Disagreement About Childcare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What job does he have that he cannot have a Nanny in his home?

He should not force you to quite if you do not need to, Either find a share in someone elses home, or do daycare.

OP here. My husband works for the federal government and is on the phone all day talking about very top every information. He does not feel comfortable having someone in the home who could possibly overhead certain things. He’s not a spy or anything, but he manages a handful of programs for the government.

Spies don’t get to telework

Yes but wannabe spies who are ex cops doing meaningless paper pushing "managing programs" jobs can telework in their condo and buy firearms so they can pretend they are spies.

OP here. My husband isn’t and never was a cop. He’s former military and works in law enforce for the government but isn’t a cop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a nanny.

He can rent an office with a door at a coworking space.
Or he can stay home and shut the door.

Do not quit your job.

OP here. I also don’t like the idea of a nanny. It’s really not worth the money when daycare can do the same thing for half the price.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP acknowledged - the job isn't that secretive but her DH really just doesn't want another person in their home. Ding ding ding.

OP if your DH has a problem with another person in the home while he's working, his choice is: (i) deal with it; (ii) quit his job to take care of the baby; or (iii) start going into the office or rent a private workshare space (which might be comparable to a nanny cost). If he has the issue, it shouldn't be for you to have to solve it through your own, life-altering job change.

Easy!

+100 the solution to his problem can’t be you making all the sacrifices. What is he willing to change or sacrifice? What would he do if he had to do it on his own?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a nanny.

He can rent an office with a door at a coworking space.
Or he can stay home and shut the door.

Do not quit your job.

OP here. I also don’t like the idea of a nanny. It’s really not worth the money when daycare can do the same thing for half the price.

It is a pandemic. You said no daycare due to COVID. You can get a nanny until after COViD.

You shut down every option except putting yourself or your husband as the winner. You have a lot of years ahead of parenting decisions and there is often unforeseen difficulties in getting reliable childcare even in normal times. I do not think you should have another kid. One child is a vacation compared to 2. You can’t even handle a decision that is not that difficult. There are options and you shut them all down. This is easy. You can’t handle another kid.

[Anonymous]

This is what you get for marrying and having kids with a Neanderthal.

[Anonymous]

This can be summed up as: OP's husband is the controlling type and OP is spineless and lets herself be controlled.

[Anonymous]

The simple solution is stay home for awhile. You said you would love to stay home. So do it. You also said you can't quit your job due to long-term financial goals. So change the financial goals. If you would love to stay home then it would be good for you, for the kid, and for your husband.

Also, there is no reason to crowd source this on DCUM unless you are a troll, which I do believe you are. I've seen your writing style and responding style a few times before. You and I know your real goal is how many pages of bullshit can you inspire. Ten pages, not too bad. The whole gun thing was a nice touch.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are either fake or have serious issues. You should not be having 5 weapons around young kids especially if your husband wears one all the time. The comments about his job make no sense like others pointed out. If he's that high up and important and talking about important information there is no way he's doing that at home over the phone or internet call. He'd have to have a secure line and special room. He isn't important and you are pretending he is. He should be making $200K and you can comfortable live off that. Plus, depending on if he's a veteran or retired, he'd also get retirement pay. With two kids, day care will probably cost more than a nanny. If you need child care, tell him to handle it while you work or do day care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are either fake or have serious issues. You should not be having 5 weapons around young kids especially if your husband wears one all the time. The comments about his job make no sense like others pointed out. If he's that high up and important and talking about important information there is no way he's doing that at home over the phone or internet call. He'd have to have a secure line and special room. He isn't important and you are pretending he is. He should be making $200K and you can comfortable live off that. Plus, depending on if he's a veteran or retired, he'd also get retirement pay. With two kids, day care will probably cost more than a nanny. If you need child care, tell him to handle it while you work or do day care.

OP here. That is your opinion on guns. We have some for safety, and some because my husband hunts. All the firearms are locked away in a safe where kids can’t get to or get in.

I can’t say what his actual job is. He does make around the salary you mentioned, but we need my income for long term goals like buying a big house, fully funding college, traveling, etc. I need my income because you never know what can happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are either fake or have serious issues. You should not be having 5 weapons around young kids especially if your husband wears one all the time. The comments about his job make no sense like others pointed out. If he's that high up and important and talking about important information there is no way he's doing that at home over the phone or internet call. He'd have to have a secure line and special room. He isn't important and you are pretending he is. He should be making $200K and you can comfortable live off that. Plus, depending on if he's a veteran or retired, he'd also get retirement pay. With two kids, day care will probably cost more than a nanny. If you need child care, tell him to handle it while you work or do day care.

OP here. That is your opinion on guns. We have some for safety, and some because my husband hunts. All the firearms are locked away in a safe where kids can’t get to or get in.

I can’t say what his actual job is. He does make around the salary you mentioned, but we need my income for long term goals like buying a big house, fully funding college, traveling, etc. I need my income because you never know what can happen.

You need to grow up. If he's making that kind of money you can comfortably afford to buy a house, pay for child care, college fun, etc. but your priorities are messed up. You don't need your income. You want your income and that is ok. Your husband or you is making up crap about his job as everything you are saying makes zero sense or he'd be working out of an office. Enjoy your guns. They seem to be the focal point in your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are either fake or have serious issues. You should not be having 5 weapons around young kids especially if your husband wears one all the time. The comments about his job make no sense like others pointed out. If he's that high up and important and talking about important information there is no way he's doing that at home over the phone or internet call. He'd have to have a secure line and special room. He isn't important and you are pretending he is. He should be making $200K and you can comfortable live off that. Plus, depending on if he's a veteran or retired, he'd also get retirement pay. With two kids, day care will probably cost more than a nanny. If you need child care, tell him to handle it while you work or do day care.

OP here. That is your opinion on guns. We have some for safety, and some because my husband hunts. All the firearms are locked away in a safe where kids can’t get to or get in.

I can’t say what his actual job is. He does make around the salary you mentioned, but we need my income for long term goals like buying a big house, fully funding college, traveling, etc. I need my income because you never know what can happen.

You need to grow up. If he's making that kind of money you can comfortably afford to buy a house, pay for child care, college fun, etc. but your priorities are messed up. You don't need your income. You want your income and that is ok. Your husband or you is making up crap about his job as everything you are saying makes zero sense or he'd be working out of an office. Enjoy your guns. They seem to be the focal point in your life.

I disagree. We are in a pandemic with millions of jobs lost. OP is smart to keep her salary because she doesn’t know what will happen in the future.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t quit and I would put my foot down about daycare. Covid isn’t spreading there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I have been disagreeing on what to do for childcare. A nanny is not an option due to his job. I would ideally keep my job and put our child into daycare ( pre-Covid), but he wants me to quit. We do have money saved but long term need my salary. He thinks I should quit for the next year until we have a second child, and then go back to work. I don’t want that large of a gap on my resume when we need my job. How do you come to an agreement?

If I were you your place, I’d resign from my job now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does he not want to do daycare? Because of covid?

I don't see why you wouldn't just keep doing what you're doing then put the kids in daycare in say, May, when things are a bit better covid wise.

OP here. He doesn’t want our child in daycare because of Covid. We had in daycare in daycare before the pandemic.

Goodness gracious. He has too many excuses. Important confidential convos? Why can't he be in the basement or behind closed doors talking more quietly? He wants to talk loud? He just doesn't want the hassle of dealing with/sharing space with the nanny and hearing an infant crying several times a day. He wants the peace and quiet of his office. Tell him to mask on and go into the office.

Re: daycare covid excuse. Does he have data to back up his fear something will happen to your child? The fear of the child catching covid at daycare is based out of fear, not hard proof. Daycares HAVE BEEN OPEN for months locally and nationwide with hardly any problems reported. Think about the hundreds of thousands of kids in daycare nationwide. Mine is in one with over 100 kids, no problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your husband cheated on you before w/the Nanny?

Because I simply cannot think of any job that would prohibit your husband from employing a Nanny.....

OP here. No. We have never had a nanny. My husband has never cheated on me. He works for the feds and doesn’t want a nanny in our home since he is on calls all day discussing things that most can’t know.

Are you authorized to listen to his classified calls OP? Do you have the security clearance? If not, it is no better than if a basic background checked nanny hears