Are those of you with very arrogant, condescending kids aware of it? Does it bother you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I agree it wasn't a great example. I actually changed details because I didn't want to use the real comments on here in case people who were there read it. I didn't realize we were going to get into an argument about whether North Face is high end, lol.

In context, the second kid was definitely making a point about how his possession was higher end and therefore better. He wasn't being literal -- he was offended that his friend had indicated that they had "matching" possessions because the brand/cost was important to the second kid. Several people present cringed, not just me, but the parents just smiled. I thought it was weird.

Kids are late elementary.

I'm trying to think of other examples. I've seen kids make comments about travel sports versus rec. I met a kid recently who made a big deal about taking ballet at the WSB instead of a smaller studio. I've heard kids brag about vacations. Their parents cars.

To be clear, I've also heard my kids make comments like this. I do not tolerate it. If my kid says something like this, I say something immediately about how the difference they might be highlighting doesn't matter, or I go out of my way to compliment the other kid or ask about their activity or whatever. I don't put my kid down or yell at them, but I course correct and show them how to be inclusive and kind. I am surprised when parents are silent in these moments. It comes off as tacit acceptance of the behavior. I think sometimes the kids don't realize it's rude, but that's all the more reason to do something. I don't want my kids becoming the kind of adults who do this kind of thing.

I’ve definitely heard kids say it about rec v travel sports. My dd told me one of the boys in her middle school gym class was outraged that he lost a 3-on-3 PE soccer game to her and her 2 rec-playing friends bc he played “actual, real, travel soccer.” We had a good laugh about it and I made sure she understood what a racket the pay to play travel sports industry is.

I have a rising 9th grader. He plays basketball and trying to make the freshmen team this winter. He played travel and AAU. I think only 15 boys will make the team and my kid may not even make it. I don’t think classifying a kid as rec or travel is meant to be negative. My kids play tennis and they will ask UTR. My daughter dances, but not competitively. I have had moms ask, basically trying to gauge how good of a dancer my daughter is. I don’t feel bad at all that my DD is not a competitive dancer.

I think the people who feel bad are the ones who are insecure. My kids don’t feel bad wearing the same thing over and over again or playing rec soccer or non competitive dance. When my basketball son tried out for basketball and didn’t make a team, he felt bad. I did not think better players were being snobby. They were just better players/

But the question is not about whether people are raising insecure kids. It's about rudeness.

Yes, a kid who feels bad when another child points out his jacket isn't the right brand, or he's doing rec not travel, is probably insecure. That is an issue that he and his parents probably need to work on.

But a child who goes out if their way to point out differences like this, or worse, teases or criticizes kids over these differences, is rude. It's rude whether the other kid feels bad or not.

Manners is largely about being respectful and kind towards others. If your words and actions evoke insecurity, shame, or embarrassment in others, you have poor manners.

I see what you are saying. I have one kid who is popular and hangs out with the “cool” kids. I would never tolerate rude or mean behavior if I witnessed it. I absolutely would correct it if I saw it. I have told him there is a fine line between being arrogant and being admired and respected. I have heard him say Johnny is unathletic or sucks at X sport. I don’t think he is the type to bully or be mean to kids. He is one of the most, if not best athlete, in his sport(s) at his school. I would like to think he is a nice kid.

[Anonymous]

Can we all just agree that closet-full of Moncler lady is insufferable and her kids are likely insufferable in their own non-fashion oriented way?

[Anonymous]

I'm aware. It's embarrassing. We're not strivers, but DC is extremely ambitious and status oriented and competitive. We're working on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can we all just agree that closet-full of Moncler lady is insufferable and her kids are likely insufferable in their own non-fashion oriented way?

I am convinced she's a troll. People got hung up on whether or not it was condescending for a kid to point out his jacket was North Face, and also whether or not North Face was even a high end brand. Moncler lady just took that to the extreme for effect. "Oh of course it is normal to refer to my jacket as the blue Moncler in the Lexus, otherwise however would we distinguish it from the red Moncler I left in the Tesla?" That anyone has taken this argument seriously is embarrassing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can we all just agree that closet-full of Moncler lady is insufferable and her kids are likely insufferable in their own non-fashion oriented way?

I am convinced she's a troll. People got hung up on whether or not it was condescending for a kid to point out his jacket was North Face, and also whether or not North Face was even a high end brand. Moncler lady just took that to the extreme for effect. "Oh of course it is normal to refer to my jacket as the blue Moncler in the Lexus, otherwise however would we distinguish it from the red Moncler I left in the Tesla?" That anyone has taken this argument seriously is embarrassing.

DCUM is a place full of insecure people. I have been on this site for over a decade asking about bottles to how being on the college board. Ask about a birthday party entertainer, you get 3 responses. Signal anything about wealth or where we went to college or grad school and the thread goes off into a tangent attacking the person who has a high income or went to HYP.

[Anonymous]

We live in an affluent neighborhood with rich and famous people. No one cares about your coat. Our closets are full of nice clothes, but on an everyday basis, we dress comfortably and casually. My kids would never look down on someone else because of what they are wearing. They really wouldn’t know the difference. It’s not like some custom tailored suit is going to have a brand on it or a beautiful dress that cost thousands will have a logo for you to see.

This comparison of a north face vs target type brand is very low class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in an affluent neighborhood with rich and famous people. No one cares about your coat. Our closets are full of nice clothes, but on an everyday basis, we dress comfortably and casually. My kids would never look down on someone else because of what they are wearing. They really wouldn’t know the difference. It’s not like some custom tailored suit is going to have a brand on it or a beautiful dress that cost thousands will have a logo for you to see.

This comparison of a north face vs target type brand is very low class.

[Anonymous]

Constantly feeling the need to characterize people/things as "low class" is the epitome of bad manners. And lack of class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in an affluent neighborhood with rich and famous people. No one cares about your coat. Our closets are full of nice clothes, but on an everyday basis, we dress comfortably and casually. My kids would never look down on someone else because of what they are wearing. They really wouldn’t know the difference. It’s not like some custom tailored suit is going to have a brand on it or a beautiful dress that cost thousands will have a logo for you to see.

This comparison of a north face vs target type brand is very low class.

In DC? Where the heck is that?

[Anonymous]

Some kids are just obnoxious and the parents don't correct. I was talking to a friend about something, and used a word in my native language. Her son, who was in the next room, chimed in to correct my pronunciation in that language, which he doesn't even speak. So he not only interrupted a conversation that he wasn't a part of, he corrected me, incorrectly. Obnoxiously. His mother said nothing. He's an older teen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some kids are just obnoxious and the parents don't correct. I was talking to a friend about something, and used a word in my native language. Her son, who was in the next room, chimed in to correct my pronunciation in that language, which he doesn't even speak. So he not only interrupted a conversation that he wasn't a part of, he corrected me, incorrectly. Obnoxiously. His mother said nothing. He's an older teen.

This is actually really funny. Rude but funny.

[Anonymous]

No, they don't even think about it.
My kids go to a Catholic school that draws from a variety of towns, only one of which is wealthy. One kid on the basketball team had a sleepover but "you're only invited if you live in Moneyville." The other moms had no problem with this and one sneered that "If you want your kids to be included socially maybe you should think about moving closer to the rest of us. Otherwise you'll just be left out and have to deal with it." We live two miles away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some kids are just obnoxious and the parents don't correct. I was talking to a friend about something, and used a word in my native language. Her son, who was in the next room, chimed in to correct my pronunciation in that language, which he doesn't even speak. So he not only interrupted a conversation that he wasn't a part of, he corrected me, incorrectly. Obnoxiously. His mother said nothing. He's an older teen.

There is a thread right now in Elementary School forum where an OP asked if others tell their kids if they are "on their cycle". Several (I'm presuming) grown adults came on to tell OP that saying "on" your cycle is incorrect. Or to presume they don't know what she means because women are always on their cycle. I mean, .

This kind of obnoxious behavior -- the correcting of meaningless minor points, particularly when you know full well what someone means and it really has no bearing on the actual discussion, lasts into adulthood for far too many. It's highly obnoxious! Some people, kids and adults, are just unbearably rigid, pedantic, and know-it-allish.

The other type being discussed here -- the "one-uppers" are prevalent amongst adults too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some kids are just obnoxious and the parents don't correct. I was talking to a friend about something, and used a word in my native language. Her son, who was in the next room, chimed in to correct my pronunciation in that language, which he doesn't even speak. So he not only interrupted a conversation that he wasn't a part of, he corrected me, incorrectly. Obnoxiously. His mother said nothing. He's an older teen.

This is actually really funny. Rude but funny.

Yeah, one of those things that you just have to laugh about. But I actually really dislike the kid since that's but one of many examples.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some kids are just obnoxious and the parents don't correct. I was talking to a friend about something, and used a word in my native language. Her son, who was in the next room, chimed in to correct my pronunciation in that language, which he doesn't even speak. So he not only interrupted a conversation that he wasn't a part of, he corrected me, incorrectly. Obnoxiously. His mother said nothing. He's an older teen.

This is actually really funny. Rude but funny.

Yeah, one of those things that you just have to laugh about. But I actually really dislike the kid since that's but one of many examples.

I’m the PP who told the story about the travel soccer player who lost to rec-playing girls and we laughed at him. I think it’s important for people with kids like this to know - other people really think they are clowns.