Girlfriend Says My Kids Are Mean

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't assume these girls "love their father and will understand." I know 2 adult women who are over the age of 50 who still can't be polite to their stepmoms of 20+ years.

[Anonymous]

If I were your girlfriend, I would not tolerate this situation.

[Anonymous]

You lost your chance to be a hard ass about being polite. It's too late. If you get a new gf, make sure they are polite from the start. Or just don't introduce them.

[Anonymous]

Is this girlfriend your AP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fair to prioritize your kids, but sounds like the are mean.

+1 for instance, if your girls think she’s over too often and they don’t get enough time with you themselves, it’s fair to prioritize their needs. But their behavior is unacceptable. Surprised your girlfriend has stayed with you this long.

[Anonymous]

Why are you inflicting a girlfriend on your children? Date once they have moved out of the house. They don't have to be nice to some random woman.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't continue to date someone if his kids were rude to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your girlfriend is not asking to be crowned queen of the castle. She’s just asking not to feel like the villain every time she walks in the room. That’s reasonable. Nobody signs up to feel unwelcome in the home of the person they love.

At the same time, teens will be teens so they may not even realize what they're doing (except I'm sure they do, at least on some level). So here's the move...

You don’t punish.
You don’t lecture.
You don’t make it a courtroom.
You just get real clear.

Something like:
“Hey, I get that this situation’s weird and you don’t have to love it. You don’t have to love her. But you do have to be respectful. That’s the price of entry in this house.”

Your daughters love you and they want you to be happy and they'll understand why this is important to you.

Sure. But what is the GF doing to earn the “price of entry”? Is she trying to create a positive relationship with the kids? Is she giving them the benefit of the doubt (since they are teens) or is she fixating on feeling offended? Is she discussing her feelings honestly with OP or is she trying to create a “me v them” dynamic? Is she supportive of their relationship with their dad or does she try to undermine it? Is she jealous of the money he spends on them? Etc etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This relationship isn't a good fit right now. Why does your girlfriend need to be around your kids at all? Your kids don't like her. They may not like anyone. They'll be gone most of the time in a couple of short years. Tell gf that you don't think she needs to hang out with kids. Maybe she will be fine with that.

+1. Was GF set on a “happy family” dynamic and now mad that it isn’t coming true?

[Anonymous]

Your girlfriend should not have any contact with your kids, their time with you should be sacred. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

How old is your girlfriend? Are you divorced or widowed and if so, how long has it been?

They shouldn’t be rude but also shouldn’t be expected to welcome your girlfriend with open arms. She’s your girlfriend, not anyone they need to fully embrace other than basic manners. Your girlfriend also sounds immature and either has no kids or has very young kids.

[Anonymous]

My teens (13 and 16) have some very valid issues with their father (we're now divorced and he's with his affair partner) but they wouldn't roll their eyes or mock anyone to their face. I feel like this is less an issue about your kids not liking your girlfriend (we don't know the details, maybe that's fair, maybe it's not, but either way they're not fully formed and you're the adults) and more about what kind of behavior you allow.

I'm not saying you punish them over a tone or facial expression, but I'd have a heart to heart with my teens to check in that they feel seen and heard and supported. And then I would talk about what our options are when we have to interact with someone we don't really want to be around, because that's just a situation they'll encounter over and over in life. And I'd talk about the natural consequences if they can't be civil -- you lose jobs, your reputation, etc.

And maybe they do have valid concerns about your girlfriend, and you can listen to those with an open mind. Or maybe this is a more primal wound, that they want to feel chosen by their father. I don't know. If it were my kids, we would talk about all of this.

[Anonymous]

Mocking is completely unacceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I were your girlfriend, I would not tolerate this situation.

And if I were your kids, I'd make dad pay for breaking up my home for the rest of his life.

You don't need a "girlfriend" now OP. You have daughters who will be out of your house in about a year. Surely you can put your lovelife on hold until then, and give them the father they need before they go out on their own, believing that all men will eventually dump them and come up with a shiny new toy.

[Anonymous]

Your kids are out of line. But you also should not be dating if your kids are rude. Wait until they are out of the house.

It sounds like you and your ex-wife did a very poor job raising your kids because from what you described they are being very disrespectful and people should not treat anybody that way. It’s like they missed the first lesson in kindergarten and that’s your fault.