Are those of you with very arrogant, condescending kids aware of it? Does it bother you?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I agree it wasn't a great example. I actually changed details because I didn't want to use the real comments on here in case people who were there read it. I didn't realize we were going to get into an argument about whether North Face is high end, lol.

In context, the second kid was definitely making a point about how his possession was higher end and therefore better. He wasn't being literal -- he was offended that his friend had indicated that they had "matching" possessions because the brand/cost was important to the second kid. Several people present cringed, not just me, but the parents just smiled. I thought it was weird.

Kids are late elementary.

I'm trying to think of other examples. I've seen kids make comments about travel sports versus rec. I met a kid recently who made a big deal about taking ballet at the WSB instead of a smaller studio. I've heard kids brag about vacations. Their parents cars.

To be clear, I've also heard my kids make comments like this. I do not tolerate it. If my kid says something like this, I say something immediately about how the difference they might be highlighting doesn't matter, or I go out of my way to compliment the other kid or ask about their activity or whatever. I don't put my kid down or yell at them, but I course correct and show them how to be inclusive and kind. I am surprised when parents are silent in these moments. It comes off as tacit acceptance of the behavior. I think sometimes the kids don't realize it's rude, but that's all the more reason to do something. I don't want my kids becoming the kind of adults who do this kind of thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids? The example you gave wouldn’t be something I’d notice. The kid is stating a fact (they’re different brands).

If the jackets are both the same shade of green, then they match regardless of brand and it's weird and rude for the second kid to draw a distinction based on the brand.

That's also definitely a learned behavior. The kid is conscious of the brand and the idea that it is nicer/more expensive.Thats coming from parents.

Probably not much of a learned behavior. Kids have access to a ton of information. Group think is strong. Remember what kids were snobby about when you were kids? Did that come from your parents? My parents weren’t aware of all that.

Kids like brands that aren’t remotely relevant to us. They’re capable of following their own group think.

16 yr olds, yes -- brand preferences are influenced more by media and peers. But younger kids are mimicing parents. I also know adults who insist on referring to their belongings by brand -- "I left my Patagonia in the Audi" -- and kids will pick up on that and mimic it as part of language learning. If an elementary school kid is very aware of and vocal about brands, that probably coming from family culture.

I have many jackets and we have four cars. I may describe item with brand. However, I can’t imagine in what scenario I would say this to another person. I may tell DH that I left my black Patagonia or blue montcler in the Lexus. Could he please get it. I may say our son left his Celtics sweatshirt or blue Nikes. I’m not sure how else to describe the item.

Unless you have a closet full of coats in your car you can just ask him to get your jacket out of the car.

My example was poor. I don’t know why I said jacket from the car. It is more likely to get my kid’s coat from the mudroom or closet. I may have asked my husband for my jacket from a car never in my life. I do describe our cars by brand (Lexus, Tesla).

[Anonymous]

My son has one of these “friends”. He’s always
bossing people around - even when he’s at my house. I started telling him he doesn’t make decisions in my house.
He’s the golden child at his home.
His mom totally does not see it.
He’s going into 10th and is the exudes “entitled white male”.

[Anonymous]

My daughter has known a girl like this since K. Her mom always thought/thinks it is great that her daughter is so strong, assertive, speaks her mind. In reality I'm shocked the girl never gets punched. She is so rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids? The example you gave wouldn’t be something I’d notice. The kid is stating a fact (they’re different brands).

If the jackets are both the same shade of green, then they match regardless of brand and it's weird and rude for the second kid to draw a distinction based on the brand.

That's also definitely a learned behavior. The kid is conscious of the brand and the idea that it is nicer/more expensive.Thats coming from parents.

Probably not much of a learned behavior. Kids have access to a ton of information. Group think is strong. Remember what kids were snobby about when you were kids? Did that come from your parents? My parents weren’t aware of all that.

Kids like brands that aren’t remotely relevant to us. They’re capable of following their own group think.

16 yr olds, yes -- brand preferences are influenced more by media and peers. But younger kids are mimicing parents. I also know adults who insist on referring to their belongings by brand -- "I left my Patagonia in the Audi" -- and kids will pick up on that and mimic it as part of language learning. If an elementary school kid is very aware of and vocal about brands, that probably coming from family culture.

I have many jackets and we have four cars. I may describe item with brand. However, I can’t imagine in what scenario I would say this to another person. I may tell DH that I left my black Patagonia or blue montcler in the Lexus. Could he please get it. I may say our son left his Celtics sweatshirt or blue Nikes. I’m not sure how else to describe the item.

Lol if you are needing to specify "blue montcler" to distinguish it from your other montclers, then yes you are a brand snob and your kids are picking up on it and probably copying it. Overconsumption of luxury goods is part of brand snobbery and kids especially absorb that kind of behavior and it becomes normal to them to have, for instance, multiple of the same luxury item in different colors, without any awareness that this is a level of luxury and consumption accessible to less than 1% of the global population.

This is how rich kids become horrible snobs, because they don't even realize what they are doign is snobbery or condescending. They don't understand their own privilege and wealth. It is your job as their parent to give them context and help them understand that your lifestyle is atypical and they need to learn to be thoughtful and self-aware. But then... that requires you to be thoughtful and self-aware. Are you?

My kids are really down to earth and don’t care about brands. It probably is because we are well off and don’t care about this. My boys are the opposite of flashy. They have a closet full of nice clothing and they wear the same plain black or white t shirt. Their shoes are often worn down. I feel like I need to buy them new shoes every 2 months because they have holes in them.

It’s got nothing to do with income level it’s more about if you love clothes. A lot of kids of all income levels just can’t get themselves to care. Same with other things. Some people love their bikes. They know all the different brands, which bikes are best for what type of biking. Others will buy a cheap basic bike and go about their business. The point is it’s rude to negatively comment on other people’s choices about anything.

My daughter makes a point to compliment her classmates and teachers if they have a new haircut or look nice in their dress. She does it when we’re out and about too. It’s easy to do and makes people happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has known a girl like this since K. Her mom always thought/thinks it is great that her daughter is so strong, assertive, speaks her mind. In reality I'm shocked the girl never gets punched. She is so rude.

I should add she is rising junior now. I don't know how her attitude hasn't gotten her in trouble at our public HS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids? The example you gave wouldn’t be something I’d notice. The kid is stating a fact (they’re different brands).

If the jackets are both the same shade of green, then they match regardless of brand and it's weird and rude for the second kid to draw a distinction based on the brand.

That's also definitely a learned behavior. The kid is conscious of the brand and the idea that it is nicer/more expensive.Thats coming from parents.

Probably not much of a learned behavior. Kids have access to a ton of information. Group think is strong. Remember what kids were snobby about when you were kids? Did that come from your parents? My parents weren’t aware of all that.

Kids like brands that aren’t remotely relevant to us. They’re capable of following their own group think.

16 yr olds, yes -- brand preferences are influenced more by media and peers. But younger kids are mimicing parents. I also know adults who insist on referring to their belongings by brand -- "I left my Patagonia in the Audi" -- and kids will pick up on that and mimic it as part of language learning. If an elementary school kid is very aware of and vocal about brands, that probably coming from family culture.

I have many jackets and we have four cars. I may describe item with brand. However, I can’t imagine in what scenario I would say this to another person. I may tell DH that I left my black Patagonia or blue montcler in the Lexus. Could he please get it. I may say our son left his Celtics sweatshirt or blue Nikes. I’m not sure how else to describe the item.

Lol if you are needing to specify "blue montcler" to distinguish it from your other montclers, then yes you are a brand snob and your kids are picking up on it and probably copying it. Overconsumption of luxury goods is part of brand snobbery and kids especially absorb that kind of behavior and it becomes normal to them to have, for instance, multiple of the same luxury item in different colors, without any awareness that this is a level of luxury and consumption accessible to less than 1% of the global population.

This is how rich kids become horrible snobs, because they don't even realize what they are doign is snobbery or condescending. They don't understand their own privilege and wealth. It is your job as their parent to give them context and help them understand that your lifestyle is atypical and they need to learn to be thoughtful and self-aware. But then... that requires you to be thoughtful and self-aware. Are you?

I know you think you have the moral high ground here but you're actually being a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your example wasn't really arrogant. Sure, North Face is a "better" brand, but to young kids it's an observable difference rather than a comparison in who is richer. I doubt kids even know (or care) how much jackets cost or what $20, 40, 60, $80 jackets even mean.

If youre talking about older kids Thames know it's common for them to roast each other. Its not personal or spiteful. Just their strange immature way of how they talk and laugh about it

I teach middle school. Kids know how much things cost. They know who's poor and who's not. This is true by 3rd or 4th grade for many kids.

This has always been true.

Yep, I went to DCPS and I remember a friend in fourth grade making fun of another friend (behind her back) for bringing Giant brand food in her lunchbox. At nine, I recognized making fun of giant brand food was obnoxious of my snobby friend to do. She left for private school the next year.

That makes sense. There are no snobby kids in public school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really thought this was going to be about someone like one of my kids, who really doesn't seem to get that some of the things she says comes across as stuck up (constantly correcting other kids, for example). I didn't think it was going to be about brand snobbery.

Which, for most people, is a brief phase. Only the truly shallow or insecure continue brand snobbery into adulthood.

No wonder we’re raising the anxious generation.

I know a lot of very brand conscious adults. It is partly insecurity but I think it often has to do with risk aversion. It's like "what are we all buying?" so they can buy that and not have to worry about fitting in or engaging in outlier behavior. I think you especially see this in the DC professional where people tend to be status conscious and just want to blend in at work, at school, in the neighborhood.

I have some longtime friends in this area who have just always been this way. I think it's about risk aversion and wanting to control their surroundings and the way other people see them. Which, yes, is a form of insecurity, but it's less about trying to impress people than just trying to maintain a specific image and blend in.

Brand conscious is different than brand snobbery.

They go hand in hand, though. Sure, some people are simply aware of brands but don't think one is better than another. But most of the time, people who are very aware of brands have strong opinions that one is better than another. Or believe one brand conveys something positive about a person. A person who is bringing up brands in a casual conversation thinks they are important. Moncler jacket lady in this thread thinks the brands she buys reflect her good taste, her knowledge of quality, and her wealth. For her, brand conscious = brand snobbery. The more aware you are of brands and the message they send, the more importance you put in them, the more snobby you are about them.

Can I just like one brand better than the other, and therefore be aware of which brand I'm buying, without being a snob?

I have two similar hoodies from two mid-range athleisure companies. I prefer one to the other. It happens to be the cheaper one by about $9, but the price isn't why I like it, I just find the material to be more comfortable and the cut to be more flattering.

I think some of you are overly sensitive to this topic. Moncler jacket lady (I am not her, I do not own anything from that brand) was stating a fact. She does come off as a bit snobby (the will serve some kind of chicken, but not chicken fingers, gasp!) when her child's friend who has no class comes to visit, but her point about using a brand to identify an item for useful purposes stands.

[Anonymous]

OK OP, so you are asking if kids who are status conscious in general have parents who are aware of that?

In my experience with kids at private, the answer is no. The kids who are status conscious have noveau riche parents who are also status conscious (though nice enough people). There are kids with far more money who are not at all status conscious, because their parents trained them to be so. There are kids who aren't as well-off, and at most they are status conscious in a different way (they know what they don't have).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I agree it wasn't a great example. I actually changed details because I didn't want to use the real comments on here in case people who were there read it. I didn't realize we were going to get into an argument about whether North Face is high end, lol.

In context, the second kid was definitely making a point about how his possession was higher end and therefore better. He wasn't being literal -- he was offended that his friend had indicated that they had "matching" possessions because the brand/cost was important to the second kid. Several people present cringed, not just me, but the parents just smiled. I thought it was weird.

Kids are late elementary.

I'm trying to think of other examples. I've seen kids make comments about travel sports versus rec. I met a kid recently who made a big deal about taking ballet at the WSB instead of a smaller studio. I've heard kids brag about vacations. Their parents cars.

To be clear, I've also heard my kids make comments like this. I do not tolerate it. If my kid says something like this, I say something immediately about how the difference they might be highlighting doesn't matter, or I go out of my way to compliment the other kid or ask about their activity or whatever. I don't put my kid down or yell at them, but I course correct and show them how to be inclusive and kind. I am surprised when parents are silent in these moments. It comes off as tacit acceptance of the behavior. I think sometimes the kids don't realize it's rude, but that's all the more reason to do something. I don't want my kids becoming the kind of adults who do this kind of thing.

I’ve definitely heard kids say it about rec v travel sports. My dd told me one of the boys in her middle school gym class was outraged that he lost a 3-on-3 PE soccer game to her and her 2 rec-playing friends bc he played “actual, real, travel soccer.” We had a good laugh about it and I made sure she understood what a racket the pay to play travel sports industry is.

[Anonymous]

We're raising our kids in an environment where most of their peers (and I do mean most) have gone to Disney multiple times, have flown to another city (often internationally) to see the Eras tour, all have e-bikes or scooters, playstations/x-boxes, the latest apple devices, ski or snowboard in the winter, play multiple expensive sports or ride horses, competitive dance, etc. and have all the accoutrements that go along with the aforementioned things.

I can't tell you how many times I've had a child at my house or in my car offhandedly expresses distaste when someone does not have or does not participate in one of these things. It's less about bragging or oneupmanship than it is a lack of awareness of any other type of life experience. This is really how snobs are bred.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really thought this was going to be about someone like one of my kids, who really doesn't seem to get that some of the things she says comes across as stuck up (constantly correcting other kids, for example). I didn't think it was going to be about brand snobbery.

Which, for most people, is a brief phase. Only the truly shallow or insecure continue brand snobbery into adulthood.

No wonder we’re raising the anxious generation.

I know a lot of very brand conscious adults. It is partly insecurity but I think it often has to do with risk aversion. It's like "what are we all buying?" so they can buy that and not have to worry about fitting in or engaging in outlier behavior. I think you especially see this in the DC professional where people tend to be status conscious and just want to blend in at work, at school, in the neighborhood.

I have some longtime friends in this area who have just always been this way. I think it's about risk aversion and wanting to control their surroundings and the way other people see them. Which, yes, is a form of insecurity, but it's less about trying to impress people than just trying to maintain a specific image and blend in.

Brand conscious is different than brand snobbery.

They go hand in hand, though. Sure, some people are simply aware of brands but don't think one is better than another. But most of the time, people who are very aware of brands have strong opinions that one is better than another. Or believe one brand conveys something positive about a person. A person who is bringing up brands in a casual conversation thinks they are important. Moncler jacket lady in this thread thinks the brands she buys reflect her good taste, her knowledge of quality, and her wealth. For her, brand conscious = brand snobbery. The more aware you are of brands and the message they send, the more importance you put in them, the more snobby you are about them.

Can I just like one brand better than the other, and therefore be aware of which brand I'm buying, without being a snob?

I have two similar hoodies from two mid-range athleisure companies. I prefer one to the other. It happens to be the cheaper one by about $9, but the price isn't why I like it, I just find the material to be more comfortable and the cut to be more flattering.

I think some of you are overly sensitive to this topic. Moncler jacket lady (I am not her, I do not own anything from that brand) was stating a fact. She does come off as a bit snobby (the will serve some kind of chicken, but not chicken fingers, gasp!) when her child's friend who has no class comes to visit, but her point about using a brand to identify an item for useful purposes stands.

Of course you can prefer one brand to another. But it is still rude to highlight the difference in brand between what you have and what someone else has. You can do buy whatever you want.

[Anonymous]

No. The parents don't notice because they are the reason their kids are rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really thought this was going to be about someone like one of my kids, who really doesn't seem to get that some of the things she says comes across as stuck up (constantly correcting other kids, for example). I didn't think it was going to be about brand snobbery.

Which, for most people, is a brief phase. Only the truly shallow or insecure continue brand snobbery into adulthood.

No wonder we’re raising the anxious generation.

I know a lot of very brand conscious adults. It is partly insecurity but I think it often has to do with risk aversion. It's like "what are we all buying?" so they can buy that and not have to worry about fitting in or engaging in outlier behavior. I think you especially see this in the DC professional where people tend to be status conscious and just want to blend in at work, at school, in the neighborhood.

I have some longtime friends in this area who have just always been this way. I think it's about risk aversion and wanting to control their surroundings and the way other people see them. Which, yes, is a form of insecurity, but it's less about trying to impress people than just trying to maintain a specific image and blend in.

Brand conscious is different than brand snobbery.

They go hand in hand, though. Sure, some people are simply aware of brands but don't think one is better than another. But most of the time, people who are very aware of brands have strong opinions that one is better than another. Or believe one brand conveys something positive about a person. A person who is bringing up brands in a casual conversation thinks they are important. Moncler jacket lady in this thread thinks the brands she buys reflect her good taste, her knowledge of quality, and her wealth. For her, brand conscious = brand snobbery. The more aware you are of brands and the message they send, the more importance you put in them, the more snobby you are about them.

Can I just like one brand better than the other, and therefore be aware of which brand I'm buying, without being a snob?

I have two similar hoodies from two mid-range athleisure companies. I prefer one to the other. It happens to be the cheaper one by about $9, but the price isn't why I like it, I just find the material to be more comfortable and the cut to be more flattering.

I think some of you are overly sensitive to this topic. Moncler jacket lady (I am not her, I do not own anything from that brand) was stating a fact. She does come off as a bit snobby (the will serve some kind of chicken, but not chicken fingers, gasp!) when her child's friend who has no class comes to visit, but her point about using a brand to identify an item for useful purposes stands.

I don’t think she said she would “never serve chicken fingers OMG!” She just said she makes sure to serve some kind of chicken when the chicken fingers kid comes over, which is nice of her to do imo, not snobby…