To tired of smug moms-of-3-under 35

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's hubris.

That… isn’t what hubris means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's hubris.

I actually think there's something to this, but nothing to do with the number of kids. I have always told DH that women reach their peak smug at 35. You're still young enough to be considered attractive, you have some money now, you have a house and kids etc. Doing well in your career. These are the years before life started to get people with divorce and cancer and major life setbacks. You think you have it all figured out at 35.

-34 year old

At 38 I must have skipped right over that peak because I don’t feel like I’ve ever had it figured out! But I was 35 with young kids during COVID when schools closed and life has thrown me some setbacks pretty early on. This smug 35 y/o stereotype must be a pretty small, privileged sliver of 35 year olds.

[Anonymous]

I’m from generation X where we were told that we could have it all. Just having kids is half of the equation and therefore nothing to be smug about. Anyone can reproduce and it’s nothing to be proud of. Juggling 3 kids and an amazing career is another story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most women who are pretty, smart and nice can land themselves a husband and have a few kids by age 35.

There are a lot of jealous women out there. Be confident in your choices.

Honestly it takes some measure of intentionality too though. Especially if you, like most women, don’t want to marry a significantly older guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's hubris.

I actually think there's something to this, but nothing to do with the number of kids. I have always told DH that women reach their peak smug at 35. You're still young enough to be considered attractive, you have some money now, you have a house and kids etc. Doing well in your career. These are the years before life started to get people with divorce and cancer and major life setbacks. You think you have it all figured out at 35.

-34 year old

I hope I didn't act too smug, but I do agree that around 35 was wonderful for all the reasons you stated. Its kind of gone downhill a bit. Lost my mom to cancer. Have moody teens now. House that was pretty good when we bought it now needs work ($$$), college costs are looming, etc.

-43 year old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3+ kids is selfish and irresponsible. I wish society would stop glorifying it.

America's birthrate isn't at replacement level. Someone is going to have to pay for your social security someday. Maybe you should be thanking those who are willing to have more than two.

Nah. I'm good. I don't have any expectation of receiving social security anyway. They will have it means-tested by then. People who are counting on it should be worried though! Especially after they spend all their money on their 3+ kids! Hope they will support you in your old age!

You should probably realize you’re most likely not going to be able to afford your nursing home either given the plummeting birth rate and resulting labor shortage. Unless this country suddenly changes its mind about immigration. We’d have to get rid of the GOP’s stranglehold on state politics first though. In other words: fat chance of that happening.

The GOP opposition to immigration is a temporary issue. Historically rich people loved immigration because it supplies cheap labor to staff their business, clean their homes, etc. My super conversative Republican brother is always talking about how hard working the Mexican immigrants are and how you can’t get native born poor people to do a decent job on your lawn. As soon as the GOP sufficiently fixes the vote, and can figure out how to capture the immigrant vote (which they’ve been making progress on), they’ll be happy to have immigrants to work at the crappy chain for-profit nursing homes that they own. This momentary opposition to immigrant labor is causing them a huge headache, labor wise.

Nah. White rich people don’t like poor brown people. ‘‘Twas ever this, twil ever be.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s about them being smug to you. It’s about you not having what you want and feeling angry about it.

This! Do people really think happy = smug?

[Anonymous]

You feel this overwhelming love when you have kids. You are also tired and often overwhelmed, especially if you have 3!

I have three kids and always busy juggling the three kids. Most people we know have kids. The ones who wanted kids have them whether naturally,, IVF, donor eggs or adoption. Some have one child. Others have 5. We are too busy juggling our own family to really care about others.

[Anonymous]

Is anyone watching White Lotus 2? OP is talking about women like Daphne (who I actually don’t think is that bad but the Entertainment forum hates her). But yeah, she checks all of the OP’s boxes. Beautiful, young, married to a hot rich guy, probably has 3 kids by 35 and lives in a big gorgeous house in Greenwich or Darien.

To me, she just seems incredibly happy with her life. But she comes off as smug, privileged, and oblivious to others. It’s all in your perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is anyone watching White Lotus 2? OP is talking about women like Daphne (who I actually don’t think is that bad but the Entertainment forum hates her). But yeah, she checks all of the OP’s boxes. Beautiful, young, married to a hot rich guy, probably has 3 kids by 35 and lives in a big gorgeous house in Greenwich or Darien.

To me, she just seems incredibly happy with her life. But she comes off as smug, privileged, and oblivious to others. It’s all in your perspective.

OP is definitely Harper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s about them being smug to you. It’s about you not having what you want and feeling angry about it.

This! Do people really think happy = smug?

Yep. This is the issue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s about them being smug to you. It’s about you not having what you want and feeling angry about it.

This! Do people really think happy = smug?

I think smug, like bully and trauma and other words, is often misused.

You can be happy with your life choices and you can even be appropriately proud of what you have accomplished without being smug. But unhappy people will take any happiness or positivity and try to give it a negative connotation, like saying someone who is happy and secure is smug.

And no, I didn't have 3 kids by 35.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s about them being smug to you. It’s about you not having what you want and feeling angry about it.

This! Do people really think happy = smug?

You don't think some people really rub it in, or are just cluelessly talking about their luck around someone who has had a lot of misfortune. The worst is the humblebrag. There was this rich SAHM in my baby group who used to constantly complain how annoying her husband was because he only liked expensive things. "Ugh, I really want to stay at the Contemporary when we go to Disney but Greg will ONLY stay at the Ritz. Its SO annoying." He refused to eat at lower end restaurants and other stuff like that - constantly. I have no idea if it was true about him or she just wanted everyone to know how much money she spent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m from generation X where we were told that we could have it all. Just having kids is half of the equation and therefore nothing to be smug about. Anyone can reproduce and it’s nothing to be proud of. Juggling 3 kids and an amazing career is another story.

Having children is a major lifetime goal for most people. I'm not saying all -- but most. So having them is an achievement. it's something you've thought about your entire life -- since you were a kid yourself. Of course it's something to feel good about having accomplished. If you don't feel that way, why did you even have children? This is the part I don't understand. Women don't have to have kids now -- why do it if you don't want them that badly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m from generation X where we were told that we could have it all. Just having kids is half of the equation and therefore nothing to be smug about. Anyone can reproduce and it’s nothing to be proud of. Juggling 3 kids and an amazing career is another story.

Interesting. I'm a millennial and having a good career was assumed. Kids and a husband though...much harder. Kids are a luxury good now. Having three is a status symbol. No one can afford them so only people who are well established have kids (at least the people I know). Having a career isn't that big of a deal.