Is this a South Asian practice or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be annoyed if I were in your place. I'm Indian America, as well as DH. Both of our parents are local. His parents are very well off and don't ask or expect anything funded. Mine financially struggle but still resist most items we offer to cover, like going out.

Very traditional SA parents will not take anything from their daughter. Maybe it is so in your case? Also, they don't want to lose face in front of their son-in-law. You also seem to have the same inferiority complex that OP has. Really, no one can help you with that. Get some therapy. Are you earning more than your DH or are your earnings meagre too?

No inferiority complex here, but nice try. I don't let tradition dictate who I give my money to. We have no obligation to fund our parents' lives, yes, even if they left their country to come here and "give us better lives" and all that usual bs.

[Anonymous]

My SA parents would rather jump of a cliff than ask anyone for financial help. Me and my brother find it so annoying. They've done everything they could and more for us, their should be no shame in letting us help them maintain the lifestyle they did before retirement. If they had not opened their wallets to us, they would have a lot more saved then they did by being frugal for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be annoyed if I were in your place. I'm Indian America, as well as DH. Both of our parents are local. His parents are very well off and don't ask or expect anything funded. Mine financially struggle but still resist most items we offer to cover, like going out.

Very traditional SA parents will not take anything from their daughter. Maybe it is so in your case? Also, they don't want to lose face in front of their son-in-law. You also seem to have the same inferiority complex that OP has. Really, no one can help you with that. Get some therapy. Are you earning more than your DH or are your earnings meagre too?

No inferiority complex here, but nice try. I don't let tradition dictate who I give my money to. We have no obligation to fund our parents' lives, yes, even if they left their country to come here and "give us better lives" and all that usual bs.

+2 OP here. And I don’t know how many times I have to tell this person that my earnings are not ‘meager’ I have a doctorate but just make less than my DH- and my family of origin is financially well off. Guess this PP just doesn’t get it! Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Everyone of my Indian colleague is paying adult children's bills until they start earning well. They are in for a big disappointment as these are westernized children who would't reciprocate in kind if needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP your MIL sounds terrible and I would begrudge her the money as well. (I am Indian)

To add my own personal biases to the mix… when I reached my 20s I was told by older relatives to try to marry into a family with an educated, professional mother if possible. Ie Sons of SAHMs do not apply. I’m so glad I did just that. My MIL is not perfect but she is so much better than many of the narrow-minded housewives I see whose lives revolve around themselves and their sons.

Thank you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be annoyed if I were in your place. I'm Indian America, as well as DH. Both of our parents are local. His parents are very well off and don't ask or expect anything funded. Mine financially struggle but still resist most items we offer to cover, like going out.

Very traditional SA parents will not take anything from their daughter. Maybe it is so in your case? Also, they don't want to lose face in front of their son-in-law. You also seem to have the same inferiority complex that OP has. Really, no one can help you with that. Get some therapy. Are you earning more than your DH or are your earnings meagre too?

No inferiority complex here, but nice try. I don't let tradition dictate who I give my money to. We have no obligation to fund our parents' lives, yes, even if they left their country to come here and "give us better lives" and all that usual bs.

Your problem is your husband's disregard for your opinion. If you two can't find a middle ground then you should leave him and live with your loving parents. That should solve everyone's problems. You deserve to live your life as you please and so does your husband.

[Anonymous]

There's no way I'd be okay with covering my in-laws for major expenses like these. I really don't care what country anyone is from.

[Anonymous]

If you are so miserable, why stay together? Your MIL may live 20 more years, petite women can easily last for 90-100 years, you may die before her.

If you've been married for 20+ years, kids must be old enough to go to boarding school or college so no real reason to stay unless you love hour husband because at this age, he is not going to change.

[Anonymous]

I dont get why women doesn't date long enough to understand other person and their family dynamics. He is who he is, you cant turn a compassionate and generous person into a cold hearted miser by marrying him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: If you are so miserable, why stay together? Your MIL may live 20 more years, petite women can easily last for 90-100 years, you may die before her.

If you've been married for 20+ years, kids must be old enough to go to boarding school or college so no real reason to stay unless you love hour husband because at this age, he is not going to change.

OMFG!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dont get why women doesn't date long enough to understand other person and their family dynamics. He is who he is, you cant turn a compassionate and generous person into a cold hearted miser by marrying him.

Usually they are desperate and not have too many choices in who they are dating? She might have thought that she will be successful in creating a rift between her DH and his family, and it did not happen. Any reasonable female with good prospects would have understood that she is marrying outside her race and culture and would have taken her time in figuring things out. Some White guy dodged a bullet for sure. Anyways, she has been married for 20 years and she sounds like a dim-wit. No wonder her DH and ILs ignore what she says.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's no way I'd be okay with covering my in-laws for major expenses like these. I really don't care what country anyone is from.

Sure. At least you know yourself. I also think that high earning SA males are not tripping over wanting to marry you either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be annoyed if I were in your place. I'm Indian America, as well as DH. Both of our parents are local. His parents are very well off and don't ask or expect anything funded. Mine financially struggle but still resist most items we offer to cover, like going out.

Very traditional SA parents will not take anything from their daughter. Maybe it is so in your case? Also, they don't want to lose face in front of their son-in-law. You also seem to have the same inferiority complex that OP has. Really, no one can help you with that. Get some therapy. Are you earning more than your DH or are your earnings meagre too?

No inferiority complex here, but nice try. I don't let tradition dictate who I give my money to. We have no obligation to fund our parents' lives, yes, even if they left their country to come here and "give us better lives" and all that usual bs.

+2 OP here. And I don’t know how many times I have to tell this person that my earnings are not ‘meager’ I have a doctorate but just make less than my DH- and my family of origin is financially well off. Guess this PP just doesn’t get it! Oh well.

Your misery after 20 years makes me think that you are poor and so is your family of origin. Why the heartburn if you all are wealthy AF? Oh well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've an easy solution. Imagine your husband showering his affection and money on a mistress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone of my Indian colleague is paying adult children's bills until they start earning well. They are in for a big disappointment as these are westernized children who would't reciprocate in kind if needed.

This . I’m an Indian married to Indian . We both came here for studies and know each other for long time. Like some one said my MIL always guilt trip my DH. Also like a PP said it’s kind of drilled into boys that parents are their responsibilities. Even parents does not have to say it . But society does. I don’t blame my DH. But it’s little challenging that as a daughter I also like to do same thing for my parents. My MIL used to do what OP says ( she would still do if I don’t put my foot down ) that I should completely forget my parents. I put my Foot down when I want to do something . My parents too they won’t take anything from the daughter . It’s all societal problems and pressure in India . Even if it’s Advanced in India it’s not going to change easily . I can understand OPs points of her MIL trying to guilt trip the son . But mostly all MIL do it. I don’t blame them because they have done it to their MIL. But only thing I can tell is it’s very rare Indian son would not do any of these things to their parents . Especially children born before 2000s , we are kind of caught in both the worlds . We know and would love to take care of our parents. It’s our duty to do. But I don’t think so I can expect my children to take care of us in our old age . At the same time I don’t mind paying for all the expenses to my kids until they get settled and start earning . It’s very hard to change that . I know lots of Indian parents who came to America for studies and settled here and they would do the same but most of them are prepared to not expect anything from the children . I’m really talking about people who came from India in 1990s to early 2000.