
Good thing that's not what OP did? |
How did she "snatch it up"? she made a comment about how it could go to a project (that is benefitting her DH). I'm not sure what motivated the MIL here, but it sounded like she was miffed at the suggestion that her son would spend HER money on a joint project. That's pretty nasty. |
You were out of line to lay claim to his birthday gift. |
I agree with almost all of this. It's about control and money. MIL is mad that DIL has any say in "her" money that she gifts to her son. If MIL is handing out $1000 checks for adult sons, there is also probably a likely inheritence that she wants to keep from the DIL. I don't necessarily disagree that OP's comment was a little blunt, but MIL went way overboard in her response. OP's comment was essentially innocent and MIL turned it into An Issue. |
Maybe if you think it is "terribly out of place" for your SIL to make a reasonable suggestion (put in a 529 instead of letting it sit with no appreciation) then you should be discussing these matters privately. |
She unilaterally made a decision on what they would do with his birthday money. That could have been handled privately after MIL left. OP was rude. |
She did not "unilaterally make a decision." She made a COMMENT about what the money could go to. Only if you're triggered by the notion that OP would dare suggest that money go to a joint home project do you distort it into something more meaningful than it is. That's how these stupid fights get started. You're acting like OP confiscated the check in that moment and deposited it in their joint account. |
Sorry, OP, but you are the YTA.
Even if your DH agrees that it's best to put it towards the house, wait until the end of the day, when its just the 2 of you to talk about it. What if someone gave you an Amazon gift card for 25 dollars as a thank you, would you want DH to chime in immediately saying "oh, we need a new filter for the HVAC, you can spend it on that." It's both rude to the gift-giver, and the recipient. You owe MIL an apology |
My mom does this too! I think she just knows how easy it is to put the money in the bank and let it go to bills and groceries. She wants to make sure I spend it on something for myself. Op, it's like if your mom gave you a gift certificate for a manicure and pedicure, you wouldn't expect your husband to say "oh great! I've been needing to get my nails done!" The $1000 to your husband is no different in her mind. |
Potato, potahto. Most people see it differently than you. She was greedy and made a rude comment. Could have saved it for later. The only thing necessary at the time was "thank you!" |
How is it greedy to think that a windfall would go to a project her DH was benefitting from? It might not have been the most polite comment, but it was essentially innocent. In general, good manners mean discretion. So MIL is more/equally as wrong to respond as she did. |
I think the point here is that $25 is way different from $1000. The MIL is irritated that OP, yes, thinks that spending a major gift is something that she has a say in. MIL likely thinking ahead to future cash gifts she wants to make as time goes on. Ultimately this is MIL wanting to control where her money goes, which is really, really ugly and the cause of a lot of family discord. |
Are you the same one that resents husband and mil for sightseeing together? |
Because that's a discussion for later. Getting dollar signs in your eyes the minute you see the gift is the definition of greed. And whatever, it's all one big pot anyway. The money will go to the family account and the husband can just buy whatever he wants with a little less guilt assuming OP doesn't count every nickel and penny he spends demanding to know where it went. OP should have kept her trap shut. That's it. And, no MIL is not more wrong. How demented are you to try and make her gift seem anything less than a thoughtful gift just because OP had other plans and had no impulse control? |
NP. OP, I actually agree with your reasoning about family money etc etc…. And I also think your comment was untimely. It was your husbands birthday and his mom just gave him a present. I would have let them have their exchange, their moment, and if I did comment just say something kind like “how nice!”. I understand how mil’s comment was off putting, but honestly yours was a little too. You are absolutely right with your logic AND it was a moment between them that you were witness to.
Fwiw, my in laws give my DH the max gifting limit per person (so 16k to each of us and kids) per year. Obviously it is a part of estate planning for them. Even though one of those checks is literally cut out to me I do not interfere with how DH is spending it. I figure that is money between him and his parents. Now if he was being totally reckless with it I would say something, but honestly I don’t know if he puts it into our shared expenses or uses it to try at certain stocks. Similarly I have some money that is about to be liquid. He has made a couple suggestions with what I do with it but the final decision is mine. I see this as independent money given to us by our parents. I am open to suggestions but would be put off by being told what to do with it. I would certainly consider it in poor taste to make an unsolicited comment on how gift money should be used in front of my in laws. |