To tired of smug moms-of-3-under 35

[Anonymous]

Having 3 kids before the age of 35 sounds awful to me. Not my priority. Nothing to be smug about. I think this is a you problem OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m from generation X where we were told that we could have it all. Just having kids is half of the equation and therefore nothing to be smug about. Anyone can reproduce and it’s nothing to be proud of. Juggling 3 kids and an amazing career is another story.

Interesting. I'm a millennial and having a good career was assumed. Kids and a husband though...much harder. Kids are a luxury good now. Having three is a status symbol. No one can afford them so only people who are well established have kids (at least the people I know). Having a career isn't that big of a deal.

And having 3+ and not working is a double status symbol. But rather than just admitting good luck, some of these women act like they somehow earned it. Cue all the SAHM's telling us how successful they were prekids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m from generation X where we were told that we could have it all. Just having kids is half of the equation and therefore nothing to be smug about. Anyone can reproduce and it’s nothing to be proud of. Juggling 3 kids and an amazing career is another story.

Interesting. I'm a millennial and having a good career was assumed. Kids and a husband though...much harder. Kids are a luxury good now. Having three is a status symbol. No one can afford them so only people who are well established have kids (at least the people I know). Having a career isn't that big of a deal.

I’m not a millennial but I was an extremely confident 20 something year old. I absolutely thought stay at home moms were losers who could not cut in the real world. I also thought those moms who worked part time or not demanding jobs were unimpressive. Becoming a mother is the most humbling experience. My newborn required multiple surgeries. I hated going back to work after maternity leave. I missed many firsts for my first and second children - their first words, their first steps, their first playing and doing almost everything.

PP must not be a mother.

I love the life I have now. I’m able to stay home with my kids. Dh earns a high income so I don’t have to work. He is rich but he wasn’t rich when I met him in grad school. I feel lucky to have such an amazing family. Sure, giving birth to children might not be anything special. Anyone can do it. Raising and enriching children has been my hardest and most rewarding job I have ever had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m from generation X where we were told that we could have it all. Just having kids is half of the equation and therefore nothing to be smug about. Anyone can reproduce and it’s nothing to be proud of. Juggling 3 kids and an amazing career is another story.

Having children is a major lifetime goal for most people. I'm not saying all -- but most. So having them is an achievement. it's something you've thought about your entire life -- since you were a kid yourself. Of course it's something to feel good about having accomplished. If you don't feel that way, why did you even have children? This is the part I don't understand. Women don't have to have kids now -- why do it if you don't want them that badly?

I’m the PP. I have two children whom I love dearly, but I don’t consider having them as an accomplishment on my part. Getting my PhD was an accomplishment for me not bearing children. Even though I love them more than anything else in my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m from generation X where we were told that we could have it all. Just having kids is half of the equation and therefore nothing to be smug about. Anyone can reproduce and it’s nothing to be proud of. Juggling 3 kids and an amazing career is another story.

Interesting. I'm a millennial and having a good career was assumed. Kids and a husband though...much harder. Kids are a luxury good now. Having three is a status symbol. No one can afford them so only people who are well established have kids (at least the people I know). Having a career isn't that big of a deal.

I’m not a millennial but I was an extremely confident 20 something year old. I absolutely thought stay at home moms were losers who could not cut in the real world. I also thought those moms who worked part time or not demanding jobs were unimpressive. Becoming a mother is the most humbling experience. My newborn required multiple surgeries. I hated going back to work after maternity leave. I missed many firsts for my first and second children - their first words, their first steps, their first playing and doing almost everything.

PP must not be a mother.

I love the life I have now. I’m able to stay home with my kids. Dh earns a high income so I don’t have to work. He is rich but he wasn’t rich when I met him in grad school. I feel lucky to have such an amazing family. Sure, giving birth to children might not be anything special. Anyone can do it. Raising and enriching children has been my hardest and most rewarding job I have ever had.

People who don’t agree with you must not be mothers? You are who OP is talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s funny because there are several reports out regarding population and the under 40 population or having fewer kids in ever in recorded history. It’s usually only in low income areas that you find multiple children or even any children under 30 or even 35. If they I have three children and are under 35 and are smug, they have a rude awakening as they continue to age.

It's a status symbol in this area. They send all of their kids to expensive privates. Far from low income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m from generation X where we were told that we could have it all. Just having kids is half of the equation and therefore nothing to be smug about. Anyone can reproduce and it’s nothing to be proud of. Juggling 3 kids and an amazing career is another story.

Having children is a major lifetime goal for most people. I'm not saying all -- but most. So having them is an achievement. it's something you've thought about your entire life -- since you were a kid yourself. Of course it's something to feel good about having accomplished. If you don't feel that way, why did you even have children? This is the part I don't understand. Women don't have to have kids now -- why do it if you don't want them that badly?

I’m the PP. I have two children whom I love dearly, but I don’t consider having them as an accomplishment on my part. Getting my PhD was an accomplishment for me not bearing children. Even though I love them more than anything else in my life.

This is odd to me. I don't think people really mean that getting pregnant and birthing a child is a major accomplishment. But creating a loving, stable, and enriching home for your children and taking steps so they flourish at different stages of life of course is. Not just anyone -- and most don't -- accomplish that.

I personally only have two kids, and I had the second at 37. I work full time and have a flourishing career that I'm proud of; I'm also proud of the home life I've created and the way in which I'm raising my children. They are absolutely both accomplishments.

Anyways, 10 pages later, I really think the PP who said that OP is confusing happiness for smugness nailed it.

[Anonymous]

Smug people are far too smug to admit it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m from generation X where we were told that we could have it all. Just having kids is half of the equation and therefore nothing to be smug about. Anyone can reproduce and it’s nothing to be proud of. Juggling 3 kids and an amazing career is another story.

Having children is a major lifetime goal for most people. I'm not saying all -- but most. So having them is an achievement. it's something you've thought about your entire life -- since you were a kid yourself. Of course it's something to feel good about having accomplished. If you don't feel that way, why did you even have children? This is the part I don't understand. Women don't have to have kids now -- why do it if you don't want them that badly?

I’m the PP. I have two children whom I love dearly, but I don’t consider having them as an accomplishment on my part. Getting my PhD was an accomplishment for me not bearing children. Even though I love them more than anything else in my life.

This is odd to me. I don't think people really mean that getting pregnant and birthing a child is a major accomplishment. But creating a loving, stable, and enriching home for your children and taking steps so they flourish at different stages of life of course is. Not just anyone -- and most don't -- accomplish that.

I personally only have two kids, and I had the second at 37. I work full time and have a flourishing career that I'm proud of; I'm also proud of the home life I've created and the way in which I'm raising my children. They are absolutely both accomplishments.

Anyways, 10 pages later, I really think the PP who said that OP is confusing happiness for smugness nailed it.

I agree with this but I also think a lot of women view just having kids as a personal accomplishment on their life bucket list. Along with getting married, going to a top university, getting a big career, owing a nice home, etc.

[Anonymous]

I think most moms are smug until they have a difficult teenager. It's really quite humbling, and it doesn't matter if you had you kid at 20 or 40.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are still pretty young OP, they will be much less smug at 45.

Yep, probably fat and divorced too, or unhappily married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s funny because there are several reports out regarding population and the under 40 population or having fewer kids in ever in recorded history. It’s usually only in low income areas that you find multiple children or even any children under 30 or even 35. If they I have three children and are under 35 and are smug, they have a rude awakening as they continue to age.

It's a status symbol in this area. They send all of their kids to expensive privates. Far from low income.

I have 3 kids in private and I think you’re spot on. People do act like I’m flexing on them simply by existing. But I get it. It have become a “thing.” As it happens we live quite a modest life to make it work, but the stereotype is there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are still pretty young OP, they will be much less smug at 45.

Yep, probably fat and divorced too, or unhappily married.

Keep reaching. Or better yet, make your own happiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m from generation X where we were told that we could have it all. Just having kids is half of the equation and therefore nothing to be smug about. Anyone can reproduce and it’s nothing to be proud of. Juggling 3 kids and an amazing career is another story.

Interesting. I'm a millennial and having a good career was assumed. Kids and a husband though...much harder. Kids are a luxury good now. Having three is a status symbol. No one can afford them so only people who are well established have kids (at least the people I know). Having a career isn't that big of a deal.

And having 3+ and not working is a double status symbol. But rather than just admitting good luck, some of these women act like they somehow earned it. Cue all the SAHM's telling us how successful they were prekids.

I met my husband when I was at Harvard. We were both poor students. I know I live an amazing life. I was not just lucky to land some rich husband. We worked together to create this family life. Our kids are our everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are still pretty young OP, they will be much less smug at 45.

Yep, probably fat and divorced too, or unhappily married.

Keep reaching. Or better yet, make your own happiness.

I’m almost 45 and I’m in the best shape of my life. Kids are all thriving. I am happy. I don’t think that makes me smug.