What are the best years to stay at home (SAHM)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most parents underestimate how much care, guidance and supervision teens need.

They actually don’t need that much compared to younger children. It’s just that over parenting has become the norm now, to the detriment of the well being of teenagers and the process of trying to become independent adults one day.

There is a post today on this forum from someone who wants to know if their 14 year old can take Uber. Think about that. A parent wanting to put their underage child in a car with a stranger so the stranger can drive off with them.

That was my post. I am a SAHM of 3 kids wanting to go back to work. While it is somewhat easier to put my younger kids in all day camp, my future freshman in high school will need a ride to fall sports that starts in late July. I don’t know what time these sports will be but I know it is not all day and definitely won’t line up with my future potential work schedule.

My youngest is 6 and oldest is 14. I will have 3 kids in elementary, middle and high school this fall. Right now I am childfree 9-2.

My husband has a very demanding and also high paying career. I would like to go back to work and I feel if I don’t go back now, I will never go back.

Good for you. There’s never a great time to go back to work and if you want to do so then you have to make it happen. Not having a job because of an extracurricular activity is nuts and that’s why you’re looking for a solution like Uber. Can you imagine a conversation 20 years from now where your child asks why you didn’t work and your response is “because you had soccer every Monday”?

HS sports on never just on Monday. It will be 5 days per week at minimum.

The point went over your head. Whether it’s 1 day or 7 days doesn’t matter. Do you really want to not have a job because of your child’s sport that they will likely never plan again after HS? Are there men out there saying they can’t hold a job because their child plays a HS sport? I highly doubt it.

It didn't go over my head.
And actually, yeah...I am fine with not having a job so my kids can participate in and enjoy sports, music, and other activities.
There are people with different priorities than you. if you really "doubt" that, you should expand your horizons a bit.

You don’t have to be unemployed for your kids to do these things. You just need someone to drive your kids there.

It’s fine to just say you don’t want to have a job. That actually makes sense.

No, PP doesn’t want a job badly enough that she wants somebody else to drive around her kids.

I don’t understand why people twist themselves in knots to prove that somebody doesn’t mean what they said.

Tons of us work and drive our kids ourselves. She just uses that as an excuse not to work rather than just saying she doesn’t want to work and I guess her husband is fine with it. But I hate when those types butt into these conversations and try to make it sound like working is “impossible” for them.

It's a message board.
On a thread about SAHM's and their experience.
In what way is a SAHM giving her perspective "butting in?"

It’s a thread about a SAHM who wants to do it for a finite period of time. These women are popping to say they have never worked and never will. Their opinion is not really relevant here. Also, after school driving is not in conflict with working (as many of us have attested) so their point is also not rational.

I have not seen the bolded written in this thread at all. Can you please help me find it? Thanks!

And I would say that someone who has been a SAHM of all ages actually has the MOST relevant opinion for the question posed.
You really think that if someone says, "which is best: A, B, or C?" that the person who has only experienced "A" but not B or C has the most relevant opinion? Please explain that logic.

After school driving might not be in conflict with YOUR job, or the jobs of many posters here. It WOULD be in conflict with a parent who works 12 hour shifts as a police officer, or 24 hour shifts as a paramedic, or 6 month deployments as a military member.
It can also be a conflic for people that work in hospitals, in the entertainment industry, in schools, and many other places. You have a very limited world view if you truly believe that everyone else's experience is exactly like yours.

I used to have a very demanding job and my children were not doing well academically, socially and behaviorally. I don’t know if they would have grown out of it but ever since I stayed home, my three children have been thriving in all areas. They are happy and healthy kids.

My kids have friends who do nothing. I mean no extracurricular activities. They play video games. Some read. Some parents seem to think they are doing amazing creative things at home instead of shuffling them around. Some kids just aren’t talented or good at anything and either don’t enjoy sports and activities or don’t care and parents don’t push. My kids are almost good at everything because they have been able to try everything. Because of all the various sports and activities they have done over the years, we have made a lot of friends along the way.

I usually have a car full of my kids’ friends. I host a lot of play dates. I know my kids’ friends. My teen is a great kid. I don’t know if it would have been different if I wasn’t home. We do know many families struggling with various problems with their teens. I think that is what people mean when they say teens need you most. If you didn’t shuffle your kid to travel basketball or baseball all those years, your kid won’t make the high school baseball team. Your child may never have known she was an excellent swimmer if you didn’t take her to swim team practice in elementary. My kids are part of student government and the kids they met there are really great kids. Many, maybe a third of the teens at my kids’ school really seem lost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most parents underestimate how much care, guidance and supervision teens need.

They actually don’t need that much compared to younger children. It’s just that over parenting has become the norm now, to the detriment of the well being of teenagers and the process of trying to become independent adults one day.

There is a post today on this forum from someone who wants to know if their 14 year old can take Uber. Think about that. A parent wanting to put their underage child in a car with a stranger so the stranger can drive off with them.

That was my post. I am a SAHM of 3 kids wanting to go back to work. While it is somewhat easier to put my younger kids in all day camp, my future freshman in high school will need a ride to fall sports that starts in late July. I don’t know what time these sports will be but I know it is not all day and definitely won’t line up with my future potential work schedule.

My youngest is 6 and oldest is 14. I will have 3 kids in elementary, middle and high school this fall. Right now I am childfree 9-2.

My husband has a very demanding and also high paying career. I would like to go back to work and I feel if I don’t go back now, I will never go back.

Good for you. There’s never a great time to go back to work and if you want to do so then you have to make it happen. Not having a job because of an extracurricular activity is nuts and that’s why you’re looking for a solution like Uber. Can you imagine a conversation 20 years from now where your child asks why you didn’t work and your response is “because you had soccer every Monday”?

HS sports on never just on Monday. It will be 5 days per week at minimum.

The point went over your head. Whether it’s 1 day or 7 days doesn’t matter. Do you really want to not have a job because of your child’s sport that they will likely never plan again after HS? Are there men out there saying they can’t hold a job because their child plays a HS sport? I highly doubt it.

It didn't go over my head.
And actually, yeah...I am fine with not having a job so my kids can participate in and enjoy sports, music, and other activities.
There are people with different priorities than you. if you really "doubt" that, you should expand your horizons a bit.

You don’t have to be unemployed for your kids to do these things. You just need someone to drive your kids there.

It’s fine to just say you don’t want to have a job. That actually makes sense.

No, PP doesn’t want a job badly enough that she wants somebody else to drive around her kids.

I don’t understand why people twist themselves in knots to prove that somebody doesn’t mean what they said.

Tons of us work and drive our kids ourselves. She just uses that as an excuse not to work rather than just saying she doesn’t want to work and I guess her husband is fine with it. But I hate when those types butt into these conversations and try to make it sound like working is “impossible” for them.

It's a message board.
On a thread about SAHM's and their experience.
In what way is a SAHM giving her perspective "butting in?"

It’s a thread about a SAHM who wants to do it for a finite period of time. These women are popping to say they have never worked and never will. Their opinion is not really relevant here. Also, after school driving is not in conflict with working (as many of us have attested) so their point is also not rational.

I have not seen the bolded written in this thread at all. Can you please help me find it? Thanks!

And I would say that someone who has been a SAHM of all ages actually has the MOST relevant opinion for the question posed.
You really think that if someone says, "which is best: A, B, or C?" that the person who has only experienced "A" but not B or C has the most relevant opinion? Please explain that logic.

After school driving might not be in conflict with YOUR job, or the jobs of many posters here. It WOULD be in conflict with a parent who works 12 hour shifts as a police officer, or 24 hour shifts as a paramedic, or 6 month deployments as a military member.
It can also be a conflic for people that work in hospitals, in the entertainment industry, in schools, and many other places. You have a very limited world view if you truly believe that everyone else's experience is exactly like yours.

I used to have a very demanding job and my children were not doing well academically, socially and behaviorally. I don’t know if they would have grown out of it but ever since I stayed home, my three children have been thriving in all areas. They are happy and healthy kids.

My kids have friends who do nothing. I mean no extracurricular activities. They play video games. Some read. Some parents seem to think they are doing amazing creative things at home instead of shuffling them around. Some kids just aren’t talented or good at anything and either don’t enjoy sports and activities or don’t care and parents don’t push. My kids are almost good at everything because they have been able to try everything. Because of all the various sports and activities they have done over the years, we have made a lot of friends along the way.

I usually have a car full of my kids’ friends. I host a lot of play dates. I know my kids’ friends. My teen is a great kid. I don’t know if it would have been different if I wasn’t home. We do know many families struggling with various problems with their teens. I think that is what people mean when they say teens need you most. If you didn’t shuffle your kid to travel basketball or baseball all those years, your kid won’t make the high school baseball team. Your child may never have known she was an excellent swimmer if you didn’t take her to swim team practice in elementary. My kids are part of student government and the kids they met there are really great kids. Many, maybe a third of the teens at my kids’ school really seem lost.

Wow good job on parenting! Give yourself a pat on the back.

Parents who stay on their high horse and keep preaching about how amazing their kids are because they parented a certain way while looking down on other parents are the worst kind. Yuck.

[Anonymous]

Pp again. I’m not sure if it is a strategy but I think busy kids tend to stay out of trouble. My kids play sports, play an instrument, we travel, I help organize social gatherings since none of my kids can drive.

Starting in middle school, kids get into trouble with vaping and drugs. I don’t want my kids to do drugs as their extracurricular activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most parents underestimate how much care, guidance and supervision teens need.

They actually don’t need that much compared to younger children. It’s just that over parenting has become the norm now, to the detriment of the well being of teenagers and the process of trying to become independent adults one day.

There is a post today on this forum from someone who wants to know if their 14 year old can take Uber. Think about that. A parent wanting to put their underage child in a car with a stranger so the stranger can drive off with them.

That was my post. I am a SAHM of 3 kids wanting to go back to work. While it is somewhat easier to put my younger kids in all day camp, my future freshman in high school will need a ride to fall sports that starts in late July. I don’t know what time these sports will be but I know it is not all day and definitely won’t line up with my future potential work schedule.

My youngest is 6 and oldest is 14. I will have 3 kids in elementary, middle and high school this fall. Right now I am childfree 9-2.

My husband has a very demanding and also high paying career. I would like to go back to work and I feel if I don’t go back now, I will never go back.

Good for you. There’s never a great time to go back to work and if you want to do so then you have to make it happen. Not having a job because of an extracurricular activity is nuts and that’s why you’re looking for a solution like Uber. Can you imagine a conversation 20 years from now where your child asks why you didn’t work and your response is “because you had soccer every Monday”?

HS sports on never just on Monday. It will be 5 days per week at minimum.

The point went over your head. Whether it’s 1 day or 7 days doesn’t matter. Do you really want to not have a job because of your child’s sport that they will likely never plan again after HS? Are there men out there saying they can’t hold a job because their child plays a HS sport? I highly doubt it.

It didn't go over my head.
And actually, yeah...I am fine with not having a job so my kids can participate in and enjoy sports, music, and other activities.
There are people with different priorities than you. if you really "doubt" that, you should expand your horizons a bit.

You don’t have to be unemployed for your kids to do these things. You just need someone to drive your kids there.

It’s fine to just say you don’t want to have a job. That actually makes sense.

No, PP doesn’t want a job badly enough that she wants somebody else to drive around her kids.

I don’t understand why people twist themselves in knots to prove that somebody doesn’t mean what they said.

Not the pp. Some of our best conversations are in the car. This is where kids share the most. I like to watch my kids play sports.

None of that has anything to do with working or not. I do all the driving and I work. I’m home more than my children are - literally.

If people don’t want to work, that’s fine but has absolutely nothing to do with being present for teens.

DP - agreed (and I work FT and do most of the driving). I’m so tired of the insistence that working precludes the ability to provide needed support for tweens/teens. It doesn’t.

Yes! Plenty of stay at home moms with teens who don’t talk to them much and stay in their rooms. Please don’t equate working to lack of quality time with school age kids! You can easily choose a stable, not too demanding job and make sure to be available between the hours of 5-9 for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most parents underestimate how much care, guidance and supervision teens need.

They actually don’t need that much compared to younger children. It’s just that over parenting has become the norm now, to the detriment of the well being of teenagers and the process of trying to become independent adults one day.

There is a post today on this forum from someone who wants to know if their 14 year old can take Uber. Think about that. A parent wanting to put their underage child in a car with a stranger so the stranger can drive off with them.

That was my post. I am a SAHM of 3 kids wanting to go back to work. While it is somewhat easier to put my younger kids in all day camp, my future freshman in high school will need a ride to fall sports that starts in late July. I don’t know what time these sports will be but I know it is not all day and definitely won’t line up with my future potential work schedule.

My youngest is 6 and oldest is 14. I will have 3 kids in elementary, middle and high school this fall. Right now I am childfree 9-2.

My husband has a very demanding and also high paying career. I would like to go back to work and I feel if I don’t go back now, I will never go back.

Good for you. There’s never a great time to go back to work and if you want to do so then you have to make it happen. Not having a job because of an extracurricular activity is nuts and that’s why you’re looking for a solution like Uber. Can you imagine a conversation 20 years from now where your child asks why you didn’t work and your response is “because you had soccer every Monday”?

HS sports on never just on Monday. It will be 5 days per week at minimum.

The point went over your head. Whether it’s 1 day or 7 days doesn’t matter. Do you really want to not have a job because of your child’s sport that they will likely never plan again after HS? Are there men out there saying they can’t hold a job because their child plays a HS sport? I highly doubt it.

It didn't go over my head.
And actually, yeah...I am fine with not having a job so my kids can participate in and enjoy sports, music, and other activities.
There are people with different priorities than you. if you really "doubt" that, you should expand your horizons a bit.

You don’t have to be unemployed for your kids to do these things. You just need someone to drive your kids there.

It’s fine to just say you don’t want to have a job. That actually makes sense.

No, PP doesn’t want a job badly enough that she wants somebody else to drive around her kids.

I don’t understand why people twist themselves in knots to prove that somebody doesn’t mean what they said.

Tons of us work and drive our kids ourselves. She just uses that as an excuse not to work rather than just saying she doesn’t want to work and I guess her husband is fine with it. But I hate when those types butt into these conversations and try to make it sound like working is “impossible” for them.

It's a message board.
On a thread about SAHM's and their experience.
In what way is a SAHM giving her perspective "butting in?"

It’s a thread about a SAHM who wants to do it for a finite period of time. These women are popping to say they have never worked and never will. Their opinion is not really relevant here. Also, after school driving is not in conflict with working (as many of us have attested) so their point is also not rational.

I have not seen the bolded written in this thread at all. Can you please help me find it? Thanks!

And I would say that someone who has been a SAHM of all ages actually has the MOST relevant opinion for the question posed.
You really think that if someone says, "which is best: A, B, or C?" that the person who has only experienced "A" but not B or C has the most relevant opinion? Please explain that logic.

After school driving might not be in conflict with YOUR job, or the jobs of many posters here. It WOULD be in conflict with a parent who works 12 hour shifts as a police officer, or 24 hour shifts as a paramedic, or 6 month deployments as a military member.
It can also be a conflic for people that work in hospitals, in the entertainment industry, in schools, and many other places. You have a very limited world view if you truly believe that everyone else's experience is exactly like yours.

I used to have a very demanding job and my children were not doing well academically, socially and behaviorally. I don’t know if they would have grown out of it but ever since I stayed home, my three children have been thriving in all areas. They are happy and healthy kids.

My kids have friends who do nothing. I mean no extracurricular activities. They play video games. Some read. Some parents seem to think they are doing amazing creative things at home instead of shuffling them around. Some kids just aren’t talented or good at anything and either don’t enjoy sports and activities or don’t care and parents don’t push. My kids are almost good at everything because they have been able to try everything. Because of all the various sports and activities they have done over the years, we have made a lot of friends along the way.

I usually have a car full of my kids’ friends. I host a lot of play dates. I know my kids’ friends. My teen is a great kid. I don’t know if it would have been different if I wasn’t home. We do know many families struggling with various problems with their teens. I think that is what people mean when they say teens need you most. If you didn’t shuffle your kid to travel basketball or baseball all those years, your kid won’t make the high school baseball team. Your child may never have known she was an excellent swimmer if you didn’t take her to swim team practice in elementary. My kids are part of student government and the kids they met there are really great kids. Many, maybe a third of the teens at my kids’ school really seem lost.

Wow good job on parenting! Give yourself a pat on the back.

Parents who stay on their high horse and keep preaching about how amazing their kids are because they parented a certain way while looking down on other parents are the worst kind. Yuck.

I’m not preaching to anyone. My kids had a lot of problems when they were younger and I was working. I didn’t mention it but my child also had health problems that required multiple surgeries and I absolutely hated going back to work leaving my sick child at home. My kid was behind academically and our family life wasn’t working for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp again. I’m not sure if it is a strategy but I think busy kids tend to stay out of trouble. My kids play sports, play an instrument, we travel, I help organize social gatherings since none of my kids can drive.

Starting in middle school, kids get into trouble with vaping and drugs. I don’t want my kids to do drugs as their extracurricular activities.

That's very, very sad. All I wanted to do at those ages was run around with my neighborhood friends and be a kid. I don't think busy equals better behaved. I'd kids want to do drugs/drink they will no matter what. Also, busy kids don't learn how to entertain themselves without causing trouble or excessive screen time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most parents underestimate how much care, guidance and supervision teens need.

They actually don’t need that much compared to younger children. It’s just that over parenting has become the norm now, to the detriment of the well being of teenagers and the process of trying to become independent adults one day.

There is a post today on this forum from someone who wants to know if their 14 year old can take Uber. Think about that. A parent wanting to put their underage child in a car with a stranger so the stranger can drive off with them.

That was my post. I am a SAHM of 3 kids wanting to go back to work. While it is somewhat easier to put my younger kids in all day camp, my future freshman in high school will need a ride to fall sports that starts in late July. I don’t know what time these sports will be but I know it is not all day and definitely won’t line up with my future potential work schedule.

My youngest is 6 and oldest is 14. I will have 3 kids in elementary, middle and high school this fall. Right now I am childfree 9-2.

My husband has a very demanding and also high paying career. I would like to go back to work and I feel if I don’t go back now, I will never go back.

Good for you. There’s never a great time to go back to work and if you want to do so then you have to make it happen. Not having a job because of an extracurricular activity is nuts and that’s why you’re looking for a solution like Uber. Can you imagine a conversation 20 years from now where your child asks why you didn’t work and your response is “because you had soccer every Monday”?

HS sports on never just on Monday. It will be 5 days per week at minimum.

The point went over your head. Whether it’s 1 day or 7 days doesn’t matter. Do you really want to not have a job because of your child’s sport that they will likely never plan again after HS? Are there men out there saying they can’t hold a job because their child plays a HS sport? I highly doubt it.

It didn't go over my head.
And actually, yeah...I am fine with not having a job so my kids can participate in and enjoy sports, music, and other activities.
There are people with different priorities than you. if you really "doubt" that, you should expand your horizons a bit.

You don’t have to be unemployed for your kids to do these things. You just need someone to drive your kids there.

It’s fine to just say you don’t want to have a job. That actually makes sense.

No, PP doesn’t want a job badly enough that she wants somebody else to drive around her kids.

I don’t understand why people twist themselves in knots to prove that somebody doesn’t mean what they said.

Not the pp. Some of our best conversations are in the car. This is where kids share the most. I like to watch my kids play sports.

None of that has anything to do with working or not. I do all the driving and I work. I’m home more than my children are - literally.

If people don’t want to work, that’s fine but has absolutely nothing to do with being present for teens.

DP - agreed (and I work FT and do most of the driving). I’m so tired of the insistence that working precludes the ability to provide needed support for tweens/teens. It doesn’t.

Yes! Plenty of stay at home moms with teens who don’t talk to them much and stay in their rooms. Please don’t equate working to lack of quality time with school age kids! You can easily choose a stable, not too demanding job and make sure to be available between the hours of 5-9 for your kids.

No, not everyone can. Depending on what type of education/training/skills the parent has, it won't necessarily translate to a Monday-Friday 8-4 type of job. If I were a musician in a major city's philharmonic, do you think I'd be able to dictate that all rehearsals and performances take place mon-fri between the hours of 10 am-2 pm? Or do you think I might need to show up for an evening performance if I wanted to keep my place?

And for high school kids, many extra curriculars take place, at a location that isn't right on their high school campus, before 5 pm. Or they need to be picked up before 5 pm.

[Anonymous]

Well, one size doesn't fit all. If you have a flexible job, supportive husband, family support, easy going healthy kids, ability to outsource chores and a good health/temperament to juggle professional, social and parental roles.

or health issues, no support, demanding and inflexible job, difficult kids, unsupportive husband, unsupportive family, limited resources etc may make it difficult for you to juggle two worlds.

Do what works for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp again. I’m not sure if it is a strategy but I think busy kids tend to stay out of trouble. My kids play sports, play an instrument, we travel, I help organize social gatherings since none of my kids can drive.

Starting in middle school, kids get into trouble with vaping and drugs. I don’t want my kids to do drugs as their extracurricular activities.

That's very, very sad. All I wanted to do at those ages was run around with my neighborhood friends and be a kid. I don't think busy equals better behaved. I'd kids want to do drugs/drink they will no matter what. Also, busy kids don't learn how to entertain themselves without causing trouble or excessive screen time.

I find the kids who don’t do activities have excessive screen time.

My kids love their sports. They are naturally athletic and enjoy playing with their friends. They play multiple sports well. I think it is healthy and wonderful to have a healthy lifestyle.

Not everyone does this and it is fine. Everyone can do what is best for their kids and family.

[Anonymous]

Not every kid will be an athlete. Usually kids excel or quit by age 11-12. Not everyone is smart or a good student. Not everyone will go to a good college or even go to college.

[Anonymous]

Most people stay home when kids are young and go back when kids are in school full time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp again. I’m not sure if it is a strategy but I think busy kids tend to stay out of trouble. My kids play sports, play an instrument, we travel, I help organize social gatherings since none of my kids can drive.

Starting in middle school, kids get into trouble with vaping and drugs. I don’t want my kids to do drugs as their extracurricular activities.

That's very, very sad. All I wanted to do at those ages was run around with my neighborhood friends and be a kid. I don't think busy equals better behaved. I'd kids want to do drugs/drink they will no matter what. Also, busy kids don't learn how to entertain themselves without causing trouble or excessive screen time.

So what does lead to vaping and drug use with teens? I think back to OP’s question, there could be an argument that being home during the middle school years would allow you to be more involved and have more knowledge as to what they are doing and curb the drug use if it starts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most parents underestimate how much care, guidance and supervision teens need.

They actually don’t need that much compared to younger children. It’s just that over parenting has become the norm now, to the detriment of the well being of teenagers and the process of trying to become independent adults one day.

There is a post today on this forum from someone who wants to know if their 14 year old can take Uber. Think about that. A parent wanting to put their underage child in a car with a stranger so the stranger can drive off with them.

That was my post. I am a SAHM of 3 kids wanting to go back to work. While it is somewhat easier to put my younger kids in all day camp, my future freshman in high school will need a ride to fall sports that starts in late July. I don’t know what time these sports will be but I know it is not all day and definitely won’t line up with my future potential work schedule.

My youngest is 6 and oldest is 14. I will have 3 kids in elementary, middle and high school this fall. Right now I am childfree 9-2.

My husband has a very demanding and also high paying career. I would like to go back to work and I feel if I don’t go back now, I will never go back.

Good for you. There’s never a great time to go back to work and if you want to do so then you have to make it happen. Not having a job because of an extracurricular activity is nuts and that’s why you’re looking for a solution like Uber. Can you imagine a conversation 20 years from now where your child asks why you didn’t work and your response is “because you had soccer every Monday”?

HS sports on never just on Monday. It will be 5 days per week at minimum.

The point went over your head. Whether it’s 1 day or 7 days doesn’t matter. Do you really want to not have a job because of your child’s sport that they will likely never plan again after HS? Are there men out there saying they can’t hold a job because their child plays a HS sport? I highly doubt it.

It didn't go over my head.
And actually, yeah...I am fine with not having a job so my kids can participate in and enjoy sports, music, and other activities.
There are people with different priorities than you. if you really "doubt" that, you should expand your horizons a bit.

You don’t have to be unemployed for your kids to do these things. You just need someone to drive your kids there.

It’s fine to just say you don’t want to have a job. That actually makes sense.

No, PP doesn’t want a job badly enough that she wants somebody else to drive around her kids.

I don’t understand why people twist themselves in knots to prove that somebody doesn’t mean what they said.

Tons of us work and drive our kids ourselves. She just uses that as an excuse not to work rather than just saying she doesn’t want to work and I guess her husband is fine with it. But I hate when those types butt into these conversations and try to make it sound like working is “impossible” for them.

It's a message board.
On a thread about SAHM's and their experience.
In what way is a SAHM giving her perspective "butting in?"

It’s a thread about a SAHM who wants to do it for a finite period of time. These women are popping to say they have never worked and never will. Their opinion is not really relevant here. Also, after school driving is not in conflict with working (as many of us have attested) so their point is also not rational.

I have not seen the bolded written in this thread at all. Can you please help me find it? Thanks!

And I would say that someone who has been a SAHM of all ages actually has the MOST relevant opinion for the question posed.
You really think that if someone says, "which is best: A, B, or C?" that the person who has only experienced "A" but not B or C has the most relevant opinion? Please explain that logic.

After school driving might not be in conflict with YOUR job, or the jobs of many posters here. It WOULD be in conflict with a parent who works 12 hour shifts as a police officer, or 24 hour shifts as a paramedic, or 6 month deployments as a military member.
It can also be a conflic for people that work in hospitals, in the entertainment industry, in schools, and many other places. You have a very limited world view if you truly believe that everyone else's experience is exactly like yours.

I used to have a very demanding job and my children were not doing well academically, socially and behaviorally. I don’t know if they would have grown out of it but ever since I stayed home, my three children have been thriving in all areas. They are happy and healthy kids.

My kids have friends who do nothing. I mean no extracurricular activities. They play video games. Some read. Some parents seem to think they are doing amazing creative things at home instead of shuffling them around. Some kids just aren’t talented or good at anything and either don’t enjoy sports and activities or don’t care and parents don’t push. My kids are almost good at everything because they have been able to try everything. Because of all the various sports and activities they have done over the years, we have made a lot of friends along the way.

I usually have a car full of my kids’ friends. I host a lot of play dates. I know my kids’ friends. My teen is a great kid. I don’t know if it would have been different if I wasn’t home. We do know many families struggling with various problems with their teens. I think that is what people mean when they say teens need you most. If you didn’t shuffle your kid to travel basketball or baseball all those years, your kid won’t make the high school baseball team. Your child may never have known she was an excellent swimmer if you didn’t take her to swim team practice in elementary. My kids are part of student government and the kids they met there are really great kids. Many, maybe a third of the teens at my kids’ school really seem lost.

Wow good job on parenting! Give yourself a pat on the back.

Parents who stay on their high horse and keep preaching about how amazing their kids are because they parented a certain way while looking down on other parents are the worst kind. Yuck.

I’m not preaching to anyone. My kids had a lot of problems when they were younger and I was working. I didn’t mention it but my child also had health problems that required multiple surgeries and I absolutely hated going back to work leaving my sick child at home. My kid was behind academically and our family life wasn’t working for us.

DP - I’m glad you found a family life that works for you. That doesn’t mean other families can choose different ways, which also work, nor does it mean your choices are the major factor in your children’s development, as you’re implying. You can be secure in your choices and not put down those of others.

Also, FTR, this whole “your kid will never play sports in HS if you don’t do travel for years” isn’t universal. Maybe in ultra-privileged communities, but that’s your choice to live there and choose this lifestyle. You literally *chose* this situation and these demands - know that it doesn’t apply to everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp again. I’m not sure if it is a strategy but I think busy kids tend to stay out of trouble. My kids play sports, play an instrument, we travel, I help organize social gatherings since none of my kids can drive.

Starting in middle school, kids get into trouble with vaping and drugs. I don’t want my kids to do drugs as their extracurricular activities.

That's very, very sad. All I wanted to do at those ages was run around with my neighborhood friends and be a kid. I don't think busy equals better behaved. I'd kids want to do drugs/drink they will no matter what. Also, busy kids don't learn how to entertain themselves without causing trouble or excessive screen time.

So what does lead to vaping and drug use with teens? I think back to OP’s question, there could be an argument that being home during the middle school years would allow you to be more involved and have more knowledge as to what they are doing and curb the drug use if it starts.

But that’s what we are saying and you are not hearing. I am home when my kids are home. And I work. And same with all my friends. My husband works too and he’s home most days too. We are on it, don’t you worry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp again. I’m not sure if it is a strategy but I think busy kids tend to stay out of trouble. My kids play sports, play an instrument, we travel, I help organize social gatherings since none of my kids can drive.

Starting in middle school, kids get into trouble with vaping and drugs. I don’t want my kids to do drugs as their extracurricular activities.

That's very, very sad. All I wanted to do at those ages was run around with my neighborhood friends and be a kid. I don't think busy equals better behaved. I'd kids want to do drugs/drink they will no matter what. Also, busy kids don't learn how to entertain themselves without causing trouble or excessive screen time.

So what does lead to vaping and drug use with teens? I think back to OP’s question, there could be an argument that being home during the middle school years would allow you to be more involved and have more knowledge as to what they are doing and curb the drug use if it starts.

But that’s what we are saying and you are not hearing. I am home when my kids are home. And I work. And same with all my friends. My husband works too and he’s home most days too. We are on it, don’t you worry.

You are the one that is not hearing. That's great for you and your friends, but not every profession/industry can accommodate being at home "most days." Some jobs require you to choose between working and being at home in time to do all the driving.
Would you go to a dentist that had to leave mid filling to drive her kid to soccer practice?