Are those of you with very arrogant, condescending kids aware of it? Does it bother you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really thought this was going to be about someone like one of my kids, who really doesn't seem to get that some of the things she says comes across as stuck up (constantly correcting other kids, for example). I didn't think it was going to be about brand snobbery.

Which, for most people, is a brief phase. Only the truly shallow or insecure continue brand snobbery into adulthood.

No wonder we’re raising the anxious generation.

I know a lot of very brand conscious adults. It is partly insecurity but I think it often has to do with risk aversion. It's like "what are we all buying?" so they can buy that and not have to worry about fitting in or engaging in outlier behavior. I think you especially see this in the DC professional where people tend to be status conscious and just want to blend in at work, at school, in the neighborhood.

I have some longtime friends in this area who have just always been this way. I think it's about risk aversion and wanting to control their surroundings and the way other people see them. Which, yes, is a form of insecurity, but it's less about trying to impress people than just trying to maintain a specific image and blend in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids? The example you gave wouldn’t be something I’d notice. The kid is stating a fact (they’re different brands).

If the jackets are both the same shade of green, then they match regardless of brand and it's weird and rude for the second kid to draw a distinction based on the brand.

That's also definitely a learned behavior. The kid is conscious of the brand and the idea that it is nicer/more expensive.Thats coming from parents.

Probably not much of a learned behavior. Kids have access to a ton of information. Group think is strong. Remember what kids were snobby about when you were kids? Did that come from your parents? My parents weren’t aware of all that.

Kids like brands that aren’t remotely relevant to us. They’re capable of following their own group think.

16 yr olds, yes -- brand preferences are influenced more by media and peers. But younger kids are mimicing parents. I also know adults who insist on referring to their belongings by brand -- "I left my Patagonia in the Audi" -- and kids will pick up on that and mimic it as part of language learning. If an elementary school kid is very aware of and vocal about brands, that probably coming from family culture.

My 10 year old picked up on brands from her peers (Nike comes to mind) and my 8 year old is a mimic and mimics the older sibling. We are not a particularly brand conscious family and I've actively told my kids to stop referring to things by their brand name and find other descriptors, but it happens anyway.

I think people are underestimating the age at which peer influence can come into play.

Exactly. My teens have never cared about brands (or clothes generally) but they certainly have been aware of them since elementary school. I don’t get how people think that their kids live in a shell and are only exposed to their parents’ ideas. I mean, they interact with their parents maybe 4 hours a day, tops, once they hit school age.

Uh, I say this as a working mom, but -- I am with my kids more than 4 hours on many, many days. Yes my kids are influenced by peers but they absolutely spend more time with family than with any peer set, even at school. And it's not like school is just hours of socializing. I have not found it that hard to remain the biggest influence on my kids in elementary school in terms of their values and behavior. We'll see what MS and HS holds, I'm sure that will change, but with an upper and lower elementary kid it hasn't been that big of a deal yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids? The example you gave wouldn’t be something I’d notice. The kid is stating a fact (they’re different brands).

If the jackets are both the same shade of green, then they match regardless of brand and it's weird and rude for the second kid to draw a distinction based on the brand.

That's also definitely a learned behavior. The kid is conscious of the brand and the idea that it is nicer/more expensive.Thats coming from parents.

Probably not much of a learned behavior. Kids have access to a ton of information. Group think is strong. Remember what kids were snobby about when you were kids? Did that come from your parents? My parents weren’t aware of all that.

Kids like brands that aren’t remotely relevant to us. They’re capable of following their own group think.

16 yr olds, yes -- brand preferences are influenced more by media and peers. But younger kids are mimicing parents. I also know adults who insist on referring to their belongings by brand -- "I left my Patagonia in the Audi" -- and kids will pick up on that and mimic it as part of language learning. If an elementary school kid is very aware of and vocal about brands, that probably coming from family culture.

I have many jackets and we have four cars. I may describe item with brand. However, I can’t imagine in what scenario I would say this to another person. I may tell DH that I left my black Patagonia or blue montcler in the Lexus. Could he please get it. I may say our son left his Celtics sweatshirt or blue Nikes. I’m not sure how else to describe the item.

Lol if you are needing to specify "blue montcler" to distinguish it from your other montclers, then yes you are a brand snob and your kids are picking up on it and probably copying it. Overconsumption of luxury goods is part of brand snobbery and kids especially absorb that kind of behavior and it becomes normal to them to have, for instance, multiple of the same luxury item in different colors, without any awareness that this is a level of luxury and consumption accessible to less than 1% of the global population.

This is how rich kids become horrible snobs, because they don't even realize what they are doign is snobbery or condescending. They don't understand their own privilege and wealth. It is your job as their parent to give them context and help them understand that your lifestyle is atypical and they need to learn to be thoughtful and self-aware. But then... that requires you to be thoughtful and self-aware. Are you?

I struggle with this but at early elementary school ages, kids don’t really know any better. The other day someone brought up chocolate dessert and my kid blurted out “I like Belgian chocolate the best.” He doesn’t know that couldn’t be seen as snobby. He also happily scarfs down Twix and supermarket brownies and whatever else of course. We traveled to Belgium and did a chocolate tasting workshop over spring break and that’s where the comment came from.

Another time we went out to dinner at a Michelin starred restaurant (for a special occasional, not because this is a regular occurrence for us) and the server said “This next course is garnished with caviar from xyz…” I think to signal to us that my kid might want to skip this course. But he smiled at her and said, “I love caviar!”

Our issue is primarily with food and culture (not luxury clothing), but how do you get a kid to read the room if all the upscale things we have experienced are completely normal to him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really thought this was going to be about someone like one of my kids, who really doesn't seem to get that some of the things she says comes across as stuck up (constantly correcting other kids, for example). I didn't think it was going to be about brand snobbery.

Which, for most people, is a brief phase. Only the truly shallow or insecure continue brand snobbery into adulthood.

No wonder we’re raising the anxious generation.

I know a lot of very brand conscious adults. It is partly insecurity but I think it often has to do with risk aversion. It's like "what are we all buying?" so they can buy that and not have to worry about fitting in or engaging in outlier behavior. I think you especially see this in the DC professional where people tend to be status conscious and just want to blend in at work, at school, in the neighborhood.

I have some longtime friends in this area who have just always been this way. I think it's about risk aversion and wanting to control their surroundings and the way other people see them. Which, yes, is a form of insecurity, but it's less about trying to impress people than just trying to maintain a specific image and blend in.

Yes, this.

[Anonymous]

They are copying their parents. So no, the parents don't think there's anything wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids? The example you gave wouldn’t be something I’d notice. The kid is stating a fact (they’re different brands).

If the jackets are both the same shade of green, then they match regardless of brand and it's weird and rude for the second kid to draw a distinction based on the brand.

That's also definitely a learned behavior. The kid is conscious of the brand and the idea that it is nicer/more expensive.Thats coming from parents.

Probably not much of a learned behavior. Kids have access to a ton of information. Group think is strong. Remember what kids were snobby about when you were kids? Did that come from your parents? My parents weren’t aware of all that.

Kids like brands that aren’t remotely relevant to us. They’re capable of following their own group think.

16 yr olds, yes -- brand preferences are influenced more by media and peers. But younger kids are mimicing parents. I also know adults who insist on referring to their belongings by brand -- "I left my Patagonia in the Audi" -- and kids will pick up on that and mimic it as part of language learning. If an elementary school kid is very aware of and vocal about brands, that probably coming from family culture.

I have many jackets and we have four cars. I may describe item with brand. However, I can’t imagine in what scenario I would say this to another person. I may tell DH that I left my black Patagonia or blue montcler in the Lexus. Could he please get it. I may say our son left his Celtics sweatshirt or blue Nikes. I’m not sure how else to describe the item.

Lol if you are needing to specify "blue montcler" to distinguish it from your other montclers, then yes you are a brand snob and your kids are picking up on it and probably copying it. Overconsumption of luxury goods is part of brand snobbery and kids especially absorb that kind of behavior and it becomes normal to them to have, for instance, multiple of the same luxury item in different colors, without any awareness that this is a level of luxury and consumption accessible to less than 1% of the global population.

This is how rich kids become horrible snobs, because they don't even realize what they are doign is snobbery or condescending. They don't understand their own privilege and wealth. It is your job as their parent to give them context and help them understand that your lifestyle is atypical and they need to learn to be thoughtful and self-aware. But then... that requires you to be thoughtful and self-aware. Are you?

I struggle with this but at early elementary school ages, kids don’t really know any better. The other day someone brought up chocolate dessert and my kid blurted out “I like Belgian chocolate the best.” He doesn’t know that couldn’t be seen as snobby. He also happily scarfs down Twix and supermarket brownies and whatever else of course. We traveled to Belgium and did a chocolate tasting workshop over spring break and that’s where the comment came from.

Another time we went out to dinner at a Michelin starred restaurant (for a special occasional, not because this is a regular occurrence for us) and the server said “This next course is garnished with caviar from xyz…” I think to signal to us that my kid might want to skip this course. But he smiled at her and said, “I love caviar!”

Our issue is primarily with food and culture (not luxury clothing), but how do you get a kid to read the room if all the upscale things we have experienced are completely normal to him?

By modeling it. FWIW, neither of the examples you gave read as snobby to me -- it's just a kid who has been exposed to some nice stuff and liked it. That's fine.

There's a difference between just saying "I love [expensive thing]!" and saying to a peer "I have more expensive/luxurious belongings than you." It's okay to like nice things. It's condescending to act like having more expensive belongings makes you a superior person. And that nuance will come from your behavior and how you talk about these luxury experiences you are sharing with your kid. And also how you talk about other people, especially people who don't have access to the same lifestyle you do. Your kid is soaking it all up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids? The example you gave wouldn’t be something I’d notice. The kid is stating a fact (they’re different brands).

I would notice. My kids would never do that. For example my daughter has a large leather tote bag from Marc Jacob’s. A friend came over with a Gap faux leather tote bag. She says “hey we match!” My daughter would say oh that’s cool! If she no mine is Marc Jacob’s I would have a major problem. But she wouldn’t because I have taught her manners. I’ve also explained that you might like clothes and bags and shoes but not everyone does, some look for function not fashion. They aren’t into fashion. Some kids would wear the same clothes every day if they could because that makes them comfortable.

You must have missed the fact that he had to note that his was more expensive. At least that was her example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The US is a place of bad manners now, OP. And for many people it has no consequence.

Look at the guy who won the White House. Twice.

Kids today have only known power in the US to include the very rude Donald Trump.

I agree. He has emboldened people to say it out loud. Some think roasting is cute until it crosses the line into cruelty. The country has become shameful and it’s up to parents to teach good manners, empathy and compassion. Turn things around.

With regard to the coat I would ask my son why did he point out the name. If he said it’s just not the same I would tell him that saying something like that might sound like you’re bragging about something you shouldn’t be. It doesn’t matter where the coats come from. Your coats were similar and that’s what mattered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids? The example you gave wouldn’t be something I’d notice. The kid is stating a fact (they’re different brands).

If the jackets are both the same shade of green, then they match regardless of brand and it's weird and rude for the second kid to draw a distinction based on the brand.

That's also definitely a learned behavior. The kid is conscious of the brand and the idea that it is nicer/more expensive.Thats coming from parents.

Probably not much of a learned behavior. Kids have access to a ton of information. Group think is strong. Remember what kids were snobby about when you were kids? Did that come from your parents? My parents weren’t aware of all that.

Kids like brands that aren’t remotely relevant to us. They’re capable of following their own group think.

16 yr olds, yes -- brand preferences are influenced more by media and peers. But younger kids are mimicing parents. I also know adults who insist on referring to their belongings by brand -- "I left my Patagonia in the Audi" -- and kids will pick up on that and mimic it as part of language learning. If an elementary school kid is very aware of and vocal about brands, that probably coming from family culture.

I have many jackets and we have four cars. I may describe item with brand. However, I can’t imagine in what scenario I would say this to another person. I may tell DH that I left my black Patagonia or blue montcler in the Lexus. Could he please get it. I may say our son left his Celtics sweatshirt or blue Nikes. I’m not sure how else to describe the item.

Lol if you are needing to specify "blue montcler" to distinguish it from your other montclers, then yes you are a brand snob and your kids are picking up on it and probably copying it. Overconsumption of luxury goods is part of brand snobbery and kids especially absorb that kind of behavior and it becomes normal to them to have, for instance, multiple of the same luxury item in different colors, without any awareness that this is a level of luxury and consumption accessible to less than 1% of the global population.

This is how rich kids become horrible snobs, because they don't even realize what they are doign is snobbery or condescending. They don't understand their own privilege and wealth. It is your job as their parent to give them context and help them understand that your lifestyle is atypical and they need to learn to be thoughtful and self-aware. But then... that requires you to be thoughtful and self-aware. Are you?

My kids are really down to earth and don’t care about brands. It probably is because we are well off and don’t care about this. My boys are the opposite of flashy. They have a closet full of nice clothing and they wear the same plain black or white t shirt. Their shoes are often worn down. I feel like I need to buy them new shoes every 2 months because they have holes in them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really thought this was going to be about someone like one of my kids, who really doesn't seem to get that some of the things she says comes across as stuck up (constantly correcting other kids, for example). I didn't think it was going to be about brand snobbery.

Which, for most people, is a brief phase. Only the truly shallow or insecure continue brand snobbery into adulthood.

No wonder we’re raising the anxious generation.

I know a lot of very brand conscious adults. It is partly insecurity but I think it often has to do with risk aversion. It's like "what are we all buying?" so they can buy that and not have to worry about fitting in or engaging in outlier behavior. I think you especially see this in the DC professional where people tend to be status conscious and just want to blend in at work, at school, in the neighborhood.

I have some longtime friends in this area who have just always been this way. I think it's about risk aversion and wanting to control their surroundings and the way other people see them. Which, yes, is a form of insecurity, but it's less about trying to impress people than just trying to maintain a specific image and blend in.

Brand conscious is different than brand snobbery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids? The example you gave wouldn’t be something I’d notice. The kid is stating a fact (they’re different brands).

If the jackets are both the same shade of green, then they match regardless of brand and it's weird and rude for the second kid to draw a distinction based on the brand.

That's also definitely a learned behavior. The kid is conscious of the brand and the idea that it is nicer/more expensive.Thats coming from parents.

Probably not much of a learned behavior. Kids have access to a ton of information. Group think is strong. Remember what kids were snobby about when you were kids? Did that come from your parents? My parents weren’t aware of all that.

Kids like brands that aren’t remotely relevant to us. They’re capable of following their own group think.

16 yr olds, yes -- brand preferences are influenced more by media and peers. But younger kids are mimicing parents. I also know adults who insist on referring to their belongings by brand -- "I left my Patagonia in the Audi" -- and kids will pick up on that and mimic it as part of language learning. If an elementary school kid is very aware of and vocal about brands, that probably coming from family culture.

My 10 year old picked up on brands from her peers (Nike comes to mind) and my 8 year old is a mimic and mimics the older sibling. We are not a particularly brand conscious family and I've actively told my kids to stop referring to things by their brand name and find other descriptors, but it happens anyway.

I think people are underestimating the age at which peer influence can come into play.

Exactly. My teens have never cared about brands (or clothes generally) but they certainly have been aware of them since elementary school. I don’t get how people think that their kids live in a shell and are only exposed to their parents’ ideas. I mean, they interact with their parents maybe 4 hours a day, tops, once they hit school age.

Uh, I say this as a working mom, but -- I am with my kids more than 4 hours on many, many days. Yes my kids are influenced by peers but they absolutely spend more time with family than with any peer set, even at school. And it's not like school is just hours of socializing. I have not found it that hard to remain the biggest influence on my kids in elementary school in terms of their values and behavior. We'll see what MS and HS holds, I'm sure that will change, but with an upper and lower elementary kid it hasn't been that big of a deal yet.

Just wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your example wasn't really arrogant. Sure, North Face is a "better" brand, but to young kids it's an observable difference rather than a comparison in who is richer. I doubt kids even know (or care) how much jackets cost or what $20, 40, 60, $80 jackets even mean.

If youre talking about older kids Thames know it's common for them to roast each other. Its not personal or spiteful. Just their strange immature way of how they talk and laugh about it

I teach middle school. Kids know how much things cost. They know who's poor and who's not. This is true by 3rd or 4th grade for many kids.

This has always been true.

Yep, I went to DCPS and I remember a friend in fourth grade making fun of another friend (behind her back) for bringing Giant brand food in her lunchbox. At nine, I recognized making fun of giant brand food was obnoxious of my snobby friend to do. She left for private school the next year.

[Anonymous]

Correcting kids in front of everybody screams I never got over the mean girls in middle school.

I have spoken to kids privately that might have made a rude comment to me.

I will speak to my kids privately about what is kind, what is rude, what may come off badly even if their intent is not to be rude.

We discuss communication like talking about yourself too much, never showing interest in others, I statements, saying no/but instead of yes/and and other normal communications lessons you should talk to your children about over the years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids? The example you gave wouldn’t be something I’d notice. The kid is stating a fact (they’re different brands).

If the jackets are both the same shade of green, then they match regardless of brand and it's weird and rude for the second kid to draw a distinction based on the brand.

That's also definitely a learned behavior. The kid is conscious of the brand and the idea that it is nicer/more expensive.Thats coming from parents.

Probably not much of a learned behavior. Kids have access to a ton of information. Group think is strong. Remember what kids were snobby about when you were kids? Did that come from your parents? My parents weren’t aware of all that.

Kids like brands that aren’t remotely relevant to us. They’re capable of following their own group think.

16 yr olds, yes -- brand preferences are influenced more by media and peers. But younger kids are mimicing parents. I also know adults who insist on referring to their belongings by brand -- "I left my Patagonia in the Audi" -- and kids will pick up on that and mimic it as part of language learning. If an elementary school kid is very aware of and vocal about brands, that probably coming from family culture.

My 10 year old picked up on brands from her peers (Nike comes to mind) and my 8 year old is a mimic and mimics the older sibling. We are not a particularly brand conscious family and I've actively told my kids to stop referring to things by their brand name and find other descriptors, but it happens anyway.

I think people are underestimating the age at which peer influence can come into play.

Exactly. My teens have never cared about brands (or clothes generally) but they certainly have been aware of them since elementary school. I don’t get how people think that their kids live in a shell and are only exposed to their parents’ ideas. I mean, they interact with their parents maybe 4 hours a day, tops, once they hit school age.

Uh, I say this as a working mom, but -- I am with my kids more than 4 hours on many, many days. Yes my kids are influenced by peers but they absolutely spend more time with family than with any peer set, even at school. And it's not like school is just hours of socializing. I have not found it that hard to remain the biggest influence on my kids in elementary school in terms of their values and behavior. We'll see what MS and HS holds, I'm sure that will change, but with an upper and lower elementary kid it hasn't been that big of a deal yet.

Just wait.

Well psychologists disagree. You act like kids got together to have 1 same voice. Your kids are constantly hearing things from peers but they contradict each other, they have different preferences and the one steady influence is parents (for better or worse).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You seem very sensitive, OP. There is nothing wrong with what the kid said in your example. Perhaps consider that parents aren’t correcting their children because there’s nothing wrong with what their children said! You can have particular sensitivities and raise your children the way you want, but that doesn’t make everyone else wrong.

+1. OP, please give another, better example of this kid’s comments.