Is this a South Asian practice or not?

[Anonymous]

You and your husband, both are blessed to have wealth, health, career, kids and parents in your lives. Find way to appreciate and enjoy it. Every couple has some issues they see differently, work together to align your views to make it a happier and peaceful home. You have a PhD for God’s sake, you can and should be a understanding and enlightened person than your MIL. You are not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, OP’s ILs have enough income to pay their bills and more than enough assets to afford little comfort and luxury in old age themselves but it wouldn’t be prudent to sell their assets for that.

Its a smarter way for their well off kids ( whom they supported well after 18 yes of age and will leave their properties for) pamper their parents in their old age and keep assets safe. Everyone is happy and benefiting other than greedy person.

I wonder what would be her level of resentment if ILs were poor with no income and assets needing help with their living expenses.

They’ve done a lot for their children and will leave even more in form of inheritance. I don’t get OP’s resentment for her wealthy husband and BIL trying to express their love and gratitude by injecting some luxury into their lifelong frugal living.

Jealousy. To know and witness that parents can love their children and children can be grateful and love their parents must be very triggering to her. Yes, she is making money an issue, but in reality it is the close bond that rubs her the wrong way. She must be unlovable to even her own parents because she does not get it.

Her DH seems like a good sort, but boy did he make a blunder marrying her!

[Anonymous]

+1

[Anonymous]

Our simpleton OP’s PhD was a waste, its not creating as much income as she wants and clearly didn’t improve her understanding of simple problems.

He isn’t spending Her money. He isn’t even spending HIS money, its all THEIR money. He is just helping them spend some of it for some comfort in their old age. He’ll get it all back when he inherits their estate. Its all coming from their own pot. They can live lavishly by selling all their assets and living it up. They don’t need any money, they just need to feel good their kids are doing it for them and kids are happy they are doing it for them.

OP is a small minded person with little understanding of math, finance and economics which explains why she can’t earn the lifestyle she wants on her own.

[Anonymous]

She clearly doesn’t understand that her husband is where he is because of their investments in his future and practically never had to or will have to spend his own let alone her money on his parents. He is only helping them benefit from their own money because they are too frugal to spend it and too afraid to loose and become become dependent on their kids. Who can blame them after reading OP’s posts.

[Anonymous]

Its a simple problem with many solutions.

1. OP can divorce. It should help with her financial and psychological issues.

2. OP can improve her income to support the lifestyle she wants.

3. They can keep their accounts separate and both put part of money in a joint account for expenses related to household and children.

4. They can spend rest on themselves, their parents, investments, booze, gambling, designer stuff, mistresses or whatever, without having to explain it to anyone.

[Anonymous]

Her parents doesn’t need support.

Her ILs doesn’t need support.

Her husband and BIL want to have their parents a comfortable retired life and have son fun. They pay for it but they both earn well, have no college debt and will get money from parent’s estate.

She feels she should provide some luxury to her parents even though she earns less and had to pay college debt so saved less.

There is nothing wrong with any of that.

What’s wrong is her delusion fueled by her hatred that somehow she is paying for her ILs. She needs to learn basic math and develop some empathy. Its never too late.

[Anonymous]

What I don’t get is people’s willingness to spend on luxury, charity, pets, social causes and what not but as soon as the word MIL comes up, generosity and compassion drops to zero.

[Anonymous]

Jumping in without reading this whole thing. As an outside, it's pretty apparent that the SA community has jumped in, perhaps because they feel the OP disparaged them. And maybe she did, but it doesn't make her grievance wrong. I am an American married to an American, and I'm sure my husband would love to spoil his parents with luxurious gifts. But he would never make that decision without me also signing off. The issue is about joint decisions on money, as most relationship problems are. The idea that a married couple shares financial decisions is not a new concept, and I completely understand why the OP is upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jumping in without reading this whole thing. As an outside, it's pretty apparent that the SA community has jumped in, perhaps because they feel the OP disparaged them. And maybe she did, but it doesn't make her grievance wrong. I am an American married to an American, and I'm sure my husband would love to spoil his parents with luxurious gifts. But he would never make that decision without me also signing off. The issue is about joint decisions on money, as most relationship problems are. The idea that a married couple shares financial decisions is not a new concept, and I completely understand why the OP is upset.

Absolutely but what if other person doesn’t understand? Its practically not even his money, he is only moving around money and will not loose a penny. Even if they didn’t have any, he should be at least paying back as they saved him from student loans and other debt. He was an adult who used their money with an understanding that he would help when they need it. What I see wrong is not discussing financial matters before marriage and making it clear that he’ll try to payback their generous contributions. If he did, she should’ve said no if its a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Its a power struggle not a money issue. If any, she is benefiting from what his parents already gave him and will leave for them. I

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its a power struggle not a money issue. If any, she is benefiting from what his parents already gave him and will leave for them. I

+1.

Not a money issue. Not an IL issue. Its a comprehension, communication and compression issue.

[Anonymous]

* compassion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jumping in without reading this whole thing. As an outside, it's pretty apparent that the SA community has jumped in, perhaps because they feel the OP disparaged them. And maybe she did, but it doesn't make her grievance wrong. I am an American married to an American, and I'm sure my husband would love to spoil his parents with luxurious gifts. But he would never make that decision without me also signing off. The issue is about joint decisions on money, as most relationship problems are. The idea that a married couple shares financial decisions is not a new concept, and I completely understand why the OP is upset.

Absolutely but what if other person doesn’t understand? Its practically not even his money, he is only moving around money and will not loose a penny. Even if they didn’t have any, he should be at least paying back as they saved him from student loans and other debt. He was an adult who used their money with an understanding that he would help when they need it. What I see wrong is not discussing financial matters before marriage and making it clear that he’ll try to payback their generous contributions. If he did, she should’ve said no if its a big deal.

Sorry let me correct you. My DH’s parents paid for his college expenses. That’s it. MY parents on the other hand paid for my college, part of grad school and our wedding. So who deserves payback here?

[Anonymous]

Every family is different, she wants to repeat what her family did or do what his does, only for her parents not his. Its weird at minimum and psychotic at maximum.