Are there ramifications for being a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do what you want and what feels good for you in your relationship.

I always liked working. I derive satisfaction from working. I didn't derive much satisfaction from being a full time mom (which I essentially did for 3 years - though always was technically employed at the time, for purposes of keeping my resume fresh).

I hear a lot of women on this forum say that their husbands always continued to treat them as the same equal when they stayed home. That's great! In my case, I don't think I'd ever be attracted to the kind of guy who had the same respect for a sahm wife as he would have for a working wife. Because honestly that means he probably didn't put a whole lot of value in the accomplishments of a working wife. I have accomplished a lot in my career and education. It really is harder and more interesting than baby raising. So if a guy was like "my opinions of you won't change based on whether you continue working or not"..... . that's kind of weird, and not the guy for me. Consequently, my DH is very attracted to my professional success; we definitely weren't as connected or have the same energy when I wasn't working. But again - your DH and your relationship may be different, so you do you.

This is an interesting perspective. Thanks for sharing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do what you want and what feels good for you in your relationship.

I always liked working. I derive satisfaction from working. I didn't derive much satisfaction from being a full time mom (which I essentially did for 3 years - though always was technically employed at the time, for purposes of keeping my resume fresh).

I hear a lot of women on this forum say that their husbands always continued to treat them as the same equal when they stayed home. That's great! In my case, I don't think I'd ever be attracted to the kind of guy who had the same respect for a sahm wife as he would have for a working wife. Because honestly that means he probably didn't put a whole lot of value in the accomplishments of a working wife. I have accomplished a lot in my career and education. It really is harder and more interesting than baby raising. So if a guy was like "my opinions of you won't change based on whether you continue working or not"..... . that's kind of weird, and not the guy for me. Consequently, my DH is very attracted to my professional success; we definitely weren't as connected or have the same energy when I wasn't working. But again - your DH and your relationship may be different, so you do you.

This is sad to me and I have a career. It’s sad for a few reasons including that you’re likely over the age of 35 and still think your career is that important in the grand scheme of things. I work for a few reasons but primarily for income and can’t imagine my DH thinking me pushing papers around and sending emails is really more important than my role raising children. This view also diminishes what has traditionally been a woman’s job since the beginning of time. It suggests that the only way you add value is if you have what was traditionally a man’s job. Bringing a life into this world and raising it isn’t enough for you. Instead you need to work for a corporation and send emails. Kind of gross. I think our nanny’s job is incredibly important and don’t think my job is more important or better than being the mother to my children.

You have got to be kidding. I hope this is satire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do what you want and what feels good for you in your relationship.

I always liked working. I derive satisfaction from working. I didn't derive much satisfaction from being a full time mom (which I essentially did for 3 years - though always was technically employed at the time, for purposes of keeping my resume fresh).

I hear a lot of women on this forum say that their husbands always continued to treat them as the same equal when they stayed home. That's great! In my case, I don't think I'd ever be attracted to the kind of guy who had the same respect for a sahm wife as he would have for a working wife. Because honestly that means he probably didn't put a whole lot of value in the accomplishments of a working wife. I have accomplished a lot in my career and education. It really is harder and more interesting than baby raising. So if a guy was like "my opinions of you won't change based on whether you continue working or not"..... . that's kind of weird, and not the guy for me. Consequently, my DH is very attracted to my professional success; we definitely weren't as connected or have the same energy when I wasn't working. But again - your DH and your relationship may be different, so you do you.

This is sad to me and I have a career. It’s sad for a few reasons including that you’re likely over the age of 35 and still think your career is that important in the grand scheme of things. I work for a few reasons but primarily for income and can’t imagine my DH thinking me pushing papers around and sending emails is really more important than my role raising children. This view also diminishes what has traditionally been a woman’s job since the beginning of time. It suggests that the only way you add value is if you have what was traditionally a man’s job. Bringing a life into this world and raising it isn’t enough for you. Instead you need to work for a corporation and send emails. Kind of gross. I think our nanny’s job is incredibly important and don’t think my job is more important or better than being the mother to my children.

You have got to be kidding. I hope this is satire.

m

Nope. I wouldn’t have married a man who didn’t appreciate or value having and raising children. His family is his number one priority. Not paper pushing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do what you want and what feels good for you in your relationship.

I always liked working. I derive satisfaction from working. I didn't derive much satisfaction from being a full time mom (which I essentially did for 3 years - though always was technically employed at the time, for purposes of keeping my resume fresh).

I hear a lot of women on this forum say that their husbands always continued to treat them as the same equal when they stayed home. That's great! In my case, I don't think I'd ever be attracted to the kind of guy who had the same respect for a sahm wife as he would have for a working wife. Because honestly that means he probably didn't put a whole lot of value in the accomplishments of a working wife. I have accomplished a lot in my career and education. It really is harder and more interesting than baby raising. So if a guy was like "my opinions of you won't change based on whether you continue working or not"..... . that's kind of weird, and not the guy for me. Consequently, my DH is very attracted to my professional success; we definitely weren't as connected or have the same energy when I wasn't working. But again - your DH and your relationship may be different, so you do you.

This is sad to me and I have a career. It’s sad for a few reasons including that you’re likely over the age of 35 and still think your career is that important in the grand scheme of things. I work for a few reasons but primarily for income and can’t imagine my DH thinking me pushing papers around and sending emails is really more important than my role raising children. This view also diminishes what has traditionally been a woman’s job since the beginning of time. It suggests that the only way you add value is if you have what was traditionally a man’s job. Bringing a life into this world and raising it isn’t enough for you. Instead you need to work for a corporation and send emails. Kind of gross. I think our nanny’s job is incredibly important and don’t think my job is more important or better than being the mother to my children.

🤮

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do what you want and what feels good for you in your relationship.

I always liked working. I derive satisfaction from working. I didn't derive much satisfaction from being a full time mom (which I essentially did for 3 years - though always was technically employed at the time, for purposes of keeping my resume fresh).

I hear a lot of women on this forum say that their husbands always continued to treat them as the same equal when they stayed home. That's great! In my case, I don't think I'd ever be attracted to the kind of guy who had the same respect for a sahm wife as he would have for a working wife. Because honestly that means he probably didn't put a whole lot of value in the accomplishments of a working wife. I have accomplished a lot in my career and education. It really is harder and more interesting than baby raising. So if a guy was like "my opinions of you won't change based on whether you continue working or not"..... . that's kind of weird, and not the guy for me. Consequently, my DH is very attracted to my professional success; we definitely weren't as connected or have the same energy when I wasn't working. But again - your DH and your relationship may be different, so you do you.

This is sad to me and I have a career. It’s sad for a few reasons including that you’re likely over the age of 35 and still think your career is that important in the grand scheme of things. I work for a few reasons but primarily for income and can’t imagine my DH thinking me pushing papers around and sending emails is really more important than my role raising children. This view also diminishes what has traditionally been a woman’s job since the beginning of time. It suggests that the only way you add value is if you have what was traditionally a man’s job. Bringing a life into this world and raising it isn’t enough for you. Instead you need to work for a corporation and send emails. Kind of gross. I think our nanny’s job is incredibly important and don’t think my job is more important or better than being the mother to my children.

🤮

You’re vomiting over a woman valuing raising kids as much as her job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do what you want and what feels good for you in your relationship.

I always liked working. I derive satisfaction from working. I didn't derive much satisfaction from being a full time mom (which I essentially did for 3 years - though always was technically employed at the time, for purposes of keeping my resume fresh).

I hear a lot of women on this forum say that their husbands always continued to treat them as the same equal when they stayed home. That's great! In my case, I don't think I'd ever be attracted to the kind of guy who had the same respect for a sahm wife as he would have for a working wife. Because honestly that means he probably didn't put a whole lot of value in the accomplishments of a working wife. I have accomplished a lot in my career and education. It really is harder and more interesting than baby raising. So if a guy was like "my opinions of you won't change based on whether you continue working or not"..... . that's kind of weird, and not the guy for me. Consequently, my DH is very attracted to my professional success; we definitely weren't as connected or have the same energy when I wasn't working. But again - your DH and your relationship may be different, so you do you.

This is sad to me and I have a career. It’s sad for a few reasons including that you’re likely over the age of 35 and still think your career is that important in the grand scheme of things. I work for a few reasons but primarily for income and can’t imagine my DH thinking me pushing papers around and sending emails is really more important than my role raising children. This view also diminishes what has traditionally been a woman’s job since the beginning of time. It suggests that the only way you add value is if you have what was traditionally a man’s job. Bringing a life into this world and raising it isn’t enough for you. Instead you need to work for a corporation and send emails. Kind of gross. I think our nanny’s job is incredibly important and don’t think my job is more important or better than being the mother to my children.

You have got to be kidding. I hope this is satire.

m

Nope. I wouldn’t have married a man who didn’t appreciate or value having and raising children. His family is his number one priority. Not paper pushing.

Women with high powered career do not paper push. Luckily you DH does not care you are dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do what you want and what feels good for you in your relationship.

I always liked working. I derive satisfaction from working. I didn't derive much satisfaction from being a full time mom (which I essentially did for 3 years - though always was technically employed at the time, for purposes of keeping my resume fresh).

I hear a lot of women on this forum say that their husbands always continued to treat them as the same equal when they stayed home. That's great! In my case, I don't think I'd ever be attracted to the kind of guy who had the same respect for a sahm wife as he would have for a working wife. Because honestly that means he probably didn't put a whole lot of value in the accomplishments of a working wife. I have accomplished a lot in my career and education. It really is harder and more interesting than baby raising. So if a guy was like "my opinions of you won't change based on whether you continue working or not"..... . that's kind of weird, and not the guy for me. Consequently, my DH is very attracted to my professional success; we definitely weren't as connected or have the same energy when I wasn't working. But again - your DH and your relationship may be different, so you do you.

This is sad to me and I have a career. It’s sad for a few reasons including that you’re likely over the age of 35 and still think your career is that important in the grand scheme of things. I work for a few reasons but primarily for income and can’t imagine my DH thinking me pushing papers around and sending emails is really more important than my role raising children. This view also diminishes what has traditionally been a woman’s job since the beginning of time. It suggests that the only way you add value is if you have what was traditionally a man’s job. Bringing a life into this world and raising it isn’t enough for you. Instead you need to work for a corporation and send emails. Kind of gross. I think our nanny’s job is incredibly important and don’t think my job is more important or better than being the mother to my children.

🤮

You’re vomiting over a woman valuing raising kids as much as her job?

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do what you want and what feels good for you in your relationship.

I always liked working. I derive satisfaction from working. I didn't derive much satisfaction from being a full time mom (which I essentially did for 3 years - though always was technically employed at the time, for purposes of keeping my resume fresh).

I hear a lot of women on this forum say that their husbands always continued to treat them as the same equal when they stayed home. That's great! In my case, I don't think I'd ever be attracted to the kind of guy who had the same respect for a sahm wife as he would have for a working wife. Because honestly that means he probably didn't put a whole lot of value in the accomplishments of a working wife. I have accomplished a lot in my career and education. It really is harder and more interesting than baby raising. So if a guy was like "my opinions of you won't change based on whether you continue working or not"..... . that's kind of weird, and not the guy for me. Consequently, my DH is very attracted to my professional success; we definitely weren't as connected or have the same energy when I wasn't working. But again - your DH and your relationship may be different, so you do you.

This is sad to me and I have a career. It’s sad for a few reasons including that you’re likely over the age of 35 and still think your career is that important in the grand scheme of things. I work for a few reasons but primarily for income and can’t imagine my DH thinking me pushing papers around and sending emails is really more important than my role raising children. This view also diminishes what has traditionally been a woman’s job since the beginning of time. It suggests that the only way you add value is if you have what was traditionally a man’s job. Bringing a life into this world and raising it isn’t enough for you. Instead you need to work for a corporation and send emails. Kind of gross. I think our nanny’s job is incredibly important and don’t think my job is more important or better than being the mother to my children.

🤮

You’re vomiting over a woman valuing raising kids as much as her job?

I think pp is vomiting because the above indicates that this person does not have the skills for high paying job so she has to disregard those that do to make herself feel better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do what you want and what feels good for you in your relationship.

I always liked working. I derive satisfaction from working. I didn't derive much satisfaction from being a full time mom (which I essentially did for 3 years - though always was technically employed at the time, for purposes of keeping my resume fresh).

I hear a lot of women on this forum say that their husbands always continued to treat them as the same equal when they stayed home. That's great! In my case, I don't think I'd ever be attracted to the kind of guy who had the same respect for a sahm wife as he would have for a working wife. Because honestly that means he probably didn't put a whole lot of value in the accomplishments of a working wife. I have accomplished a lot in my career and education. It really is harder and more interesting than baby raising. So if a guy was like "my opinions of you won't change based on whether you continue working or not"..... . that's kind of weird, and not the guy for me. Consequently, my DH is very attracted to my professional success; we definitely weren't as connected or have the same energy when I wasn't working. But again - your DH and your relationship may be different, so you do you.

This is sad to me and I have a career. It’s sad for a few reasons including that you’re likely over the age of 35 and still think your career is that important in the grand scheme of things. I work for a few reasons but primarily for income and can’t imagine my DH thinking me pushing papers around and sending emails is really more important than my role raising children. This view also diminishes what has traditionally been a woman’s job since the beginning of time. It suggests that the only way you add value is if you have what was traditionally a man’s job. Bringing a life into this world and raising it isn’t enough for you. Instead you need to work for a corporation and send emails. Kind of gross. I think our nanny’s job is incredibly important and don’t think my job is more important or better than being the mother to my children.

You have got to be kidding. I hope this is satire.

m

Nope. I wouldn’t have married a man who didn’t appreciate or value having and raising children. His family is his number one priority. Not paper pushing.

Women with high powered career do not paper push. Luckily you DH does not care you are dumb.

This!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do what you want and what feels good for you in your relationship.

I always liked working. I derive satisfaction from working. I didn't derive much satisfaction from being a full time mom (which I essentially did for 3 years - though always was technically employed at the time, for purposes of keeping my resume fresh).

I hear a lot of women on this forum say that their husbands always continued to treat them as the same equal when they stayed home. That's great! In my case, I don't think I'd ever be attracted to the kind of guy who had the same respect for a sahm wife as he would have for a working wife. Because honestly that means he probably didn't put a whole lot of value in the accomplishments of a working wife. I have accomplished a lot in my career and education. It really is harder and more interesting than baby raising. So if a guy was like "my opinions of you won't change based on whether you continue working or not"..... . that's kind of weird, and not the guy for me. Consequently, my DH is very attracted to my professional success; we definitely weren't as connected or have the same energy when I wasn't working. But again - your DH and your relationship may be different, so you do you.

This is sad to me and I have a career. It’s sad for a few reasons including that you’re likely over the age of 35 and still think your career is that important in the grand scheme of things. I work for a few reasons but primarily for income and can’t imagine my DH thinking me pushing papers around and sending emails is really more important than my role raising children. This view also diminishes what has traditionally been a woman’s job since the beginning of time. It suggests that the only way you add value is if you have what was traditionally a man’s job. Bringing a life into this world and raising it isn’t enough for you. Instead you need to work for a corporation and send emails. Kind of gross. I think our nanny’s job is incredibly important and don’t think my job is more important or better than being the mother to my children.

🤮

You’re vomiting over a woman valuing raising kids as much as her job?

I think pp is vomiting because the above indicates that this person does not have the skills for high paying job so she has to disregard those that do to make herself feel better.

Not sure how you came to that conclusion from the post. It seems like you’re projecting.

There are plenty of very successful women who appreciate being valued as a mother and do not want our husband to think having a job is more important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do what you want and what feels good for you in your relationship.

I always liked working. I derive satisfaction from working. I didn't derive much satisfaction from being a full time mom (which I essentially did for 3 years - though always was technically employed at the time, for purposes of keeping my resume fresh).

I hear a lot of women on this forum say that their husbands always continued to treat them as the same equal when they stayed home. That's great! In my case, I don't think I'd ever be attracted to the kind of guy who had the same respect for a sahm wife as he would have for a working wife. Because honestly that means he probably didn't put a whole lot of value in the accomplishments of a working wife. I have accomplished a lot in my career and education. It really is harder and more interesting than baby raising. So if a guy was like "my opinions of you won't change based on whether you continue working or not"..... . that's kind of weird, and not the guy for me. Consequently, my DH is very attracted to my professional success; we definitely weren't as connected or have the same energy when I wasn't working. But again - your DH and your relationship may be different, so you do you.

This is sad to me and I have a career. It’s sad for a few reasons including that you’re likely over the age of 35 and still think your career is that important in the grand scheme of things. I work for a few reasons but primarily for income and can’t imagine my DH thinking me pushing papers around and sending emails is really more important than my role raising children. This view also diminishes what has traditionally been a woman’s job since the beginning of time. It suggests that the only way you add value is if you have what was traditionally a man’s job. Bringing a life into this world and raising it isn’t enough for you. Instead you need to work for a corporation and send emails. Kind of gross. I think our nanny’s job is incredibly important and don’t think my job is more important or better than being the mother to my children.

You have got to be kidding. I hope this is satire.

m

Nope. I wouldn’t have married a man who didn’t appreciate or value having and raising children. His family is his number one priority. Not paper pushing.

Women with high powered career do not paper push. Luckily you DH does not care you are dumb.

Lol this is pretty much all high earning office jobs. Very few are doing anything extremely consequential. There are exceptions like surgeons, doctors, etc.

If you die tomorrow they will reassign your responsibilities to someone else and/or hire someone new.

I’ve actually risen up the ranks rather quickly once I figured out what a joke work is.

[Anonymous]

My DH is a very generous and kind guy, but even he was questioning some of my spending and I found myself having to justify why I needed to buy this or that.

He felt the pressure of carrying the burden of being a provider.

I hated being dependent on him. I felt resentful that I did the exhausting work while he just went to the office and he got recognized and rewarded with money, status while I got nothing.

I would not put myself in that situation ever again. And financially having two incomes brings us to a whole other level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There may be more options than you think. It’s been my experience that employers will lie and say the only option is for you to do exactly what they want you to do, but when you sit down to give your notice, other options magically appear.

This is the time to ask for exactly what you want. If they can’t work with you, then you quit.

+1.

OP, I think women should have a backup/return to work plan. I don't know that I think a postnup is the way to go if you're going to do this for 3-5 years, but if you and your spouse decide you should be a SAHM long-term, then it's a good idea. Otherwise, maybe put resources towards you planning to on-ramp back to work in a few/several years.

I'm 52 and have seen several marriages that I thought were pretty solid fall apart in the late 40's. Cheating, growing apart, small cracks that become chasms over the years. And also several deaths. I don't mean to be a downer, but these things do happen.

[Anonymous]

Make sure you have a lot of life insurance on your husband. If he dies, it will be very hard for you to replace his income, even with survivor’s benefits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do what you want and what feels good for you in your relationship.

I always liked working. I derive satisfaction from working. I didn't derive much satisfaction from being a full time mom (which I essentially did for 3 years - though always was technically employed at the time, for purposes of keeping my resume fresh).

I hear a lot of women on this forum say that their husbands always continued to treat them as the same equal when they stayed home. That's great! In my case, I don't think I'd ever be attracted to the kind of guy who had the same respect for a sahm wife as he would have for a working wife. Because honestly that means he probably didn't put a whole lot of value in the accomplishments of a working wife. I have accomplished a lot in my career and education. It really is harder and more interesting than baby raising. So if a guy was like "my opinions of you won't change based on whether you continue working or not"..... . that's kind of weird, and not the guy for me. Consequently, my DH is very attracted to my professional success; we definitely weren't as connected or have the same energy when I wasn't working. But again - your DH and your relationship may be different, so you do you.

I actually think my husband has more respect for me. We both had high powered careers. We both love our kids more than anything. He loves hearing about what we did during the day. Dh much prefers that I am home with our kids and fully respects and appreciates me.