Reply to suspect DW is cheating - any value in getting PI to get proof?

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[quote=Anonymous]Hi OP, former divorce/family law attorney here.

I’m sorry you are feeling how you’re feeling right now. I hope you find out that your wife isn’t cheating, just keeping a different schedule because of pandemic life. Since you won’t share details of your suspicions, it’s hard to even guess.

If you are being cheated on, I’m sorry. That’s awful and painful and makes people feel rageful and vengeful.

Please read this advice and mull it very carefully:

Don’t waste your treasure - money and emotional energy - engaging in a long protracted hostile dissolution. There will be plenty of lawyers willing to take you down that path and many of them are really good at stoking your bad wolf in subtle ways to keep you hooked on the drug of high conflict litigation. Don’t let this happen to you,

because,

Your children, no matter what age they are today, will someday hear about everything you do in the process of dissolution of your marriage. And they likely won’t hear the best version. In the meantime they’ll absorb your energy, whatever kind you choose to wallow in as you go about this next stage of your marriage. These things will imprint on them and shape their attitudes not only toward you and your wife, but toward any intimacy they try to establish with other people the rest of their lives. Model love, forgiveness, compassion, composure. Remember always that this is your children’s mother and no matter what she’s done to you in terms of betraying the vows of fidelity, they should always have your permission and encouragement to love her. Don’t use them as a sounding board actively or passively (little pitchers have big ears) as you vent about her. Make sure those conversations are held with other supportive adults only - friend, relative, therapist - out of any potential earshot of the children you share.

I hope you find out it’s not what you think. If it is, please heed my advice. It’s hard won after witnessing a great many couples self destruct and crush their children’s innocence in the process.[/quote]

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