What’s the end game plan for a cheating husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the PPs, above, I am a man, and I admit I have all those traits women value - tall, attractive, outspoken, charming, professionally successful, etc. And I raised the issue of sexual rejection repeatedly for years, like a decade. I bought the books (come as you are, etc), tried to articulate physical touch as my love language. I could give you 15 examples of being proactive and at least partially vulnerable with my wife.

And nothing changed. In fact, it got worse.

So my choices are: 1) remain faithful and miserable; 2) divorce and hurt the kids, our finances, social standing; or 3) find someone in a similar situation, stay married and sane and if I get caught, I am at worse where I would be with option 2.

tl;dr sometimes men do open up and still face rejection. Not all women who are cheated on are victims or blameless.

lol all men say that physical touch is their love language. And yet their wives complain that they can't hug their husbands without being groped and begged for sex. Touch doesn't mean sex.

If I hugged my partner and they groped and begged for sex, I would feel bad for having let them get to that point.

Even if you were having sex regularly? There are women who literally cannot sit next to their husbands without being assaulted.

True! My husband grabs my ass and gets a hard on any time I’m near. If I walk by in yoga pants or I have bare legs, etc. We have been married 23 years. He gets a hard on if the wind blows. If I’m in the shower there is head poking around the curtain.

This is my point. So many men say "touch is my love language", and they mean only sexual touch. Which means that their partners cannot hug them, cuddle with them, or even touch their arm as they walk by. How do you think that would make a woman feel?

Desired?

It would make her feel objectified and like her body isn't her own. A woman doesn't want her entire existence to be like walking alone through a crowded market in Cairo. It's exhausting and dehumanizing.

It's also pretty lonely to feel like you can't touch your husband's knee without him trying to pull your pants down.

Ridiculous exaggeration. Come on.

There a mom group on Reddit full of women with these exact stories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the PPs, above, I am a man, and I admit I have all those traits women value - tall, attractive, outspoken, charming, professionally successful, etc. And I raised the issue of sexual rejection repeatedly for years, like a decade. I bought the books (come as you are, etc), tried to articulate physical touch as my love language. I could give you 15 examples of being proactive and at least partially vulnerable with my wife.

And nothing changed. In fact, it got worse.

So my choices are: 1) remain faithful and miserable; 2) divorce and hurt the kids, our finances, social standing; or 3) find someone in a similar situation, stay married and sane and if I get caught, I am at worse where I would be with option 2.

tl;dr sometimes men do open up and still face rejection. Not all women who are cheated on are victims or blameless.

lol all men say that physical touch is their love language. And yet their wives complain that they can't hug their husbands without being groped and begged for sex. Touch doesn't mean sex.

If I hugged my partner and they groped and begged for sex, I would feel bad for having let them get to that point.

Even if you were having sex regularly? There are women who literally cannot sit next to their husbands without being assaulted.

True! My husband grabs my ass and gets a hard on any time I’m near. If I walk by in yoga pants or I have bare legs, etc. We have been married 23 years. He gets a hard on if the wind blows. If I’m in the shower there is head poking around the curtain.

This is my point. So many men say "touch is my love language", and they mean only sexual touch. Which means that their partners cannot hug them, cuddle with them, or even touch their arm as they walk by. How do you think that would make a woman feel?

Desired?

It would make her feel objectified and like her body isn't her own. A woman doesn't want her entire existence to be like walking alone through a crowded market in Cairo. It's exhausting and dehumanizing.

It's also pretty lonely to feel like you can't touch your husband's knee without him trying to pull your pants down.

Ridiculous exaggeration. Come on.

There a mom group on Reddit full of women with these exact stories.

Ah, well, if there is a mom group on Reddit it must all be true.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes it's an exit affair and he wants out of the marriage. Google it, it's a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes it's an exit affair and he wants out of the marriage. Google it, it's a thing.

Not as typical for men, but very common for married women in affairs. 65% unhappily married women in affairs looking for it as an exit, compared to only 20% of men, and only 2% actually marry the AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes it's an exit affair and he wants out of the marriage. Google it, it's a thing.

Not as typical for men, but very common for married women in affairs. 65% unhappily married women in affairs looking for it as an exit, compared to only 20% of men, and only 2% actually marry the AP.

+1.

I haven't read all 10 pages of this thread, but seriously how is this even a question. Most men have a strong desire to have sex.

Sometimes they just want to be with variety of women.
Sometimes they want to be with a woman who is hotter/younger than their wife
Sometimes they want to feel wanted/desired
Sometimes they have a sex addiction
Sometimes they are looking for different/wilder/kinkier sex than they have at home
Sometimes they enjoy the thrill of getting one over their wife
Sometimes they are approached or see an opportunity and they think that they won't get caught so it will be OK

Most of the time, they are cheating to get it in because they can, not some grand scheme to eventually divorce and marry the AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes it's an exit affair and he wants out of the marriage. Google it, it's a thing.

Not as typical for men, but very common for married women in affairs. 65% unhappily married women in affairs looking for it as an exit, compared to only 20% of men, and only 2% actually marry the AP.

..and you are 100% full of crap which comes from the same place you are pulling your "statistics."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes it's an exit affair and he wants out of the marriage. Google it, it's a thing.

Not as typical for men, but very common for married women in affairs. 65% unhappily married women in affairs looking for it as an exit, compared to only 20% of men, and only 2% actually marry the AP.

+1.

I haven't read all 10 pages of this thread, but seriously how is this even a question. Most men have a strong desire to have sex.

Sometimes they just want to be with variety of women.
Sometimes they want to be with a woman who is hotter/younger than their wife
Sometimes they want to feel wanted/desired
Sometimes they have a sex addiction
Sometimes they are looking for different/wilder/kinkier sex than they have at home
Sometimes they enjoy the thrill of getting one over their wife
Sometimes they are approached or see an opportunity and they think that they won't get caught so it will be OK

Most of the time, they are cheating to get it in because they can, not some grand scheme to eventually divorce and marry the AP.

Ha! Exactly. Women ask stupid questions. Men don’t think like they do. There is no plan.

[Anonymous]

They definitely aren’t looking for a wife. Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes it's an exit affair and he wants out of the marriage. Google it, it's a thing.

Not as typical for men, but very common for married women in affairs. 65% unhappily married women in affairs looking for it as an exit, compared to only 20% of men, and only 2% actually marry the AP.

+1.

I haven't read all 10 pages of this thread, but seriously how is this even a question. Most men have a strong desire to have sex.

Sometimes they just want to be with variety of women.
Sometimes they want to be with a woman who is hotter/younger than their wife
Sometimes they want to feel wanted/desired
Sometimes they have a sex addiction
Sometimes they are looking for different/wilder/kinkier sex than they have at home
Sometimes they enjoy the thrill of getting one over their wife
Sometimes they are approached or see an opportunity and they think that they won't get caught so it will be OK

Most of the time, they are cheating to get it in because they can, not some grand scheme to eventually divorce and marry the AP.

You forgot: Sometimes they hate women and enjoy the thrill of duping a woman into thinking he cares so that she will relent and have sex with him with the belief they have a sincere relationship, aka rape by fraud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes it's an exit affair and he wants out of the marriage. Google it, it's a thing.

Not as typical for men, but very common for married women in affairs. 65% unhappily married women in affairs looking for it as an exit, compared to only 20% of men, and only 2% actually marry the AP.

+1.

I haven't read all 10 pages of this thread, but seriously how is this even a question. Most men have a strong desire to have sex.

Sometimes they just want to be with variety of women.
Sometimes they want to be with a woman who is hotter/younger than their wife
Sometimes they want to feel wanted/desired
Sometimes they have a sex addiction
Sometimes they are looking for different/wilder/kinkier sex than they have at home
Sometimes they enjoy the thrill of getting one over their wife
Sometimes they are approached or see an opportunity and they think that they won't get caught so it will be OK

Most of the time, they are cheating to get it in because they can, not some grand scheme to eventually divorce and marry the AP.

You forgot: Sometimes they hate women and enjoy the thrill of duping a woman into thinking he cares so that she will relent and have sex with him with the belief they have a sincere relationship, aka rape by fraud.

That is not rape. That happens in real life every day in normal boyfriend-girlfriend relationships. If the sex was consensual, and often times these women--particularly the Ashley Madison ones--advertise they are looking for a sexual partner. If he leads her on, often she is leading him on by claiming she is just looking for a no strings arrangement and then changing the script the longer she screws him.

Men and women lie and lead one another on all of the time, single or not. How many single women dating single men do you know stayed in a relationship thinking it was going to go to the alter and he kept moving the goal posts?

If the guy lied and said he was never married, even that is not rape. It was just a lie. She still consented to having sex.

This is why we teach our daughters to not sleep with married men, to not sleep with someone until you know someone very well, etc.

Yes there are married men AND women that are in it for the thrill of getting another person to say "I love you" and get a masochistic thrill from wielding that power, a huge ego boost and they will say it back to keep the sex coming.

It is well known that a man rarely leaves his wife for an affair partner. Anyone getting into a relationship with a married man knows that, they just think they are different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes it's an exit affair and he wants out of the marriage. Google it, it's a thing.

Not as typical for men, but very common for married women in affairs. 65% unhappily married women in affairs looking for it as an exit, compared to only 20% of men, and only 2% actually marry the AP.

+1.

I haven't read all 10 pages of this thread, but seriously how is this even a question. Most men have a strong desire to have sex.

Sometimes they just want to be with variety of women.
Sometimes they want to be with a woman who is hotter/younger than their wife
Sometimes they want to feel wanted/desired
Sometimes they have a sex addiction
Sometimes they are looking for different/wilder/kinkier sex than they have at home
Sometimes they enjoy the thrill of getting one over their wife
Sometimes they are approached or see an opportunity and they think that they won't get caught so it will be OK

Most of the time, they are cheating to get it in because they can, not some grand scheme to eventually divorce and marry the AP.

You forgot: Sometimes they hate women and enjoy the thrill of duping a woman into thinking he cares so that she will relent and have sex with him with the belief they have a sincere relationship, aka rape by fraud.

Oh honey, and a married woman or man sleeping with their husband or wife thinking it is monogamous---and did not know or give their consent to be in a non-monogamous relationship --how is that any different? It's not. It's all lies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes it's an exit affair and he wants out of the marriage. Google it, it's a thing.

Not as typical for men, but very common for married women in affairs. 65% unhappily married women in affairs looking for it as an exit, compared to only 20% of men, and only 2% actually marry the AP.

+1.

I haven't read all 10 pages of this thread, but seriously how is this even a question. Most men have a strong desire to have sex.

Sometimes they just want to be with variety of women.
Sometimes they want to be with a woman who is hotter/younger than their wife
Sometimes they want to feel wanted/desired
Sometimes they have a sex addiction
Sometimes they are looking for different/wilder/kinkier sex than they have at home
Sometimes they enjoy the thrill of getting one over their wife
Sometimes they are approached or see an opportunity and they think that they won't get caught so it will be OK

Most of the time, they are cheating to get it in because they can, not some grand scheme to eventually divorce and marry the AP.

You forgot: Sometimes they hate women and enjoy the thrill of duping a woman into thinking he cares so that she will relent and have sex with him with the belief they have a sincere relationship, aka rape by fraud.

First, this is not rape by fraud. Sheesh. Don't water down the trauma of rape.

Second, this is not at all a common reason for men to have affairs. Maybe this happened to you, but then I wonder why you married a sociopath.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the PPs, above, I am a man, and I admit I have all those traits women value - tall, attractive, outspoken, charming, professionally successful, etc. And I raised the issue of sexual rejection repeatedly for years, like a decade. I bought the books (come as you are, etc), tried to articulate physical touch as my love language. I could give you 15 examples of being proactive and at least partially vulnerable with my wife.

And nothing changed. In fact, it got worse.

So my choices are: 1) remain faithful and miserable; 2) divorce and hurt the kids, our finances, social standing; or 3) find someone in a similar situation, stay married and sane and if I get caught, I am at worse where I would be with option 2.

tl;dr sometimes men do open up and still face rejection. Not all women who are cheated on are victims or blameless.

lol all men say that physical touch is their love language. And yet their wives complain that they can't hug their husbands without being groped and begged for sex. Touch doesn't mean sex.

If I hugged my partner and they groped and begged for sex, I would feel bad for having let them get to that point.

Even if you were having sex regularly? There are women who literally cannot sit next to their husbands without being assaulted.

True! My husband grabs my ass and gets a hard on any time I’m near. If I walk by in yoga pants or I have bare legs, etc. We have been married 23 years. He gets a hard on if the wind blows. If I’m in the shower there is head poking around the curtain.

This is my point. So many men say "touch is my love language", and they mean only sexual touch. Which means that their partners cannot hug them, cuddle with them, or even touch their arm as they walk by. How do you think that would make a woman feel?

Desired?

It would make her feel objectified and like her body isn't her own. A woman doesn't want her entire existence to be like walking alone through a crowded market in Cairo. It's exhausting and dehumanizing.

It's also pretty lonely to feel like you can't touch your husband's knee without him trying to pull your pants down.

Ridiculous exaggeration. Come on.

There a mom group on Reddit full of women with these exact stories.

Ah, well, if there is a mom group on Reddit it must all be true.

I mean, do you have evidence to show that they’re lying? That they don’t actually feel like they can touch their husbands without their husbands going straight to sex?

[Anonymous]

I wish I wasn’t straight. Hearing the way some men think about a woman’s body turns my stomach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes it's an exit affair and he wants out of the marriage. Google it, it's a thing.

Not as typical for men, but very common for married women in affairs. 65% unhappily married women in affairs looking for it as an exit, compared to only 20% of men, and only 2% actually marry the AP.

+1.

I haven't read all 10 pages of this thread, but seriously how is this even a question. Most men have a strong desire to have sex.

Sometimes they just want to be with variety of women.
Sometimes they want to be with a woman who is hotter/younger than their wife
Sometimes they want to feel wanted/desired
Sometimes they have a sex addiction
Sometimes they are looking for different/wilder/kinkier sex than they have at home
Sometimes they enjoy the thrill of getting one over their wife
Sometimes they are approached or see an opportunity and they think that they won't get caught so it will be OK

Most of the time, they are cheating to get it in because they can, not some grand scheme to eventually divorce and marry the AP.

You forgot: Sometimes they hate women and enjoy the thrill of duping a woman into thinking he cares so that she will relent and have sex with him with the belief they have a sincere relationship, aka rape by fraud.

First, this is not rape by fraud. Sheesh. Don't water down the trauma of rape.

Second, this is not at all a common reason for men to have affairs. Maybe this happened to you, but then I wonder why you married a sociopath.

She's the OW that thought the guy was going to leave for her, not the wife. She is conflating having consensual sex with him and believing his lies as rape, instead of what it really was: her stupidity for getting involved with a married man in the first place.