Son and DIL insulting vacation we paid for

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe OP should just get a hotel room and ask if other people want to book their own rooms in the same hotel or another hotel for a week or a day. No one has to cook or clean or share a bathroom. You can eat some meals together or not. Meet up on the beach, arcade or the boardwalk. OP can babysit the kids so the parents can have some me time. I think it would be much more enjoyable.

LOL

[Anonymous]

Examine if you are even indirectly communicating that you paid for this or that you provided this. I had a parent who did this with our kids "Do you like the xxx that grandpa bought you" kind of comment. Or-If they are providing food and meals then they see it as a shared cost experience and not a criticism of you.

[Anonymous]

Your son and his wife say insulting things about the vacation beach rental you’ve provided. You come here to ask if it is okay to ask him to stop insulting you.

Your son has the manners you taught him, or failed to teach him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Complaining is terrible hobby, usually picked up by dull people with not much else to talk about.. It's just like gossiping.

They both can be stopped but only if the people doing it realize how ugly they sound, and that it represents bad character.

If people are complaining, other people should listen, instead of telling them to stop complaining. OP can't tell people how to feel. She is shutting them down and telling them should feel differently. Don't complain, you should be grateful to spend your vacation time in a house with me - cooking and cleaning. I enjoy it, you should too.

It's called manners.

DP here. Here's the thing - which I have noticed at my MIL's beach week: her sons in law (married to MIL's daughters) can say anything at all - no matter how rude or offensive - and MIL would laugh as if it is the funniest thing in the world. Yet, MIL's son's wife would say the very same (type of) thing - and suddenly, it's awful. GMFB, MIL. Stop being so misogynistic - SO OBVIOUS. To add, yes, MIL absolutely hates herself - go figure.

MIL literally jumps for the men hat married in - the women that married in - well,, let's just say MIL has a REALLY low opinion of herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Complaining is terrible hobby, usually picked up by dull people with not much else to talk about.. It's just like gossiping.

They both can be stopped but only if the people doing it realize how ugly they sound, and that it represents bad character.

If people are complaining, other people should listen, instead of telling them to stop complaining. OP can't tell people how to feel. She is shutting them down and telling them should feel differently. Don't complain, you should be grateful to spend your vacation time in a house with me - cooking and cleaning. I enjoy it, you should too.

It's called manners.

DP here. Here's the thing - which I have noticed at my MIL's beach week: her sons in law (married to MIL's daughters) can say anything at all - no matter how rude or offensive - and MIL would laugh as if it is the funniest thing in the world. Yet, MIL's son's wife would say the very same (type of) thing - and suddenly, it's awful. GMFB, MIL. Stop being so misogynistic - SO OBVIOUS. To add, yes, MIL absolutely hates herself - go figure.

MIL literally jumps for the men hat married in - the women that married in - well,, let's just say MIL has a REALLY low opinion of herself.

That sounds very annoying but is definitely not the same as OP's situation. She's upset by both her son's comments and the DIL's comments. And no mention of any other children.

I personally think it is rude to complain about the vacation someone else paid for. It really is just manners 101. You don't need a psychology degree to understand why your vacation host is likely to take these comments personally. You suck it up and are outwardly grateful, and if you really need to vent about the inconveniences of the rental, do so to your spouse when you are alone or after the vacation is over.

The fact that your MIL has a double standard with these kinds of rude comments does not make them any less rude. Just don't be rude! It's simple.

[Anonymous]

OP if you cook and provide meals all week for everyone and pay for the great beach house, you have gone all out. But if you rent a cheap beach house and invite others to come to cook and clean it for a week, you are really not the hostess you think you are.

[Anonymous]

There is no reason why they should be whining and complaining in front of everyone.

I’m a daughter-in-law with young kids and I have definitely been on vacations that were not fun and were inconvenient. I tell my husband I’m uncomfortable, I tell him next time I want to get an Airbnb instead of staying at the family house, I don’t complain about the lodging and nitpick at everything wrong in front of his family. It’s rude and it shows a lack of self-awareness. If I was OP I would definitely say something to my son about his behavior. I don’t care if they have young kids or if they aren’t comfortable they are acting childish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP if you cook and provide meals all week for everyone and pay for the great beach house, you have gone all out. But if you rent a cheap beach house and invite others to come to cook and clean it for a week, you are really not the hostess you think you are.

None of this matters. They are being rude and have terrible manners. You don’t go to a friends house for dinner and complain about their cooking. You are polite and, next time, you decline the invitation or suggest you all go out to dinner instead.

[Anonymous]

OP do you own this house?

If not, none of this matters.

I mean, your DIL is being petty, but so are you.

If it bothers you so much what someone says about a stranger's curtains, then use your words and say so.

You sound like a piece of work - maybe you are looking to be offended by your DIL.

[Anonymous]

This is why I get out of going with my in-laws. I don’t like renting houses. I can’t stand all of the work I have to do. No one ever wants to leave the house, so it’s just me running after my kids, cooking and cleaning. I can do all of that from my beautiful home instead. It’s definitely a trip if I have to cook and clean. I prefer hotels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP do you own this house?

If not, none of this matters.

I mean, your DIL is being petty, but so are you.

If it bothers you so much what someone says about a stranger's curtains, then use your words and say so.

You sound like a piece of work - maybe you are looking to be offended by your DIL.

You're so full of it. If you invited a friend to a restaurant to have dinner with you and they whined and complained about everything you would think them rude and without manners. You wouldn't just brush it off because you didn't cook the food. Ugh, the fork is dirty, my food is too hot/cold, too salty, this isn't the right way to make this dish, and on and on. You would feel offended if your friend just whined and complained because at the end of the day you just wanted to have dinner with them and enjoy the company. Your friend doesn't need to play the role of restaurant critic. It would sour the mood. Similarly the son and DIL aren't there to provide feedback and criticism to their host. If they don't like the curtains they should fill out a comment card or send feedback to the owner. Complaining to MIL is out of place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My In-laws paid for us all to go to Disney. It was luxury accommodations, upgrades etc, cost a fortune. But for me it was miserable. I dont like crowds, heat and we had a 3yo who they took on a few rides but it was still parenting 24/7. They wanted us to be grateful and appreciative the whole time and I tried, but it was rough. I wouldn’t go on vacation with them again.

Disney with a 3 year old is no fun. Too young for many rides and still so little as to need constant babying. Much better to wait until 7+ years.

I had the time of my life taking my daughter to Disney when she was 3.

Me too. We took our kid a few times under age 10 - it was an easy trip and a blast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you are generous to pay for the week at the beach.

I can't imagine them spontaneously clarifying that it's a trip (it is, btw). Are you making a big deal about having paid for "a vacation" and expecting a week of non stop gratitude? How young are any kids? It's can be a lot of work at the beach with kids in a rental.

OP here. The comments are to each other, but “in public” if that makes sense, like when we’re all out in the main room when we were all setting up on the first day. Like one person would ask who brought hand soap for the bathrooms and one of them would make a comment. Or they say things like look at these ancient pots and pans, which yes is true but again, what do you expect?

Team son and dil. Did you guilt them into going to some crappy beach house with all four of them sharing a bathroom? No, it’s not a vacation to have to schlep everything to the becah and bring a bunch of tp and paper towels, sheets, towels and hand soap.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don’t like the work involved in staying at a rented home, but I would never be so rude as to complain in front of you. That said, I wouldn’t be looking to repeat this vacation any time soon either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Complaining is terrible hobby, usually picked up by dull people with not much else to talk about.. It's just like gossiping.

They both can be stopped but only if the people doing it realize how ugly they sound, and that it represents bad character.

If people are complaining, other people should listen, instead of telling them to stop complaining. OP can't tell people how to feel. She is shutting them down and telling them should feel differently. Don't complain, you should be grateful to spend your vacation time in a house with me - cooking and cleaning. I enjoy it, you should too.

It's called manners.

With your own parents? You can't even just be honest with them