Getting shammed for getting engaged at 22

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH’s niece got married to her high school sweetheart two years ago at 22, one year after undergrad. She is working in a pharmaceutical company and he is in medical school. They say it’s the best decision as life is much easier for them with each other’s support than it would be if each was living in separate states and pursuing things individually. They do have supporting upper middle class parents with long term marriages so may be easier for them than an average 22 year old.

U. They got married TWO years ago! Let's reevaluate I'm another 5 + years and hopefully they will feel the same

[Anonymous]

What’s not getting mentioned here is religion. There is still a big percentage of religious families who believe in value of marriage. Also a good percentage of people who believe in value of sincere love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH’s niece got married to her high school sweetheart two years ago at 22, one year after undergrad. She is working in a pharmaceutical company and he is in medical school. They say it’s the best decision as life is much easier for them with each other’s support than it would be if each was living in separate states and pursuing things individually. They do have supporting upper middle class parents with long term marriages so may be easier for them than an average 22 year old.

U. They got married TWO years ago! Let's reevaluate I'm another 5 + years and hopefully they will feel the same

That goes for any marriage, even in 30’s or 40’s. No one can guarantee any marriage. My anecdote was to highlight the factors of favorable circumstances for some and not for everyone.

[Anonymous]

They are adults. Good for them for being decisive. I wouldn't rule out some jealously that they have their sheet together and are sealing the deal. Older women have been giving younger women a lot of bad advice for decades, encouraging them to make their same mistakes. What's the hurry, hold out until 30-plus. What they don't tell them is that finding a mate gets harder after 30. Good for bride-to-be for not taking the bait!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are adults. Good for them for being decisive. I wouldn't rule out some jealously that they have their sheet together and are sealing the deal. Older women have been giving younger women a lot of bad advice for decades, encouraging them to make their same mistakes. What's the hurry, hold out until 30-plus. What they don't tell them is that finding a mate gets harder after 30. Good for bride-to-be for not taking the bait!

You forget that there are older men that also counsel against early marriage. Fathers don’t want to see their adult children compromise their careers and mental health by taking on early financial and personal commitments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There sure are a lot of miserable people here that want others to be miserable as well.

Married at 19, just celebrated 30 years. Happy marriage, 3 great kids, and no I did not get married because I was expecting a child...

What you did 30 yrs ago isn’t really relevant. Times are different now and there are different expectations for young people and it is harder to get ahead and be financially independent or wealthy now vs then.

Exactly! What you did 2 decades and 3 decades ago isn't relevant. Now I will say that it can work for some 22 year olds but that number is rate especially for those born circa 2000. What is more relevant is the individual people involved and having good paying jobs and knowing each other for 2 years is not enough information to determine if these particular 22 year olds are ready for marriage.

[Anonymous]

What’s good for the goose isn’t necessarily good for the gander. Every person and every relationship is different. In general, it’s good to wait until you have a more stable life, career and finances but if you are already stable and have a loving and compatible partner, you may want to experience life with them. If marrying late was so good, there won’t be so many 30+ folks lurking on relationship sites and forums and divorce rate for late first or second, third marriages would be very low.

[Anonymous]

I think finances, fidelity and personality are as important as the age in success of a marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think finances, fidelity and personality are as important as the age in success of a marriage.

These things tend to come with age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are adults. Good for them for being decisive. I wouldn't rule out some jealously that they have their sheet together and are sealing the deal. Older women have been giving younger women a lot of bad advice for decades, encouraging them to make their same mistakes. What's the hurry, hold out until 30-plus. What they don't tell them is that finding a mate gets harder after 30. Good for bride-to-be for not taking the bait!

You forget that there are older men that also counsel against early marriage. Fathers don’t want to see their adult children compromise their careers and mental health by taking on early financial and personal commitments.

Their advice is great for cultures where men are the bread winners and family planning is forbidden sin. If women is equal partner, neither has debt and birth control is available, it’s not a hindrance in building a career or nest egg.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There sure are a lot of miserable people here that want others to be miserable as well.

Married at 19, just celebrated 30 years. Happy marriage, 3 great kids, and no I did not get married because I was expecting a child...

That’s very young—probably still in colege and not financially independent . Not many parents would be happy with that scenario. Glad it worked out for you.

Wrong, 100% on our own, some people don't have parents that can afford college and have to do it by themselves.

The funny part with this entire thread is people replying to the success stories like it's a one off, or not relevant, then using a one of or generalizations to justify why young will not work.

It's really pretty simple, people of all ages get married and divorced, there is no right age. If there was, there would not be as much divorce as everyone would just wait until the "magic" age.

[Anonymous]

If you want more sex, more fun and less responsibility then marry late or not at all and have kids even later or not at all.

[Anonymous]

What’s so bad with not marrying at all? Why is it still necessary?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I see nothing wrong with getting married early - and don't understand the people who say that twenty year olds are supposed to just work and travel. Why can't married twenty year olds work and travel? DH and I started dating when I was 20, married at 24, but held off on having kids until later - we worked on our careers and housing and traveled all over the world before we had our children. We had a blast.

Good for you and no where has anyone said you can't travel while young and married. Haven't you heard the expression "foot loose and fancy free?" This is something I am encouraging my kids to do..learn to live with yourself before you have to consider your spouse's feelings and desires. You make all the decisions yourself.. ( within reason, of course)

now do you get it?

Yes I get it - but I also watched a whole lot of my friends do the "foot loose and fancy free" thing in their twenties remain single into their 30s and then freak out and settle for the wrong person in order to have a family and I am now watching 3 of them have very ugly divorces. If you find your person when you are young, you shouldn't throw away that opportunity in the interest of being self-centered and "free". And, actually, the fact that we weren't so set in our individual ways maybe made it easier for my DH and I to grow and mature TOGETHER.

Get it?

This.

I have watched so many friends and family struggle with infertility in their 30s; I plan on encouraging my daughter to get married when she finds the right person (and not wait around and “discover” herself whatever the F that means).

Why is "discover" put in quotes and seen as a negative? Honestly asking. What if your daughter doesn't want kids? And I don't know what you definition of discovering yourself but to me but to me it means trying new jobs, living in different cities, learning new things without yourself the responsibility of making someone else happy. So many women cut short their dreams for their spouse.

My daughter can do whatever she wants but I think all of the things you list as part of “discovering yourself” are 1. totally possible to do while married at the least and 2. Not really valuable in becoming a kind, mature person. I got married at 23 and managed to complete law school and have a good career while married and having children. It’s not like being married and having children prevents you from growing and learning about yourself; that just seems like a very immature perspective on life.

I never said it was not possible to do things while marrying young. Would you not agree that it is easier to do so without a spouse and children? And why are you assuming that you can't become a kind, mature person unless you marry young? Having children certainly does prevent you from focusing on yourself. Once I had kids there were things I could no longer do ( not that I am upset about that, I am glad I have kids)

And I resent the fact YOU are calling me immature because I see things differently than you. We all don't have to do the same thing or want the same thing in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There sure are a lot of miserable people here that want others to be miserable as well.

Married at 19, just celebrated 30 years. Happy marriage, 3 great kids, and no I did not get married because I was expecting a child...

That’s very young—probably still in colege and not financially independent . Not many parents would be happy with that scenario. Glad it worked out for you.

Wrong, 100% on our own, some people don't have parents that can afford college and have to do it by themselves.

The funny part with this entire thread is people replying to the success stories like it's a one off, or not relevant, then using a one of or generalizations to justify why young will not work.

It's really pretty simple, people of all ages get married and divorced, there is no right age. If there was, there would not be as much divorce as everyone would just wait until the "magic" age.

True. But getting married at a young age clips your wings, so to speak. You have less opportunity/less ability to take opportunities since you now have to think as a couple and take the others person’s career, interests, location preferences in mind. You will less likely to take the travel assignment, accept the risky job that could have a huge pay off, get the specialized training that is grueling and will keep you away a while, take the outrageous trip with friends, and so on. Sure it is doable and you may not miss out on anything. There is just a higher chance you will miss out though.