Why or why not have a 4th child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are all of you planning or having 4+ kids affording college?

Are you just ok with your kids taking on a lot of debt and starting their adult lives behind debt free kids??

We are on dcum so I imagine a lot of families earn a higher income and prioritize education. I have 4 and we made saving for college a priority. I do my own cooking and cleaning, we rarely travel internationally as a family and we live off of one (my DHs) salary and put my entire salary towards saving. It’s true that you have less money for luxury goods and travel with 4 kids but if both parents are earning decent money and are willing to budget, saving for college is not impossible. I will say, we’ve set aside a specific amount so that each child could likely do 4 years out of state or private or 4 years in state and also get help with grad school. We are not planning on fully funding phds for all 4 kids.

+1. We saved and grandparents contributed money to the grandkids’s college accounts.

It must be nice to have that sort of money. I'm sure most parents of 4 will not be able to save roughly $400,000 dollars just for their kids to all go to undergrad, simply by doing their own cooking and cleaning and gma and gpa pitching in.


Also realize that if your currently debating having baby number 4, that child will likely needa PHD just to make an average salary.

I’m the pp who already has 4. Yes, we have been very fortunate and I do feel lucky.

[Anonymous]

Military is the way to go. Free education, free health care the rest of your life. Husband did it this way, he a Navy physician.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you all for all of these wonderful responses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are all of you planning or having 4+ kids affording college?

Are you just ok with your kids taking on a lot of debt and starting their adult lives behind debt free kids??

We are on dcum so I imagine a lot of families earn a higher income and prioritize education. I have 4 and we made saving for college a priority. I do my own cooking and cleaning, we rarely travel internationally as a family and we live off of one (my DHs) salary and put my entire salary towards saving. It’s true that you have less money for luxury goods and travel with 4 kids but if both parents are earning decent money and are willing to budget, saving for college is not impossible. I will say, we’ve set aside a specific amount so that each child could likely do 4 years out of state or private or 4 years in state and also get help with grad school. We are not planning on fully funding phds for all 4 kids.

+1. We saved and grandparents contributed money to the grandkids’s college accounts.

It must be nice to have that sort of money. I'm sure most parents of 4 will not be able to save roughly $400,000 dollars just for their kids to all go to undergrad, simply by doing their own cooking and cleaning and gma and gpa pitching in.


Also realize that if your currently debating having baby number 4, that child will likely needa PHD just to make an average salary.

no, the college bubble will burst. our kids (we have 3) will go to college abroad. it has always been cheaper and education is now probably better, too, or at least comparable to all but very top schools. and even these are no more worth the money.

ifind it sad that people plan their family around college costs, which are totally insane and unnecessary. you can buy a house or close to it, to a child, for the money you pay for college. and then he will need to work 20 years to buy that house that you could have bought for him. it just doesn't make any sense.

[Anonymous]

You don't owe your kids a free college education and if you raise kids who would have preferred you paid for college than bring their sibling into the world you failed as a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are all of you planning or having 4+ kids affording college?

Are you just ok with your kids taking on a lot of debt and starting their adult lives behind debt free kids??

We are on dcum so I imagine a lot of families earn a higher income and prioritize education. I have 4 and we made saving for college a priority. I do my own cooking and cleaning, we rarely travel internationally as a family and we live off of one (my DHs) salary and put my entire salary towards saving. It’s true that you have less money for luxury goods and travel with 4 kids but if both parents are earning decent money and are willing to budget, saving for college is not impossible. I will say, we’ve set aside a specific amount so that each child could likely do 4 years out of state or private or 4 years in state and also get help with grad school. We are not planning on fully funding phds for all 4 kids.

+1. We saved and grandparents contributed money to the grandkids’s college accounts.

It must be nice to have that sort of money. I'm sure most parents of 4 will not be able to save roughly $400,000 dollars just for their kids to all go to undergrad, simply by doing their own cooking and cleaning and gma and gpa pitching in.


Also realize that if your currently debating having baby number 4, that child will likely needa PHD just to make an average salary.

Really? I have 2 and am saving for undergrad only. We may help with grad school, depending on the situation, but we are not planning on fully funding our kids through PhD programs. I don’t think it is at all irresponsible for people to have children and not plan to pay for all of their postgraduate work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't owe your kids a free college education and if you raise kids who would have preferred you paid for college than bring their sibling into the world you failed as a parent.

I agree with this. I think that parents who can afford to do this should but I don’t think that every child born to a parent that can’t afford this doomed nor do I think their parents are bad because they could not afford the extra expense. This is an extremely privileged way of thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are all of you planning or having 4+ kids affording college?

Are you just ok with your kids taking on a lot of debt and starting their adult lives behind debt free kids??

We are on dcum so I imagine a lot of families earn a higher income and prioritize education. I have 4 and we made saving for college a priority. I do my own cooking and cleaning, we rarely travel internationally as a family and we live off of one (my DHs) salary and put my entire salary towards saving. It’s true that you have less money for luxury goods and travel with 4 kids but if both parents are earning decent money and are willing to budget, saving for college is not impossible. I will say, we’ve set aside a specific amount so that each child could likely do 4 years out of state or private or 4 years in state and also get help with grad school. We are not planning on fully funding phds for all 4 kids.

+1. We saved and grandparents contributed money to the grandkids’s college accounts.

It must be nice to have that sort of money. I'm sure most parents of 4 will not be able to save roughly $400,000 dollars just for their kids to all go to undergrad, simply by doing their own cooking and cleaning and gma and gpa pitching in.


Also realize that if your currently debating having baby number 4, that child will likely needa PHD just to make an average salary.

Really? I have 2 and am saving for undergrad only. We may help with grad school, depending on the situation, but we are not planning on fully funding our kids through PhD programs. I don’t think it is at all irresponsible for people to have children and not plan to pay for all of their postgraduate work.

And you shouldn’t.

Any worthwhile PhD program will offer some type if funding, be it a TAship, RAship or fellowship. Many less scrupulous institutions have realized that they can generate a lot of money by offering paid PhD programs since student loans are readily available. These are the graduate school equivalent of a for profit college. Tge degree is worthless.

[Anonymous]

I am an only child and my husband has one sister he is not close to. We have four kids. I sleep well at night knowing that they are a crew, and whatever happens in life they will always have each other for friendship and support.

This is my reason for having a big family. Because I think it is good for the children. It is a lot of work for us! But we can afford it (but not the Chanel bag ive been lusting over for a decade!) and good parents put their kids first.

[Anonymous]

I would wait until the pandemic is over. Having 4 right now is so so so hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are all of you planning or having 4+ kids affording college?

Are you just ok with your kids taking on a lot of debt and starting their adult lives behind debt free kids??

We are on dcum so I imagine a lot of families earn a higher income and prioritize education. I have 4 and we made saving for college a priority. I do my own cooking and cleaning, we rarely travel internationally as a family and we live off of one (my DHs) salary and put my entire salary towards saving. It’s true that you have less money for luxury goods and travel with 4 kids but if both parents are earning decent money and are willing to budget, saving for college is not impossible. I will say, we’ve set aside a specific amount so that each child could likely do 4 years out of state or private or 4 years in state and also get help with grad school. We are not planning on fully funding phds for all 4 kids.

+1. We saved and grandparents contributed money to the grandkids’s college accounts.

It must be nice to have that sort of money. I'm sure most parents of 4 will not be able to save roughly $400,000 dollars just for their kids to all go to undergrad, simply by doing their own cooking and cleaning and gma and gpa pitching in.


Also realize that if your currently debating having baby number 4, that child will likely needa PHD just to make an average salary.

Really? I have 2 and am saving for undergrad only. We may help with grad school, depending on the situation, but we are not planning on fully funding our kids through PhD programs. I don’t think it is at all irresponsible for people to have children and not plan to pay for all of their postgraduate work.

Why would you assume that all 4 of your kids would want PhDs? They are so overrated unless they are in biomedical sciences or something that you can get fully funded. If your child is really academically gifted they will be able to get funding and if they can't get funding they probably don't belong in a PhD program, since there chances of getting a good job are really small.

Why not encourage your child to do well in college, go into a lucrative field post-grad, and then get scholarships to a competitive grad program and/or fund it through previous earnings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would wait until the pandemic is over. Having 4 right now is so so so hard.

I am PP and should add that regardless I love my family. 2 boys, 2 girls. It is everything I ever wanted. But it is so difficult during the pandemic and I’m brought to tears from the stress of it all often. We also adopted #4 because we wanted to adopt, not for any environmental or humanitarian reasons. #4 has been the best decision we’ve ever made.

[Anonymous]

We stopped at 2, so there’s that. We wanted to be able to provide a nice life and more kids would have been a struggle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't owe your kids a free college education and if you raise kids who would have preferred you paid for college than bring their sibling into the world you failed as a parent.

Spoken like someone who doesn’t understand what debt feels like. I’d much rather have the free education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are all of you planning or having 4+ kids affording college?

Are you just ok with your kids taking on a lot of debt and starting their adult lives behind debt free kids??

We are on dcum so I imagine a lot of families earn a higher income and prioritize education. I have 4 and we made saving for college a priority. I do my own cooking and cleaning, we rarely travel internationally as a family and we live off of one (my DHs) salary and put my entire salary towards saving. It’s true that you have less money for luxury goods and travel with 4 kids but if both parents are earning decent money and are willing to budget, saving for college is not impossible. I will say, we’ve set aside a specific amount so that each child could likely do 4 years out of state or private or 4 years in state and also get help with grad school. We are not planning on fully funding phds for all 4 kids.

+1. We saved and grandparents contributed money to the grandkids’s college accounts.

It must be nice to have that sort of money. I'm sure most parents of 4 will not be able to save roughly $400,000 dollars just for their kids to all go to undergrad, simply by doing their own cooking and cleaning and gma and gpa pitching in.


Also realize that if your currently debating having baby number 4, that child will likely needa PHD just to make an average salary.

Really? I have 2 and am saving for undergrad only. We may help with grad school, depending on the situation, but we are not planning on fully funding our kids through PhD programs. I don’t think it is at all irresponsible for people to have children and not plan to pay for all of their postgraduate work.

Why would you assume that all 4 of your kids would want PhDs? They are so overrated unless they are in biomedical sciences or something that you can get fully funded. If your child is really academically gifted they will be able to get funding and if they can't get funding they probably don't belong in a PhD program, since there chances of getting a good job are really small.

Why not encourage your child to do well in college, go into a lucrative field post-grad, and then get scholarships to a competitive grad program and/or fund it through previous earnings?

PP with 4. I do not assume all, or any, will earn phds. I have a MA and DH has a BA. The poster that responded to me is under the impression that I should save assuming they will. I do not agree with that sentiment, personally.