Reply to Are there ramifications for being a SAHM?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In my case, I don't think I'd ever be attracted to the kind of guy who had the same respect for a sahm wife as he would have for a working wife. Because honestly that means he probably didn't put a whole lot of value in the accomplishments of a working wife. I have accomplished a lot in my career and education. It really is harder and more interesting than baby raising.  [/quote]

This is just straight-out misogynistic.  You assign a high value to paid work* and a low value to caregiving work** because based on what you write, [b]you have bought into the patriarchal notion that women exist to serve their husbands and families, for no pay and at the expense of their own needs and wants, and that paid work is by definition worthy of respect that caregiving work is not.[/b]  It's kind of like how a boy dressing like a girl is worthy of contempt and derision, whereas the reverse is not.

Paid work is not [i]per se[/i] more worthy of respect than caregiving work is, just because we have been told so by patriarchal culture.

*[i]work for which people are compensated with money, in the tradition of how men have worked for centuries[/i]
**[i]work for which no monetary compensation is provided, in the tradition of how women have worked for centuries[/i][/quote]

NP here.  You could argue both posters with seemingly oppose view have bought into the patriarchy because at issue isn’t the action of the woman but that of the man.  Does HE see being a father as important and spending time with his children?  If he does then he will feel the tradeoffs of work vs home life and work won’t always win.  Then if the wife WOH, he will want to be an equal parent and have to navigate how to have a fulfilling career and spend time with his children working with  spouse and an outside caregiver to help balance it. If the wife SAH, the % of hands on parenting won’t be equal but he should still not abdicate all things child related with the reasoning that the high value work is more important than spending time with his children.

At the heart of the matter is if each of you values spending time with your children and having a fulfilling career and will be a team to facilitate each person having the opportunity for both. In that scenario if either person decides they want being a parent to be their career, it still has to balance with the other person being able to navigate spending time with the kids and their career. If that isn’t the case as long as you both lean into the patriarchy in the same way it works.[/quote]

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