I’m breadwinner, dh asked me to help with side hustle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is that "lucrative side hustle" some kind of MLM?

No. He would be taking on legal cases in a diff area of the law from his full time job. He is basically asking me to be an admin. Bc he “isn’t organized”

I'm a lawyer and this guy is planning on doing a new area of the law, apart from his base job and he wants you to run admin?

Does have have experience in this area of the law such that he can offer competent representation? Would his firm be okay with this side hustle?

Frankly, this is a terrible idea.

[Anonymous]

I don't know. Sounds frustrating but DH and I are a team. I'd probably try to help him with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm speaking as a wife in a similar situation. I basically tell him what to do and where to be with the kids. Vacation planning, extracurriculars, all me. He always follows through though.
He is working in a job that is just above entry level. He is good at it and comfortable so he doesn't try for more. His boss is happy to have him in that job because he does the work of 3 people.
I've asked him when he will try to find something more lucrative and he basically says "I'll know when it's right." I've given him ideas and even helped him study for exams but nothing pans out.
I'd be really happy if my husband had an idea for a side hustle. In fact I'd probably drop everything to help.

I profoundly resent that the response to “I’m stressed about money and that you’re not pulling your weight” was “ok I have an opportunity to make more money, but I can’t do it without your help organizing files, tracking records, etc.”

What I want to hear is: “I know I haven’t been doing my fair share. It’s been hard on you. Here’s my plan to solve it.”

What I heard- literal quotes “I have a wife with a jd who is organized and smart but selfish and unwilling to do more than your share. I could get a high schooler to do what you won’t do. We aren’t going to build up anything waiting on incremental salary increases.”

My thoughts: if it’s so easy a high schooler can do it, then why can’t you do it? It’s your problem that you are underemployed and underpaid. Go fix it. If a person says they are stressed out, you say ok, let me tell you how I’m going to help and alleviate things. It’s time for me to step it up. You don’t ADD MORE TO DOS to the plate of the person who is the bread winner and doing the domestic crap. It feels like gaslighting bc he is blaming me for not helping instead of focusing on why he can’t help himself or figure it out.

To add: We are both lawyers. He does not work for a firm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know. Sounds frustrating but DH and I are a team. I'd probably try to help him with this.

Where was the team effort on his part this whole time that I’ve been holding things down financially and logistically? But now that he needs help, we should be a team.

Yes I am aware I have deep contempt and resentment

[Anonymous]

Has he not heard of docket software? Is he prepared to keep barriers so you're not providing any kind of legal work for his project? What about your work, would there be any conflicts with you providing this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is that "lucrative side hustle" some kind of MLM?

No. He would be taking on legal cases in a diff area of the law from his full time job. He is basically asking me to be an admin. Bc he “isn’t organized”

This is not going to help him be more successful, just the opposite, as he obviously needs to be very single tracked.
Is he a good husband, dad, other than the money and adhd thing? I’d so, here’s what I recommend:

1. Move somewhere cheaper and less competitive where you are not completely stressed out at your job. I promise you your kids do not care if they grow up in Bethesda or an exurb with good schools.
2. Get your dh more involved in the kids lives. Have him volunteer as a coach or team dad. Have him do after school activities driving. Maximize his dad role to enable you to have time to handle the family exec issues.
3. Hire help. Whatever you resent the most outsource, whether that’s taxes, laundry, etc.

[Anonymous]

If there’s value in this side hustle, he can hire someone to manage the admin portion.

What is your hhi? Is there really a need for him to bring in more money, or are you just resentful that you earn more than he does?

[Anonymous]

"You need to find a way to make more money without me doing more than my current job and share of household/kid duties"

[Anonymous]

You are nasty, and that has nothing to do with anything he wants. It is not YOU who pays for this; it is WE, even if you are the spouse who earns more money! Was it all his money when he earned more? Did you consider that HIS money or your mutual money?
I can't even start to think about his admin request, but I would be divorcing you for having YOUR money and now OUR money.
The only gripe you should have is that he needs to equally pitch with the kidsand the household. Instead, you are trying to make him feel like he has no money.

[Anonymous]

So, nobody so far noticed how horrible OP is? Bravo, women on dcum! Not a single correction that she is insane and holding him responsible for not earning more money, and she is calling it all me; I earn my money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both sound miserable, to be honest. I predict you two will divorce in 2025.

How is the OP miserable when this man actually told her “what else do you have to do that you can’t help with this” and she’s working FT and managing all the load of being a parent and managing a household while he doesn’t help? She’s a problem for being resentful? Absolutely not. You’re trying to gaslight this poor OP too.

Sounds like he is working. She is now earning twice as much as he does, and in the past he outearned by twice as much. But, somehow she seemed ok when she was earning less, but is not ok with him earning less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm speaking as a wife in a similar situation. I basically tell him what to do and where to be with the kids. Vacation planning, extracurriculars, all me. He always follows through though.
He is working in a job that is just above entry level. He is good at it and comfortable so he doesn't try for more. His boss is happy to have him in that job because he does the work of 3 people.
I've asked him when he will try to find something more lucrative and he basically says "I'll know when it's right." I've given him ideas and even helped him study for exams but nothing pans out.
I'd be really happy if my husband had an idea for a side hustle. In fact I'd probably drop everything to help.

I profoundly resent that the response to “I’m stressed about money and that you’re not pulling your weight” was “ok I have an opportunity to make more money, but I can’t do it without your help organizing files, tracking records, etc.”

What I want to hear is: “I know I haven’t been doing my fair share. It’s been hard on you. Here’s my plan to solve it.”

What I heard- literal quotes “I have a wife with a jd who is organized and smart but selfish and unwilling to do more than your share. I could get a high schooler to do what you won’t do. We aren’t going to build up anything waiting on incremental salary increases.”

My thoughts: if it’s so easy a high schooler can do it, then why can’t you do it? It’s your problem that you are underemployed and underpaid. Go fix it. If a person says they are stressed out, you say ok, let me tell you how I’m going to help and alleviate things. It’s time for me to step it up. You don’t ADD MORE TO DOS to the plate of the person who is the bread winner and doing the domestic crap. It feels like gaslighting bc he is blaming me for not helping instead of focusing on why he can’t help himself or figure it out.

DP. I am baffled what in the pp's post provoked this insane rant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know. Sounds frustrating but DH and I are a team. I'd probably try to help him with this.

Where was the team effort on his part this whole time that I’ve been holding things down financially and logistically? But now that he needs help, we should be a team.

Yes I am aware I have deep contempt and resentment

Where was the team effort on your part when he was earning twice as much as you?

[Anonymous]

DH started a business focused on a specialty clothing item that he said was disruptive because it used a commodity product in a new and innovative way. The goal was to surprise and delight the wearer and invent a new category in the apparel industry. But the idea was crazy and none of the items sold and we have three pallets full of samples. He spent all our savings on this business and it is has not succeeded. TIA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is that "lucrative side hustle" some kind of MLM?

My exact thought.

It's ALWAYS an MLM.