Why or why not have a 4th child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Currently expecting #4. I just wasn’t done. But I now feel this will be my last. You’ll know when you are done. No one said this had to be rational.

This was me too. You know it when you’re done. Maybe all the hyper critical parents in this thread who only have two DIDN’t feel done, but then time passed and now they have to justify to themselves how their family looks by criticizing large families. I don’t get the vitriol otherwise. So defensive and sanctimonious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both my DH and I came from families of 6 so we wanted 4 kids. I think some people really don’t “get” wanting to have 4 but I see this as similar to people who don’t “get” having kids at all. We love it but I know it would be a difficult family size for some people to handle.

It's not really about getting it or not being able to handle it. It's that it's completely irresponsible to have that many kids that intentionally.

And the parents with 4+ kids are never handling it as well as they think they are.

Just because you can't handle 4+ kids doesn't mean you should rationalize it with all that judgment.

I could handle 4 + kids, but it's not about me and it's not about handling them and I know being raised as part of a litter isn't good for kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both my DH and I came from families of 6 so we wanted 4 kids. I think some people really don’t “get” wanting to have 4 but I see this as similar to people who don’t “get” having kids at all. We love it but I know it would be a difficult family size for some people to handle.

It's not really about getting it or not being able to handle it. It's that it's completely irresponsible to have that many kids that intentionally.

And the parents with 4+ kids are never handling it as well as they think they are.

What do you think it is that makes you so critical and sensitive towards the idea of larger families? I see these types of responses and they often come off as needlessly defensive and self conscious.

I have 2 and am done but there are obviously both good and bad parents of one child and of four. Are people who make snide remarks just jealous? If they truly don’t want more, why?

Jealous? Hell no! I grew up as one of 4 and surrounded by families of 4+. Every single parent claimed they just wanted a lot of kids, and they loved nig families, and the kids just get along and it's so great they have built-in friends. and went on and on about how ell they were handling it, and they really thought they were. They weren't handed handling it, and it's no surprise that out of the 20 + kids I knew only one of us has gone on to have more than 2 kids. We know the damage it causes and that it's not healthy or truly possible to raise 4 + kids. People do it because they lack self-awareness , self-control and likely have an undiagnosed mental illness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Currently expecting #4. I just wasn’t done. But I now feel this will be my last. You’ll know when you are done. No one said this had to be rational.

This was me too. You know it when you’re done. Maybe all the hyper critical parents in this thread who only have two DIDN’t feel done, but then time passed and now they have to justify to themselves how their family looks by criticizing large families. I don’t get the vitriol otherwise. So defensive and sanctimonious.

I felt done after two and am happy with my choice but I can understand why people would want more. Some of these critical responses are so strange to me. I definitely don’t think people with 3 or 4 kids are somehow bad parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both my DH and I came from families of 6 so we wanted 4 kids. I think some people really don’t “get” wanting to have 4 but I see this as similar to people who don’t “get” having kids at all. We love it but I know it would be a difficult family size for some people to handle.

It's not really about getting it or not being able to handle it. It's that it's completely irresponsible to have that many kids that intentionally.

And the parents with 4+ kids are never handling it as well as they think they are.

What do you think it is that makes you so critical and sensitive towards the idea of larger families? I see these types of responses and they often come off as needlessly defensive and self conscious.

I have 2 and am done but there are obviously both good and bad parents of one child and of four. Are people who make snide remarks just jealous? If they truly don’t want more, why?

Jealous? Hell no! I grew up as one of 4 and surrounded by families of 4+. Every single parent claimed they just wanted a lot of kids, and they loved nig families, and the kids just get along and it's so great they have built-in friends. and went on and on about how ell they were handling it, and they really thought they were. They weren't handed handling it, and it's no surprise that out of the 20 + kids I knew only one of us has gone on to have more than 2 kids. We know the damage it causes and that it's not healthy or truly possible to raise 4 + kids. People do it because they lack self-awareness , self-control and likely have an undiagnosed mental illness.

Hmmm sounds like a personal problem :/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both my DH and I came from families of 6 so we wanted 4 kids. I think some people really don’t “get” wanting to have 4 but I see this as similar to people who don’t “get” having kids at all. We love it but I know it would be a difficult family size for some people to handle.

It's not really about getting it or not being able to handle it. It's that it's completely irresponsible to have that many kids that intentionally.

And the parents with 4+ kids are never handling it as well as they think they are.

What do you think it is that makes you so critical and sensitive towards the idea of larger families? I see these types of responses and they often come off as needlessly defensive and self conscious.

I have 2 and am done but there are obviously both good and bad parents of one child and of four. Are people who make snide remarks just jealous? If they truly don’t want more, why?

Jealous? Hell no! I grew up as one of 4 and surrounded by families of 4+. Every single parent claimed they just wanted a lot of kids, and they loved nig families, and the kids just get along and it's so great they have built-in friends. and went on and on about how ell they were handling it, and they really thought they were. They weren't handed handling it, and it's no surprise that out of the 20 + kids I knew only one of us has gone on to have more than 2 kids. We know the damage it causes and that it's not healthy or truly possible to raise 4 + kids. People do it because they lack self-awareness , self-control and likely have an undiagnosed mental illness.

Hmmm sounds like a personal problem :/

Truth hurts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fires in California
The ocean was recently on fire
Hottest summers on record each year for the past decade
Methane leak from the thawing permafrost in Siberia
Dengue and other diseases are creeping north
1/3 of amphibians will be extinct in our lifetimes
Increasing droughts worldwide
I could go on and on

+1 Seriously. I don't normally go in for this argument in family size discussions because people have deeply-held reasons for having lots of kids, but OP's reason seems to be "what is everybody else doing? I could go for another if it's in fashion!"

+2 the most selfish thing you could do to your current children is to bring another human to this earth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fires in California
The ocean was recently on fire
Hottest summers on record each year for the past decade
Methane leak from the thawing permafrost in Siberia
Dengue and other diseases are creeping north
1/3 of amphibians will be extinct in our lifetimes
Increasing droughts worldwide
I could go on and on

+1 Seriously. I don't normally go in for this argument in family size discussions because people have deeply-held reasons for having lots of kids, but OP's reason seems to be "what is everybody else doing? I could go for another if it's in fashion!"

+2 the most selfish thing you could do to your current children is to bring another human to this earth.

That people are still asking if they should have more than 1 or 2 kids after the report just came out that our planet is going tobe a giant fireball within the next decade is truly mind boggling/

[Anonymous]

Yikes who knew these moms of 2 were so bothered lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fires in California
The ocean was recently on fire
Hottest summers on record each year for the past decade
Methane leak from the thawing permafrost in Siberia
Dengue and other diseases are creeping north
1/3 of amphibians will be extinct in our lifetimes
Increasing droughts worldwide
I could go on and on

+1 Seriously. I don't normally go in for this argument in family size discussions because people have deeply-held reasons for having lots of kids, but OP's reason seems to be "what is everybody else doing? I could go for another if it's in fashion!"

+2 the most selfish thing you could do to your current children is to bring another human to this earth.

That people are still asking if they should have more than 1 or 2 kids after the report just came out that our planet is going tobe a giant fireball within the next decade is truly mind boggling/

So but if you’re sure our planet is going to be a fireball in the next decade what is the difference between having 2 vs 3 children perish in the fires?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fires in California
The ocean was recently on fire
Hottest summers on record each year for the past decade
Methane leak from the thawing permafrost in Siberia
Dengue and other diseases are creeping north
1/3 of amphibians will be extinct in our lifetimes
Increasing droughts worldwide
I could go on and on

+1 Seriously. I don't normally go in for this argument in family size discussions because people have deeply-held reasons for having lots of kids, but OP's reason seems to be "what is everybody else doing? I could go for another if it's in fashion!"

+2 the most selfish thing you could do to your current children is to bring another human to this earth.

That people are still asking if they should have more than 1 or 2 kids after the report just came out that our planet is going tobe a giant fireball within the next decade is truly mind boggling/

So but if you’re sure our planet is going to be a fireball in the next decade what is the difference between having 2 vs 3 children perish in the fires?

Or 10. Better chance of one surviving

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fires in California
The ocean was recently on fire
Hottest summers on record each year for the past decade
Methane leak from the thawing permafrost in Siberia
Dengue and other diseases are creeping north
1/3 of amphibians will be extinct in our lifetimes
Increasing droughts worldwide
I could go on and on

+1 Seriously. I don't normally go in for this argument in family size discussions because people have deeply-held reasons for having lots of kids, but OP's reason seems to be "what is everybody else doing? I could go for another if it's in fashion!"

+2 the most selfish thing you could do to your current children is to bring another human to this earth.

That people are still asking if they should have more than 1 or 2 kids after the report just came out that our planet is going tobe a giant fireball within the next decade is truly mind boggling/

So but if you’re sure our planet is going to be a fireball in the next decade what is the difference between having 2 vs 3 children perish in the fires?

Or 10. Better chance of one surviving

This is the mental illness I was referring to. They think their children dying and suffering is hilarious so long as they get the high and attention from having 4+ kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fires in California
The ocean was recently on fire
Hottest summers on record each year for the past decade
Methane leak from the thawing permafrost in Siberia
Dengue and other diseases are creeping north
1/3 of amphibians will be extinct in our lifetimes
Increasing droughts worldwide
I could go on and on

+1 Seriously. I don't normally go in for this argument in family size discussions because people have deeply-held reasons for having lots of kids, but OP's reason seems to be "what is everybody else doing? I could go for another if it's in fashion!"

+2 the most selfish thing you could do to your current children is to bring another human to this earth.

Cool cool. Do you think it’s possible you might be being just a little bit overdramatic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fires in California
The ocean was recently on fire
Hottest summers on record each year for the past decade
Methane leak from the thawing permafrost in Siberia
Dengue and other diseases are creeping north
1/3 of amphibians will be extinct in our lifetimes
Increasing droughts worldwide
I could go on and on

+1 Seriously. I don't normally go in for this argument in family size discussions because people have deeply-held reasons for having lots of kids, but OP's reason seems to be "what is everybody else doing? I could go for another if it's in fashion!"

+2 the most selfish thing you could do to your current children is to bring another human to this earth.

That people are still asking if they should have more than 1 or 2 kids after the report just came out that our planet is going tobe a giant fireball within the next decade is truly mind boggling/

So but if you’re sure our planet is going to be a fireball in the next decade what is the difference between having 2 vs 3 children perish in the fires?

Or 10. Better chance of one surviving

This is the mental illness I was referring to. They think their children dying and suffering is hilarious so long as they get the high and attention from having 4+ kids.

Ahhhh I see. You are jealous of the perceived attention larger families get. Keep your eyes on your own work, you’ll be happier for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fires in California
The ocean was recently on fire
Hottest summers on record each year for the past decade
Methane leak from the thawing permafrost in Siberia
Dengue and other diseases are creeping north
1/3 of amphibians will be extinct in our lifetimes
Increasing droughts worldwide
I could go on and on

+1 Seriously. I don't normally go in for this argument in family size discussions because people have deeply-held reasons for having lots of kids, but OP's reason seems to be "what is everybody else doing? I could go for another if it's in fashion!"

+2 the most selfish thing you could do to your current children is to bring another human to this earth.

That people are still asking if they should have more than 1 or 2 kids after the report just came out that our planet is going tobe a giant fireball within the next decade is truly mind boggling/

So but if you’re sure our planet is going to be a fireball in the next decade what is the difference between having 2 vs 3 children perish in the fires?

Or 10. Better chance of one surviving

This is the mental illness I was referring to. They think their children dying and suffering is hilarious so long as they get the high and attention from having 4+ kids.

Ahhhh I see. You are jealous of the perceived attention larger families get. Keep your eyes on your own work, you’ll be happier for it.

I know all about larger families I grew up in one which is why I speak out against them