Girlfriend Says My Kids Are Mean

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a super functional 48 year old who still has a pretty perfect marriage of 25 years, super healthy relationship, happy relationship with my parents, exceptionally successful and fruitful career....

and yes, i gave astounding amounts of attitude to my parents as an 18 year old, just for regular parent stuff. And we had a pretty healthy stable home. So yeah, if i was mad at my parents for blowing up our entire stable home, and on top of that they started bringing home SOs and expected me to deal with it..... you can bet I would have been horrific. Kids who just

Point being that the behavior described by OP is both objectively terrible and rude, and also completely developmentally normal. I dont understand why adults can't just not date for 8 years. It just seems like the natural consequences of the divorce. Sometimes grownups don't get to do everything they want to do.

Oh come on. As you so humbly detail, you have great parents, a perfect marriage, and on top of that an extraordinarily successful career! Yet you think you can lecture other adults that they need to isolate themselves from a key source of social connection and support for a decade? Get tf out.

I don’t think parents should rush to remarry or even integrate a new partner into the family but children are not in fact so delicate that they cannot handle their parent dating, if done thoughtfully.

But thanks again for decreeing misery and loneliness for others while you enjoy your perfect life!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your girlfriend is not asking to be crowned queen of the castle. She’s just asking not to feel like the villain every time she walks in the room. That’s reasonable. Nobody signs up to feel unwelcome in the home of the person they love.

At the same time, teens will be teens so they may not even realize what they're doing (except I'm sure they do, at least on some level). So here's the move...

You don’t punish.
You don’t lecture.
You don’t make it a courtroom.
You just get real clear.

Something like:
“Hey, I get that this situation’s weird and you don’t have to love it. You don’t have to love her. But you do have to be respectful. That’s the price of entry in this house.”

Your daughters love you and they want you to be happy and they'll understand why this is important to you.

Totally agree with this.

I assume you’re divorced op? How long has it been?

Its been 8 years

And how many girl friends have your 17 and 18yo met?

She’s only the second one they’ve met, didn’t feel the need to introduce them to others.

Why did you feel the need to introduce this one or the one before?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your girlfriend is not asking to be crowned queen of the castle. She’s just asking not to feel like the villain every time she walks in the room. That’s reasonable. Nobody signs up to feel unwelcome in the home of the person they love.

At the same time, teens will be teens so they may not even realize what they're doing (except I'm sure they do, at least on some level). So here's the move...

You don’t punish.
You don’t lecture.
You don’t make it a courtroom.
You just get real clear.

Something like:
“Hey, I get that this situation’s weird and you don’t have to love it. You don’t have to love her. But you do have to be respectful. That’s the price of entry in this house.”

Your daughters love you and they want you to be happy and they'll understand why this is important to you.

Totally agree with this.

I assume you’re divorced op? How long has it been?

Its been 8 years

And how many girl friends have your 17 and 18yo met?

She’s only the second one they’ve met, didn’t feel the need to introduce them to others.

How many girlfriends have you had in the 8 years you’ve been divorced? Several seems to be quite a lot given the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your girlfriend is the issue. I really don't believe she's innocent. It's kind of crazy that she expects to be treated like their mother. She's blowing things out of proportion. When you date someone who has kids, there are definitely some challenges. She should have been aware of that and acted accordingly.

+1. How a BF/GF reacts to normal (albeit unpleasant) kid behavior is a HUGE litmus test about the relationship. No parent and no kid is perfect, so there are always going to be issues. The question is how does the GF/BF react - like an adult or like a jealous child? The parent still has responsibility here to communicate about it an adjust as needed and this is also part of the litmus test.

My best friend was in a relationship with a man with some petty problematic teens for years. The relationship ended for other reasons - nothing to do with the kids. It worked because she focused on spending her time with the BF mainly when kids were with their mom, and basically ignoring everything messed up the kids did except to be supportive when they needed it. She was very clear from day 1 that parenting the kids was not her job.

[Anonymous]

I have teenagers. I’m married and their mother and they can be rude, eye roll, etc. I did the same as a teenager. I can only imagine how much more annoyed and bothered they would be if DH and I were divorced and they had to deal with girlfriends and boyfriends.

It is clear OP’s kids don’t want anything to do with this girlfriend. They will go to college soon enough. I would try to keep the gf and kids separate. Unless you are going to marry this woman, don’t force them to hang out.

I would tell them to be civil.

My in laws are divorced. DH and his brother are in their forties and they still act weird around their dad’s wife and mother’s boyfriend. They do not call their dad’s wife a stepmother. I don’t think they call her anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your girlfriend is not asking to be crowned queen of the castle. She’s just asking not to feel like the villain every time she walks in the room. That’s reasonable. Nobody signs up to feel unwelcome in the home of the person they love.

At the same time, teens will be teens so they may not even realize what they're doing (except I'm sure they do, at least on some level). So here's the move...

You don’t punish.
You don’t lecture.
You don’t make it a courtroom.
You just get real clear.

Something like:
“Hey, I get that this situation’s weird and you don’t have to love it. You don’t have to love her. But you do have to be respectful. That’s the price of entry in this house.”

Your daughters love you and they want you to be happy and they'll understand why this is important to you.

Totally agree with this.

I assume you’re divorced op? How long has it been?

Its been 8 years

And how many girl friends have your 17 and 18yo met?

She’s only the second one they’ve met, didn’t feel the need to introduce them to others.

Why did you feel the need to introduce this one or the one before?

DP. There’s nothing wrong with introducing a serious partner to kids as long as it is done correctly. If you are dating with an eye to a long term relationship then it is actually important to see how things work with the kids. I actually encourage my ex to introduce his eventual GF sooner rather later if he thinks he is serious about her because I want him to pick the best stepmom for my kid! I’d go online on dating apps to find her if I could lol.

[Anonymous]

I’m going to assume the new girlfriend is young because OP has avoided answering that question. Plus, she pushes to see the kids but then complains and says she needs a break because she can’t handle it ? Sounds very immature.

[Anonymous]

Wonder how OPs kids treat their moms new man

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your girlfriend is not asking to be crowned queen of the castle. She’s just asking not to feel like the villain every time she walks in the room. That’s reasonable. Nobody signs up to feel unwelcome in the home of the person they love.

At the same time, teens will be teens so they may not even realize what they're doing (except I'm sure they do, at least on some level). So here's the move...

You don’t punish.
You don’t lecture.
You don’t make it a courtroom.
You just get real clear.

Something like:
“Hey, I get that this situation’s weird and you don’t have to love it. You don’t have to love her. But you do have to be respectful. That’s the price of entry in this house.”

Your daughters love you and they want you to be happy and they'll understand why this is important to you.

Totally agree with this.

I assume you’re divorced op? How long has it been?

Its been 8 years

And how many girl friends have your 17 and 18yo met?

She’s only the second one they’ve met, didn’t feel the need to introduce them to others.

Serial dater? I feel sorry for your daughters. They know you cheated on their mother and probably have no respect for you.

No that isn’t the cause of divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your girlfriend is not asking to be crowned queen of the castle. She’s just asking not to feel like the villain every time she walks in the room. That’s reasonable. Nobody signs up to feel unwelcome in the home of the person they love.

At the same time, teens will be teens so they may not even realize what they're doing (except I'm sure they do, at least on some level). So here's the move...

You don’t punish.
You don’t lecture.
You don’t make it a courtroom.
You just get real clear.

Something like:
“Hey, I get that this situation’s weird and you don’t have to love it. You don’t have to love her. But you do have to be respectful. That’s the price of entry in this house.”

Your daughters love you and they want you to be happy and they'll understand why this is important to you.

Totally agree with this.

I assume you’re divorced op? How long has it been?

Its been 8 years

And how many girl friends have your 17 and 18yo met?

She’s only the second one they’ve met, didn’t feel the need to introduce them to others.

Why did you feel the need to introduce this one or the one before?

I felt it was time, and could see a future. She’s only the fourth girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

At their ages, you cannot force them to like your girlfriend however you can tell them that they need to show her a certain amount of respect.

This should be a given for all others - especially other adults.

I would have a serious talk w/your daughters ➕ let them know that you will not accept them rolling their eyes or saying mean things about your girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to assume the new girlfriend is young because OP has avoided answering that question. Plus, she pushes to see the kids but then complains and says she needs a break because she can’t handle it ? Sounds very immature.

She’s in her early 30s, last one was late 20s, others ranged around there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your girlfriend is not asking to be crowned queen of the castle. She’s just asking not to feel like the villain every time she walks in the room. That’s reasonable. Nobody signs up to feel unwelcome in the home of the person they love.

At the same time, teens will be teens so they may not even realize what they're doing (except I'm sure they do, at least on some level). So here's the move...

You don’t punish.
You don’t lecture.
You don’t make it a courtroom.
You just get real clear.

Something like:
“Hey, I get that this situation’s weird and you don’t have to love it. You don’t have to love her. But you do have to be respectful. That’s the price of entry in this house.”

Your daughters love you and they want you to be happy and they'll understand why this is important to you.

Totally agree with this.

I assume you’re divorced op? How long has it been?

Its been 8 years

And how many girl friends have your 17 and 18yo met?

She’s only the second one they’ve met, didn’t feel the need to introduce them to others.

Why did you feel the need to introduce this one or the one before?

I felt it was time, and could see a future. She’s only the fourth girlfriend.

Well now you know there is no future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wonder how OPs kids treat their moms new man

She’s in a LTR, and they seem to get along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to assume the new girlfriend is young because OP has avoided answering that question. Plus, she pushes to see the kids but then complains and says she needs a break because she can’t handle it ? Sounds very immature.

She’s in her early 30s, last one was late 20s, others ranged around there.

Well, that's why. You shouldn't be expecting your daughters to tolerate an age gap relationship. It's going to make them uncomfortable. And yes your GF is going to want a baby. That's why she's pushing you to sh*t or get off the pot, parenting-wise.