Disagreement About Childcare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What job does he have that he cannot have a Nanny in his home?

He should not force you to quite if you do not need to, Either find a share in someone elses home, or do daycare.

OP here. My husband works for the federal government and is on the phone all day talking about very top every information. He does not feel comfortable having someone in the home who could possibly overhead certain things. He’s not a spy or anything, but he manages a handful of programs for the government.

Good Lord, this is ridiculous. Is he aware that people that ARE spies are allowed to have childcare provided by foreign nationals in their home?

Figure out some soundproofing and close the door.

I think the troll didn’t know this when she started trolling...

[Anonymous]

Don't have another kid. when it comes to marriage, you chose poorly.

[Anonymous]

This isn't a disagreement on childcare, he just told you how it's going to be and clearly you don't have the spine to stand up to him. We cannot help you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do not quit your job. The lifetime earnings hit you will take for a resume gap as a woman is not worth it if you actually need the income.

In home daycare is your answer. It’s like a nanny share that is never in your home. In VA they are registered/ licensed and you can pay them legally while keeping your clearance.

+1

Don't quite unless he has a MASSIVE life insurance policy bequeathed to a joint trust for which you two and you two alone are trustees. Other situation where it's ok to quit is if you have a huge and guaranteed financial windfall to you (e.g. a massive trust or guaranteed inheritance). If you tap out of the job market, you lose 1) experience 2) your edge 3) your income 4) 401K $ and 5) social security benefits over the long-term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something smells worse than 3-day old fish here. If your husbands job is all that secret how is he even allowed to work from home?

OP here. It’s not super top secret. He’s not CIA or anything, but he doesn’t want a nanny in our home. He used to work in the field and this is his first desk job. He would be in the office ( sometimes goes in) if it weren’t for the pandemic. Part of it is he just doesn’t want someone in our house.

It's not part of it, it's all of it. He's being unreasonable and throwing out excuse after excuse to wear you down to his goal of getting you to quit your job. He sounds like he's a little bit of a dick. Don't feel too bad. I am married to the same type of guy.

My advice - avoid the subject as much as possible and move forward with your plan. Develop talking points. I had to do this recently b/c mine was dying to take a job across the country and wants me to move - and mine was: "We need my full-time salary. There is no way around that. And the only way we do that with me moving is for me to jump through a lot of hoops to try to make it happen. If I can't make it happen, you will be on your own for the next couple of years." And thus far he is on his own for the next couple of years.

This is really the first time I have just refused to go along with one of his plans "for our family." I expect there will be some anger when he really realizes that the kids and I aren't tagging along, but them's the breaks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn't a disagreement on childcare, he just told you how it's going to be and clearly you don't have the spine to stand up to him. We cannot help you.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do. Not. Quit.

What about a nanny share?

OP here. We can not have a nanny in our home and most of the nanny shares we looked into want to switch off homes since most or all parents are working from home.

Why would you be able to stay home with s child but not a nanny?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What job does he have that he cannot have a Nanny in his home?

He should not force you to quite if you do not need to, Either find a share in someone elses home, or do daycare.

OP here. My husband works for the federal government and is on the phone all day talking about very top every information. He does not feel comfortable having someone in the home who could possibly overhead certain things. He’s not a spy or anything, but he manages a handful of programs for the government.

Good Lord, this is ridiculous. Is he aware that people that ARE spies are allowed to have childcare provided by foreign nationals in their home?

Figure out some soundproofing and close the door.

I think the troll didn’t know this when she started trolling...

Yeah. I'm not sure if the idiot here is the OP or her husband. But definitely one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What job does he have that he cannot have a Nanny in his home?

He should not force you to quite if you do not need to, Either find a share in someone elses home, or do daycare.

OP here. My husband works for the federal government and is on the phone all day talking about very top every information. He does not feel comfortable having someone in the home who could possibly overhead certain things. He’s not a spy or anything, but he manages a handful of programs for the government.

Spies don’t get to telework

Yes but wannabe spies who are ex cops doing meaningless paper pushing "managing programs" jobs can telework in their condo and buy firearms so they can pretend they are spies.

[Anonymous]

Get a nanny.

He can rent an office with a door at a coworking space.
Or he can stay home and shut the door.

Do not quit your job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised no one has called troll yet.

They have and I agree with you. This seems like the same poster who is obsessed with the scenario of a woman being "forced" to stay home because he husband has a super important job a nanny is never an option. Has OP mentioned anting to move to Texas yet?

Given she doesn’t seem to know how many guns she has in the house (first 5, then 4), I really hope this is a troll.

I really don’t understand trolls. Such a weird thing to make up and post online.

OP here. We have 4 for protection and one for his work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is full of shit about how important his job is and irrational

Agree. And the firearm excuse is BS too. Plenty of us have firearms and keep them in secure safes made for that purpose (and don't advertise the fact that we have firearms). Or does your super-important James Bond husband just keep his guns lying around next to your kid's play dough?

OP here. My husband has a firearm he carries for work, but the rest are for protection. We keep them in a safe locked away. No one has access to our guns but us.

Four guns in the house for protection??? You’re both insane. What are you gonna do when the intruders come? Ask them to wait a minute while you unlock the safe and put four guns together? Ridiculous. I wouldn’t want to nanny for you, but it would have nothing to do with the guns. It would be because you’re clearly nuts.

Also, your husband doesn’t carry a weapon for work. He works from home managing programs or whatever bs you’re claiming. What exactly is the gun for?

I’m fairly confident this is 90% trolling.

OP here. One is for his job, one handgun, one shotgun, and one AR-15. Our guns are always ready to go. We need to protect ourselves.

A famous quote

“ People rely on the police to keep them safe. That’s the problem”.

With the current state of our world, it’s best we have the means to protect ourselves.

You cannot legally own an AR-15 in DC. Go away.

OP here. I don’t live in DC.

Thankfully! You should know better not to write about your weapons on DCUrbanmom.con. Not many gun lovers around here

OP here. Free speech. I can write whatever, regardless of you being anti-gun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it’s pretty silly to spin yarns about federal work on a forum that is crammed with guess what, federal workers. 😄

OP here. I never said what my husband actually did. There is a lot I don’t even know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What job does he have that he cannot have a Nanny in his home?

He should not force you to quite if you do not need to, Either find a share in someone elses home, or do daycare.

OP here. My husband works for the federal government and is on the phone all day talking about very top every information. He does not feel comfortable having someone in the home who could possibly overhead certain things. He’s not a spy or anything, but he manages a handful of programs for the government.

Good Lord, this is ridiculous. Is he aware that people that ARE spies are allowed to have childcare provided by foreign nationals in their home?

Figure out some soundproofing and close the door.

I think the troll didn’t know this when she started trolling...

OP here. I also said he just doesn’t want a stranger in our home. I don’t even know that much about his work. I don’t question it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't have another kid. when it comes to marriage, you chose poorly.

OP here. Why would you say that? It’s not unreasonable a parent wants to protect their child. I make less than him and my job is more flexible. Him wanting me to stay home doesn’t make him a bad partner.