Girlfriend Says My Kids Are Mean

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dealt with a similar situation. It took time (years) and patience. Kids/young adults eventually came around.

I am the young adult in this situation and while I have pretended to come around, I have not actually come around. I think it's in my best interest to fake it, so I do.

I will say that it's nice to have a younger woman spending her 60s and 70s being my dad's live-in caregiver though!

You’re probably not as good an actor as you think.

Probably not, but I don't care!

Oh aren’t you a peach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it's natural for teenagers to use their leverage when they have it. It's part of them differentiating from their parents and expressing their autonomy. If your girlfriend can't handle it, why does she need to spend time with them at all?

I was this kid, and my mother was dating someone who was still married. When he was over, I would ask him in a fake conversational tone "How's your wife?" As if it was a totally normal question and I didn't know he was having an affair with my mom. My mom haaaaated this! But it isn't rude to ask after someone's spouse, it's actually good manners! LOL.

This is definitely something I would’ve done at that age!

I would have called the wife and asked her to pick up her stray husband.

Yes!! I am camp kid. I don’t have to like anyone you’re dating until I graduate college! Until then it’s full snark.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dad here. I have two daughters, 17 and 18, who are good kids but not exactly warm toward my girlfriend. There’s been eye-rolling, mocking, and some rude comments, and my girlfriend of 1.5 yos feels like they’re being mean to her. She’s said she needs a break from the situation because it’s been really hurtful for her.

My view has been that they’re teenagers dealing with a complicated situation, and I’ve been inclined to let things slide rather than turn it into a bigger conflict. I don’t think they’re bad kids, but I also don’t want to force anything or escalate things with them.

I’m looking for some perspective on how to balance giving my daughters grace while also being fair to my girlfriend and her feelings.

You have baggage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gross. You're 47 and your gfs are ages 27-32. And your kids are 17 and 18. So 10-15 years age difference between your GF and your kids. And 15-20 years age difference between you and your GF.

I think we just figured out why your kids hate your GF. And they hate you too, spoiler. As they should.

what is gross about it? Are you jealous? lol

[Anonymous]

They don't have to like her, but they have to be polite, cordial and respectful. The fact that you are not enforcing this is a huge red flag and she should dump you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you inflicting a girlfriend on your children? Date once they have moved out of the house. They don't have to be nice to some random woman.

+1
Why can’t you focus on your children rather than your f*** buddy du jour? Getting your dick wet isn’t more important than launching successful adults.

You sound like a Bitter Betty!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:everyone, did you read that
1) he's been divorced for 8 years
2) he's been with the GF for 1.5 years

So she did not break up the marriage, nor is she the AP.

Yes, people are jumping to all sorts of conclusions that are not based on reality, just their distrust in men. (I am a woman, btw)

[Anonymous]

Haven’t read the replies but my first thought is that the gf is close in age to your kids. If that’s the case, that explains the mocking, and you need to date someone your own age.

[Anonymous]

Wow, you really buried the lede, not mentioning your hookups were close in age to your daughters.

They think you are pathetic and nasty, and I agree.

[Anonymous]

Why did you bother posting if you knew the issue was your age-gap relationships? Gen Z kids think those are gross.

[Anonymous]

I stopped reading after 7 pages worth of strangers’ emotional labor. OP presented the situation without having tried anything. This is a repeat of a previous identical situation and this time he realizes that the woman and children won’t fix it without his intervention, but he can’t be bothered to try anything himself so he asks for direction from a village of strange women on the internet with emotional labor to spare. F that and f him.
Dude, try. You’re disrespecting your girlfriends, and neglecting your daughters by not intervening when the girls are unkind to the women. You’re not worth it to either, and I hope the mom is somewhere happier and has regained a life after your draining bs.

[Anonymous]

I think OP is asking too much. Kids could/should be civil/polite for a dinner or lunch (2 hours tops) but how do you expect kids to hold it together for overnight visits? Referencing the roommate analogy again... roommates fight and move out over situations like these. Its complicated.

Your kids don't like your current GF that's obvious. Your job is to find out why, not lecture them on manners. How do you tell them to hold their feelings back for a whole weekend. Maybe they would stop the eye rolling but spend all their time in their bedroom, which your GF would complain was rude. More than likely, they will just stop coming over and your relationship would start to fracture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is asking too much. Kids could/should be civil/polite for a dinner or lunch (2 hours tops) but how do you expect kids to hold it together for overnight visits? Referencing the roommate analogy again... roommates fight and move out over situations like these. Its complicated.

Your kids don't like your current GF that's obvious. Your job is to find out why, not lecture them on manners. How do you tell them to hold their feelings back for a whole weekend. Maybe they would stop the eye rolling but spend all their time in their bedroom, which your GF would complain was rude. More than likely, they will just stop coming over and your relationship would start to fracture.

It doesn't have to be her fault. A lot of girls just don't like their dads GF, and I don't think its due to the age, early 30s to mid 40s, isn't an age gap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:everyone, did you read that
1) he's been divorced for 8 years
2) he's been with the GF for 1.5 years

So she did not break up the marriage, nor is she the AP.

Yes, people are jumping to all sorts of conclusions that are not based on reality, just their distrust in men. (I am a woman, btw)

He also said he’s had 4 girlfriends in those 8 years. So basically always has a girlfriend, one he admitted was in her 20’s, this current one early 30’s. His kids don’t respect him or them and don’t want to be a happy family with his girlfriend of the day. They know it’s a revolving door.

[Anonymous]

Here's what I would say to them: You are NOT allowed to roll your eyes or make belittling comments about Sarah. You ARE entitled to have feelings about me dating her. So let's talk about those feelings. Is it just the idea of me dating that bothers you? Are you worried I'll put someone else above you? Are you upset about the time I spend with her because it means less time with you? Are you afraid she's going to try to act like your mom? Those are all legitimate feelings and we can discuss those. But what you can't do is be rude to her.

I think you need to get to the root of the problem here. Your kids come first, and your girlfriend can either appreciate that or not. She doesn't have to tolerate being treated badly, of course, and your kids aren't allowed to be rude to her. But they are allowed to dislike her, not want you to date her, etc. So listen to their actual feelings and then decide how to move forward. Right now you're all acting a bit like children.