Is this a South Asian practice or not?

[Anonymous]

^^classic guilt tripping by MIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder why the OP does not have a good relationship with her own parents. She should certainly treat them with gifts and her time too. Who knows? Maybe it will help her have a close relationship with her parents and distract her from spending her energy in hating her MIL.

Actually I have a very close relationship with my parents. If you read some of my previous posts you would see that I help them in non monetary ways: took care of them after surgery, bring them to Dr appointments, helped them to find the condo that they downsized to (but did not pay for said condo). I take them out to dinner on their birthdays but I don’t pay for their vacations and upgrade them to business class like my DH does for his parents.

Oh and my MIL does expect to be financially taken care of by her sons. She drops hints all the time on what her friends’ kids are doing for their parents (sent them to Hawaii, bought a Rolex, etc)

This post will probably get ignored because it doesn’t fit the narrative that many of the previous posters have of OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no way I'd be okay with covering my in-laws for major expenses like these. I really don't care what country anyone is from.

Sure. At least you know yourself. I also think that high earning SA males are not tripping over wanting to marry you either.

Why do you think that we want that? We can, and I did, marry someone successful without having the family burden that OP has. I see zero advantages to marrying someone like OP's H.

Yes. OP should have married a high earning orphan. She is not fit to be married into a normal family because she was raised by a toxic and selfish culture.

This is not normal at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is very strange IMO but I'm European. My parents paid for everything, they are leaving us a lot of money and they would never ever get any money or gifts from us. My brother and I are very successful and they are still trying to give us cash every time we visit and they give our boys $$$ too. Our DC1 is in med school and we pay for everything not because I expect something in return, but because this is what a good parent with plenty of resources does. Your H should max his retirement and college fund for the kids before spending money on his parents. My mom would kill me if I'd short my kids for them.

Adding that my H is American and he's always made our boys and myself his first priority loud and clean not only with $$ but also with time. I have two boys and I hope they will consider their kids and partners priorities. IMO it's a must for a happy and healthy marriage.

Are you Dutch?

Nope, from Central Europe.

[Anonymous]

Lol, can definitely tell there are some offended SA in here who pay for their parents for everything and expect everyone else too as well. So glad my own SA parents would never expect this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol, can definitely tell there are some offended SA in here who pay for their parents for everything and expect everyone else too as well. So glad my own SA parents would never expect this.

Is this customary in poor only families? I can't imagine well off parents demanding gifts.

[Anonymous]

I think OP can change her attitude or leave her marriage.

DH's parents are well off and will leave a lot of wealth for both their children. In some ways, OP will actually benefit by the inheritance that IL will leave behind.

She just seems to be jealous and low class. DH is correct in ignoring her.

[Anonymous]

I think OP's WASP family is true to their self-centered culture and that is how she has been raised. I don't think she can change. To be selfish and weird is in her genes. Hope her children are not similarly afflicted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP's WASP family is true to their self-centered culture and that is how she has been raised. I don't think she can change. To be selfish and weird is in her genes. Hope her children are not similarly afflicted.

yikes, you're special.

[Anonymous]

To be fair, OP’s ILs have enough income to pay their bills and more than enough assets to afford little comfort and luxury in old age themselves but it wouldn’t be prudent to sell their assets for that.

Its a smarter way for their well off kids ( whom they supported well after 18 yes of age and will leave their properties for) pamper their parents in their old age and keep assets safe. Everyone is happy and benefiting other than greedy person.

I wonder what would be her level of resentment if ILs were poor with no income and assets needing help with their living expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, OP’s ILs have enough income to pay their bills and more than enough assets to afford little comfort and luxury in old age themselves but it wouldn’t be prudent to sell their assets for that.

Its a smarter way for their well off kids ( whom they supported well after 18 yes of age and will leave their properties for) pamper their parents in their old age and keep assets safe. Everyone is happy and benefiting other than greedy person.

I wonder what would be her level of resentment if ILs were poor with no income and assets needing help with their living expenses.

They’ve done a lot for their children and will leave even more in form of inheritance. I don’t get OP’s resentment for her wealthy husband and BIL trying to express their love and gratitude by injecting some luxury into their lifelong frugal living.

[Anonymous]

OP would would be better off getting a divorce and moving in with her parents. Life is too short for living with so much bitterness in one’s heart, she needs to focus on her mental health and do things to make herself happy.

[Anonymous]

What I find bothersome in this situation is not money but cracks it must be making in husband and wife’s relation and well being and the damage this tension must be inducing on their children and old ILs health. Its not a healthy way to live. OP and husband should seek couples therapy and sort out how to find a mutually acceptable path for life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, OP’s ILs have enough income to pay their bills and more than enough assets to afford little comfort and luxury in old age themselves but it wouldn’t be prudent to sell their assets for that.

Its a smarter way for their well off kids ( whom they supported well after 18 yes of age and will leave their properties for) pamper their parents in their old age and keep assets safe. Everyone is happy and benefiting other than greedy person.

I wonder what would be her level of resentment if ILs were poor with no income and assets needing help with their living expenses.

They’ve done a lot for their children and will leave even more in form of inheritance. I don’t get OP’s resentment for her wealthy husband and BIL trying to express their love and gratitude by injecting some luxury into their lifelong frugal living.

This^ AND for insisting its coming out of her pocket. None of them needs your pocket.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I find bothersome in this situation is not money but cracks it must be making in husband and wife’s relation and well being and the damage this tension must be inducing on their children and old ILs health. Its not a healthy way to live. OP and husband should seek couples therapy and sort out how to find a mutually acceptable path for life.

Her DH seems to keep the toxic OP at an arm's length. His parents and sibling are helping to fulfill his and his kids emotional needs of having a close family.