Are there ramifications for being a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you educated and a professional woman in a decent job before becoming a SAHM? In that case, I can see it being harder to get back into the labor market at anything approaching your current/previous level.

DC job market is competitive -- there are a million educated, talented, smart people around. Why would someone hire someone else who'd been home for five years? You just wouldn't be very completive.

I had no problem returning to the workforce. I'm sure it varies by industry/role but this idea that it is impossible is outdated. I know several women who have done the same. We are in different industries but none of us had a problem finding a job after staying home for a period of time.

Did you return to a senior role, with perks?

This was my basic math— I took two years maternity leave, but didn’t leave my job. My job includes travel and other things I can experience with my kids. I do not want my kids to think women do primarily domestic work, but it could be equally damaging for them to think, Dad has a secretary, Mom IS a secretary.

It’s kind of sad that you assign value to humans based on their careers. That is what you are teaching your kids.

I don’t think it is. My kids love my secretary, and we value her enormously. But I don’t think it’s ideal for children to see women restricted to positions of support— at home or the workplace.

OMG. What a tool. How about teaching your kids that she is working to provide for herself and her family and that no job is beneath anyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It astounds me how so few posters consider or acknowledge the experience for an infant or toddler—what their day to day is like. It’s a completely different childhood when you can avoid both parents working long hours with maybe 4 months of leave total. Anything that can be done to stagger or extend leaves, to work part time, etc. will improve your child’s quality of life immensely.

My kids liked day care. It was warm and lovely and the kids were very well taken care of. It sucked for me to be managing being a new mother, pumping, and working, but they were fine. And now that they're older, I have a lot more flexibility in my hours because of the work I put in then. So it's not that I haven't considered my kids' experience, I just don't agree with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you educated and a professional woman in a decent job before becoming a SAHM? In that case, I can see it being harder to get back into the labor market at anything approaching your current/previous level.

DC job market is competitive -- there are a million educated, talented, smart people around. Why would someone hire someone else who'd been home for five years? You just wouldn't be very completive.

I had no problem returning to the workforce. I'm sure it varies by industry/role but this idea that it is impossible is outdated. I know several women who have done the same. We are in different industries but none of us had a problem finding a job after staying home for a period of time.

Did you return to a senior role, with perks?

This was my basic math— I took two years maternity leave, but didn’t leave my job. My job includes travel and other things I can experience with my kids. I do not want my kids to think women do primarily domestic work, but it could be equally damaging for them to think, Dad has a secretary, Mom IS a secretary.

It’s kind of sad that you assign value to humans based on their careers. That is what you are teaching your kids.

I don’t think it is. My kids love my secretary, and we value her enormously. But I don’t think it’s ideal for children to see women restricted to positions of support— at home or the workplace.

You must be living in a vacuum that your children aren’t seeing women in power positions with the exception of mom. The vice president, Supreme Court justices, Congress…those are good places to start. It’s odd that you refer to women as being “restricted.” Most women I know own their choices and choose to pursue what works best for them and their families.

I don’t run in such exalted circles that the Vice President or any of the SCOTUS justices are a huge part of my kids lives. Their mom and dad are. And mom and dad are both important people in their workplace just like at home.

So, you’ve cured cancer AND found the path the world peace??!!?? Why are you on DCUM with us common folk. I mean you are “important” in the workplace.

Get over yourself. You sound like an eight year old playing dress up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my case, I don't think I'd ever be attracted to the kind of guy who had the same respect for a sahm wife as he would have for a working wife. Because honestly that means he probably didn't put a whole lot of value in the accomplishments of a working wife. I have accomplished a lot in my career and education. It really is harder and more interesting than baby raising.

This is just straight-out misogynistic. You assign a high value to paid work* and a low value to caregiving work** because based on what you write, you have bought into the patriarchal notion that women exist to serve their husbands and families, for no pay and at the expense of their own needs and wants, and that paid work is by definition worthy of respect that caregiving work is not. It's kind of like how a boy dressing like a girl is worthy of contempt and derision, whereas the reverse is not.

Paid work is not per se more worthy of respect than caregiving work is, just because we have been told so by patriarchal culture.

*work for which people are compensated with money, in the tradition of how men have worked for centuries
**work for which no monetary compensation is provided, in the tradition of how women have worked for centuries

NP here. You could argue both posters with seemingly oppose view have bought into the patriarchy because at issue isn’t the action of the woman but that of the man. Does HE see being a father as important and spending time with his children? If he does then he will feel the tradeoffs of work vs home life and work won’t always win. Then if the wife WOH, he will want to be an equal parent and have to navigate how to have a fulfilling career and spend time with his children working with spouse and an outside caregiver to help balance it. If the wife SAH, the % of hands on parenting won’t be equal but he should still not abdicate all things child related with the reasoning that the high value work is more important than spending time with his children.

At the heart of the matter is if each of you values spending time with your children and having a fulfilling career and will be a team to facilitate each person having the opportunity for both. In that scenario if either person decides they want being a parent to be their career, it still has to balance with the other person being able to navigate spending time with the kids and their career. If that isn’t the case as long as you both lean into the patriarchy in the same way it works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you educated and a professional woman in a decent job before becoming a SAHM? In that case, I can see it being harder to get back into the labor market at anything approaching your current/previous level.

DC job market is competitive -- there are a million educated, talented, smart people around. Why would someone hire someone else who'd been home for five years? You just wouldn't be very completive.

I had no problem returning to the workforce. I'm sure it varies by industry/role but this idea that it is impossible is outdated. I know several women who have done the same. We are in different industries but none of us had a problem finding a job after staying home for a period of time.

Did you return to a senior role, with perks?

This was my basic math— I took two years maternity leave, but didn’t leave my job. My job includes travel and other things I can experience with my kids. I do not want my kids to think women do primarily domestic work, but it could be equally damaging for them to think, Dad has a secretary, Mom IS a secretary.

Didn't have a senior role so that was not something I had to worry about. In the six years I have been back, I've been promoted and have a lot of flexibility. Happy where I am in my career now, mid 40s, with one teen and one preteen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you educated and a professional woman in a decent job before becoming a SAHM? In that case, I can see it being harder to get back into the labor market at anything approaching your current/previous level.

DC job market is competitive -- there are a million educated, talented, smart people around. Why would someone hire someone else who'd been home for five years? You just wouldn't be very completive.

I had no problem returning to the workforce. I'm sure it varies by industry/role but this idea that it is impossible is outdated. I know several women who have done the same. We are in different industries but none of us had a problem finding a job after staying home for a period of time.

Did you return to a senior role, with perks?

This was my basic math— I took two years maternity leave, but didn’t leave my job. My job includes travel and other things I can experience with my kids. I do not want my kids to think women do primarily domestic work, but it could be equally damaging for them to think, Dad has a secretary, Mom IS a secretary.

It’s kind of sad that you assign value to humans based on their careers. That is what you are teaching your kids.

I don’t think it is. My kids love my secretary, and we value her enormously. But I don’t think it’s ideal for children to see women restricted to positions of support— at home or the workplace.

OMG. What a tool. How about teaching your kids that she is working to provide for herself and her family and that no job is beneath anyone?

Yeah that post gave me a chuckle. I've found that many of the kids I teach (teens) have a lot of respect for their mothers working hard in any job. Many of them clean houses or work in daycares. It seems the people who don't respect them are mainly the women on dcum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you educated and a professional woman in a decent job before becoming a SAHM? In that case, I can see it being harder to get back into the labor market at anything approaching your current/previous level.

DC job market is competitive -- there are a million educated, talented, smart people around. Why would someone hire someone else who'd been home for five years? You just wouldn't be very completive.

I had no problem returning to the workforce. I'm sure it varies by industry/role but this idea that it is impossible is outdated. I know several women who have done the same. We are in different industries but none of us had a problem finding a job after staying home for a period of time.

Did you return to a senior role, with perks?

This was my basic math— I took two years maternity leave, but didn’t leave my job. My job includes travel and other things I can experience with my kids. I do not want my kids to think women do primarily domestic work, but it could be equally damaging for them to think, Dad has a secretary, Mom IS a secretary.

It’s kind of sad that you assign value to humans based on their careers. That is what you are teaching your kids.

I don’t think it is. My kids love my secretary, and we value her enormously. But I don’t think it’s ideal for children to see women restricted to positions of support— at home or the workplace.

You must be living in a vacuum that your children aren’t seeing women in power positions with the exception of mom. The vice president, Supreme Court justices, Congress…those are good places to start. It’s odd that you refer to women as being “restricted.” Most women I know own their choices and choose to pursue what works best for them and their families.

I don’t run in such exalted circles that the Vice President or any of the SCOTUS justices are a huge part of my kids lives. Their mom and dad are. And mom and dad are both important people in their workplace just like at home.

So, you’ve cured cancer AND found the path the world peace??!!?? Why are you on DCUM with us common folk. I mean you are “important” in the workplace.

Get over yourself. You sound like an eight year old playing dress up.

SAHM cant handle a different POV? You know not everyone thinks like you, right? Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you educated and a professional woman in a decent job before becoming a SAHM? In that case, I can see it being harder to get back into the labor market at anything approaching your current/previous level.

DC job market is competitive -- there are a million educated, talented, smart people around. Why would someone hire someone else who'd been home for five years? You just wouldn't be very completive.

I had no problem returning to the workforce. I'm sure it varies by industry/role but this idea that it is impossible is outdated. I know several women who have done the same. We are in different industries but none of us had a problem finding a job after staying home for a period of time.

Did you return to a senior role, with perks?

This was my basic math— I took two years maternity leave, but didn’t leave my job. My job includes travel and other things I can experience with my kids. I do not want my kids to think women do primarily domestic work, but it could be equally damaging for them to think, Dad has a secretary, Mom IS a secretary.

Didn't have a senior role so that was not something I had to worry about. In the six years I have been back, I've been promoted and have a lot of flexibility. Happy where I am in my career now, mid 40s, with one teen and one preteen.

DP - I was manager level when I took a break in my early 30s, did a little freelancing while home for 7 years. Had no trouble returning to a job at the same level and have since been promoted several times. New company is much more flexible and family-friendly than where I worked when I had my first baby. If I'd had the same work environment back then maybe I'd not have left. But I really enjoyed my years at home and am glad I did that.

FWIW, I was hired by a working mom with slightly older kids who always worked. She doesn't care that I made a different choice.

[Anonymous]

Do what makes you happy, your marriage healthy and helps y'all have a happy and well functioning family. One hat doesn't fit all.

[Anonymous]

This is the time to ask for whatever you want at work, OP.
They might tell you that you only have 12 weeks of leave or that you cannot work PT, but the story might be very different if they realize that the alternative is you quitting/not coming back at all.

You might as well think about what you would need in order to stay and then ask for it before you quit. The worst that can happen is that they say “no.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It astounds me how so few posters consider or acknowledge the experience for an infant or toddler—what their day to day is like. It’s a completely different childhood when you can avoid both parents working long hours with maybe 4 months of leave total. Anything that can be done to stagger or extend leaves, to work part time, etc. will improve your child’s quality of life immensely.

My kids liked day care. It was warm and lovely and the kids were very well taken care of. It sucked for me to be managing being a new mother, pumping, and working, but they were fine. And now that they're older, I have a lot more flexibility in my hours because of the work I put in then. So it's not that I haven't considered my kids' experience, I just don't agree with this.

DP. My kids didn’t like daycare and didn’t thrive there and I still worked because they are not the only people on the planet, and they are still incredibly privileged.
I was in a small town where I was the only doctor in my specialty. I wasn’t going to SAH in order to give them some idyllic toddlerhood. My kids are a little neurotic, but they are fine, and a few people lived that might have died a lot sooner. I feel like it was a good trade.

The idea that we need to give over privileged children even more time and attention is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It astounds me how so few posters consider or acknowledge the experience for an infant or toddler—what their day to day is like. It’s a completely different childhood when you can avoid both parents working long hours with maybe 4 months of leave total. Anything that can be done to stagger or extend leaves, to work part time, etc. will improve your child’s quality of life immensely.

My kids liked day care. It was warm and lovely and the kids were very well taken care of. It sucked for me to be managing being a new mother, pumping, and working, but they were fine. And now that they're older, I have a lot more flexibility in my hours because of the work I put in then. So it's not that I haven't considered my kids' experience, I just don't agree with this.

DP. My kids didn’t like daycare and didn’t thrive there and I still worked because they are not the only people on the planet, and they are still incredibly privileged.
I was in a small town where I was the only doctor in my specialty. I wasn’t going to SAH in order to give them some idyllic toddlerhood. My kids are a little neurotic, but they are fine, and a few people lived that might have died a lot sooner. I feel like it was a good trade.

The idea that we need to give over privileged children even more time and attention is ridiculous.

It’s so nuts. This notion that kids who go to daycare or have babysitters are in any way missing out is insane. I mainly work from home and have hours and hours a day with my kids. They just do a sport or a class after school. And they’re great kids!

And bc I work they will have fully funded 529s, they can go to camp, they can travel to Europe and we will be able to help them with down payment on first home.

Kids generally after the age of 7 desperately start to want to see less of their parents so silly to give up your whole life and comp for someone who will pull away in a way that’s developmentally appropriate after just a few years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you educated and a professional woman in a decent job before becoming a SAHM? In that case, I can see it being harder to get back into the labor market at anything approaching your current/previous level.

DC job market is competitive -- there are a million educated, talented, smart people around. Why would someone hire someone else who'd been home for five years? You just wouldn't be very completive.

I had no problem returning to the workforce. I'm sure it varies by industry/role but this idea that it is impossible is outdated. I know several women who have done the same. We are in different industries but none of us had a problem finding a job after staying home for a period of time.

Did you return to a senior role, with perks?

This was my basic math— I took two years maternity leave, but didn’t leave my job. My job includes travel and other things I can experience with my kids. I do not want my kids to think women do primarily domestic work, but it could be equally damaging for them to think, Dad has a secretary, Mom IS a secretary.

It’s kind of sad that you assign value to humans based on their careers. That is what you are teaching your kids.

I don’t think it is. My kids love my secretary, and we value her enormously. But I don’t think it’s ideal for children to see women restricted to positions of support— at home or the workplace.

You must be living in a vacuum that your children aren’t seeing women in power positions with the exception of mom. The vice president, Supreme Court justices, Congress…those are good places to start. It’s odd that you refer to women as being “restricted.” Most women I know own their choices and choose to pursue what works best for them and their families.

I don’t run in such exalted circles that the Vice President or any of the SCOTUS justices are a huge part of my kids lives. Their mom and dad are. And mom and dad are both important people in their workplace just like at home.

So, you’ve cured cancer AND found the path the world peace??!!?? Why are you on DCUM with us common folk. I mean you are “important” in the workplace.

Get over yourself. You sound like an eight year old playing dress up.

SAHM cant handle a different POV? You know not everyone thinks like you, right? Get over yourself.

Not a SAHM (was one for two years). I am someone who has perspective about the grand scheme of things. The limited POV sounds like the poster who can only feel important because of her job. She spent multiple posts putting down working women who have jobs she deems less important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It astounds me how so few posters consider or acknowledge the experience for an infant or toddler—what their day to day is like. It’s a completely different childhood when you can avoid both parents working long hours with maybe 4 months of leave total. Anything that can be done to stagger or extend leaves, to work part time, etc. will improve your child’s quality of life immensely.

My kids liked day care. It was warm and lovely and the kids were very well taken care of. It sucked for me to be managing being a new mother, pumping, and working, but they were fine. And now that they're older, I have a lot more flexibility in my hours because of the work I put in then. So it's not that I haven't considered my kids' experience, I just don't agree with this.

DP. My kids didn’t like daycare and didn’t thrive there and I still worked because they are not the only people on the planet, and they are still incredibly privileged.
I was in a small town where I was the only doctor in my specialty. I wasn’t going to SAH in order to give them some idyllic toddlerhood. My kids are a little neurotic, but they are fine, and a few people lived that might have died a lot sooner. I feel like it was a good trade.

The idea that we need to give over privileged children even more time and attention is ridiculous.

It’s so nuts. This notion that kids who go to daycare or have babysitters are in any way missing out is insane. I mainly work from home and have hours and hours a day with my kids. They just do a sport or a class after school. And they’re great kids!

And bc I work they will have fully funded 529s, they can go to camp, they can travel to Europe and we will be able to help them with down payment on first home.

Kids generally after the age of 7 desperately start to want to see less of their parents so silly to give up your whole life and comp for someone who will pull away in a way that’s developmentally appropriate after just a few years

NP here. Listen, I am certain your choices for your family were correct for you, but you seem uber defensive. Children in daycare or with a nanny literally have a hired worker as their primary attachment in infancy and as a toddler. Think what you want of that. Also, taking your children to Europe is not the flex you think it is. Chill out nobody is judging you. Especially in DC where all the working women think they are as important as Jesus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It astounds me how so few posters consider or acknowledge the experience for an infant or toddler—what their day to day is like. It’s a completely different childhood when you can avoid both parents working long hours with maybe 4 months of leave total. Anything that can be done to stagger or extend leaves, to work part time, etc. will improve your child’s quality of life immensely.

My kids liked day care. It was warm and lovely and the kids were very well taken care of. It sucked for me to be managing being a new mother, pumping, and working, but they were fine. And now that they're older, I have a lot more flexibility in my hours because of the work I put in then. So it's not that I haven't considered my kids' experience, I just don't agree with this.

DP. My kids didn’t like daycare and didn’t thrive there and I still worked because they are not the only people on the planet, and they are still incredibly privileged.
I was in a small town where I was the only doctor in my specialty. I wasn’t going to SAH in order to give them some idyllic toddlerhood. My kids are a little neurotic, but they are fine, and a few people lived that might have died a lot sooner. I feel like it was a good trade.

The idea that we need to give over privileged children even more time and attention is ridiculous.

It’s so nuts. This notion that kids who go to daycare or have babysitters are in any way missing out is insane. I mainly work from home and have hours and hours a day with my kids. They just do a sport or a class after school. And they’re great kids!

And bc I work they will have fully funded 529s, they can go to camp, they can travel to Europe and we will be able to help them with down payment on first home.

Kids generally after the age of 7 desperately start to want to see less of their parents so silly to give up your whole life and comp for someone who will pull away in a way that’s developmentally appropriate after just a few years

Kids in daycare do have increased stress levels. It’s all a balance, and there obviously good reasons why parents work, but there can be impacts to kids that are not measurable. The first 3 years impact life forever.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2946618/