Why or why not have a 4th child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 kids under 5 and the youngest is currently 6mo. DH and I are discussing whether or not we should have a 4th.

If you went from 3 kids to 4, or decided not to, what was your reasoning? Are you happy with your decision?

Enjoy your baby and young kids. You sound you want to collect babies but your kids need the attention , love, money a lot more than you need a 4th.

[Anonymous]

I have three which, for us, is the perfect number. I do sometimes consider a fourth but, as of now, we don’t feel overextended and the house feels full but not hectic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 kids under 5 and the youngest is currently 6mo. DH and I are discussing whether or not we should have a 4th.

If you went from 3 kids to 4, or decided not to, what was your reasoning? Are you happy with your decision?

Enjoy your baby and young kids. You sound you want to collect babies but your kids need the attention , love, money a lot more than you need a 4th.

Are you going to answer the question or just share an opinion no one asked for? jw.

[Anonymous]

It makes things very chaotic to have four. It’s like herding cats. Your family will only fit in a minivan. It is hard to take vacations. Hotels are generally set up for 4 people and at most 5. College is super duper expensive.

[Anonymous]

I have three and am on the fence about #4. For all the kids who grew up in large families and scaled back, DH and I are each one of two and each have very positive but very distant relationships with our siblings. For us, #3 was an effort to hope for more closeness among siblings. May not work, and who knows if we’ll have another, but doing something different than what you get up with goes both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both my DH and I came from families of 6 so we wanted 4 kids. I think some people really don’t “get” wanting to have 4 but I see this as similar to people who don’t “get” having kids at all. We love it but I know it would be a difficult family size for some people to handle.

It's not really about getting it or not being able to handle it. It's that it's completely irresponsible to have that many kids that intentionally.

And the parents with 4+ kids are never handling it as well as they think they are.

What do you think it is that makes you so critical and sensitive towards the idea of larger families? I see these types of responses and they often come off as needlessly defensive and self conscious.

I have 2 and am done but there are obviously both good and bad parents of one child and of four. Are people who make snide remarks just jealous? If they truly don’t want more, why?

Jealous? Hell no! I grew up as one of 4 and surrounded by families of 4+. Every single parent claimed they just wanted a lot of kids, and they loved nig families, and the kids just get along and it's so great they have built-in friends. and went on and on about how ell they were handling it, and they really thought they were. They weren't handed handling it, and it's no surprise that out of the 20 + kids I knew only one of us has gone on to have more than 2 kids. We know the damage it causes and that it's not healthy or truly possible to raise 4 + kids. People do it because they lack self-awareness , self-control and likely have an undiagnosed mental illness.

Wow. You probably shouldn’t have ANY kids until work on those childhood issues!

[Anonymous]

I’m one of 3 and have 3 kids, myself. I enjoy this family size and just knew I was done after the third. No regrets, so far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It makes things very chaotic to have four. It’s like herding cats. Your family will only fit in a minivan. It is hard to take vacations. Hotels are generally set up for 4 people and at most 5. College is super duper expensive.

I assume you have 4. While I’m sure you love all of your kids, would you say you regret not stopping at 2 or 3 or do the benefits outweigh the hectic lifestyle for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both my DH and I came from families of 6 so we wanted 4 kids. I think some people really don’t “get” wanting to have 4 but I see this as similar to people who don’t “get” having kids at all. We love it but I know it would be a difficult family size for some people to handle.

It's not really about getting it or not being able to handle it. It's that it's completely irresponsible to have that many kids that intentionally.

And the parents with 4+ kids are never handling it as well as they think they are.

What do you think it is that makes you so critical and sensitive towards the idea of larger families? I see these types of responses and they often come off as needlessly defensive and self conscious.

I have 2 and am done but there are obviously both good and bad parents of one child and of four. Are people who make snide remarks just jealous? If they truly don’t want more, why?

Jealous? Hell no! I grew up as one of 4 and surrounded by families of 4+. Every single parent claimed they just wanted a lot of kids, and they loved nig families, and the kids just get along and it's so great they have built-in friends. and went on and on about how ell they were handling it, and they really thought they were. They weren't handed handling it, and it's no surprise that out of the 20 + kids I knew only one of us has gone on to have more than 2 kids. We know the damage it causes and that it's not healthy or truly possible to raise 4 + kids. People do it because they lack self-awareness , self-control and likely have an undiagnosed mental illness.

Respectfully, I think you might have problems with mental illness. Perhaps your parents did, too, and that’s why you had a terrible childhood.

Big families can be happy or unhappy (just like smaller families). My mother was from a happy family of 4 kids, my father from an unhappy family of 5 kids. I am from a happy family of 4 kids. My FIL is from a happy family of four kids, and DH is from a happy family of four kids. We have chosen to have 4 kids.

[Anonymous]

OP I really wanted a 4th kid, and my spouse was on board too. Ultimately I’ve decided not to do it, and I feel good about it. I think I could handle 4 easily, but things like travel would be way harder, as would managing the kids activities and ensuring they each get to do what they want. Other things like helping kids with homework takes time, and doing that with 3 is hard enough. I just decided there wasn’t enough of me to go around to fully meet the needs of 4 kids like I would want to. My kids all like to have individual time with me. Plus, I also value adult time too.

[Anonymous]

Does no one care about the environment? We are so screwed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does no one care about the environment? We are so screwed.

+1 stop having so many kids. Your genes are not that special.

[Anonymous]

How are all of you planning or having 4+ kids affording college?

Are you just ok with your kids taking on a lot of debt and starting their adult lives behind debt free kids??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both my DH and I came from families of 6 so we wanted 4 kids. I think some people really don’t “get” wanting to have 4 but I see this as similar to people who don’t “get” having kids at all. We love it but I know it would be a difficult family size for some people to handle.

It's not really about getting it or not being able to handle it. It's that it's completely irresponsible to have that many kids that intentionally.

And the parents with 4+ kids are never handling it as well as they think they are.

What do you think it is that makes you so critical and sensitive towards the idea of larger families? I see these types of responses and they often come off as needlessly defensive and self conscious.

I have 2 and am done but there are obviously both good and bad parents of one child and of four. Are people who make snide remarks just jealous? If they truly don’t want more, why?

Jealous? Hell no! I grew up as one of 4 and surrounded by families of 4+. Every single parent claimed they just wanted a lot of kids, and they loved nig families, and the kids just get along and it's so great they have built-in friends. and went on and on about how ell they were handling it, and they really thought they were. They weren't handed handling it, and it's no surprise that out of the 20 + kids I knew only one of us has gone on to have more than 2 kids. We know the damage it causes and that it's not healthy or truly possible to raise 4 + kids. People do it because they lack self-awareness , self-control and likely have an undiagnosed mental illness.

Respectfully, I think you might have problems with mental illness. Perhaps your parents did, too, and that’s why you had a terrible childhood.

Big families can be happy or unhappy (just like smaller families). My mother was from a happy family of 4 kids, my father from an unhappy family of 5 kids. I am from a happy family of 4 kids. My FIL is from a happy family of four kids, and DH is from a happy family of four kids. We have chosen to have 4 kids.

My friends from big familes felt neglected. They all have two kids or less.

[Anonymous]

This comes up every once in a while. I have four and would not change anything. I love having a big family.
Some things to keep in mind:
1. If you work, it’s incredibly hard to keep working when you have more than three. For me personally, four was when I felt like I had to run a household. Buying clothes/ organizing hand me downs/organizing books that can be passed down take up a lot more time than before.
2. If you have more than three, you may not have time for things like travel sports. It’s hard to justify spending weekends driving around one child and the younger kids can get jipped after a while.
3. Saving for college is tough. We are really lucky that my Dh and I have secure, well paying jobs.
4. Having four kids was not pleasant during virtual school. If you have a kid with special needs it may be tough to give everyone enough attention.
5. You may already know this, but most vacations are not geared towards families with 3+ kids. It doesn’t bother me, but people always bring that up in threads like this.