Strange comment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, these answers astound me. When my parents give me money, it goes into the joint account.

True for a lot of us, but our spouses aren't figuratively grabbing the check and literally announcing what we'll be doing with it.

+1 OP should have handled this privately with DH and at most said "Mary what a generous and thoughtful gift."

If a mother gave her daughter a $1000 check to buy herself something nice for her birthday and her husband reached over and grabbed it he would be labeled a controlling and abusive a-hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand why you are annoyed and I understand why MIL responded the way she did. Your comment was unnecessary and awkward in the moment. That could have been a private suggestion to your husband later on.

(And it should be left to him to decide how he wanted to use the money. If my parents give me money for my birthday, they would expect me to use it to treat myself to something nice/fun, not for household expenses. I could see them being upset if my husband made a comment like you did in front of them.)

If I'm going to make the comment to my husband what difference does it make if I wait 5 seconds or 5 hours later?

OP, it appears that you're not getting it. Forget about deciding what to do with the money. I'd equate this with MIL giving your DH a card with a check inside. As your DH opens the card, you start in with "MIL, Thank you SO SO much for the money. It is SO generous of you and I appreciate it so much."

Can you see how you saying even that can be rude to your MIL? and to your DH?

Of course you and DH can decide jointly what to do with the $$ and of course you both may have already decided. But you took the joy away from your MIL gifting something to her son. It's just decent protocol for your DH to comment - in front of MIL - about the $$. Whethe it's saying thank you or whether it's suggesting what to do with the $$.

Ok but how is that rude she is literally saying thank you?? We are a married couple a unit. As one. We figure a gift to one is a family gift.

BS. If it were a joint gift it wouldn't have gone just to your DH on HIS birthday. Stop being belligerently ignorant and obtuse. Do your kids go to birthday parties of classmates and take home one of the gifts because you have told them they are entitled to what the birthday child has? So many trolls on this board lately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand why you are annoyed and I understand why MIL responded the way she did. Your comment was unnecessary and awkward in the moment. That could have been a private suggestion to your husband later on.

(And it should be left to him to decide how he wanted to use the money. If my parents give me money for my birthday, they would expect me to use it to treat myself to something nice/fun, not for household expenses. I could see them being upset if my husband made a comment like you did in front of them.)

If I'm going to make the comment to my husband what difference does it make if I wait 5 seconds or 5 hours later?

OP, it appears that you're not getting it. Forget about deciding what to do with the money. I'd equate this with MIL giving your DH a card with a check inside. As your DH opens the card, you start in with "MIL, Thank you SO SO much for the money. It is SO generous of you and I appreciate it so much."

Can you see how you saying even that can be rude to your MIL? and to your DH?

Of course you and DH can decide jointly what to do with the $$ and of course you both may have already decided. But you took the joy away from your MIL gifting something to her son. It's just decent protocol for your DH to comment - in front of MIL - about the $$. Whethe it's saying thank you or whether it's suggesting what to do with the $$.

Ok but how is that rude she is literally saying thank you?? We are a married couple a unit. As one. We figure a gift to one is a family gift.

Haha, no.
Do you let your husband hang out with his friends without you tagging along? Do you let him do things without you?
You sound really unhinged and needy.
Do you not see yourself as a separate independent human being without your husband?

No clearly she doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also think your comment was rude. When my mom gives me money she always makes a big deal about me spending on myself. Now, I may use it for bills or household stuff, but I wouldn't say that to her face. I think you comment was rude in two ways: you announced what someone else would be doing with their birthday present and you dampened the joy of the gift giver who should be able to maintain the illusion that the recipient is spending the funds on something fun.

This. Should have waited until she left and then tried to co-opt his birthday money.

[Anonymous]

She sounds like a jerk. Or she just doesn't like you.

Regardless, she was right. I'ts his. You were rude to her.

[Anonymous]

“If I'm going to make the comment to my husband what difference does it make if I wait 5 seconds or 5 hours later?”

LOL, OK, I’m going to be sure to tell my husband how I can’t wait to XXXX his XXXX and make him beg me to XXXX on my XXXX in front of our pastor on Sunday morning. After all, I’ll just be saying it 5 hours later anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“If I'm going to make the comment to my husband what difference does it make if I wait 5 seconds or 5 hours later?”

LOL, OK, I’m going to be sure to tell my husband how I can’t wait to XXXX his XXXX and make him beg me to XXXX on my XXXX in front of our pastor on Sunday morning. After all, I’ll just be saying it 5 hours later anyway.

I’m now thinking OP is a troll.

[Anonymous]

If 100% of DCUM thinks the MIL was not at fault and the DIL's response was wrong then you KNOW it's true. Give it up OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand why you are annoyed and I understand why MIL responded the way she did. Your comment was unnecessary and awkward in the moment. That could have been a private suggestion to your husband later on.

(And it should be left to him to decide how he wanted to use the money. If my parents give me money for my birthday, they would expect me to use it to treat myself to something nice/fun, not for household expenses. I could see them being upset if my husband made a comment like you did in front of them.)

If I'm going to make the comment to my husband what difference does it make if I wait 5 seconds or 5 hours later?

Op, either you’re a complete troll fail or one of the dumbest people to grace DCUM. If you can’t comprehend the distinction between making a comment privately to your husband versus in the moment in front of your MIL there’s simply no hope for you.

[Anonymous]

Doesn't OP know that this forum is stuffed with angry MILs? LOL.

The DIL is ALWAYS wrong here.

[Anonymous]

Not only did you overstep with your MIL, but also YDA for trying to snatch a birthday gift from your husband. Sounds like he would have put it in the house pot anyway, but you just snatched it up before he even got a chance to say thank you. No wonder she barked at you. I would have too. I bet you she gives him money privately from now on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't OP know that this forum is stuffed with angry MILs? LOL.

The DIL is ALWAYS wrong here.

You are kidding right? Right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If 100% of DCUM thinks the MIL was not at fault and the DIL's response was wrong then you KNOW it's true. Give it up OP.

Yep! And DCUM is very anti- MIL. So you know OP was in the wrong when everything sides with the MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't OP know that this forum is stuffed with angry MILs? LOL.

The DIL is ALWAYS wrong here.

Nice try, OP. You win some, you lose some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You got between her and her son for no good reason. Your comment was overstepping and rude.

Yes this!
I was in a similar situation with my brother. We were discussing how to use a small inheritance to help our dad. My SIL said something to the effect of “just don’t let it simply sit there, it’s at least something in our kids’ 529”. I don’t think she will be against helping our dad, but it was just terribly out of place!
Also, keep in mind, 99% of MILs think that their DILs are keeping their sons’ interests last in line. Tread lightly