Guy I'm dating says he needs time to "wrap things up" before we start our relatioship- what to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him to call you when he's wrapped things up and is ready to move forward.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP it makes no sense to me that you would be worried he’s going to have sex with these women or something (?), when if you haven’t been exclusive hes likely been doing that the whole 3 months?

And if he hasn’t been sleeping with them too all this time, why would he suddenly just have sex with them right before being exclusive with you (someone he’s already had sex with)?

Your concern seems illogical.

OP: because, if has been having sex with them, then he's lying (because he said he hasn't). If he hasn't been having sex with them, why the need to see them in person again just to say it's not going to work out? Something is off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's lying obviously. He probably has longstanding plans with them that include sex and he doesn't intend to break them, whether you're exclusive or not. And his comment about being punished for being transparent is a ruse.

OP: unfortunately, I do wonder about this. I have kind of a queasy feeling in my stomach and don’t really trust him. Regardless if I’m right or wrong, I know lack of trust isn’t a great way to start a committed relationship.

Perhaps this isn’t really about this guy OP, but your inability to trust.

OP: it's possible, but I've honestly never had trust issues in past relationships with other guys- only this guy. I usually feel very secure if it's the right guy.

[Anonymous]

I agree with OP - I would totally dump this guy. You've been dating for 3 months, and yet he's been on apps meeting and seeing other people the entire time? And met and starting dating not just one but more than one women within the last 6 weeks? Doesn't sound like he actually wants to be exclusive with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a female reading this thread, I cannot imagine why guys want to put up with this kind of nonsense from women. We are EXHAUSTING!

Right?! I am a woman who is not like this, and the guys I date are always waiting for me to bust out some drama but I never do and they can’t handle it. Lol

+1. The OP is why men think women are crazy. In this case, they would be right. He is saying he wants exclusvity with her but needs to take care of something first. He is being honest. She is being a dingbat.

No. OP hasn’t done anything to promote “women are crazy.” He’s been quietly seeing women along with OP for weeks but NOW he needs to let OP know about them and that he needs a few days to end things in person. Makes sense her hackles were raised.

[Anonymous]

Quite the learning experience for that guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a female reading this thread, I cannot imagine why guys want to put up with this kind of nonsense from women. We are EXHAUSTING!

Right?! I am a woman who is not like this, and the guys I date are always waiting for me to bust out some drama but I never do and they can’t handle it. Lol

+1. The OP is why men think women are crazy. In this case, they would be right. He is saying he wants exclusvity with her but needs to take care of something first. He is being honest. She is being a dingbat.

-1 I asked my DH about this and he right away said he wanted to F* them one more time. Otherwise this is easily done over text/phone. I'd prefer to be broken up with not in person. So, no, not all men think this makes women crazy and not all women want an elaborate "sorry you're not the one" last date.

Trust your gut OP, something is off with this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's lying obviously. He probably has longstanding plans with them that include sex and he doesn't intend to break them, whether you're exclusive or not. And his comment about being punished for being transparent is a ruse.

OP: unfortunately, I do wonder about this. I have kind of a queasy feeling in my stomach and don’t really trust him. Regardless if I’m right or wrong, I know lack of trust isn’t a great way to start a committed relationship.

Perhaps this isn’t really about this guy OP, but your inability to trust.

You don't think it's weird that when you have the "what are we" relationship talk that the outcome is the relationship starts next week? Usually the relationship starts now. This is like giving a hall pass or something for one last fling. It's not normal. He doesn't get a cookie for being honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should give him the week he asked for.

+1 Are you really looking to punish this guy for . . . being a decent person with mature communication skills? Nothing he's asking for sounds unreasonable, and his reasoning is admirable.

I agree. Op, you sound insecure and controlling. I think he sounds mature and thoughtful to tell the other women in person. Would you rather he just text or ghost them? Gross!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He has no idea the bullet he just dodged.

Totally mean and unnecessary. ( dp)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should give him the week he asked for.

+1 Are you really looking to punish this guy for . . . being a decent person with mature communication skills? Nothing he's asking for sounds unreasonable, and his reasoning is admirable.

I agree. Op, you sound insecure and controlling. I think he sounds mature and thoughtful to tell the other women in person. Would you rather he just text or ghost them? Gross!

A phone call would be totally appropriate for someone you’ve been casually dating for less than 6 weeks and supposedly not sleeping with. Everyone knows this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a female reading this thread, I cannot imagine why guys want to put up with this kind of nonsense from women. We are EXHAUSTING!

Right?! I am a woman who is not like this, and the guys I date are always waiting for me to bust out some drama but I never do and they can’t handle it. Lol

+1. The OP is why men think women are crazy. In this case, they would be right. He is saying he wants exclusvity with her but needs to take care of something first. He is being honest. She is being a dingbat.

-1 I asked my DH about this and he right away said he wanted to F* them one more time. Otherwise this is easily done over text/phone. I'd prefer to be broken up with not in person. So, no, not all men think this makes women crazy and not all women want an elaborate "sorry you're not the one" last date.

Trust your gut OP, something is off with this one.

Agree with your DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: we talked this morning and I told him I needed to take a step back; I’m not sure if I’m ready for a relationship with him.
To be honest, my guy is telling me something is off here.

*gut not guy

OP: to elaborate, he told me he was only seeing each of them for 6 weeks and was not sleeping with either one. So why the need to have them get dressed up for a “coffee dare” and break up in person? I get the feeling it’s more about his ego- he wants to see how they’ll react.

So let's go back to when you had been seeing him for 6 weeks.had possibly planned another date with him you would have been totally fine with him just texting you and saying oopsies gonna be exclusive with someone now laters

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He has no idea the bullet he just dodged.

Totally mean and unnecessary. ( dp)

No .not mean it's the truth op is immature drama. Op if you want instant exclusivity, don't sleep with a guy and be fine with him seeing others for 3 months . Learn your own mind and not what your friends tell you to think.

[Anonymous]

Nah, hard pass. He's not that into you.