Girlfriend Says My Kids Are Mean

[Anonymous]

Dad here. I have two daughters, 17 and 18, who are good kids but not exactly warm toward my girlfriend. There’s been eye-rolling, mocking, and some rude comments, and my girlfriend of 1.5 yos feels like they’re being mean to her. She’s said she needs a break from the situation because it’s been really hurtful for her.

My view has been that they’re teenagers dealing with a complicated situation, and I’ve been inclined to let things slide rather than turn it into a bigger conflict. I don’t think they’re bad kids, but I also don’t want to force anything or escalate things with them.

I’m looking for some perspective on how to balance giving my daughters grace while also being fair to my girlfriend and her feelings.

[Anonymous]

Fair to prioritize your kids, but sounds like the are mean.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your GF doesn't have kids. You should date someone with kids.

Also, your kids should have better manners. They aren't babies - one is adult.

They're acting out since you have moved on with a diff woman who's not their mom.

Good Luck .. This will probably be your problem no matter who you date.

[Anonymous]

Prioritize your kids but don’t allow disrespect. Maybe girlfriend is over too often?

Or you are spending more time with her than your daughters. This sounds a bit like jealousy and feeling like they are being pushed to the side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fair to prioritize your kids, but sounds like the are mean.

Prioritizing kids doesn't mean not correcting their behavior. It means teaching them how to be kind and treat people appropriately so they grow up to be people who are well liked, get jobs, and form relationships.

[Anonymous]

They do sound rude, especially since a 17 year old and an 18 year old should know better.

[Anonymous]

Being a good parent means correcting or not tolerating this sort of behavior, especially in kids this age. You can give kids grace while still acknowledging they are rude AF and their behavior is inappropriate for their age.

[Anonymous]

Your girlfriend is not asking to be crowned queen of the castle. She’s just asking not to feel like the villain every time she walks in the room. That’s reasonable. Nobody signs up to feel unwelcome in the home of the person they love.

At the same time, teens will be teens so they may not even realize what they're doing (except I'm sure they do, at least on some level). So here's the move...

You don’t punish.
You don’t lecture.
You don’t make it a courtroom.
You just get real clear.

Something like:
“Hey, I get that this situation’s weird and you don’t have to love it. You don’t have to love her. But you do have to be respectful. That’s the price of entry in this house.”

Your daughters love you and they want you to be happy and they'll understand why this is important to you.

[Anonymous]

Unless you see spending the rest of your life with this woman, I’d end things. Not fare to everyone involved. When your kids are both out of the house, move on with whomever you choose.

[Anonymous]

This relationship isn't a good fit right now. Why does your girlfriend need to be around your kids at all? Your kids don't like her. They may not like anyone. They'll be gone most of the time in a couple of short years. Tell gf that you don't think she needs to hang out with kids. Maybe she will be fine with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your girlfriend is not asking to be crowned queen of the castle. She’s just asking not to feel like the villain every time she walks in the room. That’s reasonable. Nobody signs up to feel unwelcome in the home of the person they love.

At the same time, teens will be teens so they may not even realize what they're doing (except I'm sure they do, at least on some level). So here's the move...

You don’t punish.
You don’t lecture.
You don’t make it a courtroom.
You just get real clear.

Something like:
“Hey, I get that this situation’s weird and you don’t have to love it. You don’t have to love her. But you do have to be respectful. That’s the price of entry in this house.”

Your daughters love you and they want you to be happy and they'll understand why this is important to you.

Totally agree with this.

I assume you’re divorced op? How long has it been?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dad here. I have two daughters, 17 and 18, who are good kids but not exactly warm toward my girlfriend. There’s been eye-rolling, mocking, and some rude comments, and my girlfriend of 1.5 yos feels like they’re being mean to her. She’s said she needs a break from the situation because it’s been really hurtful for her.

My view has been that they’re teenagers dealing with a complicated situation, and I’ve been inclined to let things slide rather than turn it into a bigger conflict. I don’t think they’re bad kids, but I also don’t want to force anything or escalate things with them.

I’m looking for some perspective on how to balance giving my daughters grace while also being fair to my girlfriend and her feelings.

Your kids are acting rude and mean. You as their dad need to tell them this behavior is not tolerated. I'm disturbed you think it's fine.

You are allowing them to be rude and mean to your GF. She has too much self respect for herself to accept this. Too bad you don't agree. I'd dump you if I were her. You don't deserve her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your girlfriend is not asking to be crowned queen of the castle. She’s just asking not to feel like the villain every time she walks in the room. That’s reasonable. Nobody signs up to feel unwelcome in the home of the person they love.

At the same time, teens will be teens so they may not even realize what they're doing (except I'm sure they do, at least on some level). So here's the move...

You don’t punish.
You don’t lecture.
You don’t make it a courtroom.
You just get real clear.

Something like:
“Hey, I get that this situation’s weird and you don’t have to love it. You don’t have to love her. But you do have to be respectful. That’s the price of entry in this house.”

Your daughters love you and they want you to be happy and they'll understand why this is important to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your girlfriend is not asking to be crowned queen of the castle. She’s just asking not to feel like the villain every time she walks in the room. That’s reasonable. Nobody signs up to feel unwelcome in the home of the person they love.

At the same time, teens will be teens so they may not even realize what they're doing (except I'm sure they do, at least on some level). So here's the move...

You don’t punish.
You don’t lecture.
You don’t make it a courtroom.
You just get real clear.

Something like:
“Hey, I get that this situation’s weird and you don’t have to love it. You don’t have to love her. But you do have to be respectful. That’s the price of entry in this house.”

Your daughters love you and they want you to be happy and they'll understand why this is important to you.

Totally agree with this.

I assume you’re divorced op? How long has it been?

Its been 8 years

[Anonymous]

you're gaslighting your GF. The title says it all "GF SAYS kids are mean."

Your kids ARE mean.