Big Law spouses - give me your tips and tricks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Oh, I sorry reality isn't something you want to recognize. As a non-equity partner you are at the whims of the partnership and can be fired for any legitimate reason. Is it going in the right track? Sure. I didn't argue that but OP's husband is basically still being reviewed as to whether he wins the pie eating contest to win his prize of more pie.

Until he moves over to the K1 side of the ledger he's no different than a senior associate beyond he's farther along the track. Only when he gets the offer to buys in (and depwnding on the firm that could be 7 figures) does getting that title of "partner" really matter..

Sorry to hurt your feelings.

OP, there are definitely firms where this isn’t true and being a non-eq partner is valued and viewed as another level towards full partner. Ignore the people minimizing your DH’s accomplishment and trying to scare you.

FWIW, when our kids were young we had childcare and about the other level of help you described - and we both worked. It was manageable, even if not always easy or ideal.

Sigh. Maybe read the entire thread before spouting off. The OP wrote

Anonymous wrote:

Op - because I don’t care if he is equity or non-equity?

Because there is a huge difference between two and your post doesn't refute my point. Being a non-equity partner means you are still an employee. Being an equity partner means you are an owner - talk to any of the equity partners of the now collapse Dewey if want to understand the distinction.

If you don't know the difference, I am not sure what I can tell you. As a non-equity partner, your goal is to develop business, not only for yourself and the firm. If you don't do that, you might be able to remain as a non-equity partner but you could also as easily be shown the door. Being named non-equity partner just means you are on the right track instead of being shown the door under the up or out system most firms employ.

It sort of sounds like the OP's husband is on the right track in developing business but what matters is bringing in $$$$ into the firm. Given he is traveling to do business development, he's likely been given a budget to assist him in doing that. Billables are important but business development is just as important, if not more. If a partner bills 2000 hours at $1000. That is $2.0 million. Compare that to partner B that bills 1,500 hours at the same rate of $1000 but brings in $10, million in business. Who is more valuable to the firm?

Here's another lesson in Big Law economics. Just because your listed billing rate is $1000 doesn't mean a client is paying that rate. Lots of clients have all kinds of discounts on bills depending on the client, matter, etc. Further, just because an attorney brings in $2.0 million in billing doesn't mean that is all profit. If that billing attorney is at the NYC rate of compensation and was just paid $540K last year, in comp and benefit analysis, you roughly 3X a persons salary to determine what the expenses are for said employee to said employer. In other words, $540K costs the firm in expenses, overhead, rent, taxes, insurance, discounts, salary flowed down to junior attorneys, etc. equals $1.62 million. So in other words, that 2000 billing attorney brought in about $400K in profit. Doesn't seem as much as before.

Literally everybody commenting on this thread is aware of all this. It's just not really relevant to the OP. OP's husband's job is no less secure than jobs in almost any other industry except government. Obviously if a company or a division in a company has an abrupt drop i in business somebody is going to lose their jobs. Do you feel the need to remind everyone of this fact? Or just non-equity big law partners and their spouses?

IF you read this entire thread, I'd dispute your 1st sentence that people are aware of law firm economics/finances. Sorry your husband is only a non-equity partner and are taking offense to reality.

Honestly, past 300k, there was no significant impact to our quality of life.

Nearly all associates earn that much. That's called doing really well. Making partner isn't worth the misery for most people. Or their spouses.

And you can be an amazing lawyer and not make partner because of a million factors, even if you bill plenty. Don't crucify yourself on the cross of being an equity partner.

I am a pp.

Actually there is a big difference in quality of life between 300K and 2 million. I say this as someone that shops bargains, wears cheaply clothes, has never stayed at a four seasons or mayakoha rosewood or anything like that. But when my kid crashes the car, it’s not a big deal. All my kids college educations are fully funded. We live in a nice neighborhood. We paid for therapy weekly for my kids when they needed it, out of pocket. We don’t bargain-shop for the cheaper weeks/flights for vacations. If the kids need a tutor, we get it. I have friends making 300K and it’s actually tough for them to have that level of comfort — we each had our basement floor and it was stressful for them to cover the repair and mitigation whereas it was not for us. We don’t spend most of the money because we grew up cheap middle class and just don’t care about most rich people stuff. But we never worry about money which is very nice.

Obviously 300K is a lot of money and can allow for a really comfortable life. But to say it’s the same as 2M is just inaccurate.

God you are insufferable. And I promise you my dh is a partner at a better firm than yours. (Equity, obvi, since it matters.)

This is op - not sure how this thread has devolved into two wives of equity partners fighting. Kinda weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Oh, I sorry reality isn't something you want to recognize. As a non-equity partner you are at the whims of the partnership and can be fired for any legitimate reason. Is it going in the right track? Sure. I didn't argue that but OP's husband is basically still being reviewed as to whether he wins the pie eating contest to win his prize of more pie.

Until he moves over to the K1 side of the ledger he's no different than a senior associate beyond he's farther along the track. Only when he gets the offer to buys in (and depwnding on the firm that could be 7 figures) does getting that title of "partner" really matter..

Sorry to hurt your feelings.

OP, there are definitely firms where this isn’t true and being a non-eq partner is valued and viewed as another level towards full partner. Ignore the people minimizing your DH’s accomplishment and trying to scare you.

FWIW, when our kids were young we had childcare and about the other level of help you described - and we both worked. It was manageable, even if not always easy or ideal.

Sigh. Maybe read the entire thread before spouting off. The OP wrote

Anonymous wrote:

Op - because I don’t care if he is equity or non-equity?

Because there is a huge difference between two and your post doesn't refute my point. Being a non-equity partner means you are still an employee. Being an equity partner means you are an owner - talk to any of the equity partners of the now collapse Dewey if want to understand the distinction.

If you don't know the difference, I am not sure what I can tell you. As a non-equity partner, your goal is to develop business, not only for yourself and the firm. If you don't do that, you might be able to remain as a non-equity partner but you could also as easily be shown the door. Being named non-equity partner just means you are on the right track instead of being shown the door under the up or out system most firms employ.

It sort of sounds like the OP's husband is on the right track in developing business but what matters is bringing in $$$$ into the firm. Given he is traveling to do business development, he's likely been given a budget to assist him in doing that. Billables are important but business development is just as important, if not more. If a partner bills 2000 hours at $1000. That is $2.0 million. Compare that to partner B that bills 1,500 hours at the same rate of $1000 but brings in $10, million in business. Who is more valuable to the firm?

Here's another lesson in Big Law economics. Just because your listed billing rate is $1000 doesn't mean a client is paying that rate. Lots of clients have all kinds of discounts on bills depending on the client, matter, etc. Further, just because an attorney brings in $2.0 million in billing doesn't mean that is all profit. If that billing attorney is at the NYC rate of compensation and was just paid $540K last year, in comp and benefit analysis, you roughly 3X a persons salary to determine what the expenses are for said employee to said employer. In other words, $540K costs the firm in expenses, overhead, rent, taxes, insurance, discounts, salary flowed down to junior attorneys, etc. equals $1.62 million. So in other words, that 2000 billing attorney brought in about $400K in profit. Doesn't seem as much as before.

Literally everybody commenting on this thread is aware of all this. It's just not really relevant to the OP. OP's husband's job is no less secure than jobs in almost any other industry except government. Obviously if a company or a division in a company has an abrupt drop i in business somebody is going to lose their jobs. Do you feel the need to remind everyone of this fact? Or just non-equity big law partners and their spouses?

IF you read this entire thread, I'd dispute your 1st sentence that people are aware of law firm economics/finances. Sorry your husband is only a non-equity partner and are taking offense to reality.

Honestly, past 300k, there was no significant impact to our quality of life.

Nearly all associates earn that much. That's called doing really well. Making partner isn't worth the misery for most people. Or their spouses.

And you can be an amazing lawyer and not make partner because of a million factors, even if you bill plenty. Don't crucify yourself on the cross of being an equity partner.

I am a pp.

Actually there is a big difference in quality of life between 300K and 2 million. I say this as someone that shops bargains, wears cheaply clothes, has never stayed at a four seasons or mayakoha rosewood or anything like that. But when my kid crashes the car, it’s not a big deal. All my kids college educations are fully funded. We live in a nice neighborhood. We paid for therapy weekly for my kids when they needed it, out of pocket. We don’t bargain-shop for the cheaper weeks/flights for vacations. If the kids need a tutor, we get it. I have friends making 300K and it’s actually tough for them to have that level of comfort — we each had our basement floor and it was stressful for them to cover the repair and mitigation whereas it was not for us. We don’t spend most of the money because we grew up cheap middle class and just don’t care about most rich people stuff. But we never worry about money which is very nice.

Obviously 300K is a lot of money and can allow for a really comfortable life. But to say it’s the same as 2M is just inaccurate.

God you are insufferable. And I promise you my dh is a partner at a better firm than yours. (Equity, obvi, since it matters.)

This is op - not sure how this thread has devolved into two wives of equity partners fighting. Kinda weird.

As the other one, I'm pretty sure we are actually dcum friends at this point. There's a third party who tried to minimize your husband's accomplishments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Oh, I sorry reality isn't something you want to recognize. As a non-equity partner you are at the whims of the partnership and can be fired for any legitimate reason. Is it going in the right track? Sure. I didn't argue that but OP's husband is basically still being reviewed as to whether he wins the pie eating contest to win his prize of more pie.

Until he moves over to the K1 side of the ledger he's no different than a senior associate beyond he's farther along the track. Only when he gets the offer to buys in (and depwnding on the firm that could be 7 figures) does getting that title of "partner" really matter..

Sorry to hurt your feelings.

OP, there are definitely firms where this isn’t true and being a non-eq partner is valued and viewed as another level towards full partner. Ignore the people minimizing your DH’s accomplishment and trying to scare you.

FWIW, when our kids were young we had childcare and about the other level of help you described - and we both worked. It was manageable, even if not always easy or ideal.

Sigh. Maybe read the entire thread before spouting off. The OP wrote

Anonymous wrote:

Op - because I don’t care if he is equity or non-equity?

Because there is a huge difference between two and your post doesn't refute my point. Being a non-equity partner means you are still an employee. Being an equity partner means you are an owner - talk to any of the equity partners of the now collapse Dewey if want to understand the distinction.

If you don't know the difference, I am not sure what I can tell you. As a non-equity partner, your goal is to develop business, not only for yourself and the firm. If you don't do that, you might be able to remain as a non-equity partner but you could also as easily be shown the door. Being named non-equity partner just means you are on the right track instead of being shown the door under the up or out system most firms employ.

It sort of sounds like the OP's husband is on the right track in developing business but what matters is bringing in $$$$ into the firm. Given he is traveling to do business development, he's likely been given a budget to assist him in doing that. Billables are important but business development is just as important, if not more. If a partner bills 2000 hours at $1000. That is $2.0 million. Compare that to partner B that bills 1,500 hours at the same rate of $1000 but brings in $10, million in business. Who is more valuable to the firm?

Here's another lesson in Big Law economics. Just because your listed billing rate is $1000 doesn't mean a client is paying that rate. Lots of clients have all kinds of discounts on bills depending on the client, matter, etc. Further, just because an attorney brings in $2.0 million in billing doesn't mean that is all profit. If that billing attorney is at the NYC rate of compensation and was just paid $540K last year, in comp and benefit analysis, you roughly 3X a persons salary to determine what the expenses are for said employee to said employer. In other words, $540K costs the firm in expenses, overhead, rent, taxes, insurance, discounts, salary flowed down to junior attorneys, etc. equals $1.62 million. So in other words, that 2000 billing attorney brought in about $400K in profit. Doesn't seem as much as before.

Literally everybody commenting on this thread is aware of all this. It's just not really relevant to the OP. OP's husband's job is no less secure than jobs in almost any other industry except government. Obviously if a company or a division in a company has an abrupt drop i in business somebody is going to lose their jobs. Do you feel the need to remind everyone of this fact? Or just non-equity big law partners and their spouses?

IF you read this entire thread, I'd dispute your 1st sentence that people are aware of law firm economics/finances. Sorry your husband is only a non-equity partner and are taking offense to reality.

Honestly, past 300k, there was no significant impact to our quality of life.

Nearly all associates earn that much. That's called doing really well. Making partner isn't worth the misery for most people. Or their spouses.

And you can be an amazing lawyer and not make partner because of a million factors, even if you bill plenty. Don't crucify yourself on the cross of being an equity partner.

I am a pp.

Actually there is a big difference in quality of life between 300K and 2 million. I say this as someone that shops bargains, wears cheaply clothes, has never stayed at a four seasons or mayakoha rosewood or anything like that. But when my kid crashes the car, it’s not a big deal. All my kids college educations are fully funded. We live in a nice neighborhood. We paid for therapy weekly for my kids when they needed it, out of pocket. We don’t bargain-shop for the cheaper weeks/flights for vacations. If the kids need a tutor, we get it. I have friends making 300K and it’s actually tough for them to have that level of comfort — we each had our basement floor and it was stressful for them to cover the repair and mitigation whereas it was not for us. We don’t spend most of the money because we grew up cheap middle class and just don’t care about most rich people stuff. But we never worry about money which is very nice.

Obviously 300K is a lot of money and can allow for a really comfortable life. But to say it’s the same as 2M is just inaccurate.

God you are insufferable. And I promise you my dh is a partner at a better firm than yours. (Equity, obvi, since it matters.)

This is op - not sure how this thread has devolved into two wives of equity partners fighting. Kinda weird.

Girl, I'm on your side!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Oh, I sorry reality isn't something you want to recognize. As a non-equity partner you are at the whims of the partnership and can be fired for any legitimate reason. Is it going in the right track? Sure. I didn't argue that but OP's husband is basically still being reviewed as to whether he wins the pie eating contest to win his prize of more pie.

Until he moves over to the K1 side of the ledger he's no different than a senior associate beyond he's farther along the track. Only when he gets the offer to buys in (and depwnding on the firm that could be 7 figures) does getting that title of "partner" really matter..

Sorry to hurt your feelings.

OP, there are definitely firms where this isn’t true and being a non-eq partner is valued and viewed as another level towards full partner. Ignore the people minimizing your DH’s accomplishment and trying to scare you.

FWIW, when our kids were young we had childcare and about the other level of help you described - and we both worked. It was manageable, even if not always easy or ideal.

Sigh. Maybe read the entire thread before spouting off. The OP wrote

Anonymous wrote:

Op - because I don’t care if he is equity or non-equity?

Because there is a huge difference between two and your post doesn't refute my point. Being a non-equity partner means you are still an employee. Being an equity partner means you are an owner - talk to any of the equity partners of the now collapse Dewey if want to understand the distinction.

If you don't know the difference, I am not sure what I can tell you. As a non-equity partner, your goal is to develop business, not only for yourself and the firm. If you don't do that, you might be able to remain as a non-equity partner but you could also as easily be shown the door. Being named non-equity partner just means you are on the right track instead of being shown the door under the up or out system most firms employ.

It sort of sounds like the OP's husband is on the right track in developing business but what matters is bringing in $$$$ into the firm. Given he is traveling to do business development, he's likely been given a budget to assist him in doing that. Billables are important but business development is just as important, if not more. If a partner bills 2000 hours at $1000. That is $2.0 million. Compare that to partner B that bills 1,500 hours at the same rate of $1000 but brings in $10, million in business. Who is more valuable to the firm?

Here's another lesson in Big Law economics. Just because your listed billing rate is $1000 doesn't mean a client is paying that rate. Lots of clients have all kinds of discounts on bills depending on the client, matter, etc. Further, just because an attorney brings in $2.0 million in billing doesn't mean that is all profit. If that billing attorney is at the NYC rate of compensation and was just paid $540K last year, in comp and benefit analysis, you roughly 3X a persons salary to determine what the expenses are for said employee to said employer. In other words, $540K costs the firm in expenses, overhead, rent, taxes, insurance, discounts, salary flowed down to junior attorneys, etc. equals $1.62 million. So in other words, that 2000 billing attorney brought in about $400K in profit. Doesn't seem as much as before.

Literally everybody commenting on this thread is aware of all this. It's just not really relevant to the OP. OP's husband's job is no less secure than jobs in almost any other industry except government. Obviously if a company or a division in a company has an abrupt drop i in business somebody is going to lose their jobs. Do you feel the need to remind everyone of this fact? Or just non-equity big law partners and their spouses?

IF you read this entire thread, I'd dispute your 1st sentence that people are aware of law firm economics/finances. Sorry your husband is only a non-equity partner and are taking offense to reality.

Honestly, past 300k, there was no significant impact to our quality of life.

Nearly all associates earn that much. That's called doing really well. Making partner isn't worth the misery for most people. Or their spouses.

And you can be an amazing lawyer and not make partner because of a million factors, even if you bill plenty. Don't crucify yourself on the cross of being an equity partner.

I am a pp.

Actually there is a big difference in quality of life between 300K and 2 million. I say this as someone that shops bargains, wears cheaply clothes, has never stayed at a four seasons or mayakoha rosewood or anything like that. But when my kid crashes the car, it’s not a big deal. All my kids college educations are fully funded. We live in a nice neighborhood. We paid for therapy weekly for my kids when they needed it, out of pocket. We don’t bargain-shop for the cheaper weeks/flights for vacations. If the kids need a tutor, we get it. I have friends making 300K and it’s actually tough for them to have that level of comfort — we each had our basement floor and it was stressful for them to cover the repair and mitigation whereas it was not for us. We don’t spend most of the money because we grew up cheap middle class and just don’t care about most rich people stuff. But we never worry about money which is very nice.

Obviously 300K is a lot of money and can allow for a really comfortable life. But to say it’s the same as 2M is just inaccurate.

God you are insufferable. And I promise you my dh is a partner at a better firm than yours. (Equity, obvi, since it matters.)

This is op - not sure how this thread has devolved into two wives of equity partners fighting. Kinda weird.

Girl, I'm on your side!

Op here - thanks I think!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - thanks for all the replies. More than I thought would come from this. Some helpful. I have no plans on quitting my job. I make good money - mid 6 figures and I actually like my job. I am also in the camp of needing financial security in case anything were to happen to my husbands job or god forbid we were to divorce.

I think planning my life and kids lives based on the idea that dh won’t be able to help or be around is the most doable. It stinks but is a lovely surprise when he can make it.

It is so different for all big law spouses. I think it's best for all of us to not assume he will be around for any one thing, but I have never felt like a military spouse or anything. My husband is around the vast majority of the time, and now that he has more seniority he can easily shuffle his schedule around to do things like take kids to doctor's appointments. He and I always chat a lot in the mornings before the kids wake up and he has never missed a big kid's activity. So plan for the worst but don't assume it's all doom and gloom. A lot depends on how much your husband values family time and the nature of his work in terms of flexibility.

And in case anyone is wondering, yes DH is in litigation and has billed anywhere from 1900-2700 hours a year. It's not a cushy situation.

It's rare, bordering on impossible, to *never* miss a big kid's activity.

If depends on how many big kids’ activities you’re looking at. I think if big activities as things like a birthday (obviously), a performance, etc. These don’t happen often for us. Yes if you’ve got your kid in a ton of activities that involve lots of important games or recitals then it’s going to be much harder.

[Anonymous]

OP: Either buy takeout every night or have a chef prepare meals. Don't let yourself stress about food.

[Anonymous]

NP who is now 20+ years into this “wife of biglaw partner” thing. I read all the responses urging you to quit and was coming on here to say don’t quit your job. Luckily, you already said you have no intention of doing that. Mr because your dh is non-equity or because of potential power imbalances in your relationship or because a man is not a plan. Don’t quit because eventually your kids grow up and leave, and then life can get so…dull.

You can read a ton, or workout regularly, or up your cooking game, or shop, or take up painting like so many of the biglaw spouses I know. But work that matters imho is what gives life meaning and excitement. And sure, I volunteer for a couple of causes, but it’s not the same thing.

You and your dh make enough money to hire a full time house manager/occasional nanny. As the kids get older, what you need most is someone to keep the home functioning and drive kids to after school activities. They can start and end work later so you have maximum hours flexibility in the evening.

And definitely prioritize your marriage. It’s the most important thing you can do for your family. Not just because it is the heart of your family but so your children get the example of a strong marriage.

[Anonymous]

IF(sic) you read this entire thread, I'd dispute your 1st sentence that people are aware of law firm economics/finances. Sorry(sic) your husband is only a non-equity partner and are taking offense to reality.

Two points.

First, most people have little idea how a law firm's economics work. An associate may bill 3000 hours on a case and look impressive for that year. However, the more remarkable person is the person who brought the work to the firm, thus allowing the associate to bill the hours.

Second, this poster thinks they are Harvey Spector from the Suits TV show. Thinking people they work with are nobodies unless they are equity partners is a big sign they have (or will have) numerous HR and client management problems.

[Anonymous]

I am a SAHM of 5 kids ages 9 and under. We homeschool. My husband is extremely busy. One part of being a high-earning family is having a large home that we open to others weekly, often multiple times. And that requires a lot of maintenance. Our house manager has changed my life. She comes two full days a week and one half-day and works from home one day. She does anything and everything house-related and also some childcare. A light bulb is burned out - I text or email her and she changes it when she’s next there. Garage door stops working? She’s on it. Just some examples. She handles pool cleaners, house cleaners, yard guys, HVAC, fridge repair, locksmith, general contractor, car inspections, really anything. And sets up for parties. It’s hard to find a good house manager - it took many months of working with an agency. But it became clear right away that we got a really good one. I highly recommend going this route to make your life easier. And it also means my husband isn’t working on honey-do lists when he’s home. (Although he is handy and enjoys doing some manual labor himself.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM of 5 kids ages 9 and under. We homeschool. My husband is extremely busy. One part of being a high-earning family is having a large home that we open to others weekly, often multiple times. And that requires a lot of maintenance. Our house manager has changed my life. She comes two full days a week and one half-day and works from home one day. She does anything and everything house-related and also some childcare. A light bulb is burned out - I text or email her and she changes it when she’s next there. Garage door stops working? She’s on it. Just some examples. She handles pool cleaners, house cleaners, yard guys, HVAC, fridge repair, locksmith, general contractor, car inspections, really anything. And sets up for parties. It’s hard to find a good house manager - it took many months of working with an agency. But it became clear right away that we got a really good one. I highly recommend going this route to make your life easier. And it also means my husband isn’t working on honey-do lists when he’s home. (Although he is handy and enjoys doing some manual labor himself.)

I wish there was some way of contacting you. We should be friends. I send to private school though. Can't imagine home schooling unless you hire people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - thanks for all the replies. More than I thought would come from this. Some helpful. I have no plans on quitting my job. I make good money - mid 6 figures and I actually like my job. I am also in the camp of needing financial security in case anything were to happen to my husbands job or god forbid we were to divorce.

I think planning my life and kids lives based on the idea that dh won’t be able to help or be around is the most doable. It stinks but is a lovely surprise when he can make it.

It is so different for all big law spouses. I think it's best for all of us to not assume he will be around for any one thing, but I have never felt like a military spouse or anything. My husband is around the vast majority of the time, and now that he has more seniority he can easily shuffle his schedule around to do things like take kids to doctor's appointments. He and I always chat a lot in the mornings before the kids wake up and he has never missed a big kid's activity. So plan for the worst but don't assume it's all doom and gloom. A lot depends on how much your husband values family time and the nature of his work in terms of flexibility.

And in case anyone is wondering, yes DH is in litigation and has billed anywhere from 1900-2700 hours a year. It's not a cushy situation.

It's rare, bordering on impossible, to *never* miss a big kid's activity.

If depends on how many big kids’ activities you’re looking at. I think if big activities as things like a birthday (obviously), a performance, etc. These don’t happen often for us. Yes if you’ve got your kid in a ton of activities that involve lots of important games or recitals then it’s going to be much harder.

Honestly this sounds like some luck for your husband. I would be surprised if he didn't know people who missed important things. No one asks for a trial schedule to accommodate kid's birthdays, games, or recitals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would figure out how much I like my job and if it's not a whole heck of a lot, I would go PT or quit and follow my passions.

This. My best friend is married to a partner she met in law school. They have three kids. She works part time and even with that and a full time nanny she is pretty stressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM of 5 kids ages 9 and under. We homeschool. My husband is extremely busy. One part of being a high-earning family is having a large home that we open to others weekly, often multiple times. And that requires a lot of maintenance. Our house manager has changed my life. She comes two full days a week and one half-day and works from home one day. She does anything and everything house-related and also some childcare. A light bulb is burned out - I text or email her and she changes it when she’s next there. Garage door stops working? She’s on it. Just some examples. She handles pool cleaners, house cleaners, yard guys, HVAC, fridge repair, locksmith, general contractor, car inspections, really anything. And sets up for parties. It’s hard to find a good house manager - it took many months of working with an agency. But it became clear right away that we got a really good one. I highly recommend going this route to make your life easier. And it also means my husband isn’t working on honey-do lists when he’s home. (Although he is handy and enjoys doing some manual labor himself.)

I wish there was some way of contacting you. We should be friends. I send to private school though. Can't imagine home schooling unless you hire people

Do you mean hire people to homeschool? It’s really not too hard to do yourself. I enjoy it a lot … but I also have a nanny two mornings a week and use her and the house manager to watch the toddler while I do lessons. We have a new baby and aren’t getting anything done at the moment n

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM of 5 kids ages 9 and under. We homeschool. My husband is extremely busy. One part of being a high-earning family is having a large home that we open to others weekly, often multiple times. And that requires a lot of maintenance. Our house manager has changed my life. She comes two full days a week and one half-day and works from home one day. She does anything and everything house-related and also some childcare. A light bulb is burned out - I text or email her and she changes it when she’s next there. Garage door stops working? She’s on it. Just some examples. She handles pool cleaners, house cleaners, yard guys, HVAC, fridge repair, locksmith, general contractor, car inspections, really anything. And sets up for parties. It’s hard to find a good house manager - it took many months of working with an agency. But it became clear right away that we got a really good one. I highly recommend going this route to make your life easier. And it also means my husband isn’t working on honey-do lists when he’s home. (Although he is handy and enjoys doing some manual labor himself.)

Did you like the agency? Would you please share its name?

[Anonymous]

I'm late to the party but I really agree with the majority here that nobody will "get it". Do not listen to their judgment and ill suited advice, their lifestyle is not as similar as you might initially think. Don't even complain to friends/family/therapists, you can explain but it won't compute. They'll not understand the stress, hours (even those with high stress/hours jobs). Scale back on obligations where you can.