Why or why not have a 4th child?

[Anonymous]

We have 3 kids under 5 and the youngest is currently 6mo. DH and I are discussing whether or not we should have a 4th.

If you went from 3 kids to 4, or decided not to, what was your reasoning? Are you happy with your decision?

[Anonymous]

I am too old at age 43. I had my third child at 38.

[Anonymous]

We wanted 4 but had a few miscarriages at 37 and 38. That seemed to be a sign. Also, now that kids are older, I'm glad that we did not because we're able to save much more and can still travel easily, save for college, and potential send to private school. Continued nanny/preschool costs plus the 4th kid would've been a lot. And now, at 42, I'm glad that I don't have a toddler. I grew out of the wanting a 4th so it worked out well for us.

I can understand wanting a 4th, though, if you have lots of cash and/or family help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 kids under 5 and the youngest is currently 6mo. DH and I are discussing whether or not we should have a 4th.

If you went from 3 kids to 4, or decided not to, what was your reasoning? Are you happy with your decision?

We have three and decided against a 4th. Mostly, it’s the cost as we’d be looking at another $500k to $1 million decision between childcare, general expenses and college as well as time as we’d be dividing our parental duties further and we’re getting older. I want to be close to our kids and the more you have, the harder it gets. I frankly am done with the baby years. I love them but am looking forward to our kids being old enough to not have to monitor them 24/7. I’d also like to have some discretionary income after preschool is over. We both work so it’s already a lot in terms of time and money.

[Anonymous]

I only have two but I heard that three is harder than four so I always thought that if I had three I wouldn’t stop there.

[Anonymous]

You don't need one. 3 is more than enough.

[Anonymous]

I would stop at two for time. Kids need 1-1 time with their parents, their own activities and their own needs met vs. being one of a group. But, if you can fully pay for activities, college and devote the time too 4 kids individual needs, go for it.

[Anonymous]

My third pregnancy was pretty rough. We already felt that with three and no local family, we had our hands full.

Now have a high schooler, middle schooler and elementary schooler. Life is busy and boisterous but fun, and we don't have any regrets about not having a fourth.

[Anonymous]

The fires in California
The ocean was recently on fire
Hottest summers on record each year for the past decade
Methane leak from the thawing permafrost in Siberia
Dengue and other diseases are creeping north
1/3 of amphibians will be extinct in our lifetimes
Increasing droughts worldwide
I could go on and on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fires in California
The ocean was recently on fire
Hottest summers on record each year for the past decade
Methane leak from the thawing permafrost in Siberia
Dengue and other diseases are creeping north
1/3 of amphibians will be extinct in our lifetimes
Increasing droughts worldwide
I could go on and on

+1 Seriously. I don't normally go in for this argument in family size discussions because people have deeply-held reasons for having lots of kids, but OP's reason seems to be "what is everybody else doing? I could go for another if it's in fashion!"

[Anonymous]

I have 4+. They are really really cute. You'll win at evolution. Bible says to be fruitful and multiply.

Honestly without knowing your situation it's a shot in the dark.

[Anonymous]

Honesty? We stopped at 2 because when considering our untimely demise having family or friends take 2 kids is a lot easier than 4.

[Anonymous]

OP here. DH and I are 33. We’ve got pretty typical pros and cons for it; we love raising kids but the toddler years are hectic, we could save more $ not having a fourth but like the experience of a big family etc etc etc.

Not looking for anyone to make the decision for us, just asking because I’m curious to hear other people’s experiences.

[Anonymous]

We went for a 4th and I’m happy we did. I was on the fence after the 3rd but our family didn’t feel quite complete. Our 4th is 3 years younger than our 3rd and the bigger age gap is actually really nice.

We could be saving more money and going on more vacations with fewer kids but these things aren’t all that important to us. We have what we need and I love my big family.

[Anonymous]

My second pregnancy was fraternal twins, and I know of many people that have gone on to have a second set of twins. I briefly considered a fourth when the twins were a year old. They’re 4 now and I’m completely over the idea. We’re done at 3 kids.