this week bc sizes are so inconsistent.

You sound like a loon. Buying a kid sneakers takes a single trip to a store to try on some shoes.

and you sound like an idiot who never learned to add.

This math has been done for you. These tasks take about 10 hours *per year* unless you’re just wasting a bunch of time, but that’s your choice at that point.

I would count “dragging out tasks and making them far more complicated than necessary” on the hobbies and interests side of the ledger.

You want to spend 3 hours on a Sunday researching the perfect summer camp, calling all the other moms to discuss, then researching back ups, then finally signing up? Great! Have at it! Your husband would rather spend 10 minutes to see if the county rec centers closest to your house have spots available that week, and then decide between the limited options on offer by thinking to himself “would larlo prefer bike camp or crafts camp?” Then he signs up. Then he plays golf or takes a nap for 2 hours.

again with the camp. camp is ONE example. DHs like this do NOTHING. I don’t think you get it.

DP. I'm a DH who does all this stuff; every camp and activity sign up, every doctors' appointment, transportation to everything, making lunches and dinners, etc. It's nothing. Whining about it immediately marks you out as someone who needs more on her plate, because apparently you have time to whine about the basics of life.

Yup. I’m the “pick me” wife (apparently) and over the years I have learned so much from my DH (who probably does more than I do). He doesn’t waste time researching or agonizing over every basic life decision. He just sees what needs to be done and then… does it. And I have never heard him whine or complain about any of it.

When I started trying to just make quick decisions like him I magically gained a lot more time in my day. Are all of the choices I make optimal? Probably not. Are they all good enough? Absolutely.

ffs lady. your situation is *nothing like* OPs. will you stfu.

LOL. You’re right! There are two main differences:

1) I don’t feel entitled to always have my husband make twice as much income as I do

2) I don’t get overwhelmed and throw temper tantrums when I do a once yearly task that isn’t remotely difficult

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will full admit that if he were the breadwinner or even matched my salary, I wouid have zero issue being the default parent.

I am not ok with

Researching + piecing together summer camps
Doing forms and paperwork for camps
Paying for the camps out of my money
Noticing that the kids need new shoes and
Paying for the shoes out of my money

Sorry, if these are the tasks that are just *overwhelming* you I don’t think you ARE capable of being a high school level admin for him anyway. Seriously, researching camps takes like 10 minutes. Filling out the forms? 10 minutes x number of kids. “Noticing” the kids need shoes? 30 seconds? Then ordering a size up online is another 5 minutes x number of kids x number of half sizes their feet grow per year.

So generously we’re talking maybe three hours of effort per year, and you’re whining about it. It’s obviously just about the money. Sorry you’re not actually RHDC the princess you thought you were going to be 8 years ago…

Anyone who actually thinks researching camps is a 10 minute task is high, a crap parent, or has never actually looked into summer camps.

Medical forms take longer than that.

Shoes also take longer than that once a kid is over 5 and cares what kind of shoes they are wearing.

But I am guessing you know that and are just trolling.

No, I have three kids ages 8-14 who have always done summer camps and gone through countless pairs of shoes.

I believe that some of you can spend infinite time on these extremely simple tasks, but that does not make the tasks inherently time-consuming.

Maybe it’s because I’m a professional research scientist, but whenever someone describes “researching” summer camps as though it’s some arduous thing it is a red flag that they are some combination of inefficient and incompetent. I mean really, what exactly are you researching? My research consisted of 1) what camps are available near our house, 2) what are their hours, 3) which of those have space available for the weeks we need (summer break minus our vacation week), and 4) of those still standing which ones would the kids like best?

I cannot fathom how it would take longer than 10 minutes to fill out a medical form. I guess maybe if your kid has lots of allergies or is on a bunch of medications?

Shoes also aren’t difficult. Stride rite for the little kids and jordans for the older ones. My kids have big feet so we just order online. And this will probably blow your mind, but once kids are capable of looking stuff up on the internet (elementary school) you can just have them send you a link to the shoes they want. So there are maybe two or three years where a kid is old enough to care what shoes they’re wearing but unable to pick them out on their own. So for those cases I’ll concede that it’s maybe a 10-15 minute task. Happy?

But some of us care about our kids and what they like to do and the fact that they are much happier with certain conditions (e.g. access to indoor facilities for hot days) and enjoy going to camp with friends. None of that is strictly necessary but I consider it a good use of my time to find a camp that provides specific instruction they are looking for and to coordinate which weeks they will do various camps with their friends parents. I don’t find it particularly burdensome but it’s a task on my list like a number of things that I chose to do well.

If you don’t care I can understand how you could do camp sign up extremely quickly. Like giving your kid a happy meal for dinner every night. Easy peasy, right?

Your post made me laugh out loud. You want credit that it’s hard and takes time to research camps. You care about your children, with the implicit suggestion that the PP must not. But You acknowledge that none of that is necessary. But don’t worry you don’t find it burdensome. Here’s your gold star, lady.

I am the PP you are writing back to and you are completely missing the point. The point is yes you can do anything in. 10 minutes if you are going for the easiest route. I do that for tons of things including the shoe example. But some things are worth a little more effort. For my kids being in a camp they are interested in and being with friends makes a big difference to their happiness so it’s worth a couple hours of calling around and figuring out how to get them to camps that they both like without driving across town for different drop offs.

If your kids have no preferences or you don’t think their preferences are worth more than 10 minutes or maybe you don’t even know your kids well enough to understand that they really wish they saw their friends over the summer and everyone else is in camp x but don’t complain because Mon and Dad won’t care, well you do you. But if that’s your approach to every parenting task - just do whatever makes MY life easier, I feel bad for your kids.

Do you think your kids will seriously give a F about their carefully curated summer camps when the result is their parents getting divorced and them having to shuffle between two homes? Because this contemptuous, petty bean counting over things that YOU CHOOSE to do is going to lead you there. If you really care about your kids put some of this gold star effort into your marriage.

Also, by your own admission dealing with the camps takes you 2 hours, which is of course significantly longer than 10 minutes over the course of a day, but obviously it’s *nothing* over the course of a year (and summer camps are a ONCE A YEAR task).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will full admit that if he were the breadwinner or even matched my salary, I wouid have zero issue being the default parent.

I am not ok with

Researching + piecing together summer camps
Doing forms and paperwork for camps
Paying for the camps out of my money
Noticing that the kids need new shoes and
Paying for the shoes out of my money

Sorry, if these are the tasks that are just *overwhelming* you I don’t think you ARE capable of being a high school level admin for him anyway. [b]Seriously, researching camps takes like 10 minutes. Filling out the forms? 10 minutes x number of kids. “Noticing” the kids need shoes? 30 seconds? Then ordering a size up online is another 5 minutes x number of kids x number of half sizes their feet grow per year.

So generously we’re talking maybe three hours of effort per year, and you’re whining about it. It’s obviously just about the money. Sorry you’re not actually RHDC the princess you thought you were going to be 8 years ago…

Tell me you don’t have kids without telling me you don’t have kids (or you live in a 1 stoplight town with one camp). Sneaker shopping for 2 kids took over an hour this week bc sizes are so inconsistent.

You sound like a loon. Buying a kid sneakers takes a single trip to a store to try on some shoes.

and you sound like an idiot who never learned to add.

This math has been done for you. The
se tasks take about 10 hours *per year* unless you’re just wasting a bunch of time, but that’s your choice at that point.

I would count “dragging out tasks and making them far more complicated than necessary” on the hobbies and interests side of the ledger.

You want to spend 3 hours on a Sunday researching the perfect summer camp, calling all the other moms to discuss, then researching back ups, then finally signing up? Great! Have at it! Your husband would rather spend 10 minutes to see if the county rec centers closest to your house have spots available that week, and then decide between the limited options on offer by thinking to himself “would larlo prefer bike camp or crafts camp?” Then he signs up. Then he plays golf or takes a nap for 2 hours.

again with the camp. camp is ONE example. DHs like this do NOTHING. I don’t think you get it.

She doesn't want to get it. This is what a pick me grows up to be: a doormat/martyr hybrid who brags about how she doesn't have any of the resentment those other wives have. I do everything and it's fine! It's my job to do everything, I'm just so proud of my DH's golf handicap!

Actually it’s those of you who claim to do it all and that your husband does nothing, who are martyrs. You come here to complain and yet continue to live your life with this guy does nothing.

I don't do it all. My husband contributes by handling 80% of cooking, all sports registration, school registration, the dentist, and planning outings. I appreciate that he does those things because I know they take time and mental energy to keep track of and get it done on time and correctly. If he did nothing it would all fall to me and my life would suck and resentment would build, which is what has happened to OP. It's not OP's fault that she resents having to do everything, just because you think "everything" is not a big deal. So you come on threads like this and spend 14 comments arguing that choosing a camp is not a big deal, because you either cannot read, cannot empathize, or cannot reason. Or, you just think some man reading will be like "see, there are good women out there who know their role in the family is to do everything I don't want to do and never complain, so my wife's complaints have no merit." I hope that being his muse is worth it!

How can people not understand that many people are chiming in?, I am not the camp poster. The posters who are telling you these tasks are no big deal are not marytrs. Quite the opposite, we are not talking about a grand sacrifice.