Are those of you with very arrogant, condescending kids aware of it? Does it bother you?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids? The example you gave wouldn’t be something I’d notice. The kid is stating a fact (they’re different brands).

If the jackets are both the same shade of green, then they match regardless of brand and it's weird and rude for the second kid to draw a distinction based on the brand.

That's also definitely a learned behavior. The kid is conscious of the brand and the idea that it is nicer/more expensive.Thats coming from parents.

Probably not much of a learned behavior. Kids have access to a ton of information. Group think is strong. Remember what kids were snobby about when you were kids? Did that come from your parents? My parents weren’t aware of all that.

Kids like brands that aren’t remotely relevant to us. They’re capable of following their own group think.

16 yr olds, yes -- brand preferences are influenced more by media and peers. But younger kids are mimicing parents. I also know adults who insist on referring to their belongings by brand -- "I left my Patagonia in the Audi" -- and kids will pick up on that and mimic it as part of language learning. If an elementary school kid is very aware of and vocal about brands, that probably coming from family culture.

I have many jackets and we have four cars. I may describe item with brand. However, I can’t imagine in what scenario I would say this to another person. I may tell DH that I left my black Patagonia or blue montcler in the Lexus. Could he please get it. I may say our son left his Celtics sweatshirt or blue Nikes. I’m not sure how else to describe the item.

Lol if you are needing to specify "blue montcler" to distinguish it from your other montclers, then yes you are a brand snob and your kids are picking up on it and probably copying it. Overconsumption of luxury goods is part of brand snobbery and kids especially absorb that kind of behavior and it becomes normal to them to have, for instance, multiple of the same luxury item in different colors, without any awareness that this is a level of luxury and consumption accessible to less than 1% of the global population.

This is how rich kids become horrible snobs, because they don't even realize what they are doign is snobbery or condescending. They don't understand their own privilege and wealth. It is your job as their parent to give them context and help them understand that your lifestyle is atypical and they need to learn to be thoughtful and self-aware. But then... that requires you to be thoughtful and self-aware. Are you?

Yes, this is a good point. I didn't know what Montcler was so had to google it- you could absolutely describe that in a way that does not involved the brand. But brands are an important marker for you so you use the brand. To some extent a brand can signal higher quality (eg a Patagonia jacket is going to be better for extreme temperatures than a Target branded one) but there are diminishing returns for that.

I don't know the actual brands of coats that my kids have- I just looked and one is North Face and one is Patagonia. If I wanted my husband to get a specific jacket out I would say "can you grab the blue puffy one from the minivan (sedan/ SUV)" because I don't think the distinguishing factor is the brand. Since you do, that makes you brand concious and that likely seeps into your children

Eh, you're over thinking this. I have a Toyota Highlander and a Honda Accord -- so nothing fancy there, ha! If I want my DH to grab something from a car, I always say, "could you get X from the Toyota" or "Y from the Honda". I don't say SUV or sedan. Again, I'm obviously not caught up on status here with my snazzy Toyota and Honda . We don't own any coats in the Montcler category; but I also say things like "grab your North Face".

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids? The example you gave wouldn’t be something I’d notice. The kid is stating a fact (they’re different brands).

If the jackets are both the same shade of green, then they match regardless of brand and it's weird and rude for the second kid to draw a distinction based on the brand.

That's also definitely a learned behavior. The kid is conscious of the brand and the idea that it is nicer/more expensive.Thats coming from parents.

Probably not much of a learned behavior. Kids have access to a ton of information. Group think is strong. Remember what kids were snobby about when you were kids? Did that come from your parents? My parents weren’t aware of all that.

Kids like brands that aren’t remotely relevant to us. They’re capable of following their own group think.

16 yr olds, yes -- brand preferences are influenced more by media and peers. But younger kids are mimicing parents. I also know adults who insist on referring to their belongings by brand -- "I left my Patagonia in the Audi" -- and kids will pick up on that and mimic it as part of language learning. If an elementary school kid is very aware of and vocal about brands, that probably coming from family culture.

I have many jackets and we have four cars. I may describe item with brand. However, I can’t imagine in what scenario I would say this to another person. I may tell DH that I left my black Patagonia or blue montcler in the Lexus. Could he please get it. I may say our son left his Celtics sweatshirt or blue Nikes. I’m not sure how else to describe the item.

Lol if you are needing to specify "blue montcler" to distinguish it from your other montclers, then yes you are a brand snob and your kids are picking up on it and probably copying it. Overconsumption of luxury goods is part of brand snobbery and kids especially absorb that kind of behavior and it becomes normal to them to have, for instance, multiple of the same luxury item in different colors, without any awareness that this is a level of luxury and consumption accessible to less than 1% of the global population.

This is how rich kids become horrible snobs, because they don't even realize what they are doign is snobbery or condescending. They don't understand their own privilege and wealth. It is your job as their parent to give them context and help them understand that your lifestyle is atypical and they need to learn to be thoughtful and self-aware. But then... that requires you to be thoughtful and self-aware. Are you?

Yes, this is a good point. I didn't know what Montcler was so had to google it- you could absolutely describe that in a way that does not involved the brand. But brands are an important marker for you so you use the brand. To some extent a brand can signal higher quality (eg a Patagonia jacket is going to be better for extreme temperatures than a Target branded one) but there are diminishing returns for that.

I don't know the actual brands of coats that my kids have- I just looked and one is North Face and one is Patagonia. If I wanted my husband to get a specific jacket out I would say "can you grab the blue puffy one from the minivan (sedan/ SUV)" because I don't think the distinguishing factor is the brand. Since you do, that makes you brand concious and that likely seeps into your children

This is a stretch. You could just as easily say “my GAP raincoat” or “my blue Burberry trench.” It makes it easier for DH because he can quickly look at the label and see that it says GAP or Burberry. It doesn’t mean she thinks brands are super important.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids? The example you gave wouldn’t be something I’d notice. The kid is stating a fact (they’re different brands).

If the jackets are both the same shade of green, then they match regardless of brand and it's weird and rude for the second kid to draw a distinction based on the brand.

That's also definitely a learned behavior. The kid is conscious of the brand and the idea that it is nicer/more expensive.Thats coming from parents.

Probably not much of a learned behavior. Kids have access to a ton of information. Group think is strong. Remember what kids were snobby about when you were kids? Did that come from your parents? My parents weren’t aware of all that.

Kids like brands that aren’t remotely relevant to us. They’re capable of following their own group think.

16 yr olds, yes -- brand preferences are influenced more by media and peers. But younger kids are mimicing parents. I also know adults who insist on referring to their belongings by brand -- "I left my Patagonia in the Audi" -- and kids will pick up on that and mimic it as part of language learning. If an elementary school kid is very aware of and vocal about brands, that probably coming from family culture.

I have many jackets and we have four cars. I may describe item with brand. However, I can’t imagine in what scenario I would say this to another person. I may tell DH that I left my black Patagonia or blue montcler in the Lexus. Could he please get it. I may say our son left his Celtics sweatshirt or blue Nikes. I’m not sure how else to describe the item.

Lol if you are needing to specify "blue montcler" to distinguish it from your other montclers, then yes you are a brand snob and your kids are picking up on it and probably copying it. Overconsumption of luxury goods is part of brand snobbery and kids especially absorb that kind of behavior and it becomes normal to them to have, for instance, multiple of the same luxury item in different colors, without any awareness that this is a level of luxury and consumption accessible to less than 1% of the global population.

This is how rich kids become horrible snobs, because they don't even realize what they are doign is snobbery or condescending. They don't understand their own privilege and wealth. It is your job as their parent to give them context and help them understand that your lifestyle is atypical and they need to learn to be thoughtful and self-aware. But then... that requires you to be thoughtful and self-aware. Are you?

Yes, this is a good point. I didn't know what Montcler was so had to google it- you could absolutely describe that in a way that does not involved the brand. But brands are an important marker for you so you use the brand. To some extent a brand can signal higher quality (eg a Patagonia jacket is going to be better for extreme temperatures than a Target branded one) but there are diminishing returns for that.

I don't know the actual brands of coats that my kids have- I just looked and one is North Face and one is Patagonia. If I wanted my husband to get a specific jacket out I would say "can you grab the blue puffy one from the minivan (sedan/ SUV)" because I don't think the distinguishing factor is the brand. Since you do, that makes you brand concious and that likely seeps into your children

This is a stretch. You could just as easily say “my GAP raincoat” or “my blue Burberry trench.” It makes it easier for DH because he can quickly look at the label and see that it says GAP or Burberry. It doesn’t mean she thinks brands are super important.

We do this when we travel with bags. I may say the big tumi or the away suitcase. I will also say the Burberry or Chanel bag by the kitchen counter. I could also describe bag as Star Wars or unicorn, whatever is the easiest way to describe a bag when there are many.

[Anonymous]

This is very context dependent. It sounds like OP, from the follow-up posts, is talking about status-obsessed kids, who really are probably getting it from their parents. Other people are talking about kids who are bossy/correct others/kind of rude. These are two different things to me, but they both stem from insecurity.

I will say that I grew up in a lower income community and kids there 30 years ago were far more obsessed with brands/class indicators than what I've noticed among my kids' peers and today in general. The greatest obsession at age 12 was having a top that screamed ABERCROMBIE, kids made fun of others for shopping at "low end" stores, or for parents having "low end" jobs, etc. It was awful. I have not seen that among my kid's peers, and they go to public school (but in a fairly well-off area). I would be mortified if my kids said or heard some of the things that were casually tossed around when I was growing up that just made fun of other kids for being "poor." I'm sure it still happens but maybe my kids' peers are more secure or something because I would be really surprised if I heard something like that. On the other hand, there are definitely the know-it-all types but those kids just seem awkward and insecure too me-- no one seems malicious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is very context dependent. It sounds like OP, from the follow-up posts, is talking about status-obsessed kids, who really are probably getting it from their parents. Other people are talking about kids who are bossy/correct others/kind of rude. These are two different things to me, but they both stem from insecurity.

I will say that I grew up in a lower income community and kids there 30 years ago were far more obsessed with brands/class indicators than what I've noticed among my kids' peers and today in general. The greatest obsession at age 12 was having a top that screamed ABERCROMBIE, kids made fun of others for shopping at "low end" stores, or for parents having "low end" jobs, etc. It was awful. I have not seen that among my kid's peers, and they go to public school (but in a fairly well-off area). I would be mortified if my kids said or heard some of the things that were casually tossed around when I was growing up that just made fun of other kids for being "poor." I'm sure it still happens but maybe my kids' peers are more secure or something because I would be really surprised if I heard something like that. On the other hand, there are definitely the know-it-all types but those kids just seem awkward and insecure too me-- no one seems malicious.

To me, the status obsessed kids and the bossy/rude kids are just variations on a theme. It's a child who thinks they are better than other people for shallow, incorrect reasons. All these kids should be getting the message regularly from their families that no, having a certain brand of clothes does no make you a better person. No, traveling internationally does not make you a better person. No, going to a certain school does not make you a better person. Even being very good at academics or sports does not make you a better person.

A person should be measured by their actions. That's it. The rest is a result of resources, which for kids means parental resources, and to some extent genetics. Thinking that's what divides good people from bad is a really toxic, dangerous belief system. All parents should be discouraging it. Wealthy parents should especially discourage it because a wealthy kid who thinks they are superior to others just because they were born wealthy is as much a pox on his own family as he is on the society at large. It's not a way to encourage independence, hard work, or discipline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is very context dependent. It sounds like OP, from the follow-up posts, is talking about status-obsessed kids, who really are probably getting it from their parents. Other people are talking about kids who are bossy/correct others/kind of rude. These are two different things to me, but they both stem from insecurity.

I will say that I grew up in a lower income community and kids there 30 years ago were far more obsessed with brands/class indicators than what I've noticed among my kids' peers and today in general. The greatest obsession at age 12 was having a top that screamed ABERCROMBIE, kids made fun of others for shopping at "low end" stores, or for parents having "low end" jobs, etc. It was awful. I have not seen that among my kid's peers, and they go to public school (but in a fairly well-off area). I would be mortified if my kids said or heard some of the things that were casually tossed around when I was growing up that just made fun of other kids for being "poor." I'm sure it still happens but maybe my kids' peers are more secure or something because I would be really surprised if I heard something like that. On the other hand, there are definitely the know-it-all types but those kids just seem awkward and insecure too me-- no one seems malicious.

To me, the status obsessed kids and the bossy/rude kids are just variations on a theme. It's a child who thinks they are better than other people for shallow, incorrect reasons. All these kids should be getting the message regularly from their families that no, having a certain brand of clothes does no make you a better person. No, traveling internationally does not make you a better person. No, going to a certain school does not make you a better person. Even being very good at academics or sports does not make you a better person.

A person should be measured by their actions. That's it. The rest is a result of resources, which for kids means parental resources, and to some extent genetics. Thinking that's what divides good people from bad is a really toxic, dangerous belief system. All parents should be discouraging it. Wealthy parents should especially discourage it because a wealthy kid who thinks they are superior to others just because they were born wealthy is as much a pox on his own family as he is on the society at large. It's not a way to encourage independence, hard work, or discipline.

There are many ways to be mean and a jerk. You can be status conscious. You can be beauty or sports conscious. You can have bad manners in many ways.

I would like to think I raised good humans. I stress good manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my sister and her kids, but this is my biggest challenge with them. They don't see it, though. They are always putting down people they see as "intellectually inferior." We were just on a trip, and my mom said something erroneous but innocuous (some wildlife fact) at dinner and one of her sons said, "you can tell she didn't take alegbra in 7th grade." We suggested they go to the kids club, and her son refused to go. He said he needed to be in the older kids' club because the kids in his age were below his level. My kids just wanted to go and hang out with their cousins and play ping pong and video games together. My sister and BIL encourage their kids to talk back to their teachers and praise them on FB for "correcting" their teachers and being smarter than them.

That'll work out for them well later in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my sister and her kids, but this is my biggest challenge with them. They don't see it, though. They are always putting down people they see as "intellectually inferior." We were just on a trip, and my mom said something erroneous but innocuous (some wildlife fact) at dinner and one of her sons said, "you can tell she didn't take alegbra in 7th grade." We suggested they go to the kids club, and her son refused to go. He said he needed to be in the older kids' club because the kids in his age were below his level. My kids just wanted to go and hang out with their cousins and play ping pong and video games together. My sister and BIL encourage their kids to talk back to their teachers and praise them on FB for "correcting" their teachers and being smarter than them.

Wow, the rude comment to the grandmother would have severe consequences. Being that disrespectful to a family member is way worse than anything else.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I really thought this was going to be about someone like one of my kids, who really doesn't seem to get that some of the things she says comes across as stuck up (constantly correcting other kids, for example). I didn't think it was going to be about brand snobbery.

Which, for most people, is a brief phase. Only the truly shallow or insecure continue brand snobbery into adulthood.

No wonder we’re raising the anxious generation.

I know a lot of very brand conscious adults. It is partly insecurity but I think it often has to do with risk aversion. It's like "what are we all buying?" so they can buy that and not have to worry about fitting in or engaging in outlier behavior. I think you especially see this in the DC professional where people tend to be status conscious and just want to blend in at work, at school, in the neighborhood.

I have some longtime friends in this area who have just always been this way. I think it's about risk aversion and wanting to control their surroundings and the way other people see them. Which, yes, is a form of insecurity, but it's less about trying to impress people than just trying to maintain a specific image and blend in.

Brand conscious is different than brand snobbery.

They go hand in hand, though. Sure, some people are simply aware of brands but don't think one is better than another. But most of the time, people who are very aware of brands have strong opinions that one is better than another. Or believe one brand conveys something positive about a person. A person who is bringing up brands in a casual conversation thinks they are important. Moncler jacket lady in this thread thinks the brands she buys reflect her good taste, her knowledge of quality, and her wealth. For her, brand conscious = brand snobbery. The more aware you are of brands and the message they send, the more importance you put in them, the more snobby you are about them.

Can I just like one brand better than the other, and therefore be aware of which brand I'm buying, without being a snob?

I have two similar hoodies from two mid-range athleisure companies. I prefer one to the other. It happens to be the cheaper one by about $9, but the price isn't why I like it, I just find the material to be more comfortable and the cut to be more flattering.

I think some of you are overly sensitive to this topic. Moncler jacket lady (I am not her, I do not own anything from that brand) was stating a fact. She does come off as a bit snobby (the will serve some kind of chicken, but not chicken fingers, gasp!) when her child's friend who has no class comes to visit, but her point about using a brand to identify an item for useful purposes stands.

I don’t think she said she would “never serve chicken fingers OMG!” She just said she makes sure to serve some kind of chicken when the chicken fingers kid comes over, which is nice of her to do imo, not snobby…

I don’t know why she wouldn’t serve chicken fingers to all the kids when the friend came over to eat. Not “some kind of chicken” but actual chicken fingers. You can make them yourself or buy them. What’s more important, a friend or what you serve for dinner occasionally. And if her kids have any kind of life outside of their home they have had chicken fingers. Making a big deal out of nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I really thought this was going to be about someone like one of my kids, who really doesn't seem to get that some of the things she says comes across as stuck up (constantly correcting other kids, for example). I didn't think it was going to be about brand snobbery.

Which, for most people, is a brief phase. Only the truly shallow or insecure continue brand snobbery into adulthood.

No wonder we’re raising the anxious generation.

I know a lot of very brand conscious adults. It is partly insecurity but I think it often has to do with risk aversion. It's like "what are we all buying?" so they can buy that and not have to worry about fitting in or engaging in outlier behavior. I think you especially see this in the DC professional where people tend to be status conscious and just want to blend in at work, at school, in the neighborhood.

I have some longtime friends in this area who have just always been this way. I think it's about risk aversion and wanting to control their surroundings and the way other people see them. Which, yes, is a form of insecurity, but it's less about trying to impress people than just trying to maintain a specific image and blend in.

Brand conscious is different than brand snobbery.

They go hand in hand, though. Sure, some people are simply aware of brands but don't think one is better than another. But most of the time, people who are very aware of brands have strong opinions that one is better than another. Or believe one brand conveys something positive about a person. A person who is bringing up brands in a casual conversation thinks they are important. Moncler jacket lady in this thread thinks the brands she buys reflect her good taste, her knowledge of quality, and her wealth. For her, brand conscious = brand snobbery. The more aware you are of brands and the message they send, the more importance you put in them, the more snobby you are about them.

Can I just like one brand better than the other, and therefore be aware of which brand I'm buying, without being a snob?

I have two similar hoodies from two mid-range athleisure companies. I prefer one to the other. It happens to be the cheaper one by about $9, but the price isn't why I like it, I just find the material to be more comfortable and the cut to be more flattering.

I think some of you are overly sensitive to this topic. Moncler jacket lady (I am not her, I do not own anything from that brand) was stating a fact. She does come off as a bit snobby (the will serve some kind of chicken, but not chicken fingers, gasp!) when her child's friend who has no class comes to visit, but her point about using a brand to identify an item for useful purposes stands.

I don’t think she said she would “never serve chicken fingers OMG!” She just said she makes sure to serve some kind of chicken when the chicken fingers kid comes over, which is nice of her to do imo, not snobby…

I don’t know why she wouldn’t serve chicken fingers to all the kids when the friend came over to eat. Not “some kind of chicken” but actual chicken fingers. You can make them yourself or buy them. What’s more important, a friend or what you serve for dinner occasionally. And if her kids have any kind of life outside of their home they have had chicken fingers. Making a big deal out of nothing.

I don’t buy chicken fingers. We don’t eat them at home. My kids definitely eat chicken nuggets from Chik Fil a and McDonald’s although we rarely/never go ourselves as a family.

We have doordashed chicken for that kid who eats chicken fingers. I think we once did a Chik Fil a delivery and it was the first time I saw that kid eat at our house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in an affluent neighborhood with rich and famous people. No one cares about your coat. Our closets are full of nice clothes, but on an everyday basis, we dress comfortably and casually. My kids would never look down on someone else because of what they are wearing. They really wouldn’t know the difference. It’s not like some custom tailored suit is going to have a brand on it or a beautiful dress that cost thousands will have a logo for you to see.

This comparison of a north face vs target type brand is very low class.

Who the hell is famous in DC like DC famous?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids? The example you gave wouldn’t be something I’d notice. The kid is stating a fact (they’re different brands).

If the jackets are both the same shade of green, then they match regardless of brand and it's weird and rude for the second kid to draw a distinction based on the brand.

That's also definitely a learned behavior. The kid is conscious of the brand and the idea that it is nicer/more expensive.Thats coming from parents.

Probably not much of a learned behavior. Kids have access to a ton of information. Group think is strong. Remember what kids were snobby about when you were kids? Did that come from your parents? My parents weren’t aware of all that.

Kids like brands that aren’t remotely relevant to us. They’re capable of following their own group think.

16 yr olds, yes -- brand preferences are influenced more by media and peers. But younger kids are mimicing parents. I also know adults who insist on referring to their belongings by brand -- "I left my Patagonia in the Audi" -- and kids will pick up on that and mimic it as part of language learning. If an elementary school kid is very aware of and vocal about brands, that probably coming from family culture.

I have many jackets and we have four cars. I may describe item with brand. However, I can’t imagine in what scenario I would say this to another person. I may tell DH that I left my black Patagonia or blue montcler in the Lexus. Could he please get it. I may say our son left his Celtics sweatshirt or blue Nikes. I’m not sure how else to describe the item.

Lol if you are needing to specify "blue montcler" to distinguish it from your other montclers, then yes you are a brand snob and your kids are picking up on it and probably copying it. Overconsumption of luxury goods is part of brand snobbery and kids especially absorb that kind of behavior and it becomes normal to them to have, for instance, multiple of the same luxury item in different colors, without any awareness that this is a level of luxury and consumption accessible to less than 1% of the global population.

This is how rich kids become horrible snobs, because they don't even realize what they are doign is snobbery or condescending. They don't understand their own privilege and wealth. It is your job as their parent to give them context and help them understand that your lifestyle is atypical and they need to learn to be thoughtful and self-aware. But then... that requires you to be thoughtful and self-aware. Are you?

Yes, this is a good point. I didn't know what Montcler was so had to google it- you could absolutely describe that in a way that does not involved the brand. But brands are an important marker for you so you use the brand. To some extent a brand can signal higher quality (eg a Patagonia jacket is going to be better for extreme temperatures than a Target branded one) but there are diminishing returns for that.

I don't know the actual brands of coats that my kids have- I just looked and one is North Face and one is Patagonia. If I wanted my husband to get a specific jacket out I would say "can you grab the blue puffy one from the minivan (sedan/ SUV)" because I don't think the distinguishing factor is the brand. Since you do, that makes you brand concious and that likely seeps into your children

This is a stretch. You could just as easily say “my GAP raincoat” or “my blue Burberry trench.” It makes it easier for DH because he can quickly look at the label and see that it says GAP or Burberry. It doesn’t mean she thinks brands are super important.

How many coats are in the car anyway?

[Anonymous]

I teach in an elementary school and I see a lot of arrogant behavior and entitled behavior. I was doing a lesson about robotics with robots purchased by the school. I had multiple students ask me why couldn't give them a robot. I had to explain that I can't give away something that belongs to the school and if they want a robot they need to ask their grown up to buy them one as a gift

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live in an affluent neighborhood with rich and famous people. No one cares about your coat. Our closets are full of nice clothes, but on an everyday basis, we dress comfortably and casually. My kids would never look down on someone else because of what they are wearing. They really wouldn’t know the difference. It’s not like some custom tailored suit is going to have a brand on it or a beautiful dress that cost thousands will have a logo for you to see.

This comparison of a north face vs target type brand is very low class.

Who the hell is famous in DC like DC famous?

I’m laughing at that PP who thinks big law partnership counts toward fame.

[Anonymous]

My younger one can have an edge to her but she is our baby and we just try and overlook it. She is smart and can be very caring and sweet but sometimes she is a tad bit bossy and rude.