Why or why not have a 4th child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't owe your kids a free college education and if you raise kids who would have preferred you paid for college than bring their sibling into the world you failed as a parent.

Spoken like someone who doesn’t understand what debt feels like. I’d much rather have the free education.

And I’d rather have my sister. I’ve paid off my debt and she is still my best friend. I do think that it is extremely helpful to provide your children with the funds to attend undergrad debt free but I don’t begrudge the many, many parents that can’t afford that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't owe your kids a free college education and if you raise kids who would have preferred you paid for college than bring their sibling into the world you failed as a parent.

Spoken like someone who doesn’t understand what debt feels like. I’d much rather have the free education.

Hey if you are cool with teaching your kid that money is lore important than family we are very different people with very different priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are all of you planning or having 4+ kids affording college?

Are you just ok with your kids taking on a lot of debt and starting their adult lives behind debt free kids??

We are on dcum so I imagine a lot of families earn a higher income and prioritize education. I have 4 and we made saving for college a priority. I do my own cooking and cleaning, we rarely travel internationally as a family and we live off of one (my DHs) salary and put my entire salary towards saving. It’s true that you have less money for luxury goods and travel with 4 kids but if both parents are earning decent money and are willing to budget, saving for college is not impossible. I will say, we’ve set aside a specific amount so that each child could likely do 4 years out of state or private or 4 years in state and also get help with grad school. We are not planning on fully funding phds for all 4 kids.

+1. We saved and grandparents contributed money to the grandkids’s college accounts.

It must be nice to have that sort of money. I'm sure most parents of 4 will not be able to save roughly $400,000 dollars just for their kids to all go to undergrad, simply by doing their own cooking and cleaning and gma and gpa pitching in.


Also realize that if your currently debating having baby number 4, that child will likely needa PHD just to make an average salary.

Really? I have 2 and am saving for undergrad only. We may help with grad school, depending on the situation, but we are not planning on fully funding our kids through PhD programs. I don’t think it is at all irresponsible for people to have children and not plan to pay for all of their postgraduate work.

Why would you assume that all 4 of your kids would want PhDs? They are so overrated unless they are in biomedical sciences or something that you can get fully funded. If your child is really academically gifted they will be able to get funding and if they can't get funding they probably don't belong in a PhD program, since there chances of getting a good job are really small.

Why not encourage your child to do well in college, go into a lucrative field post-grad, and then get scholarships to a competitive grad program and/or fund it through previous earnings?

Why does it escape you that by the time your kid is 18 they will likely need a PHD just to get a job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We stopped at 2, so there’s that. We wanted to be able to provide a nice life and more kids would have been a struggle.

And here's the major difference between the 2 groups the 2 max parents are concerned with their kids and what their lives will be like the other group is concerned about what they and their partner want to heck with their children's lives and future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are all of you planning or having 4+ kids affording college?

Are you just ok with your kids taking on a lot of debt and starting their adult lives behind debt free kids??

We are on dcum so I imagine a lot of families earn a higher income and prioritize education. I have 4 and we made saving for college a priority. I do my own cooking and cleaning, we rarely travel internationally as a family and we live off of one (my DHs) salary and put my entire salary towards saving. It’s true that you have less money for luxury goods and travel with 4 kids but if both parents are earning decent money and are willing to budget, saving for college is not impossible. I will say, we’ve set aside a specific amount so that each child could likely do 4 years out of state or private or 4 years in state and also get help with grad school. We are not planning on fully funding phds for all 4 kids.

+1. We saved and grandparents contributed money to the grandkids’s college accounts.

It must be nice to have that sort of money. I'm sure most parents of 4 will not be able to save roughly $400,000 dollars just for their kids to all go to undergrad, simply by doing their own cooking and cleaning and gma and gpa pitching in.


Also realize that if your currently debating having baby number 4, that child will likely needa PHD just to make an average salary.

Really? I have 2 and am saving for undergrad only. We may help with grad school, depending on the situation, but we are not planning on fully funding our kids through PhD programs. I don’t think it is at all irresponsible for people to have children and not plan to pay for all of their postgraduate work.

Why would you assume that all 4 of your kids would want PhDs? They are so overrated unless they are in biomedical sciences or something that you can get fully funded. If your child is really academically gifted they will be able to get funding and if they can't get funding they probably don't belong in a PhD program, since there chances of getting a good job are really small.

Why not encourage your child to do well in college, go into a lucrative field post-grad, and then get scholarships to a competitive grad program and/or fund it through previous earnings?

Why does it escape you that by the time your kid is 18 they will likely need a PHD just to get a job?

I don’t think most people agree with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We stopped at 2, so there’s that. We wanted to be able to provide a nice life and more kids would have been a struggle.

And here's the major difference between the 2 groups the 2 max parents are concerned with their kids and what their lives will be like the other group is concerned about what they and their partner want to heck with their children's lives and future.

I also have 2 but this is a ridiculous assumption you are making about other people’s lives and capabilities. I don’t understand the nasty tone some of these posts have. What’s your damage?

[Anonymous]

I considered 4 until #3 became mobile. Climbing, getting into everything, etc is totally crazy when you have a toddler and preschooler in addition to a busy infant. I’m still feeling overwhelmed and #3 is nearly 3 yrs old now.

[Anonymous]

No! Because 4 is a lot of people. Because the parenting hill only gets steeper as they get older. Because I don’t want to be dropping a kid off at college at 60.

[Anonymous]

I stuck to 3! When my 3rd was a baby up until 2, I thought I would have 4. I soon learned it gets way harder as kids get older and busier. Also their needs become more unique and complex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No! Because 4 is a lot of people. Because the parenting hill only gets steeper as they get older. Because I don’t want to be dropping a kid off at college at 60.

I’m with you. I have 3 and will be 50 when my youngest heads off to college, I don’t know that I’d like to be much older. Mostly, though, three just feels right for DH and I.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I stuck to 3! When my 3rd was a baby up until 2, I thought I would have 4. I soon learned it gets way harder as kids get older and busier. Also their needs become more unique and complex.

Yes this! Parenting is a challenge and complex if you want to do it well and actually meet the unique needs of your individual children. It is close to impossible to do well with 4 kids, even with grandparent help and/or a nanny. That doesn’t take the place of good parenting

[Anonymous]

My spouse comes from a larger family and their siblings have told me they never got one-on-one time with either of their parents and they really could’ve used it as they got older. They never had talks or just alone time with a parent when they were struggling. It’s always logistics and just feeding or shuttling the kids somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse comes from a larger family and their siblings have told me they never got one-on-one time with either of their parents and they really could’ve used it as they got older. They never had talks or just alone time with a parent when they were struggling. It’s always logistics and just feeding or shuttling the kids somewhere.

Additionally, they never got to choose sports or activities THEY wanted to do. They either got signed up for something piggybacking on what other siblings did or they didn’t get to do anything outside of what was offered at school.

[Anonymous]

Mom of 3. Yikes there are some pressed moms of one and two on here going in on the moms of 4. What’s with the defensiveness, ladies? Enjoy what you do have.

We chose our family size because we like it, not because we think every other family size is wrong. It feels busy without being overwhelming and I love getting to know the personalities of my kids as they grow up.

[Anonymous]

I'm the third of four kids myself and I'd advise against it based on my experience. I definitely got left to my own devices a lot because I was neither the baby nor the more problematic teenagers. I think my parents were lucky I was a good kid because I was not closely supervised at all. Some of it stung, like I didn't get my own college visits and was just sort of expected to go either where my older siblings went.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade my sister for anything, but the truth is that by the time I was a teenager my parents were so burned out. I wouldn't do it myself.