Are those of you with very arrogant, condescending kids aware of it? Does it bother you?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids? The example you gave wouldn’t be something I’d notice. The kid is stating a fact (they’re different brands).

If the jackets are both the same shade of green, then they match regardless of brand and it's weird and rude for the second kid to draw a distinction based on the brand.

That's also definitely a learned behavior. The kid is conscious of the brand and the idea that it is nicer/more expensive.Thats coming from parents.

Probably not much of a learned behavior. Kids have access to a ton of information. Group think is strong. Remember what kids were snobby about when you were kids? Did that come from your parents? My parents weren’t aware of all that.

Kids like brands that aren’t remotely relevant to us. They’re capable of following their own group think.

16 yr olds, yes -- brand preferences are influenced more by media and peers. But younger kids are mimicing parents. I also know adults who insist on referring to their belongings by brand -- "I left my Patagonia in the Audi" -- and kids will pick up on that and mimic it as part of language learning. If an elementary school kid is very aware of and vocal about brands, that probably coming from family culture.

I have many jackets and we have four cars. I may describe item with brand. However, I can’t imagine in what scenario I would say this to another person. I may tell DH that I left my black Patagonia or blue montcler in the Lexus. Could he please get it. I may say our son left his Celtics sweatshirt or blue Nikes. I’m not sure how else to describe the item.

Lol if you are needing to specify "blue montcler" to distinguish it from your other montclers, then yes you are a brand snob and your kids are picking up on it and probably copying it. Overconsumption of luxury goods is part of brand snobbery and kids especially absorb that kind of behavior and it becomes normal to them to have, for instance, multiple of the same luxury item in different colors, without any awareness that this is a level of luxury and consumption accessible to less than 1% of the global population.

This is how rich kids become horrible snobs, because they don't even realize what they are doign is snobbery or condescending. They don't understand their own privilege and wealth. It is your job as their parent to give them context and help them understand that your lifestyle is atypical and they need to learn to be thoughtful and self-aware. But then... that requires you to be thoughtful and self-aware. Are you?

I struggle with this but at early elementary school ages, kids don’t really know any better. The other day someone brought up chocolate dessert and my kid blurted out “I like Belgian chocolate the best.” He doesn’t know that couldn’t be seen as snobby. He also happily scarfs down Twix and supermarket brownies and whatever else of course. We traveled to Belgium and did a chocolate tasting workshop over spring break and that’s where the comment came from.

Another time we went out to dinner at a Michelin starred restaurant (for a special occasional, not because this is a regular occurrence for us) and the server said “This next course is garnished with caviar from xyz…” I think to signal to us that my kid might want to skip this course. But he smiled at her and said, “I love caviar!”

Our issue is primarily with food and culture (not luxury clothing), but how do you get a kid to read the room if all the upscale things we have experienced are completely normal to him?

By modeling it. FWIW, neither of the examples you gave read as snobby to me -- it's just a kid who has been exposed to some nice stuff and liked it. That's fine.

There's a difference between just saying "I love [expensive thing]!" and saying to a peer "I have more expensive/luxurious belongings than you." It's okay to like nice things. It's condescending to act like having more expensive belongings makes you a superior person. And that nuance will come from your behavior and how you talk about these luxury experiences you are sharing with your kid. And also how you talk about other people, especially people who don't have access to the same lifestyle you do. Your kid is soaking it all up.

I’m the pp with blue Montcler. My kids are well traveled and eat well. I’m proud of how cultured they are. They have friends who only eat chicken fingers and pizza. We don’t act snobby towards them. I cater to their tastes. One kid used to never eat at my house and DS told me that Johnny only eats chicken fingers. Whenever he comes over, I make sure I serve some type of chicken.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids? The example you gave wouldn’t be something I’d notice. The kid is stating a fact (they’re different brands).

If the jackets are both the same shade of green, then they match regardless of brand and it's weird and rude for the second kid to draw a distinction based on the brand.

That's also definitely a learned behavior. The kid is conscious of the brand and the idea that it is nicer/more expensive.Thats coming from parents.

Probably not much of a learned behavior. Kids have access to a ton of information. Group think is strong. Remember what kids were snobby about when you were kids? Did that come from your parents? My parents weren’t aware of all that.

Kids like brands that aren’t remotely relevant to us. They’re capable of following their own group think.

16 yr olds, yes -- brand preferences are influenced more by media and peers. But younger kids are mimicing parents. I also know adults who insist on referring to their belongings by brand -- "I left my Patagonia in the Audi" -- and kids will pick up on that and mimic it as part of language learning. If an elementary school kid is very aware of and vocal about brands, that probably coming from family culture.

My 10 year old picked up on brands from her peers (Nike comes to mind) and my 8 year old is a mimic and mimics the older sibling. We are not a particularly brand conscious family and I've actively told my kids to stop referring to things by their brand name and find other descriptors, but it happens anyway.

I think people are underestimating the age at which peer influence can come into play.

I'm sure my kids have heard of brands, but they've never shown a brand preference. I just asked my rising 7th grader what sneakers she wanted to replace her beat up pair. She told me she wanted ones with stretchy laces so she could just pull them on. I put a few options in an online shopping basket and she picked based on color. Brand was never considered. That's how she is either clothes too. She cares about colors and fit, but not brand.

I have heard her friends discuss brands and prefer Lulu or Athleta or want fancy Nike shoes, but it's not a thing for my kid. I'm sure that could change, but it didn't matter in elementary and hasn't yet mattered in middle school.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really thought this was going to be about someone like one of my kids, who really doesn't seem to get that some of the things she says comes across as stuck up (constantly correcting other kids, for example). I didn't think it was going to be about brand snobbery.

Which, for most people, is a brief phase. Only the truly shallow or insecure continue brand snobbery into adulthood.

No wonder we’re raising the anxious generation.

I know a lot of very brand conscious adults. It is partly insecurity but I think it often has to do with risk aversion. It's like "what are we all buying?" so they can buy that and not have to worry about fitting in or engaging in outlier behavior. I think you especially see this in the DC professional where people tend to be status conscious and just want to blend in at work, at school, in the neighborhood.

I have some longtime friends in this area who have just always been this way. I think it's about risk aversion and wanting to control their surroundings and the way other people see them. Which, yes, is a form of insecurity, but it's less about trying to impress people than just trying to maintain a specific image and blend in.

Brand conscious is different than brand snobbery.

They go hand in hand, though. Sure, some people are simply aware of brands but don't think one is better than another. But most of the time, people who are very aware of brands have strong opinions that one is better than another. Or believe one brand conveys something positive about a person. A person who is bringing up brands in a casual conversation thinks they are important. Moncler jacket lady in this thread thinks the brands she buys reflect her good taste, her knowledge of quality, and her wealth. For her, brand conscious = brand snobbery. The more aware you are of brands and the message they send, the more importance you put in them, the more snobby you are about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids? The example you gave wouldn’t be something I’d notice. The kid is stating a fact (they’re different brands).

If the jackets are both the same shade of green, then they match regardless of brand and it's weird and rude for the second kid to draw a distinction based on the brand.

That's also definitely a learned behavior. The kid is conscious of the brand and the idea that it is nicer/more expensive.Thats coming from parents.

Probably not much of a learned behavior. Kids have access to a ton of information. Group think is strong. Remember what kids were snobby about when you were kids? Did that come from your parents? My parents weren’t aware of all that.

Kids like brands that aren’t remotely relevant to us. They’re capable of following their own group think.

16 yr olds, yes -- brand preferences are influenced more by media and peers. But younger kids are mimicing parents. I also know adults who insist on referring to their belongings by brand -- "I left my Patagonia in the Audi" -- and kids will pick up on that and mimic it as part of language learning. If an elementary school kid is very aware of and vocal about brands, that probably coming from family culture.

My 10 year old picked up on brands from her peers (Nike comes to mind) and my 8 year old is a mimic and mimics the older sibling. We are not a particularly brand conscious family and I've actively told my kids to stop referring to things by their brand name and find other descriptors, but it happens anyway.

I think people are underestimating the age at which peer influence can come into play.

Exactly. My teens have never cared about brands (or clothes generally) but they certainly have been aware of them since elementary school. I don’t get how people think that their kids live in a shell and are only exposed to their parents’ ideas. I mean, they interact with their parents maybe 4 hours a day, tops, once they hit school age.

Uh, I say this as a working mom, but -- I am with my kids more than 4 hours on many, many days. Yes my kids are influenced by peers but they absolutely spend more time with family than with any peer set, even at school. And it's not like school is just hours of socializing. I have not found it that hard to remain the biggest influence on my kids in elementary school in terms of their values and behavior. We'll see what MS and HS holds, I'm sure that will change, but with an upper and lower elementary kid it hasn't been that big of a deal yet.

Just wait.

Maybe. Kids do become more aware of brands as they get older, but my experience is that you can still impose your values. Like my kid might come to me and say they want a specific brand because that's the hot item at school. I always just say, "Why should we spend more for this brand than for a less expensive brand?" I want a good reason. Is it higher quality? Will it last longer? "Everyone has one" can be a reason too, sometimes, if having the same as everyone will actually make our lives easier or better -- sometimes that's the case. But I want my kid to be introspective about this stuff. In general it works. And there have been instances where I've heard other tweens say something like "yes but mine is from Sephora" or "mine's a real Stanley" or whatever, and my kid will reply "it doesn't really matter though." And she means it. Because I forced her to think through it and it helped her better understand why she wants certain things and what actually matters to her.

Parents are ultimately the biggest influence on kids. Peer influence is usually shorter lived. And kids can be so faddish and impulsive -- you can teach a kid the value in having longer-term thinking if you are consistent about it.

[Anonymous]

You seem to be more sensitive than others, OP. You're going to suffer more in life unless you can grow a thicker skin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really thought this was going to be about someone like one of my kids, who really doesn't seem to get that some of the things she says comes across as stuck up (constantly correcting other kids, for example). I didn't think it was going to be about brand snobbery.

Which, for most people, is a brief phase. Only the truly shallow or insecure continue brand snobbery into adulthood.

No wonder we’re raising the anxious generation.

I know a lot of very brand conscious adults. It is partly insecurity but I think it often has to do with risk aversion. It's like "what are we all buying?" so they can buy that and not have to worry about fitting in or engaging in outlier behavior. I think you especially see this in the DC professional where people tend to be status conscious and just want to blend in at work, at school, in the neighborhood.

I have some longtime friends in this area who have just always been this way. I think it's about risk aversion and wanting to control their surroundings and the way other people see them. Which, yes, is a form of insecurity, but it's less about trying to impress people than just trying to maintain a specific image and blend in.

Brand conscious is different than brand snobbery.

They go hand in hand, though. Sure, some people are simply aware of brands but don't think one is better than another. But most of the time, people who are very aware of brands have strong opinions that one is better than another. Or believe one brand conveys something positive about a person. A person who is bringing up brands in a casual conversation thinks they are important. Moncler jacket lady in this thread thinks the brands she buys reflect her good taste, her knowledge of quality, and her wealth. For her, brand conscious = brand snobbery. The more aware you are of brands and the message they send, the more importance you put in them, the more snobby you are about them.

I’m the moncler lady. I probably have 10 Montcler coats. It was a bad example. I have a large closet.

People who think too much about brands signals low class IMO. I’m proud my kids don’t know or care.

[Anonymous]

A couple things.

1. Spend any time on DCUM and you'll see people like to brag about what they have. So some of this is learned behavior
2. What this kid said isn't so bad that I would have said something at the time. Later, yes, would have said it was rude. If he had mocked the other kid or made fun of his clothes? Yeah would have said something then. But just "no, mine is North Face"? That's a conversation we can have in private.

[Anonymous]

Eh. That’s not a great example. How old are the kids? Younger kids are pretty literal, and a comment like that is literally true, though a polite adult wouldn’t say it because of its deeper implications. But if the kids were like 7-8? Whatever.

I don’t love jumping to conclusions that a kid is intentionally being obnoxious or rude. They’re still figuring out the rules of society. And I’ve noticed some adults, usually older than I am, take offense incredibly quickly because they perceive a tone they don’t like. It tells me they’re a bit insecure.

[Anonymous]

Some children are very literal. What if the child had said, “No, mine has pockets” ?

Some kids are going to see the similarities and others are going to notice the differences. Without more info, it’s not clear that this is brand snobbery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you not able to afford North Face but wish you could, OP? No shade at all. I can’t afford North Face! But this example seems much more about feelings you have than anything the child actually said.

Is North Face still a thing? I thought that ended in the early 2010s...

My kids have several fleece jackets from NorthFace because it is always on sale. I remember it being a trendy thing and now it’s what my 5 year old wears because it’s pretty cheap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Correcting kids in front of everybody screams I never got over the mean girls in middle school.

I have spoken to kids privately that might have made a rude comment to me.

I will speak to my kids privately about what is kind, what is rude, what may come off badly even if their intent is not to be rude.

We discuss communication like talking about yourself too much, never showing interest in others, I statements, saying no/but instead of yes/and and other normal communications lessons you should talk to your children about over the years.

Agree.

I speak to my kids in the car ride home, e.g., about a comment like that - not then and there. I don't think I'm alone in my approach. I actually want them to first experience other kids' reaction to their comment. My little car lecture will probably resonate less with them than their peer's negative reaction.

My kid can sometimes over-correct people because she's too rigid and literal (ugh, I hate it) -- it makes her friends turn around and go play with someone else. Good! And then yes, we talk about it too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids? The example you gave wouldn’t be something I’d notice. The kid is stating a fact (they’re different brands).

If the jackets are both the same shade of green, then they match regardless of brand and it's weird and rude for the second kid to draw a distinction based on the brand.

That's also definitely a learned behavior. The kid is conscious of the brand and the idea that it is nicer/more expensive.Thats coming from parents.

Probably not much of a learned behavior. Kids have access to a ton of information. Group think is strong. Remember what kids were snobby about when you were kids? Did that come from your parents? My parents weren’t aware of all that.

Kids like brands that aren’t remotely relevant to us. They’re capable of following their own group think.

16 yr olds, yes -- brand preferences are influenced more by media and peers. But younger kids are mimicing parents. I also know adults who insist on referring to their belongings by brand -- "I left my Patagonia in the Audi" -- and kids will pick up on that and mimic it as part of language learning. If an elementary school kid is very aware of and vocal about brands, that probably coming from family culture.

I have many jackets and we have four cars. I may describe item with brand. However, I can’t imagine in what scenario I would say this to another person. I may tell DH that I left my black Patagonia or blue montcler in the Lexus. Could he please get it. I may say our son left his Celtics sweatshirt or blue Nikes. I’m not sure how else to describe the item.

Unless you have a closet full of coats in your car you can just ask him to get your jacket out of the car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really thought this was going to be about someone like one of my kids, who really doesn't seem to get that some of the things she says comes across as stuck up (constantly correcting other kids, for example). I didn't think it was going to be about brand snobbery.

Which, for most people, is a brief phase. Only the truly shallow or insecure continue brand snobbery into adulthood.

No wonder we’re raising the anxious generation.

I know a lot of very brand conscious adults. It is partly insecurity but I think it often has to do with risk aversion. It's like "what are we all buying?" so they can buy that and not have to worry about fitting in or engaging in outlier behavior. I think you especially see this in the DC professional where people tend to be status conscious and just want to blend in at work, at school, in the neighborhood.

I have some longtime friends in this area who have just always been this way. I think it's about risk aversion and wanting to control their surroundings and the way other people see them. Which, yes, is a form of insecurity, but it's less about trying to impress people than just trying to maintain a specific image and blend in.

Brand conscious is different than brand snobbery.

They go hand in hand, though. Sure, some people are simply aware of brands but don't think one is better than another. But most of the time, people who are very aware of brands have strong opinions that one is better than another. Or believe one brand conveys something positive about a person. A person who is bringing up brands in a casual conversation thinks they are important. Moncler jacket lady in this thread thinks the brands she buys reflect her good taste, her knowledge of quality, and her wealth. For her, brand conscious = brand snobbery. The more aware you are of brands and the message they send, the more importance you put in them, the more snobby you are about them.

I’m the moncler lady. I probably have 10 Montcler coats. It was a bad example. I have a large closet.

People who think too much about brands signals low class IMO. I’m proud my kids don’t know or care.

Very true. Low class and/or nouveau riche.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you not able to afford North Face but wish you could, OP? No shade at all. I can’t afford North Face! But this example seems much more about feelings you have than anything the child actually said.

Is North Face still a thing? I thought that ended in the early 2010s...

My kids have several fleece jackets from NorthFace because it is always on sale. I remember it being a trendy thing and now it’s what my 5 year old wears because it’s pretty cheap.

North Face will always be a thing for true outdoors people. They have everything you need to do outdoor stuff in freezing weather.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you not able to afford North Face but wish you could, OP? No shade at all. I can’t afford North Face! But this example seems much more about feelings you have than anything the child actually said.

Is North Face still a thing? I thought that ended in the early 2010s...

My kids have several fleece jackets from NorthFace because it is always on sale. I remember it being a trendy thing and now it’s what my 5 year old wears because it’s pretty cheap.

North Face will always be a thing for true outdoors people. They have everything you need to do outdoor stuff in freezing weather.

I mean sure, we’re happy with them. Definitely less of a status thing now, I think. So I think the example is kind of odd.