Is this a South Asian practice or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jumping in without reading this whole thing. As an outside, it's pretty apparent that the SA community has jumped in, perhaps because they feel the OP disparaged them. And maybe she did, but it doesn't make her grievance wrong. I am an American married to an American, and I'm sure my husband would love to spoil his parents with luxurious gifts. But he would never make that decision without me also signing off. The issue is about joint decisions on money, as most relationship problems are. The idea that a married couple shares financial decisions is not a new concept, and I completely understand why the OP is upset.

Absolutely but what if other person doesn’t understand? Its practically not even his money, he is only moving around money and will not loose a penny. Even if they didn’t have any, he should be at least paying back as they saved him from student loans and other debt. He was an adult who used their money with an understanding that he would help when they need it. What I see wrong is not discussing financial matters before marriage and making it clear that he’ll try to payback their generous contributions. If he did, she should’ve said no if its a big deal.

Sorry let me correct you. My DH’s parents paid for his college expenses. That’s it. MY parents on the other hand paid for my college, part of grad school and our wedding. So who deserves payback here?

Then repay them in kind because you want to, not because it’s a competition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jumping in without reading this whole thing. As an outside, it's pretty apparent that the SA community has jumped in, perhaps because they feel the OP disparaged them. And maybe she did, but it doesn't make her grievance wrong. I am an American married to an American, and I'm sure my husband would love to spoil his parents with luxurious gifts. But he would never make that decision without me also signing off. The issue is about joint decisions on money, as most relationship problems are. The idea that a married couple shares financial decisions is not a new concept, and I completely understand why the OP is upset.

Absolutely but what if other person doesn’t understand? Its practically not even his money, he is only moving around money and will not loose a penny. Even if they didn’t have any, he should be at least paying back as they saved him from student loans and other debt. He was an adult who used their money with an understanding that he would help when they need it. What I see wrong is not discussing financial matters before marriage and making it clear that he’ll try to payback their generous contributions. If he did, she should’ve said no if its a big deal.

Sorry let me correct you. My DH’s parents paid for his college expenses. That’s it. MY parents on the other hand paid for my college, part of grad school and our wedding. So who deserves payback here?

OP, you are seriously unhinged. Think of it this way: your parents have the means to have paid for your college, grad school, and wedding. You said it yourself at some point (probably in a deleted post since you're having everything that doesn't fit your narrative deleted) that your father is a wealthy physician. Your parents have literally never asked you for money, but because your husband spends money on his now you want to spend money on them for no reason other than revenge or something? Get help.

It would be revenge if I was taking money away from my in-laws, but I’m not doing that.

I’m going to give money to my parents now because of fairness. Fairness that is long over due.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jumping in without reading this whole thing. As an outside, it's pretty apparent that the SA community has jumped in, perhaps because they feel the OP disparaged them. And maybe she did, but it doesn't make her grievance wrong. I am an American married to an American, and I'm sure my husband would love to spoil his parents with luxurious gifts. But he would never make that decision without me also signing off. The issue is about joint decisions on money, as most relationship problems are. The idea that a married couple shares financial decisions is not a new concept, and I completely understand why the OP is upset.

Absolutely but what if other person doesn’t understand? Its practically not even his money, he is only moving around money and will not loose a penny. Even if they didn’t have any, he should be at least paying back as they saved him from student loans and other debt. He was an adult who used their money with an understanding that he would help when they need it. What I see wrong is not discussing financial matters before marriage and making it clear that he’ll try to payback their generous contributions. If he did, she should’ve said no if its a big deal.

Sorry let me correct you. My DH’s parents paid for his college expenses. That’s it. MY parents on the other hand paid for my college, part of grad school and our wedding. So who deserves payback here?

OP, you are seriously unhinged. Think of it this way: your parents have the means to have paid for your college, grad school, and wedding. You said it yourself at some point (probably in a deleted post since you're having everything that doesn't fit your narrative deleted) that your father is a wealthy physician. Your parents have literally never asked you for money, but because your husband spends money on his now you want to spend money on them for no reason other than revenge or something? Get help.

It would be revenge if I was taking money away from my in-laws, but I’m not doing that.

I’m going to give money to my parents now because of fairness. Fairness that is long over due.

OP how much money are we talking? Over $50 k a year? I suspect most people are thinking of this in the $10-12 k region. If it’s a LOT I think people might understand more. We definitely pay for more things for my husband’s family despite them being better off because that’s an expectation there and my parents would not accept anyway. But I would not be ok with huge amounts going to them (luckily my husband agrees)

[Anonymous]

Summery below.

Also, OP has been married for 20 years but is triggered that MIL gets attention from her sons and family. She has kids who are 1/2 South Asians.

Right now - MIL is the WINNER. OP is the LOSER.

Anonymous wrote:Her parents doesn’t need support.

Her ILs doesn’t need support.

Her husband and BIL want to have their parents a comfortable retired life and have some fun. They pay for it but they both earn well, have no college debt and will get money from parent’s estate.

She feels she should provide some luxury to her parents even though she earns less and had to pay college debt so saved less.

There is nothing wrong with any of that.

What’s wrong is her delusion fueled by her hatred that somehow she is paying for her ILs. She needs to learn basic math and develop some empathy. Its never too late.

[Anonymous]

Bump