Scared of getting married because of divorce horror stories

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s the attraction to a woman who makes only 1/10 your income? I suspect that’s not the only imbalance. Question why you want to be with someone who is okay with this imbalance. Question why you are okay with this imbalance.

I think your whole relationship is a red flag: she’s presumable less educated than you, statistically she is less intelligent than you, less driven. What’s the connection?

So a person's income is part of "attraction" in your mind. Got it. And anyone who doesn't make a certain income level is presumed to be less intelligent, less educated and less driven.

PP, you won't believe this because you are surely certain your experience and values are The Only Way, but your life experience of different types of people, with careers and values different from your own, is extremely limited. How sad for you. But you're probably in an echo chamber of like-minded people who will only associate with those in their income bracket and who live on assumptions that those not in particular fields are not driven, intelligent or educated, because you associate those qualities only with income levels. Enjoy the bubble.

No that’s not what I said. I said that with a low income comes other statistically likely things. Someone making $500k is stistcically more likely to be intelligent, well educated and driven than someone making $50k. It’s so statistically likely that I think it’s safe to assume ops gf is all those things unless he tells us otherwise. I think all of those things are red flags. Not the lack of income by itself, but all the correlating features that are probably true here.

Also, any woman who is 27 and making $50k (again, making some assumptions here) is well, not super financially responsible. Instead of putting in their own hard work to guarantee a financial future, their plan is to (hopefully) find a man and let him do the hard work. You can build a financially stable life on $50k. So yeah that’s another huge red flag: overall irresponsibility.

What if she is a school teacher at a private school? They are probably high IQ, but not well off.

Any super bright woman making $50k as a private school teacher is 100% banking on meeting and marrying a rich dude. That's not an income you can plan a life around.

Hence, totally financially irresponsible and not planning ahead.

You offered a great example to prove my point.

NP.

OR she’s willing to forgo a house, vacations, nice cars, etc. in order to have career satisfaction/make the world a better place. This was me. I married well, but if I hadn’t met DH, I’d still have a full retirement account. It can be done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s the attraction to a woman who makes only 1/10 your income? I suspect that’s not the only imbalance. Question why you want to be with someone who is okay with this imbalance. Question why you are okay with this imbalance.

I think your whole relationship is a red flag: she’s presumable less educated than you, statistically she is less intelligent than you, less driven. What’s the connection?

So a person's income is part of "attraction" in your mind. Got it. And anyone who doesn't make a certain income level is presumed to be less intelligent, less educated and less driven.

PP, you won't believe this because you are surely certain your experience and values are The Only Way, but your life experience of different types of people, with careers and values different from your own, is extremely limited. How sad for you. But you're probably in an echo chamber of like-minded people who will only associate with those in their income bracket and who live on assumptions that those not in particular fields are not driven, intelligent or educated, because you associate those qualities only with income levels. Enjoy the bubble.

No that’s not what I said. I said that with a low income comes other statistically likely things. Someone making $500k is stistcically more likely to be intelligent, well educated and driven than someone making $50k. It’s so statistically likely that I think it’s safe to assume ops gf is all those things unless he tells us otherwise. I think all of those things are red flags. Not the lack of income by itself, but all the correlating features that are probably true here.

Also, any woman who is 27 and making $50k (again, making some assumptions here) is well, not super financially responsible. Instead of putting in their own hard work to guarantee a financial future, their plan is to (hopefully) find a man and let him do the hard work. You can build a financially stable life on $50k. So yeah that’s another huge red flag: overall irresponsibility.

What if she is a school teacher at a private school? They are probably high IQ, but not well off.

Any super bright woman making $50k as a private school teacher is 100% banking on meeting and marrying a rich dude. That's not an income you can plan a life around.

Hence, totally financially irresponsible and not planning ahead.

You offered a great example to prove my point.

What are you talking about? She is smart, well educated, has a secure, flexible, highly portable job. Her kids can go to a private school for free. What makes you think she is financially irresponsible?

Because if she doesn't meet a man with a good salary, she's not affording kids. Or a two bedroom apartment to house kids in. Or summer camps. She would be impoverished. Hence: Her financial plan is to find a man with money. Her lovely plan of private school for free is meaningless without a husband making money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s the attraction to a woman who makes only 1/10 your income? I suspect that’s not the only imbalance. Question why you want to be with someone who is okay with this imbalance. Question why you are okay with this imbalance.

I think your whole relationship is a red flag: she’s presumable less educated than you, statistically she is less intelligent than you, less driven. What’s the connection?

So a person's income is part of "attraction" in your mind. Got it. And anyone who doesn't make a certain income level is presumed to be less intelligent, less educated and less driven.

PP, you won't believe this because you are surely certain your experience and values are The Only Way, but your life experience of different types of people, with careers and values different from your own, is extremely limited. How sad for you. But you're probably in an echo chamber of like-minded people who will only associate with those in their income bracket and who live on assumptions that those not in particular fields are not driven, intelligent or educated, because you associate those qualities only with income levels. Enjoy the bubble.

No that’s not what I said. I said that with a low income comes other statistically likely things. Someone making $500k is stistcically more likely to be intelligent, well educated and driven than someone making $50k. It’s so statistically likely that I think it’s safe to assume ops gf is all those things unless he tells us otherwise. I think all of those things are red flags. Not the lack of income by itself, but all the correlating features that are probably true here.

Also, any woman who is 27 and making $50k (again, making some assumptions here) is well, not super financially responsible. Instead of putting in their own hard work to guarantee a financial future, their plan is to (hopefully) find a man and let him do the hard work. You can build a financially stable life on $50k. So yeah that’s another huge red flag: overall irresponsibility.

What if she is a school teacher at a private school? They are probably high IQ, but not well off.

Any super bright woman making $50k as a private school teacher is 100% banking on meeting and marrying a rich dude. That's not an income you can plan a life around.

Hence, totally financially irresponsible and not planning ahead.

You offered a great example to prove my point.

NP.

OR she’s willing to forgo a house, vacations, nice cars, etc. in order to have career satisfaction/make the world a better place. This was me. I married well, but if I hadn’t met DH, I’d still have a full retirement account. It can be done.

Lol sure if you hadn't married well and you were in your $1200 a month apartment, you'd be super happy with your financial reality. Sure.

[Anonymous]

OP and a lot of people responding here should not (or shouldn’t have) get married. You clearly don’t want a life partner, and that’s fine. Just don’t do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would compare worst-case scenarios. How do you feel about worst-case not being with her versus worst-case being together (within reason)? Do you want to be with someone who makes a tenth of what you make and might become a SAHM? Some working partners love and honor the SAHM role, while others feel trapped and resentful.

Also, What makes you think you’d be ruined financially if you got divorced? I’m not disagreeing with this idea, but want more explanation. Are you worried about alimony payments stretching forever, for example. You can create a prenup with her that protects you both in that scenario, while you’re still happy and wanting the best for each other. After all, neither of you wants to be left clawing at each other over resources if you split up and hate each other.

Why would I want the best for her if she breaks the marriage vow?

Because she will be the mother of your children??? Sheesh. My ex cheated but I still agreed to a fair settlement. Besides, the courts don't want to hear your drama, just split everything down the middle.

Besides, it's not always cut and dry as to who is at fault in a divorce.

And people change. You may find it hard to believe today but it could just as easily be YOU who cheats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These idealized views of marriage are quaint. You can legally protect yourself and determine the terms of the marriage contract in every state with a prenup. If you are ok leaving yourself exposed, your choice.

Marriage is quaint, you idiot. Just don’t do it. There is literally no reason to. Just date other high earners and live your separate lives.

And dont give me any “but i want kids” drama. You don’t. Too much of a financial hit.

Eh even George Clooney blinked. Men are desperate to be married, just look at quickly most marry after a divorce or widowhood.

Clooney’s no spring chicken. He plays by the old generation’s rule.

She isn’t Clooney rich but she had a good job and a rich family. And she had something he desperately wanted in terms of status—he was one of those celebs who was trying to always be a part of intellectual or foreign affairs circles and taken more seriously and she was part of that world. He couldn’t have gotten there himself no matter how rich he was because he was just a Hollywood actor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s the attraction to a woman who makes only 1/10 your income? I suspect that’s not the only imbalance. Question why you want to be with someone who is okay with this imbalance. Question why you are okay with this imbalance.

I think your whole relationship is a red flag: she’s presumable less educated than you, statistically she is less intelligent than you, less driven. What’s the connection?

So a person's income is part of "attraction" in your mind. Got it. And anyone who doesn't make a certain income level is presumed to be less intelligent, less educated and less driven.

PP, you won't believe this because you are surely certain your experience and values are The Only Way, but your life experience of different types of people, with careers and values different from your own, is extremely limited. How sad for you. But you're probably in an echo chamber of like-minded people who will only associate with those in their income bracket and who live on assumptions that those not in particular fields are not driven, intelligent or educated, because you associate those qualities only with income levels. Enjoy the bubble.

No that’s not what I said. I said that with a low income comes other statistically likely things. Someone making $500k is stistcically more likely to be intelligent, well educated and driven than someone making $50k. It’s so statistically likely that I think it’s safe to assume ops gf is all those things unless he tells us otherwise. I think all of those things are red flags. Not the lack of income by itself, but all the correlating features that are probably true here.

Also, any woman who is 27 and making $50k (again, making some assumptions here) is well, not super financially responsible. Instead of putting in their own hard work to guarantee a financial future, their plan is to (hopefully) find a man and let him do the hard work. You can build a financially stable life on $50k. So yeah that’s another huge red flag: overall irresponsibility.

What if she is a school teacher at a private school? They are probably high IQ, but not well off.

Any super bright woman making $50k as a private school teacher is 100% banking on meeting and marrying a rich dude. That's not an income you can plan a life around.

Hence, totally financially irresponsible and not planning ahead.

You offered a great example to prove my point.

What are you talking about? She is smart, well educated, has a secure, flexible, highly portable job. Her kids can go to a private school for free. What makes you think she is financially irresponsible?

Because if she doesn't meet a man with a good salary, she's not affording kids. Or a two bedroom apartment to house kids in. Or summer camps. She would be impoverished. Hence: Her financial plan is to find a man with money. Her lovely plan of private school for free is meaningless without a husband making money.

The Ivy League grad types with graduate degrees who teach at private schools tend to come from family wealth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP and a lot of people responding here should not (or shouldn’t have) get married. You clearly don’t want a life partner, and that’s fine. Just don’t do it.

I could not agree more. The answer here is so clear and simple but no one seems to want to hear it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would compare worst-case scenarios. How do you feel about worst-case not being with her versus worst-case being together (within reason)? Do you want to be with someone who makes a tenth of what you make and might become a SAHM? Some working partners love and honor the SAHM role, while others feel trapped and resentful.

Also, What makes you think you’d be ruined financially if you got divorced? I’m not disagreeing with this idea, but want more explanation. Are you worried about alimony payments stretching forever, for example. You can create a prenup with her that protects you both in that scenario, while you’re still happy and wanting the best for each other. After all, neither of you wants to be left clawing at each other over resources if you split up and hate each other.

Why would I want the best for her if she breaks the marriage vow?

Because she will be the mother of your children??? Sheesh. My ex cheated but I still agreed to a fair settlement. Besides, the courts don't want to hear your drama, just split everything down the middle.

Besides, it's not always cut and dry as to who is at fault in a divorce.

And people change. You may find it hard to believe today but it could just as easily be YOU who cheats.

Are you suggesting that a woman would extort her ex-husband by threatening to harm their children unless the ex-husband gives her the best he can?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would compare worst-case scenarios. How do you feel about worst-case not being with her versus worst-case being together (within reason)? Do you want to be with someone who makes a tenth of what you make and might become a SAHM? Some working partners love and honor the SAHM role, while others feel trapped and resentful.

Also, What makes you think you’d be ruined financially if you got divorced? I’m not disagreeing with this idea, but want more explanation. Are you worried about alimony payments stretching forever, for example. You can create a prenup with her that protects you both in that scenario, while you’re still happy and wanting the best for each other. After all, neither of you wants to be left clawing at each other over resources if you split up and hate each other.

Why would I want the best for her if she breaks the marriage vow?

Because she will be the mother of your children??? Sheesh. My ex cheated but I still agreed to a fair settlement. Besides, the courts don't want to hear your drama, just split everything down the middle.

Besides, it's not always cut and dry as to who is at fault in a divorce.

And people change. You may find it hard to believe today but it could just as easily be YOU who cheats.

Are you suggesting that a woman would extort her ex-husband by threatening to harm their children unless the ex-husband gives her the best he can?

Lol.

I hope you are not married, because you have a twisted mind. How you get that from PP's comment is mind blowing.

PP is suggesting that even if the marriage fails, you should have a certain amount of love for that person because they are one of the most important people in your children's life. You take care of that person because they are now family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s the attraction to a woman who makes only 1/10 your income? I suspect that’s not the only imbalance. Question why you want to be with someone who is okay with this imbalance. Question why you are okay with this imbalance.

I think your whole relationship is a red flag: she’s presumable less educated than you, statistically she is less intelligent than you, less driven. What’s the connection?

So a person's income is part of "attraction" in your mind. Got it. And anyone who doesn't make a certain income level is presumed to be less intelligent, less educated and less driven.

PP, you won't believe this because you are surely certain your experience and values are The Only Way, but your life experience of different types of people, with careers and values different from your own, is extremely limited. How sad for you. But you're probably in an echo chamber of like-minded people who will only associate with those in their income bracket and who live on assumptions that those not in particular fields are not driven, intelligent or educated, because you associate those qualities only with income levels. Enjoy the bubble.

No that’s not what I said. I said that with a low income comes other statistically likely things. Someone making $500k is stistcically more likely to be intelligent, well educated and driven than someone making $50k. It’s so statistically likely that I think it’s safe to assume ops gf is all those things unless he tells us otherwise. I think all of those things are red flags. Not the lack of income by itself, but all the correlating features that are probably true here.

Also, any woman who is 27 and making $50k (again, making some assumptions here) is well, not super financially responsible. Instead of putting in their own hard work to guarantee a financial future, their plan is to (hopefully) find a man and let him do the hard work. You can build a financially stable life on $50k. So yeah that’s another huge red flag: overall irresponsibility.

What if she is a school teacher at a private school? They are probably high IQ, but not well off.

Any super bright woman making $50k as a private school teacher is 100% banking on meeting and marrying a rich dude. That's not an income you can plan a life around.

Hence, totally financially irresponsible and not planning ahead.

You offered a great example to prove my point.

What are you talking about? She is smart, well educated, has a secure, flexible, highly portable job. Her kids can go to a private school for free. What makes you think she is financially irresponsible?

Because if she doesn't meet a man with a good salary, she's not affording kids. Or a two bedroom apartment to house kids in. Or summer camps. She would be impoverished. Hence: Her financial plan is to find a man with money. Her lovely plan of private school for free is meaningless without a husband making money.

Again, what the heck are you talking about? Even if she ends up marrying a policeman she can live a good life. She does not need a good school district or summer camps, she’s got that covered, she can give her kids a great education and experiences. Her kids will also be the ones who end up with full FA in college and she’ll retire with a good pension. This is not an irresponsible person, this is someone that value different things than you.

[Anonymous]

I am so glad my well off husband married for love and not what was in my portfolio. I did well for myself and by myself before I met him. This is a sad thread. No wonder the divorce rate is so high and some of these idiots keep marrying after each divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sons will be told to marry a girl with her own income.

Just like my parents told me to always be able to support myself (keep a foot in the workplace) because you never know what will happen in life.

Get an ironclad pre-nup.

I was told the same and have yet to find a man that didn’t feel like I was competing with him in some fashion. Or even worse - men who can’t pull their own weight. Even if I wanted to be the stay at home type- I’ve been conditioned not to be and am essentially “priced out” of the market. I never found my equal.. either they wanted to control or be babies.

Yep. Heaven forbid a woman’s career go better than the man’s, especially if they come in as “equal”. Things do no stay the same and always move in an upwards trajectory. The ones posting here thinking they can control all this stuff are hilarious. You don’t want to be married. You don’t want kids. You can’t control those outcomes so stay single. You’ll be here posting about pathetic and lonely you are, but you’ll have your assets.

Agree 100%. I’m tickled by all these presumably men who forget they are human and just as susceptible to losing their jobs, have health issues from all the grinding they have done and yet go into a marriage with all these conditions like they are near perfect- god like human beings. The op is lucky to have someone view HIM as marriage material. With that trash mindset- I pray he isn’t ever on his deathbed hoping money and his prenups change his dirty diaper or stand by him in such dire straits. Choose love OP- unconditionally- because you are human and can get replaced any day of the week. Best to have someone in your corner because life will deal you a shithand in due time.

[Anonymous]

Is your only value as a person / partner your earning potential, OP?? This is so weird and depressing to read

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you deal with this? I would be the sole breadwinner too. She makes 1/10th my income and will probably become a SAHM. If we divorce I will be ruined financially.

We have zero issues in our relationship, I just tend to think of worst case scenarios.

the risk is real as you know.

you say there sre no issues in the relationship but have you tested her?. Women constantly test their prospective partners but men tend not too. How does she handle being denied what she want? What kind of comments does she make about others? Whats her friend group like - are they single/divorced, do they have good character, etc? Hoe does she handle you taking a leadership role in the relationship? Does she constantly post on social media for validation? Or insisting on going out to bars with the girls to get hit on. The list goes on. Be on the lookout for pettiness, vindictiveness, narcissistic behavior.

None of these are guarantees of course but you should never even consider marriage without testing your woman.