Big Law spouses - give me your tips and tricks

[Anonymous]

Twice a month cleaners??? Not nearly enough. Once we went to a daily housekeeper, it made a huge difference. She knew the details of our house enough that I just didn’t have to think about a lot of household stuff and could focus on my job (which I love) and quality time with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Twice a month cleaners??? Not nearly enough. Once we went to a daily housekeeper, it made a huge difference. She knew the details of our house enough that I just didn’t have to think about a lot of household stuff and could focus on my job (which I love) and quality time with the kids.

OP here - I can't imagine having someone in my house every day. We don't have a mansion and I work from home. I like my peace and quiet when the kids are at school/daycare. I would not like a full time housekeeper in my house for a few hours a day.

[Anonymous]

OP you don't seem to want any of the suggestions you are being given. You presumably have a lot of money to throw at your problems, so do that. If you don't, you are choosing to allow the situation to continue.

[Anonymous]

Some people hate all help and would rather do everything themselves. If that’s you and you can do it without resenting your spouse for what they’re not doing or running yourself into the ground, cool. I know plenty of parents of 3 or 4 who have no help beyond a cleaner and yard person, the mom just carts all the kids to every activity, orders a lot of takeout etc

I take the path of hiring a coparent bc I can’t count on my spouse to be one. Sometimes that ends up with too much help but no nanny has ever complained about extra downtime. I don’t want my littlest sitting in the car for hours while I take others to activities, I don’t want to rely on screens to keep them occupied while I give others a calm bedtime, I don’t want the oldest to never have an adult to help them with their complex projects bc there’s always 2 littler kids right there messing them up

They’re both doable paths - it depends on what you want to prioritize for your kids and what you are willing to take on without resenting your spouse for dumping it on you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people hate all help and would rather do everything themselves. If that’s you and you can do it without resenting your spouse for what they’re not doing or running yourself into the ground, cool. I know plenty of parents of 3 or 4 who have no help beyond a cleaner and yard person, the mom just carts all the kids to every activity, orders a lot of takeout etc

I take the path of hiring a coparent bc I can’t count on my spouse to be one. Sometimes that ends up with too much help but no nanny has ever complained about extra downtime. I don’t want my littlest sitting in the car for hours while I take others to activities, I don’t want to rely on screens to keep them occupied while I give others a calm bedtime, I don’t want the oldest to never have an adult to help them with their complex projects bc there’s always 2 littler kids right there messing them up

They’re both doable paths - it depends on what you want to prioritize for your kids and what you are willing to take on without resenting your spouse for dumping it on you

This is very well-said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people hate all help and would rather do everything themselves. If that’s you and you can do it without resenting your spouse for what they’re not doing or running yourself into the ground, cool. I know plenty of parents of 3 or 4 who have no help beyond a cleaner and yard person, the mom just carts all the kids to every activity, orders a lot of takeout etc

I take the path of hiring a coparent bc I can’t count on my spouse to be one. Sometimes that ends up with too much help but no nanny has ever complained about extra downtime. I don’t want my littlest sitting in the car for hours while I take others to activities, I don’t want to rely on screens to keep them occupied while I give others a calm bedtime, I don’t want the oldest to never have an adult to help them with their complex projects bc there’s always 2 littler kids right there messing them up

They’re both doable paths - it depends on what you want to prioritize for your kids and what you are willing to take on without resenting your spouse for dumping it on you

Exactly. I get extra help so I don't feel squeezed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Op - because I don’t care if he is equity or non-equity?

You should because there is a huge difference in income. So it is insanely different. Non-equity is just a nice word for "service" partner or employee. Maybe he develops enough business to be move up the ranks to equity partner but right now there isn't much difference between non-equity partner and senior associate except he gets invited to the partners retreat.

Even Instagram knows the difference!
https://www.instagram.com/nonequitypartner/?hl=en